Van Dinkle: The Measure of a Man (Part 1)

rip2Photo by Amy Minnick

 

We asked Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contestant Rip van Dinkle to find out if size matters — specifically, to find out if his size matters.

Rip revealed his (not quite) two-inch tool to a bevy of attractive women — about half of them in face-to-face … er, face-to-penis encounters, and the other half over Skype — and asked them to pass judgment.

And because we realize that not more than three or four people on the planet care to read a post loaded with pictures of Rip’s puny pecker, we included eye-candy shots of the girls who ogled Rip’s manhood.

The leering ladies ran the gamut: podcasters, bloggers, a sex writer, a photographer, models, bar managers, some sex workers, and a few “girls next door.” Here they are:

 

 

Who’s Looking at Rip’s Dick?

 

.                   aimeealeeyaasha

                               Aimee                            Aleeya                            Anna

 

.                   cerseichristinecyndi

                                Cersei                            Christine                       Cyndi

 

.                   emilyjayegrouchyeditor.com Michele Carrasquillo

                                Emily                             Jaye                              Michele

 

.                   kelseylilithgrouchyeditor.com Shawna Roberts

                                Kelly                            Lilith                            Sienna

 

.                   bishopdeejuli

                                Aiden                            Dee                                 Juliana

 

.                   mistygrouchyeditor.com Abbi Sterngrouchyeditor.com Rachel Khona

                                Misty                             Abbi                            Rachel

 

.                   maggievivianamy

                                Maggie                          Vivian                           Amy

 

.                   aliciagrouchyeditor.com Melanie Riedersgrouchyeditor.com Poppins

                                Alicia                           Melanie                   Just Kidding 

 

 

The Podcasters:

 

.                   rachel rip3 abbi

 

mail

questions

 

Rachel Khona attended the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant “to giggle at tiny penises and the men who would actually show them.” Khona, a sex writer, then invited Rip to discuss his package on her podcast, which she co-hosted with gal-pal Abbi Stern.

Rachel made it clear on the podcast that she would never, ever consider sleeping with someone like Rip, what with his puny pecker and all. Apparently, Rachel and Abbi wanted from Rip that rarest of things: a male who would actually confess in public that yes, his dick was lacking.

 

From the podcast:

 

Stern:  “It’s hilarious that anybody would want to advertise they have a small penis, because I don’t know how they’re ever gonna get ass after that.”

Khona:  “It’s sad. It feels like there’s a finger in you. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s there.”

 

. khona44    “So what’s it like having a small penis? How big does it get?”

 

. rip2    “Are you counting limp? For me, that’s not quite two inches.”

 

 

Moral of the story:  If you are under-hung, you don’t get to fuck Rachel. But she will giggle at your little dick.

 

 

.                   khona1 khona2 khona3

.                   khona5 khona6 khona7

                                   Click on pictures for bigger views of Rachel

 

khona

.

**

 

From Thought Catalog:

 

1

 

**

 

The Photo Shoot:

 

rip1

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Rip’s participation in the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant brought him Internet notoriety. But he doesn’t live in Brooklyn; he lives in Minneapolis.

Local photographer Amy Minnick recruited models Anna, Kelly, and Sienna to pose with naked-as-a-jaybird Rip. The goal was not to flatter the bearded, beer-bellied Baby Boomer. The goal was to depict how a group of sexy ladies might react to Rip and his mini member.

When Rip revealed his private parts to the ladies in these pictures, they were polite enough to giggle at his shortcomings – at least not in front of him. In the picture below, Rip himself was not present, so the girls felt free to express how they really felt — especially with Rip’s organ side-by-side with other, more fortunate males.

 

 

rip4

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Anna

 

Anna was the most enthusiastic model. When photographer Amy needed a volunteer to check out Rip’s manhood with a magnifying glass, Anna did not have to be asked twice: 

 

asha4Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Above, Anna zooms in on her subject matter. In the picture below, Rip owns the prick at far right. But you already guessed that.

We can’t imagine what Anna finds so funny. She probably felt sorry for the two chaps on the left.

 

asha5

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

.                   asha2 asha1 asha3

                                     Click on pictures for bigger views of Anna

 

Sienna

 

Sienna was required to strip down to black bra and thong panties. This presented a challenge for Rip. As the possessor of a tiny penis, would the sight of half-naked Sienna prompt a … physical change in him? Would his penile puniness be exposed as a fraud?

 

shawna3

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

In the photo above, Sienna apparently sees something amusing in her wine glass.

 

 

shawna1

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Above, Rip conquers a potentially embarrassing boner by concentrating not on Sienna in the bed behind him but rather on … a strap-on dildo?

 

 

shawna2

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Sienna, who apparently hasn’t seen enough, uses binoculars to eyeball Rip’s junk. At least it wasn’t a telescope.

 

 

.                   shawna5 shawna6 shawna7

                                 Click on pictures for bigger views of Sienna

 

shawna8

 

 

Kelly

 

Kelly was the quiet, bashful model in the studio. We have no idea what she might have been thinking when she came face-to-face with Rip and his dangling noodle. But her smile seemed to indicate that she enjoyed his birthday-suit shame fame.

 

kelsey1

Photo by Amy Minnick

Left to right above: Kelly (and dog), Anna, Sienna, Rip’s pecker

 

kelsey2

 

kelsey3

.

Moral of the story:  We asked Rip if this photo shoot, featuring naked him and four clothed women, was a humiliating experience. “OK, it wasn’t exactly a Playgirl centerfold shoot,” he said. “But hey, how many guys can say they spent three hours on a Saturday afternoon with four chicks ogling their junk?”

A very good point.

Alas, Rip did not get a piece of ass from these ladies. The girls did, however, enjoy emasculating him.

 

**

 

Hats off (pants off?) to Amy Minnick, the woman who took the, uh, interesting black-and-white photos. Not only did the lens on her camera not shatter, but she endured hours of close scrutiny of Rip’s hairy cock and balls. We’re guessing that, outside of Rip himself (and his ex-wife), no one has spent more time staring at his twig and berries than Amy has.

Then again, who knows? Maybe she enjoyed it. Amy is pictured below.

 

amy

 

**

 

From Thought Catalog:

 

3

.

 

**

 

Part 2

 

In Part 2, Rip has his dick measured by a Minnesota model and confesses his penis-pageant participation to sexy gal-pal Michele. Featuring video clips. Click here to go to Part 2.

 

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