November 12, 2013 – The Grouchy Editor

Despite what the trailer trumpets (“The most intellectually stimulating movie of the year!”), there’s no question that H.O.T.S. is a dumb movie. But it knows that it’s a dumb movie – and it doesn’t really care. Neither do I.

By today’s standards – hell, even by 1979 standards – H.O.T.S. is a sexist, juvenile, exploitive piece of junk. And that’s why I like it. It doesn’t apologize for existing; it knows that a large segment of the audience will dismiss it, but it isn’t pandering to all segments of the audience. It’s pandering to me, damn it. You go watch your Magic Mike; some of us prefer this.

So what, exactly, is this 1970s relic? It’s: 1) A low-budget rip-off of the previous year’s comedy smash, Animal House; 2) An attempt to lure sex-crazed males by showcasing boobs, boobs, and an occasional butt; 3) The precursor to a slew of 1980s T&A crap (it predates Porky’s); 4) A good-hearted, lame-brained waste of 95 minutes; 5) An attempt to lure sex-crazed males by showcasing boobs, boobs, and an occasional butt.

Danny Bonaduce, above, with Angela Aames and Lisa London.

Oddly, H.O.T.S. was penned by two women, including B-movie queen Cheri Caffaro (Ginger). Refreshingly, the voluptuous actresses on display, including a bevy of Playboy Playmates, seem to be in on the jokes, no matter how lame they are.

K.C. Winkler demonstrates method acting.

So why should you waste time watching this nonsense, or even see it more than once like, ahem, some of us have? 1) It stars post-Partridge Family, pre-radio host Danny Bonaduce, one of the few actors in the cast who can handle the dialogue, no matter how lame it is. 2) The “plot,” some folderol about competing sororities, includes a pet seal, a drunken bear, topless parachuting, and awful 1970s fashion and music. 3) Susan Kiger’s boobs, K.C. Winkler’s ass, Lindsay Bloom’s boobs, and … first and foremost, the greatest strip-football game ever to grace the silver screen. Grade: B

Angela Aames makes a splash; Lindsay Bloom makes a pass.

Director: Gerald Seth Sindell Cast: Susan Kiger, Lisa London, Pamela Jean Bryant, Kimberly Cameron, Angela Aames, Lindsay Bloom, K.C. Winkler, Sandy Johnson, Danny Bonaduce, Richard Bakalyan Release: 1979