Monthly Archives: May 2022

.                                                              1986                      2019

 

One of the blowhards on Fox’s The Five said he planned to see the new Top Gun flick this weekend because it’s a “patriotic” thing to do.

Not so sure about that.

Apparently, the film’s producer in 2019 altered a uniform patch (above) depicting the Japanese and Taiwanese flags so as not to offend its good friends in China — but then backed down due to public backlash.

But is it “patriotic” to support these clowns in Hollywood — flags or no flags?

 

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So, we have yet another school massacre.

What do a lot of these young assassins have in common?

Answer: Either no father at home or a bad father at home.

 

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The media keep referring to Uvalde as a “small town.” Bullshit.

I was raised in a village with a population of 1,300. In other words, it was an actual small town.

Uvalde, population 15,217, is a “town.”

Get it right, city slickers.

 

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Too many people seem to assume that towns — including small towns — have access to the same kinds of resources and personnel that city folk have.

They do not.

 

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I have little interest in the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial. I do, however, still like Amber’s ass:

 

 

Sadly, apparently Amber thinks of Johnny in the sack like this:

 

 

Also sadly, Johnny probably thinks of Amber in the sack like this:

 

 

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The Grouch is inflicting yet another short story on the world. Check out “An Overcast Day,” if you dare. 

Here’s a complete list of Grouch’s short stories with links (in green):

 

 

 . grouchyeditor.com Rusty   “Rusty” — Happy times in suburbia.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com revelation   “Revelation” — Unhappy times in suburbia.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com homebodies   “Homebodies” — The people next door.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com ass   “The Porthole” — Be careful what you wish for.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com the ufo   “The UFO” — Stand by me … and a UFO.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com Tales From Grouch   “Carol Comes Home” — The spirit of Norman Bates.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com thwup   “Thwup!” — The case for eating more (or less) beans.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com Wisdom   “Wisdom” — Cabin in the woods.

 

.        “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”  Thelma helps a guest.

 

.   grouchyeditor.com Americans    “The Americans”  — Kevin goes for the gold.

 

.        “Margaret” — The greatest love story of all time?

 

.   grouchyeditor.com Asmat     “The Hot Tub”  — Elites enjoy some “quality time.”

 

.   grouchyeditor.com Earl Smilius     “The Climate Changer” — Earl has a secret weapon.

 

.   grouchyeditor.com Holger     “An Overcast Day”   — The important thing in life.

 

 

© 2010-2022 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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Peterson is, as usual, correct. The Sports Illustrated model does have an attractive face, but as for the rest of her … well, not so much.

Like I said, Peterson is, as usual, correct.

 

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Who the hell is this woman? And who did she bang at the New York Post to warrant so much publicity?

 

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There is often a divergence of opinion between critics and a movie’s fans, but good lord. A 74-point difference of opinion?

 

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Why is it that our politicians (and most media) talk only about the huge influx of illegal immigrants from the past few years?

Is it no longer a problem that, depending on which estimate you believe, we already have anywhere from 12-20 million illegal aliens solidly entrenched here? Are we supposed to forget about that?

 

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Get rid of them all. This show has sucked for years.

 

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Last but certainly not least, we just posted a new Tale From The Grouch. Check out “An Overcast Day,” and then peruse all 14 short stories listed below.

Here’s a complete list of Grouch’s short stories with links (in green):

 

 

 . grouchyeditor.com Rusty   “Rusty” — Happy times in suburbia.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com revelation   “Revelation” — Unhappy times in suburbia.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com homebodies   “Homebodies” — The people next door.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com ass   “The Porthole” — Be careful what you wish for.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com the ufo   “The UFO” — Stand by me … and a UFO.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com Tales From Grouch   “Carol Comes Home” — The spirit of Norman Bates.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com thwup   “Thwup!” — The case for eating more (or less) beans.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com Wisdom   “Wisdom” — Cabin in the woods.

 

.        “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”  Thelma helps a guest.

 

.   grouchyeditor.com Americans    “The Americans”  — Kevin goes for the gold.

 

.        “Margaret” — The greatest love story of all time?

 

.   grouchyeditor.com Asmat     “The Hot Tub”  — Elites enjoy some “quality time.”

 

.   grouchyeditor.com Earl Smilius     “The Climate Changer” — Earl has a secret weapon.

 

.   grouchyeditor.com Holger     “An Overcast Day”   — The important thing in life.

 

 

© 2010-2022 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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An Overcast Day

by J.D.H.

 

 

“People talk about ‘the end of the world,’ and how we must do everything we can to avoid it,” said middle-aged, bespectacled Jon Higgensen.

He was sitting on the veranda with his much-younger wife, Shanna Hilton, and he wondered if she’d listened to a single word he’d been saying.

He studied her. There was no question but that she was a homely girl. At 28 years old, she was cursed with what uncharitable people called a “horse face.” When Shanna smiled, the result resembled a death rictus, all teeth and barely suppressed malice.

But his wife also possessed what for Higgensen was essential in a mate — the most spectacular ass he’d ever beheld. It was not flat, nor was it large. Her stallion-esque legs climbed to a derriere that was part teenage boy, part all-woman. Unlike the tushes of so many modern females, Shanna’s backside was not Peloton-honed muscle, but natural and … well, Higgensen could gaze at it all day.

He glanced over his wife’s shoulder at the hills in the distance and took note of the ugly, brownish-orange clouds forming on the horizon.

“But when you think about it,” he continued, “the ‘end of the world’ is going to come for each of us, eventually. What difference does it make to a man on his deathbed if Kim Jong-un nukes America, or if global warming floods the East Coast? Everything ends for that man when he draws his last breath, either way. For him, it is indeed the end of the world.”

Shanna sipped from her cup of coffee and flashed her rictus-grin. She said to her husband, “I fucked your partner last night.”

Higgensen was not surprised. This infidelity was not her first, nor would it be the last.

“His cock is much bigger than yours,” she continued. “And it lasts much longer. And, oh God, does he ever produce buckets of the stuff. I think I’m still dripping.”

Shanna leaned in for the kill. “I almost forgot — we filmed it! Would you like to see the video?”

 

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Higgensen was only half-listening to his spouse. The ugly cloud formation was growing larger and moving toward them at an alarming speed.

“Some people say that ‘God is dead.’ I don’t know,” he reflected. “The older I get, the more it seems that anything is possible. Aliens from outer space, Donald Trump, dogs and cats living together.” He chuckled at his own joke.

“But what if God is not dead? What if God is very much alive, and God is in fact quite insane? That would explain a lot, would it not?”

Shanna issued a snort. “I felt God last night. And I expect to feel him again tonight. And tomorrow, and the next day …

“Silly boy told me he forgot to bring his condoms. But that’s what he told me the last time. Oh, well.”

 

The brutish cloud formation was now directly overhead. They began to feel the first droplets.

Our marriage is dissolving, thought Jon Higgensen, and so are we.

This, as the black rain began to burn the flesh of their faces.

“Ah, sweetheart,” gasped Higgensen. “You did have such a fine ass.”

 

THE END

 

 

 

Click here for the index of short stories.

Click here to see all of the stories.

 

© 2010-2022 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

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by Edgar Rice Burroughs

 

I’m guessing that, like most casual readers, my knowledge of author Edgar Rice Burroughs can be summed up like this: Oh yeah, the guy who wrote Tarzan books.

Turns out Burroughs was a bit more ambitious than that. Turns out he was quite political. But I digress.

The Moon Maid is part one of a trilogy that Burroughs published in the 1920s. On the surface (pun intended), the story depicts a spaceship crew of five landing on Earth’s satellite and discovering a hidden world of warring creatures living in the moon’s interior. There are good guys and bad guys, and our hero finds love with the titular moon maid, a beautiful princess. Pretty standard stuff, what they used to call “boys’ adventure tales.” At least, that was my impression.

But because I was — and still am, really — ignorant about Burroughs’s political leanings, I’m going to conclude this brief review with a Moon Maid summation lifted from a Web site dedicated to Burroughs’s work:

 

The Moon Maid trilogy, which even the fans of Burroughs must admit is rather crude, blunt, or unpolished compared to his other works, has a larger soul and message: Be Prepared! Beware the Politicians! Do Not Disarm! Avoid Communists! Avoid authoritarian rule! Honor and Love Thy Wife! Struggle Against Dictators! Honor Family and Friends! Love Thy Country! Be Free and Independent! Be willing to Fight for One’s Beliefs!

Burroughs made no bones about his political leanings or his fear for the future — not only for America but the world at large. Or, as others might say, perhaps I’m reading too much into The Moon Maid — after all it might be as simple as ERB [Burroughs] the working man artfully figuring out a way to sell a story which had been rejected.

 

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I realize that Midler got roasted for posing a similar question, but is baby formula the only way to keep an infant alive? How did people manage to feed their babies for thousands of years before the invention of this magic formula?

To answer your question, no, I don’t have kids. I am ignorant. “Obviously,” you are no doubt thinking.

Silly me. I thought plain old milk might suffice in a pinch.

 

In related news, how can Joe Biden possibly justify sending the stuff to illegal-alien parents when there isn’t enough for our own citizens?

This issue is making my head spin.

 

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Of course we are aware that Peterson is a celebrated author. But it amuses us to puncture oversize egos — even when they reside in men we otherwise admire.

 

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Every time Friday the 13th comes up on the calendar, we are reminded of our (sort of) friend Deborah Voorhees. So, it’s nice to see that she, or at least her anatomy, is also remembered by Mr. Skin (above).

Read The Grouch’s post about meeting Deborah here.

 

 

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Judging from his crackpot posts on Twitter, it seems likely that the bookcase toppled over and clonked Stephen King on the head.

 

 

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I’m a few years late, but I finally watched HBO’s acclaimed Chernobyl.

Maybe my expectations were too high after reading so many glowing reviews (pun intended). Or perhaps, with a plethora of disasters and near-disasters in the news these days, a miniseries documenting a nuclear disaster from 1986 was just … too much.

Or maybe I prefer the 1979 version of nuclear folly, called The China Syndrome.

But I was a bit disappointed by Chernobyl — except for the fifth and final episode, which was superb.

 

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Take that, fucking snowflakes.

 

© 2010-2022 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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The Night House

 

As I watch most modern horror movies, I activate my mental timer. How long before this film falls apart? Right off the bat? In the middle? Not until the end? I’m counting because almost all of them go bad, eventually.

There is good news about The Night House, starring Rebecca Hall as a widowed woman who experiences ghostly phenomena at her lake house. The story doesn’t collapse until the final act. Most of the film is creepy and — miracle of miracles — does not insult the intelligence. Also, Hall is quite good as the prickly, plucky widow enduring grief and strange visions.

The bad news is that the film’s denouement, praised or soft-pedaled by many critics, is annoying claptrap. It’s kitchen-sink nonsense in which the viewer is forced to reach his or her own conclusion. Was it ghosts? An alternate universe? A serial killer? Occult forces? All of the above?

I call the ending a cop-out. Or “nothing” much. Release: 2021 Grade: B-

 

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Death on the Nile

 

This follow-up to Kenneth Branagh’s Murder on the Orient Express has a bigger budget and a longer run-time than its predecessor. Not a good thing, on either count.

Apparently, most of the budget went to special effects, rather than actual location filming in Egypt. Again, not a good thing. The movie often drags. Need I mention that’s not a good thing?

Branagh again plays Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot, this time charged with solving murders on a steamer in the Nile near Egypt’s famed, ancient landmarks. But Branagh sacrifices something that exists in earlier screen versions of the Christie novel — a sense of fun — in service of a more somber tone and a modern obligation to address racism, sexism, classism, and any other “isms” I might be forgetting. Release: 2022 Grade: B-

 

Armie Hammer, left, with Gal Gadot and her ribs (sorry)

 

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A Quiet Place Part II

 

You sit down to watch a horror movie. The director wants to scare you. You know he wants to scare you. The director knows that you know that he wants to scare you. All this knowledge … and yet he still manages to scare you. That’s the sign of a filmmaker who knows what he’s doing.

A Quiet Place Part II is that rarest of sequels, a follow-up that’s just as good as the original. Dad is dead in this one, so it’s up to Emily Blunt and her brood to battle the aliens. It’s just a continuation of the first movie, but who cares when it’s done this well? Release: 2021  Grade: B+

 

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Scream

 

The good news: The “meta” aspect of the Scream franchise hasn’t grown stale in this fifth installment of the series. Also, it’s still amusing when the filmmakers wink at us by anticipating, and then subverting, our expectations. (There’s someone behind the refrigerator door! No, there isn’t! Yes, there is!)

The bad news: The actual killings and plots have gone stale. They simply aren’t very original or scary. Release: 2022 Grade: C+

 

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It might be time for Fox News to revamp its booking process. Do conservative viewers really want to hear more from Karl Rove, who approves of Joe Biden’s “disinformation” agency (“This is an important board,” says Rove)? Or from Lindsey Graham, whose feigned outrage over liberal excess has grown tiresome?

Rove and Graham are too entrenched in the cushy (for them) status quo. Give them both the boot, says I.

 

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Abortion Hullaballoo

 

Here’s what I said on January 1:

 

 

Of course, I could be wrong. Then again, I could be right.

That wishy-washy enough for you?

 

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As if the real world isn’t lousy enough these days, now I’m losing all my favorite TV shows.

Better Call Saul is ending, Ozark is over, and Peaky Blinders begins its final season next month. I might be forgetting a show or two, but that seems to leave only The Crown on my “must-see TV” list.

 

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The Grouch is an equal-opportunity jerk, trolling both the right-leaning Tim Pool and some left-leaning “comedian” he’s never heard of. Oh, yes, and also the usual suspects — clueless celebrities:

 

 

 

 

Yes, very cowardly. Kind of like some bozo on Twitter who blocks replies from people who might disagree with him.

 

 

 

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Last, and certainly least, here is a picture of Alison Brie’s ass from the movie Sleeping with Other People.

 

 

We post this screen capture for two reasons: 1) It’s been a while since we posted an ass picture, and 2) we’ve learned that if we insert the tag “Alison Brie’s ass,” this post is likely to get many more hits. You’re welcome.

 

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