Monthly Archives: September 2016

grouchyeditor.com Bud Grant

 

Hey, legendary Vikings coach Bud Grant is my man, but … watching him blow something called a “Gjallarhorn” and then gesture manically at 66,000 fans in Minnesota reminded me of nothing so much as a horror movie. The Crazed Coach of the Opera, perhaps?

 

grouchyeditor.com Bud Grant

 

*****

 

I was able to stomach about 25 minutes of NBC’s god-awful new series, This Is Us. Apparently “we” are a nation of people with First World problems who nevertheless deserve a weekly pity party on network television. Every character, every line of dialogue, and every storyline on This Is Us made me want to upchuck.

Did I mention that I detest this show? For some unfathomable reason, this syrupy abomination is getting rave reviews from critics. Thank goodness I found a kindred spirit at Slate:

 

slate

 

*****

 

If you’d prefer to watch something that’s actually good, check out ABC’s Designated Survivor, which looks promising, or SundanceTV’s Gomorrah, which is more than promising – it will suck you in and hold you. Both shows air on Wednesdays.

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Fallon

 

Liberals are upset with Jimmy Fallon because the late-night host played nice with guest Donald Trump (above). Haven’t these liberals ever watched The Tonight Show? Asking serial butt-kisser Fallon to grill one of his guests is like asking Julie Andrews to do a nude scene.

 

.      grouchyeditor.com Poppins       grouchyeditor.com Maria

.                          Mary Poppins                                      Maria von Trapp 

 

Wait …. Julie Andrews did a nude scene:

 

.  grouchyeditor.com Andrews tits

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Knight

 

“I think temperament is to be studied carefully.”

– Notorious hothead Bobby Knight, pictured above, discussing Trump’s qualifications to be president.

Below, Knight exhibiting his idea of temperament while hurling folding chairs onto a basketball court.

 

grouchyeditor.com Knight

 

*****

 

Former CIA honcho R. James Woolsey, Jr. was talking on a cable-news program, and I was reminded of someone else. Then I watched an episode of Better Call Saul:

 

.          grouchyeditor.com Woolsey   grouchyeditor.com Breaking

.                                     Woolsey                                                       “Mike”

 

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grouchyeditor.com Meade

 

They are celebrating Robin Meade’s 15-year anniversary on HLN. I join in the celebration. She’s just about the only palatable presence on television news.

 

**

 

We’ve gone seven months now with a vacant seat on the Supreme Court, and the world hasn’t fallen apart.

Maybe we could try going a few years without a president?

 

**

 

grouchyeditor.com Powell

 

On second thought, maybe we can recruit Colin Powell for the job. After reading his private e-mails, I think we can all agree that he has a refreshing way with words.

 

Powell on Hillary Clinton: “A 70-year-old person with a long track-record, unbridled ambition, greedy, not transformational, with a husband still dicking bimbos at home.”

Powell on former Vice President Dick Cheney and his daughter, Liz: “They are idiots.”

Powell on retired general Michael Flynn: “Gen. Flynn is a jerk. Got canned out of DIA.”

Powell on Donald Trump: “He is a know-nothing … a national disgrace … an international pariah.”

 

**

 

grouchyeditor.com American Horror

 

TV Tidbits:

 

American Horror Story – The production design and look of the show are great, but FX needs to spend more time on the scripts. In other words, the show has the same problem it has pretty much every year. But we’ve only seen one episode, so let’s hope for the best.

 

grouchyeditor.com Better

Left to right: William Shatner, Terry Bradshaw, Henry Winkler, George Foreman, Jeff Dye 

 

Better Late Than Never – I have mixed feelings about this four-part series. On the one hand, the affection these geezers have for one another seems real and it’s infectious; it’s a lot of fun to watch them interact on their trip to Asia. On the other hand, most of the situations they find themselves in are obviously scripted. And in this age of income inequality, it’s a bit off-putting to celebrate four multi-millionaires spending NBC’s cash on an expensive vacation.

 

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by Edvard Radzinsky

grouchyeditor.com Stalin

 

Stalin is a historical biography that I admired but … did I enjoy it? Let me put it this way: Reading this 600-page beast often felt like being banished to Siberia with nothing to do but page through the telephone directory. I do respect the blood, sweat and tears that must have gone into the research and writing of this massive tome about the 20th century’s greatest villain, Joseph Stalin (yes, I’m including Hitler), but the result is mostly a plodding bore.

In addition to presenting the usual agglomeration of unpronounceable and confusing Russian names, Radzinsky’s book demands a basic knowledge of Russian history and the major political players of the time. If you are unfamiliar with the historical relationship between Bolsheviks and Mensheviks, the troubled history of Ukraine and Russia, etc., well, too bad for you. Radzinsky simply offers a chronological survey of what Stalin did and to whom he did it. Stalin himself remains an enigma. So many details, so little insight.

It’s a shame, because if we know one thing, it’s that history repeats itself, and if a genocidal despot like Stalin could place an entire country under his malevolent spell, then understanding the factors that created such a monster is something we all need to know.

 

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search1

“Take off your clothes … because I’m going to do a strip search – full cavity.”

 

I’m not entirely sure for whom Strip Search is a guilty pleasure – me, or the late, great, director Sidney Lumet. Possibly it’s both of us.

Lumet, who turned 80 the year this film was released, is responsible for classics including 12 Angry Men, Fail-Safe, Dog Day Afternoon, and Network. In his dotage, however, the movie maestro seemed to draw more inspiration from Girls Gone Wild than from social issues.

 

search2

 

Just ask Oscar winner Marisa Tomei, whom Sidney coaxed out of her clothes for his final film, Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead. Or check out Strip Search star Maggie Gyllenhaal, who, after a sexy turn in Secretary, apparently had a nudity clause inserted in her film contracts; in Maggie’s case, it seems she’ll only take roles that require it.

 

search4

 Maggie Gyllenhaal assumes the position for James Spader in Secretary

 

Strip Search, which aired once on HBO in 2004 and was then promptly pulled from the network schedule (there were complaints and controversy), is an intense examination of how governments can and do violate the civil rights of ordinary citizens. Lumet presents alternating storylines with near-identical dialogue, in one case focusing on an American named Linda (Gyllenhaal) who is brutally interrogated in China, and in the other case depicting an Arab man (Bruno Lastra) similarly abused by an FBI hard-ass played by Glenn Close.

 

search3

Glenn Close to Bruno Lastra: “Is there a part of your body you’re embarrassed about, something … smaller than it ought to be?”

 

At about the midpoint, Strip Search goes from social commentary to sexual commentary, courtesy of Lumet’s leering camera.  It’s hard to contemplate civil liberties when you are distracted by lingering close-ups of Maggie’s bare breasts being kneaded like bread dough, or by Glenn asking her captive Arab if a body part is “smaller than it ought to be” while eyeballing his willie.    Grade: B

 

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Director: Sidney Lumet  Cast: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ken Leung, Glenn Close, Bruno Lastra, Austin Pendleton, Jim Gaffigan  Release: 2004

 

search6

 

search7

“Yes, a good solid body.”

 

search8

“Take off your clothes … because I’m going to do a strip search – full cavity.”

 

search9

“Yes, you’ve got a good solid body.”

 

search10

“If I touch you down there, what do you think your reaction will be?”

  

Strip Search is once again available on HBO. If you would prefer to see just the good parts, i.e., Maggie Gyllenhaal forced to strip and getting felt up by Ken Leung, watch movie outtakes by clicking the links below: 

 

strip-search1

strip-search2

 

If the above videos don’t work on your mobile device, try these:

 

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set1

 

There are way too many zombie shows. The genre felt fresh when it was reinvigorated about a dozen years ago, but the onslaught of sluggish clodhoppers should have been shot in the brains long ago. The Walking Dead? It’s a tedious, talky soap opera with lame zombies.

It’s next to impossible to find a zombie horror-comedy that’s either horrific or comedic, much less horrific and comedic. Shaun of the Dead successfully combined the two elements. So does Dead Set, a five-part miniseries from 2008 about the cast and crew of England’s Big Brother waging war with the undead, now showing on Netflix.

 

set2

 

The Plot:

 

Anyone who watches Big Brother, either as a fan or because a significant other is holding a gun to your head, has fantasized about annoying “houseguests” having their faces torn off or their intestines slowly devoured. Or maybe that’s just me.

In Dead Set a sudden, unexplained zombie outbreak wreaks havoc in Britain — with the exception of the clueless hamsters who are isolated in the Big Brother house. Will these idiots, our heroes, overcome their bickering, narcissism, and general ineptitude long enough to stave off Armageddon?

The surprising thing about Dead Set is that it’s not simply amusing, not just a satire of reality TV and those who consume it; there are also some genuinely scary scenes. Or maybe it’s not surprising, given that the miniseries was written by Charlie Brooker, the twisted genius responsible for Black Mirror. Fans of HBO’s The Night Of will also recognize rising star Riz Ahmed among the ensemble cast. 

 

.              deadset3    deadset4

 

Random Notes:

 

Zombie purists, assuming there are such animals, might quibble about this collection of the undead, which are fast and strong but unable to deal with simple obstacles like fences and pools of water. But dumb as they are, these zombies are often terrifying. And, unlike the knuckleheads stuck in the house, they seem to have a purpose.

 

*

 

“Talent” from the actual British Big Brother make cameo appearances. The English equivalent of CBS’s Julie Chen, presenter Davina McCall, meets a fate worse than cancellation.

 

*

 

If they gave awards for shows like this (the “Zommies”?), I’d nominate Andy Nyman, who is hilarious as the show’s producer, a foul-mouthed Ricky Gervais-type who doesn’t suffer fools — or anyone, for that matter — gladly.

 

*

 

Dead Set’s ending is great. Why can’t more shows end like this? 

Grade: B+

 

.        deadset6    deadset5

 

Director: Yann Demange  Writer: Charlie Brooker  Cast: Jaime Winstone, Andy Nyman, Riz Ahmed, Warren Brown, Liz May Brice, Beth Cordingly, Adam Deacon, Kevin Eldon, Kathleen McDermott, Davina McCall, Chizzy Akudolu, Raj Ghatak  Release: 2008

 

set7

 

Watch trailers (click here or here)

 

set8

 

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grouchyeditor.com Greta

 

grouchyeditor.com Hume

Brit Hume

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Johnson

 

Can’t believe Gary Johnson (above) hadn’t heard of Aleppo.

Everyone knows Aleppo was the fifth Marx Brother.

 

*****

 

A“basket of deplorables”?

I’m beginning to think that neither Trump nor Clinton wants to win this thing.

 

*****

 

More Mean Tweets

 

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

 

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High-Rise

grouchyeditor.com High Rise

 

To borrow a cliché, watching High-Rise is like witnessing a slow-motion train wreck:  It’s unpleasant, incomprehensible, yet oddly mesmerizing. Tom Hiddleston plays a 1970s doctor who moves into a state-of-the-art high-rise apartment building and gets entangled when the tenants – upper-crust Brits on the top floors, poorer Brits on the lower floors – engage in class warfare that turns violent.  I enjoyed this train wreck. But I’m not sure I’d want to watch it again.  Release: 2015  Grade: B

 

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rip2Photo by Amy Minnick

 

We asked Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contestant Rip van Dinkle to find out if size matters — specifically, to find out if his size matters.

Rip revealed his (not quite) two-inch tool to a bevy of attractive women — about half of them in face-to-face … er, face-to-penis encounters, and the other half over Skype — and asked them to pass judgment.

And because we realize that not more than three or four people on the planet care to read a post loaded with pictures of Rip’s puny pecker, we included eye-candy shots of the girls who ogled Rip’s manhood.

The leering ladies ran the gamut: podcasters, bloggers, a sex writer, a photographer, models, bar managers, some sex workers, and a few “girls next door.” Here they are:

 

 

Who’s Looking at Rip’s Dick?

 

.                   aimeealeeya

                               Aimee                            Aleeya                            Sara

 

.                   cerseichristinecyndi

                               Cersei                            Christine                       Cyndi

 

.                   emilyjaye

                                Emily                             Jaye                              Sarah

 

.                   grouchyeditor.com Lilith

                                Marcie                            Lilith                            Sandra

 

.                   bishopdeejuli

                                Aiden                            Dee                                 Juliana

 

.                   mistygrouchyeditor.com Abbi Sterngrouchyeditor.com Rachel Khona

                                Misty                             Abbi                            Rachel

 

.                   maggievivianamy

                                Maggie                          Vivian                           Amy

 

.                   aliciagrouchyeditor.com Melanie Riedersgrouchyeditor.com Poppins

                                Alicia                           Melanie                   Just Kidding 

 

 

The Podcasters:

 

.                   rachel rip3 abbi

 

mail

questions

 

Rachel Khona attended the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant “to giggle at tiny penises and the men who would actually show them.” Khona, a sex writer, then invited Rip to discuss his package on her podcast, which she co-hosted with gal-pal Abbi Stern.

Rachel made it clear on the podcast that she would never, ever consider sleeping with someone like Rip, what with his puny pecker and all. Apparently, Rachel and Abbi wanted from Rip that rarest of things: a male who would actually confess in public that yes, his dick was lacking.

 

From the podcast:

 

Stern:  “It’s hilarious that anybody would want to advertise they have a small penis, because I don’t know how they’re ever gonna get ass after that.”

Khona:  “It’s sad. It feels like there’s a finger in you. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s there.”

 

. khona44    “So what’s it like having a small penis? How big does it get?”

 

. rip2    “Are you counting limp? For me, that’s not quite two inches.”

 

 

Moral of the story:  If you are under-hung, you don’t get to fuck Rachel. But she will giggle at your little dick.

 

 

.                   khona1 khona2 khona3

.                   khona5  khona6khona7

                                   Click on pictures for bigger views of Rachel

 

khona

.

**

 

From Thought Catalog:

 

1

 

**

 

The Photo Shoot:

 

rip1

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Rip’s participation in the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant brought him Internet notoriety. But he doesn’t live in Brooklyn; he lives in Minneapolis.

Local photographer Amy Minnick recruited models Sara, Marcie, and Sandra (not their real names) to pose with naked-as-a-jaybird Rip. The goal was not to flatter the bearded, beer-bellied Baby Boomer. The goal was to depict how a group of sexy ladies might react to Rip and his mini member.

When Rip revealed his private parts to the ladies in these pictures, they were polite enough not to giggle at his shortcomings – at least not in front of him. In the picture below, Rip himself was not present, so the girls felt free to express how they really felt — especially with Rip’s organ pictured side-by-side with other, more fortunate males.

 

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Sara

 

Sara was the most enthusiastic model. When photographer Amy needed a volunteer to check out Rip’s manhood with a magnifying glass, Sara did not have to be asked twice: 

 

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Above, Sara zooms in on her subject matter. In the picture below, Rip owns the prick at far right. But you already guessed that.

We can’t imagine what Sara finds so funny. She probably felt sorry for the two chaps on the left.

 

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

.                      

                                     Click on pictures for bigger views of Sara

 

Sandra

 

Sandra was required to strip down to black bra and thong panties. This presented a challenge for Rip. As the possessor of a tiny penis, would the sight of half-naked Sandra prompt a … physical change in him? Would his penile puniness be exposed as a fraud?

 

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

In the photo above, Sandra apparently sees something amusing in her wine glass.

 

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Above, Rip conquers a potentially embarrassing boner by concentrating not on Sandra’s “fuck me, Rip” pose in the bed behind him but rather on … a strap-on dildo?

 

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Sandra, who apparently hasn’t seen enough, uses binoculars to eyeball Rip’s junk. At least it wasn’t a telescope.

 

.                   

                                 Click on pictures for bigger views of Sandra

 

 

 

Marcie

 

Marcie was the quiet, bashful model in the studio. We have no idea what she might have been thinking when she came face-to-face with Rip and his dangling noodle. But her smile seemed to indicate that she enjoyed his birthday-suit shame fame.

 

Photo by Amy Minnick

Above, the ladies (left to right: Marcie, Sara, and Sandra) try not to check out Rip’s none-too-impressive sex organ as he serves them wine 

 

Says Rip, “Mostly, the girls tried not to let me catch them staring at my crotch. They would sneak peeks when they thought I wasn’t looking. I did catch Sara having a look once or twice. They all had to stifle giggles.”

 

 

.

Moral of the story:  We asked Rip if this photo shoot, featuring naked him and four clothed women, was a humiliating experience. “OK, it wasn’t exactly a Playgirl centerfold shoot,” he said. “But hey, how many guys can say they spent three hours on a Saturday afternoon with four chicks ogling their junk?”

A very good point.

Alas, Rip did not get a piece of ass from these ladies. The girls did, however, enjoy emasculating him.

 

**

 

Hats off (pants off?) to Amy Minnick, the woman who took the, uh, interesting black-and-white photos. Not only did the lens on her camera not shatter, but she endured hours of close scrutiny of Rip’s hairy cock and balls. We’re guessing that, outside of Rip himself (and his ex-wife), no one has spent more time staring at his twig and berries than Amy has.

Then again, who knows? Maybe she enjoyed it. Amy is pictured below.

 

amy

 

**

 

From Thought Catalog:

 

3

.

 

**

 

Part 2

 

In Part 2, Rip has his dick measured by a Minnesota model and confesses his penis-pageant participation to sexy gal-pal Michele. Featuring video clips. Click here to go to Part 2.

 

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grouchyeditor.com Jill Henry

 

*****

 

Mean Tweets from Trump’s Evil Twin

 

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

grouchyeditor.com Tweet

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Jillian Henry

 

Some chick in Oregon named Jillian Henry (above) got photobombed by a naked man and his dog.

Her subsequent tweet with the photo (shown at the top of this post) went viral. I suspect that Jillian’s bikini posts, like the one shown below, might explain why the nude dude cast his rod in her direction.

 

grouchyeditor.com Jillian Henry

 

*****

 

Speaking of bubble butts, hamster Michelle got booted out of the house on Big Brother. And so for her and for us it is … The End.

 

grouchyeditor.com Big Brother

 

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