The Grouchy Editor

TheQuartering

“When flying over the middle of America the turbulence is so bad. It’s like all the ignorance is rising through the air.” — Trevor Noah tweet

“When flying over The Daily Show studio in New York City, the turbulence is so bad. It’s like all the bad jokes and low ratings are rising through the air.” — America’s Midwest

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I feel the same way about hurricanes in Florida as I do about wildfires in California: They are not going to stop. If you are a resident of either state, either purchase hurricane/wildfire insurance or move somewhere safer.

Those of us who do not live in tropical paradises like Florida and California spend much of our lives envying residents of those states. If we are expected to bail you out every time disaster strikes, perhaps you should pay a luxury tax to less fortunate citizens stuck in “Flyoverland.”

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TV Bad News

Three Reasons I Have No Desire to Watch Blonde:

1.  I understand it’s a real downer. I already knew Marilyn Monroe’s life was a downer. I don’t care to wallow in it.

2.  It’s 166 minutes long. Unless it’s Lawrence of Arabia, that’s too long for any movie, especially one that’s a downer.

3.  If I want to see Ana de Armas naked, that’s what the Internet is for. There are already tons of naked pics and videos of Ana de Armas, and they don’t last 166 minutes.

TV Good News

Trevor Noah, Samantha Bee, and James Corden all gone or going? Now if they can just dump Kimmel and Colbert, I might start watching late-night talk shows again.

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How to discuss your tiny penis with a young Filipino artist who has been commissioned to draw it:

First: If you are Rip van Dinkle, you send her uncensored pictures from the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant. You include a full-frontal and a shot of a pageant judge measuring your manhood on stage.

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Second:  You read the following questions and/or concerns that the girl, Kryanne Dane, has for you:

© 2010-2022 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Dance of the Jocks

In my drinking days, I would often find myself at parties in someone’s garage or backyard, standing amidst a huddle of straight guys near a keg. Because my powers of observation are akin to those of Sherlock Holmes, I would notice a little “dance” that these dudes would invariably perform — particularly if they were jocks, past or present. It was if they had crapped their pants and were hoping to shake the nasty stuff out the bottom of their pant-legs.

I thought of this on Sunday when I tuned in to the NFL pre-game show on Fox, in which the show’s hosts — all of them ex-jocks of one sort or another — did the same dance I observed at those long-ago keg parties (see video above). But why?

I suspect that, although most of the Fox men are closer, age-wise, to rocking chairs than to football fields, they were signaling to the world that they had lost no youthful virility. Just say the word, and they were all ready to carry that ball over the goal-line.

I also suspect that, during commercial breaks, the aging jocks stop their macho dance and stagger for relief from nearby oxygen tanks.

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Miscellaneous Gripes

I didn’t think it was possible to have a so-called “Republican” worse than Lindsey Graham, who seems hell-bent on sabotaging his own party in the November elections. But I’d forgotten about this guy:

Graham and Mitch McConnell are both happy to sell out to the globalists/Democrats/Chinese — just so long as they get to keep their own cushy seats at the elites’ table.

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I still enjoy a good TV show. But I can no longer stand most of the people who make them. And so, I no longer tune in to watch actors and other Hollywood morons as they pat themselves on the backs at awards shows. 

According to the sinking ratings for the Emmys, looks like I have lots of company.

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We’re finding out just how “compassionate” these liberals are, aren’t we? It’s a perfect example of “Not in My Backyard!”

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If you’re one of those people who “can’t stand politics” because you’re bored by it or don’t think your actions — or lack of actions — make any difference, then you are chiefly responsible for the demise of America.

This weaponization of law enforcement (and the media) is beyond awful.

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Hollywood Nutjobs

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Coming tomorrow, a new Tale From The Grouch — “Ted’s Head.”

© 2010-2022 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Here’s the thing: I liked Downton Abbey. I think Helen Mirren’s The Queen is a superb movie. If I was pressed to name my favorite (current) TV series, I might say The Crown.

I am, you could safely say, a confirmed Anglophile — when it comes to fiction.

Here’s the rub: I think the British monarchy, circa 2022, is a joke.

Now that England is crowning King Charles the Tampon, it might be a good time to dispense with it.

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I usually get sick to death of trendy cliches, like “sick to death.” But for some odd reason, I’m still a bit tickled by “across the pond.”

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Speaking of jokes, is there a bigger one than this woman?

She must be setting back the agenda of lesbian black women by a good 20 years.

Nah, that’s just dreaming on my part. They probably love her.

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Why I could never be King of England: I post naughty pictures on the Internet.

Why Queen Elizabeth was such a success: She’d never pose for naughty pictures.

Then again, there was that whole Charles-wants-to-be-a-tampon thing.

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I keep stumbling on pictures of naked girls who look strikingly like women I once knew. Or is it really them?

Either I need to stop surfing porn sites … or I need to do it more often.

Here are the two gals I am referring to, with blurred faces. If you really must see their unblurred, uncensored nude pictures, click on this link. And shame on you.

In case you missed it last month, here are more views of the Minnesota Hmong girl (above, giving the camera a come-hither — cum-hither? — look over her shoulder). And here is another. Unless they are fake. In which case, never mind.

© 2010-2022 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

We are on vacation this week. And so …

You know the drill. Enjoy this picture of a goat.

© 2010-2022 grouchyeditor.com (text only)