Category: Books, Movies, TV & Web

Dolemite Is My Name

 

I’m old enough to remember when Eddie Murphy burst upon the American scene in movies like 48 Hrs., Beverly Hills Cop and, of course, on TV’s Saturday Night Live. It was a dynamic time for Murphy and for his audience, because we hadn’t seen anything quite like him.

So it’s a bit melancholic to see middle-aged Eddie in Dolemite Is My Name, sporting a pot belly and lacking that brash, youthful energy of days gone by. But Murphy retains some of that spark, and in Dolemite he’s given a role that leaves behind fat suits and haunted houses in favor of some depth. Alas, the story of 1970s comedian-turned-movie-“auteur” Rudy Ray Moore is oh-so-familiar and predictable. It’s in the same ballpark as Ed Wood and The Disaster Artist, but not quite as good. Release: 2019 Grade: B-

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

Mandy Kaplan (see sidebar) and Johnny Giacalone play a married couple experiencing the seven-year-itch – scratch that; seven-year-itch implies pining for new romantic partners. What these two have is more like “it’s-been-seven-years-and-nothing-about-you-lights-my-fire.”

After consulting with a marriage counselor, Nick and Willa embark on a 30-day program to spice up their love life. The program, however, is less Hallmark and more Hamster.com. Anyone game for anal sex?

 

 

Pros:  Although the film is raunchy, at heart it’s old fashioned and feel-good. The two leads are likable, which they pretty much have to be in a movie like this, and several of the supporting characters are a hoot. A few scenes are flat-out hilarious.

Cons:  The tone is often peculiar. 30 Nights mixes a Disney-movie sensibility with hard-core interludes. Sometimes this works because the contrast is so stark that it tickles. (Remember watching “June Cleaver” speak jive in Airplane!? Imagine June and Ward experimenting with anal sex, instead.) At other times this tonal juxtaposition just feels … off. I mean, golden showers in a feel-good comedy?

But there are several laugh-out-loud scenes, which is a tough find in 2019.   Grade:  C+

 

 

Director: Tom Metz III  Cast: Mandy Kaplan, Johnny Giacalone, Dan Fogler, Katie Walder Release: 2018

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

From the Editor:  We asked Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contestant and Grouchy Editor contributor Rip van Dinkle to interview the star of 30 Nights of Sex to Save Your Marriage, Mandy Kaplan.

We did this not because we have anything against Ms. Kaplan, who was charming and a good sport; we did it because, well, we lost a bet to Dinkle and owe him an interview.

 

Rip van Dinkle:  As you know, the plot concerns a married couple trying to spice up their love life. To that end, they attempt all sorts of wild and crazy things. Or all sorts of tame and sensible things, depending on your perspective. Do you think couples had better sex lives in, say, the 1950s, or today, and will it be better or worse 50 years from now? 

Mandy Kaplan:  Being only 24 years old (what?) I wouldn’t know what things were like in the ‘50s. Was that the Mesozoic period? I assume people have always been kinky as hell, just less open about it. 50 years from now I assume everyone will be too open about their sex lives which will kill the fantasy or mystique. It is my firm belief that we are living in the sex sweet spot. Ooh, potential name for the sequel!

 

 

RVD:  As a male with a penis, I am often confused by the female point of view. On the one hand, we men are told never, ever to send “dick pics” in an e-mail. On the other hand, I know from first-hand experience that lots of women enjoy going to pageants where men show their little willies on a stage and get measured by female judges. Please explain.

MK:  We clearly hang in different circles. I have never heard of these pageants, but assume the women enjoy emasculating the men and feel this is a safe way to do it. Seems to be in line with something like a dominatrix (one of my favorite scenes in 30 Nights!)

RVD:  Finally, it seems that just about the only body part it’s still OK to laugh about is the tiny pecker. If you ever star in another sex comedy in which a role calls for a man with a wee one, I am hoping that you’ll consider Yours Truly for the role so that I can become a big Hollywood star. Deal?

MK:  Wait, you’re NOT already a Hollywood star? I was told this was George Clooney’s alias. Damn.

 

 

From the Editor:  We had to explain the meaning of “emasculate” to Rip. We did this by showing him this definition:

 

 

Below, Dinkle is measured by a female judge at the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant.

 

 

“I have never heard of these pageants, but assume the women enjoy emasculating the men”

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

Walking Out

 

I have a weakness for movies like this one. You know: wilderness movies with hungry bears, or deep-sea movies with dead-eyed sharks. That’s because, unlike most sci-fi and horror films, these scary stories could really happen. To you. Or to me. Walking Out, in which a father and his teenage son encounter peril in the Montana mountains, does well with its survival elements. On the downside, although Matt Bomer and Josh Wiggins are believable as dad and son, their on-screen chemistry left me a bit cold. Release: 2017 Grade: B

 

**

 

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

 

Whenever a studio announces plans for a movie version of a beloved TV show, the hope, at least among fans of the series, is that the movie version will be bigger and better. Bigger budget = better experience. There is good news and bad news about Netflix’s two-hour revival of the classic Breaking Bad. The bad news?  The movie, which follows the trajectory of young Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) after the death of Walter White, is no better than the series. The good news? The movie is just as good as the series – and you don’t get any better than that. Release: 2019 Grade: A

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

by Amy Tan

 

As I read The Joy Luck Club, I was reminded of what’s great about books, especially fiction. Here I am, a middle-aged white man living in 2019 America, suddenly immersed in the lives of Chinese women and their Chinese-American daughters, spanning most of the 20th century. It was a bit like snooping in a stranger’s medicine cabinet: Much of what you see there is fascinating; some of it is unfathomable.

Tan is very good at world-building. Open her book to any page and you are immediately absorbed by whatever she’s writing about. Vivid images and memorable metaphors abound. That’s the good news.

Yet if I’m honest … there are eight main characters in the story – four mothers and four daughters – and I often found them indistinguishable. The mothers all suffer hardships and learn valuable life lessons, which they attempt to pass on to their girls. The daughters are all more optimistic but also more foolish. At times I felt I was reading the same story four times over, just with different character names.

But Joy Luck seems relevant to me, some 30 years after its publication, in part because there is so much talk about China today, and it illustrates the gap between the Chinese way of seeing the world, and the American way. The Chinese – at least traditionally – seem to be all about fate and omens and what the West might consider superstition. They see America as a place of much opportunity, but too little wisdom and too much worship at the altar of money.

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

A Young Man with High Potential

 

Is it just me who finds it off-putting when a perfectly good suspense-drama finds it necessary to include a 10-minute sequence of graphic gore? Young Man concerns a social nerd/computer genius (Adam Ild Rohweder) who falls for a sexy girl (Paulina Galazka), then lets things get out of control and winds up running from the law – a cliché plot, for sure, yet suspenseful and well acted. But when Crime and Punishment veers into Blood Feast, it loses me. Release: 2018  Grade: B-

 

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

by David Foster Wallace

 

Wallace is the author of One of Those Novels I Mean to Read Someday — right after I finish re-reading Moby Dick and War and Peace. That book is called Infinite Jest, and I admit that its mammoth length is the main reason I haven’t yet tackled it.

In the meantime, I checked out Consider the Lobster, a collection of Wallace essays published in 2005. Wallace, who committed suicide in 2008, was a writer of infinite curiosity. He was highly intelligent but had a quality so often missing from the highly intelligent: humility.

Lobster contains Wallace’s observations on everything from a pornography convention in Las Vegas to the impact of September 11, 2001 on Middle Americans to, as the title implies, the boiling of lobsters.

All of it is interesting; all of it is engaging. My only complaint is Wallace’s love of the footnote (and footnotes within footnotes). At times it becomes distracting and tiresome.

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

A Simple Favor

Anna Kendrick does A Simple Favor.  Big mistake.  

 

I was beginning to despair of ever again seeing anything clever and funny, i.e. entertaining, in a Hollywood “comic thriller.” But then I saw A Simple Favor, which has it all: clever script, fast-paced direction, and engaging characters. Anna Kendrick is perfectly cast as a Susie Homemaker with a video blog who gets drawn into a murder investigation when her new “best friend,” a glamorous mystery woman (Blake Lively), goes missing.

At times the plot does get a bit far-fetched. I gave that a pass because of the top-notch cast and a tongue-in-cheek tone that works.  Release: 2018  Grade: A-

 

**

 

Personal Shopper

Pretty much how I felt while watching this film

 

A Simple Favor is a female-centric movie for everyone. Personal Shopper is, alas, a female-centric movie for diehard fans of Kristen Stewart only.

Stewart plays a celebrity’s assistant in Paris who grieves for her recently deceased twin brother. And grieves. And grieves. The first hour of the movie was intolerable: Kristen mopes, Kristen strips, Kristen engages in endless, pointless text messaging with a mystery man who might be her brother’s ghost. No, thank you. Release: 2017  Grade: D

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

.                   

 

June is a short month. That’s my excuse for not finding a movie that interested me enough to warrant a typical two-paragraph review in short.

I tried, but there is such a sea of mediocrity out there in Streaming Land that … sigh. I can barely muster the enthusiasm to write a sentence or two about the films I did watch, much less an entire paragraph. To wit:

 

The Wolf’s Call (2019) – France tries to do a Tom Cruise action flick without Tom Cruise or much action. Not a great idea, France.  Grade: C

 

The Isle (2019) – Plenty of atmosphere in this period piece about ghostly possession. Howling winds, candlelit cabins, and gorgeous outdoor scenery – but nothing remotely scary.  Grade: C-

 

Murder Mystery (2019) – Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston mingle with the beautiful people and try to find a killer. Sadly, Sandler and Aniston are no Nick and Nora Charles.  Grade: D

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

What are these ladies looking at?

 

 

One peculiar byproduct of the Internet/cell phone age: The flasher who films women who are filming him as he flashes them.  Follow that?

There is an anonymous flasher, apparently in Spain or some nearby country, who is a master at his “craft.” He boards a bus or subway train, clad in loose shorts with no underwear, and then sits spread-legged on a bench. Eventually, some comely girl or a group of them will sit across from him on a facing bench. Concealed somewhere on his person – evidently near his crotch – is a small video camera.

We all know how observant females are, particularly when it comes to others’ dress (or lack thereof), so it’s not surprising that in no time at all these bench-seated ladies notice our friend the flasher and the fact that his willie is on display. (In most of the videos, the guy furnishes a glimpse of his exposed noodle before panning back to whichever woman happens to be sitting across from him.)

Very soon after spotting his (rather small) appendage, the ladies invariably – probably 90 percent of them do this – train their phone-cameras on his penis to capture a souvenir. It’s all very bizarre.

We asked Rip van Dinkle to comment on this phenomenon via the screen captures below. Rip certainly knows what it’s like to have his penis laughed at (and filmed) by women who are strangers to him – hundreds of thousands of them, in fact. Possibly millions, thanks to numerous Web sites. That’s Rip serving wine to three sexy babes in the picture below.

 

 

We’ve also published the videos. Most of them come from the same source, an exhibitionist who goes by the name “pierced dick flasher,” or something like that. We call him the “Flasher King” (FK). 

Most of the videos — but not all of them — have sound.

 

**

 

Says Rip: “Notice how the women all seem to feel entitled to trophy photos of the guy’s private parts? You just know these women would be outraged if some dude captured an upskirt and then shared the picture with his buddies.

“Also, as guys we are admonished never, ever to send unsolicited dick pics. It’s OK, though, for girls to take unsolicited dick pics. Can you say ‘double standard’? It’s all about power and control, baby.” 

 

See the ugly bare knee at far left? It belongs to our hero, the Flasher King. His camera is concealed somewhere very near to his (exposed) crotch, and is trained on the lassies seated across from him. Girl on the left has just noticed FK’s dick and is sharing her discovery with the girl to her left.

The girl in the middle has a none-too-subtle peek.

Now all three of them are in the know. They seem to be looking directly into the camera, which makes me admire how FK has cleverly concealed it. It must be quite small — the camera, that is, although FK, as you can see below, is also quite small.

Hmmm … now that the girls have this information, what will they do with it?

Chick on the right is first to come up with the brilliant idea: film it with her phone’s camera, of course.

Such fun!

Girl in the middle: “Hey, I have a camera, too!”

The cutie on the left is delighted that her discovery has led to this.

Girl on the left: “Hey, I want a souvenir too.”

“There’s his little weenie.”

The giggling is over. Capturing this guy’s cock has become serious business.

Everyone gets a trophy!

The girl in the middle is quite pleased with her work.

Let’s compare notes.

These will be such fun to share! Not with their boyfriends, of course, but with other girlfriends.

OK, now that we’ve documented the evidence, let’s have another look at him.

Brunette on the left has a look at FK’s face. Evidently he’s quite good at hiding what he’s really up to. Is he pretending to sleep? Or is he watching his concealed camera’s work on his own cell phone? Either way, it’s a successful strategy.

Near the end of his videos, FK likes to either a) capture another angle of the girls, or b) capture a close-up view of their butts and/or legs.

 

The video:

 

**

 

The cute girl below is a nice example of an interesting phenomenon: When the ladies are in groups, their reaction to FK and his package is generally (in this order) shock/surprise, shared glee at the discovery, and then the serious business of filmed documentation.

On the other hand, when alone, like the girl below, stage two (glee) is either missing or disguised. In fact, this cutie seems downright horny.

The initial discovery.

Try as she might, she simply cannot stop looking.

We see this technique a lot: scratch your head or pretend to study your arm/hand, all the while sneaking more peeks.

She has nice legs.

“Is anyone else seeing this? Or do I have the view to myself?”

“Whew — this is making me hot.”

“If I slide back and down a bit, I can get a better view.”

“His cock is pierced.”

This caption was evidently inserted by FK himself. If he was indeed erect, it might explain the lustful look in the girl’s eyes.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

The girl on the left below has an interesting reaction. At first, she resembles an archaeologist observing an intriguing find. But look at the girl on the right — is she completely oblivious, or is she busy filming?

I think she’s busy filming. The giveaway is her smirk a few screen captures below.

Girl on the left doesn’t seem worried about getting caught staring. Makes me think FK is doing his sleeping and/or phone-screen-study routine.

“Ooohhh … I have a camera too!”

As sexual kinks go, this one seems pretty clearly a win win win. The girls get what they want, FK gets what he wants, and we get to see the whole thing.

Girl on the right seems unimpressed. Probably because she’s been busy capturing the same view.

Girl on the left is quite pleased with herself, seems to be thinking: “Look at that stupid guy; he has no idea I just filmed his little pecker!”

Now that she has him on film, time to study his manhood a bit more.

Isn’t this fun?

Wait … she’s not making the “small penis” sign, is she?

“Hmmm … wonder what that little thing would feel like.”

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

Girl on the right has a secret to share.

Once again, looking straight into the camera. How does he conceal it?

Girl on the left has suddenly gotten happy.

“I see London, I see France, he ain’t got no underpants.”

The hand/arm/scratching routine begins.

To my mind, this hand/arm business makes your peeking more conspicuous, not less.

Enjoying the view.

Sure, nothing obvious about what you’re doing.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

The brunette on the right below is very into this situation. What would she think, one wonders, if some creepy dude was following her around taking upskirts?

Telling her friend. Friend’s initial disbelief.

“You’re right … I can see it.”

Camera time!

Wonder if it has a zoom lens. Somewhere out there, there exists footage of FK’s face. There must be, with this many girls filming him.

Look!

We can both do this, swap videos later.

Girl on the right wants to see FK’s face.

Brunette on the right, satisfied that FK is clueless, studies his junk.

Ladies at leisure.

“That’s a good one.”

Girl on right gets up to get another angle. FK takes the opportunity to nearly nab an upskirt.

Not sure if she’s hoping to get another view of his package or of his face.

Hands to the face, the sneaky photographer.

Pretty brazen here. Makes me think his eyes might be closed.

Looks like she got what she wanted.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

Here’s another sociological experiment. It’s all fun and games when there are two girls, but as soon as the girl on the left is alone, capturing FK’s cock becomes serious business. *

“Is that what I think it is?”

Girl on the right is clueless.

Dark-haired girl simply must share this information.

Girl on right has to leave. FK has to film her butt.

Alone now. Time to get serious.

“Ahh yes, there it is.”

“Oh, I got him good!”

 

The video:

 

* My bad. Upon re-viewing the video, the brunette is not left alone. Her friend stands up to pose for a (ruse?) photo – apparently providing cover for a surreptitious shot of FK.

 

**

 

Something about these long-haired brunettes. It’s almost as if they have prepared for and expected this moment their entire lives, and are more than ready to document the event once it finally happens.

Girl on left is first to make the discovery.

Girl on the right frightens me. Scary looking.

Camera in the purse …

Seems like she might have done this before.

Girl on left has another look.

Scary girl on right shows she is capable of smiling.

Good shot!

FK nails some legs.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

OK, this is not FK’s work. It’s some other dude, and it might be staged. I’m not convinced that the two girls in the background would react this way to a man who is so brazenly stroking his cock just a few feet away. Then again, perhaps some girls would. You be the judge.

Girl on the left does not appear to be filming him; her camera’s at the wrong angle.

Blondie on the right is a cutie, but is she really a stranger to the flasher?

Filming him now.

I don’t know. Her facial expressions seem genuine.

Girl on left appears to capture some footage on her way out.

We’ve edited the ending of the video below because it’s gross. Let’s just say he has a happy ending.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

The girl at far left interests me. Although she could be filming FK in the screen capture above, mostly she seems much less intrigued by the flasher than are the other girls.

Open-mouthed lass learns about the wayward penis from girl in white.

Girl in white gets busy filming.

Chick on far left is told the big news, seems only mildly interested.

She gets up to leave and FK nails an upskirt. Are those black granny panties?

Serious peeking.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

They just planned to go shopping. Did not expect this.

Gotta love those cell phone cameras.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

Brunette second from left is first to spot the penis. Girl at far left maintains her composure until she can no longer maintain her composure.

The peeking-beneath-my-arm tactic.

Girl at far right has apparently never seen a grown man’s penis. Or a pierced one.

Blonde at far left can no longer contain it.

FK captures the brunette’s ass.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

Reserved Asian girl. Will she betray her true feelings?

Filming.

Still filming.

I see a smirk!

The satisfied look of a job accomplished.

 

The video (at about 2:40):

 

 

**

 

This is the second video on this page that I feel might be staged. Everything is too perfect. Again, this is not an FK video.

Supposedly, this girl eventually spots the guy’s camera. She then gets pissed off. Maybe so. Maybe not.

Very high quality capture … if it is for real.

Scrunch face.

Girl on the right seems oblivious.

The look of triumph.

Actually, since there are two girls in this video, it’s a bit less likely to be staged.

This is where she allegedly spots his camera.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

FK has found another extremely attractive girl. She has found his penis.

Must film it.

Another near-upskirt when she leaves.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

This chick was about to fall asleep when she looked between FK’s legs.

She’s awake now.

Anyone else seeing this?

Must examine his dick … small.

Check out his face.

Second look.

 

The video (see video above for “Reserved Asian Girl,” at about 3:45)

 

**

 

 

**

 

Geez, wonder how many hours FK spent on the train or subway or whatever. He certainly filmed lots of ladies. And lots of ladies certainly filmed him. Not these two, however.

 

**

 

Soccer moms spot something to brighten their day.

 

**

 

Thinks she’s pretty sneaky. Thinks she’ll film his cock.

 

The video (see video above for “extremely attractive” girl, at about :40)

 

**

 

The girl on the right enjoys the show. Not sure if the feminist on the left agrees.

Feminist on left: “Typical stupid male. Doesn’t even realize his sex organs are on display.”

 

**

 

Don’t have a clue what she’s thinking. But she has mastered “the stare.”

 

The video (see video above for “extremely attractive” girl, at about 3 minutes)

 

**

 

Female on the left looks angry about something. But FK’s prick cheers her up. Maybe. Hard to tell.

Chick on the right gets the perfect angle. Does her camera have a zoom?

They have a job to do.

Girl on right admires her work.

 

**

 

She is alone, so this will be all business.

 

**

 

She looks like a Women’s Studies professor. Perhaps she is. Doing research for class.

 

**

 

If she’d turn just a bit, FK could film her junk while she films his.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

If she just leans forward a bit, can get a better view …

 

**

 

Over the years, we’ve all heard a lot about the “male gaze.” We’ve also been told that men, in general, are more visually oriented than are women.

But watching these subway videos makes me wonder. What you see in this post is an awful lot of “gazing” – and photographing – for a gender that’s supposedly not into looking at naked men.

 

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

Last but by no means least, two girls on a bus. This guy, like FK, provides a quick glimpse of his junk so that we know what the girls are looking at.

 

Nothing to see yet. Just a boring bus ride.

They’ve seen it.

Camera time.

Would they smile like that if he was hung like a horse? Or would they be awestruck? We’ll never know.

Blonde decides to hide behind her cup while she films. Very clever.

Mission accomplished. One more look as they get off the bus.

True.

The face of a girl who is looking at your cock.

 

The video:

 

 

**

 

The Face of a Girl Who Is Examining Your Cock When She Thinks You Aren’t Looking

 

 

 

 

 

And finally, just in case you have neither the time nor the inclination to watch all of the videos above, someone has created a nifty little compilation video. Here it is:

 

 

 

© 2010-2019 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share