The Grouchy Editor

The Voyeurs

Here’s the thing about stupid erotic thrillers: If the movie can manage to keep me entertained, I am willing to forgive any number of gaping plot holes, ridiculous twists, and bad acting. So long as the filmmakers don’t take their movie too seriously, neither will I.

Amazon’s The Voyeurs is certainly guilty of the three cinematic sins listed above, but I kept watching for several reasons: 1)  I’m a sucker for movies that take their inspiration from Hitchcock and De Palma, and Voyeurs, in which our heroes make the mistake of spying on their sexy, intriguing neighbors, does exactly that. 2)  The twist ending is unbelievable, sure, but rather than try to hide that unfortunate fact, Voyeurs embraces it. 3)  Star Sydney Sweeney (pictured above), totally unconvincing as a respected optometrist, is utterly convincing as a woman with spectacular boobs.

And Ben Hardy, as the charismatic villain, proves that at least one member of the cast can act.  Release: 2021 Grade: B-

Natasha Liu Bordizzo, left, also gets naked.

**

The Vast of Night

Don’t go into The Vast of Night expecting Spielbergian spectacle, a la Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Do go in expecting — dare I say it? — a more realistic depiction of what a visit from space aliens might be like, should the creatures decide to drop in on a small New Mexico town in the late 1950s. Simple, straightforward, and above all, atmospheric as hell, this little film is a creepy gem. Release: 2019 Grade: A-

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Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

I had low expectations for this Hollywood-machine product. Big budget, special effects, and movie stars slumming for large paychecks, I assumed. Well, what a pleasant surprise: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is no cinematic masterpiece, but it is clever and often laugh-out-loud funny.

Kevin Hart, Dwayne Johnson, Karen Gillan and Jack Black play teens who, thanks to a magical video game, find themselves transported into a deadly race in the heart of a jungle — and into the bodies of adult avatars. (In one case, this means a teen girl inhabiting the body of a portly middle-aged male.) It’s all very silly, sure, but it’s also fast-paced and crowd-pleasing. The only drawback is a villain who is generic and bland. Release: 2017 Grade: B+

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Contagion

For about an hour, Contagion is superb: eerily prescient, educational, and a first-rate thriller. Steven Soderbergh’s 2011 drama about a killer virus that originates in China and then spreads worldwide pushes a lot of emotional buttons, in no small part because it so accurately predicts much of what COVID 19 hath wrought. Soderbergh ratchets up the tension as health officials race to find the source of the virus and then, hopefully, to produce a vaccine.

Yet the second half of the movie is oddly anti-climactic. As the story shifts to less-than-compelling subplots involving those health officials and regular folk, the suspense peters out. Release: 2011 Grade: B

**

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

The gist: A young girl and her pals discover an old book that conjures monsters bent on avenging injustices perpetrated by the citizens of tiny Mill Valley. I realize I’m not the target audience for this movie, which could be described as Nancy Drew meets Guillermo del Toro (he’s a producer and writer). The target audience would be young teens. But still, it would be nice if Scary’s plot wasn’t so derivative and predictable. You can usually guess what’s going to happen five minutes before it does.

Also, much like its plot, the film’s politics are about as subtle as a severed toe in your stew. Every time someone passes a television (this is 1968), we are reminded just how bad “Tricky Dick” Nixon was. And the chief sin in Mill Valley seems to be a white male population that is 95 percent racist.

On the plus side, the movie does look good (I sense del Toro’s influence), the monsters are amusing, and it isn’t boring — just annoying. Release: 2019 Grade: C

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The Hunt

Is it possible to be both entertained and depressed by the same movie? It is, if that movie is The Hunt, the controversial “elites vs. deplorables” thriller from last year.

A plot synopsis — rich “elites” kidnap and hunt poor “rednecks” — can be misleading at best, harmful at worst. I got the blues during the film’s opening scenes because, satire or not, the story was too credible: There really are progressives and conservatives who would like to kill each other. Is that what passes for entertainment these days?

But for a Hollywood product, this movie ain’t what you might expect. And Betty Gilpin might be the best female action hero since the Alien films gave us Ellen Ripley. Release: 2020 Grade: B+

**

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Ask a modern-day movie fan to name the most important (or best) family-oriented film of the 1930s, and chances are that he or she will cite The Wizard of Oz. But to Depression-era audiences, the biggest gobsmack of the decade was probably Walt Disney’s Snow White, which predates Oz by two years. Filmgoers had never seen anything like it: a feature-length, Technicolor, animated motion picture.

I hadn’t watched Snow White in many years, but I’m reading a biography of Disney, so now seemed like a good time to revisit the fairy-tale classic. Two things stood out for me: The story is likely a feminist nightmare, with Snow White’s fondest desire being to marry a prince and move into his castle. Not to mention her three prized attributes: cooking, cleaning, and physical beauty. But as an artistic milestone and a tribute to the Disney staff’s blood, sweat and tears (the movie was three years in the making), Snow White was, and remains, a monumental achievement.

(By the way, I can’t be the only one whose favorite character is Grumpy, can I?) Release: 1937  Grade: A

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The Mule

In the crotchety-old-man phase of Clint Eastwood’s long career, I prefer his 2008 drama Gran Torino. But The Mule, directed by Eastwood in 2018, is very much a “Clint Eastwood movie.” That means I’m on board.

Eastwood’s Earl Stone is an elderly ne’er-do-well who stumbles into a new career as a “mule” for a Mexican drug cartel. Earl capitalizes on his harmless appearance to transport cocaine and other bad things from state to state.  The question is, how long will his luck hold out?

If you prefer a goofy, affable Eastwood to a cantankerous, retired Dirty Harry — the Eastwood we got in Gran Torino — then Mule may appeal to you more than it did to me.  Release: 2018  Grade: B-

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