Category: Weekly Reviews

As society continues to crumble, you can either read the news and succumb to depression and anxiety or take a break and check out the warped world of Tales From The Grouch. Here’s a list with links:

 

 . grouchyeditor.com Rusty  “Rusty” — Happy times in suburbia.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com revelation   “Revelation” — Unhappy times in suburbia.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com homebodies   “Homebodies” — The people next door.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com ass   “The Porthole” — Be careful what you wish for.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com the ufo   “The UFO” — Stand by me … and a UFO.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com Tales From Grouch   “Carol Comes Home” — The spirit of Norman Bates.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com thwup   “Thwup!” — The case for eating more (or less) beans.

 

.  grouchyeditor.com Wisdom   “Wisdom” — Cabin in the woods.

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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I don’t understand all the fuss over this guy playing the “fairy godmother” in the latest version of Cinderella.

After all, this idea isn’t anything new. It’s a concept that’s been around for at least 44 years. Back when the word “woke” meant something the handsome prince did to Snow White.

I am referring to the first — and best — fairy godmother, of course: Sy Richardson in 1977’s soft-core musical Cinderella.

Yes, I said soft-core musical. The movie is a hoot, and so is Sy Richardson.

 

 

Check out our review by clicking here.

 

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Giving credit where credit is due:

Biden did the right thing by getting us the hell out of Afghanistan.

 

Assigning blame where blame exists:

The way Biden got us out of Afghanistan was beyond atrocious.

 

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Did CBS encourage racism against white contestants on this summer’s Big Brother? That’s the scuttlebutt on BB fan sites like Joker’s Updates.

One by one, Caucasian hamsters have been kicked out of the house this year. Only one white chick remains, along with a mixed-race girl and six African Americans (possibly five and a half; I’m not sure). The blacks in the house have formed an alliance they call “the cookout,” and they are making hash out of their non-black housemates.

If I’m one of the white hamsters who got the boot with $750,000 on the line because the network wanted to make a lame “woke” statement, I’d be looking for a good lawyer.

 

**

 

Speaking of Big Brother, contestant Alyssa Lopez, who is of mixed ancestry, is still in the house. That might be why I’m still watching.

 

 

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It’s what I’ve been saying for years: There is something very smarmy about Oprah.

 

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If you’re interested in our continuing Tales From The Grouch, eight of the short stories are now available, including the most recent, “Wisdom.” Click here.

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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Spearheaded by fruit loops in the White House and Australia, of all places, the world continues to fall apart.

I don’t want to talk about that this week.  Instead, let’s discuss my psychological profile.

 

 

My Inner Teenage Girl

 

 

I’ve reached a verdict on You Are My Spring, Netflix’s summer-long treat from South Korea (emphasis on “long” — 16 approximately hour-long episodes).

Maybe it’s because at heart I am a teenage girl, partial to bubble-gum rock and cheesy horror movies, but I liked the show.

There’s no question that at times Spring veers into sappiness. The romantic leads, playing characters who are in their 30s, often behave as though they are 13-year-olds in the throes of puppy love. These scenes are sometimes cute, sometimes silly.

Also, a parallel story arc involving some unsolved murders was, well, just OK.

But in 2021, when everything seems so horrible, You Are My Spring (I know; even the title screams “teenage girl”) is a breath of fresh air. When the show concentrates on its central romance — and even on some secondary romances involving supporting characters — it is sweet and often funny as hell.

Most of the lead characters are (gasp!) likeable. I’ll take that. At least in this godawful year.

 

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My Inner Teenage Boy

 

Seems like only yesterday that I was watching Hailee Steinfeld co-star with Jeff Bridges as the spunky Mattie Ross in 2010’s True Grit. Now this:

 

 

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With any luck, we should have the next Tale From The Grouch, titled “Wisdom,” ready to post within the coming week.

In the meantime, you can read the first seven tales by clicking here.

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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I don’t know what else to say. You voted for Biden; you own this.

You own the open border with Mexico, the Afghanistan nightmare, and the George Orwell-inspired vaccine mandates/passports.

It’s all yours.

 

**

 

Yes, the Olympics are over, and yes, I’ve finally stopped seeing this McKayla Maroney commercial:

 

 

But no, I can’t seem to get enough of this Maroney GIF:

 

 

 

**

 

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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Ranking the Three Branches of Government

on a Frustration Level:

(Zero is unbelievably frustrating; ten is rainbows and lollipops.)

 

 

You might not like what Biden does, because God knows what he does is godawful — but you can’t say he doesn’t do anything.

 

 

You might not like their rulings, but at least they make them. Sometimes.

 

 

Congress. Does. Nothing.*

 

It’s easy to blame one person (the president) for lousy decisions, and you can hold nine people (the court) accountable for bad opinions.

But when you’ve got hundreds of people in Congress, it’s too easy for each of them to dissemble, hide, and finger-point at others. So that’s exactly what they do.

 

No rainbows and lollipops for us.

 

* OK, OK, it does manage to do one thing: spend trillions of dollars.

 

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Afghanistan

 

Time to get out, consequences be damned.

These generals we see on TV will come up with excuses for why we must not leave for another 50 years, if we let them.

Afghanistan has had 20 years to train with the world’s greatest military. If the Afghans are left on their own and immediately crumble, it’s because they either don’t care that much about who runs their country, or they are hopelessly inept.

Either way, it’s got to be their problem, not ours.

 

**

 

Coming tomorrow: a new Tale From The Grouch.

 

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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Yes, the rule of law is officially dead in the United States — except, of course, for little people like you and me.

 

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You might have read, recently, about a woman who was beheaded in public by her ex-boyfriend. That happened about 20 miles from where I live.

If you read reports in the mainstream media, what you did not learn is that the alleged killer is, indeed, an illegal alien. You are not supposed to know that.

The mainstream media is garbage.

 

**

 

I voted for Obama in 2008, and again in 2012. I thought electing him president would be good for race relations in this country.

But in recent years I’ve regretted my vote for this smug man — the second time. But now I’m beginning to regret even my 2008 vote. It seems he’s just another arrogant, hypocritical politician.

 

**

 

 

I’ve got to hand it to YouTube prankster Steven Schapiro. No one does a better job of capturing bare-ass babes at the beach under the pretense of, I guess, fun and games.

The bodacious bare buttocks:

 

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Subway has long been my least-favorite fast-food joint. When the anti-smoker crusade was charging full speed ahead, Subway was one of the first establishments to ban smoking. Then it hired pedophile Jared Fogle to plug its crappy sandwiches. And now this.

 

**

 

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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It’s been a tough year in my neck of the woods. Minnesota’s public-relations pitch to the rest of the world has featured warm-and-fuzzy stories like the George Floyd/Derek Chauvin incident, burning city streets, the Daunte Wright/Kimberly Potter shooting, and now some nutcase who beheaded his girlfriend on a public street.

None of that stuff is likely to advance our push to become “America’s Favorite Vacation Destination.”

So, thank heavens for Suni Lee, the pint-sized Hmong girl from St. Paul who brought home the Gold at the Japan Olympics. It’s a super feel-good story.

 

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Oh, yeah. Because we are, after all, The Grouchy Editor, you just know we must besmirch this Disney-style fairy tale with our smutty fantasies, which are inspired by pictures of Suni like these:

 

grouchyeditor.com Suni Lee

 

At my day job (yes, I have one), I work with another pint-sized Hmong girl from the Twin Cities, a 20-year-old cutie I will call “P.”

Ever since Suni Lee’s Olympic triumph, I have been itching to tease P about her lack of similar accomplishments. Why, I thought I would ask, hasn’t P mastered the balance beam?

But then I answered my own question. As you can see from the pictures of P below, she probably has difficulty simply walking down the street in an erect posture, let alone navigating a balance beam, thanks to, well, these:

 

 

Yup, thanks to P and her, uh, assets, I certainly do have trouble concentrating at work.

 

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Random thought: Outside of the movies, I wonder if anyone, anywhere, has ever actually slipped on a banana peel.

 

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As long as we are mired in the horniness gutter, we might as well wrap up with an Olympic-style competition of our own. We’ll call it “judge the booty.” Who gets the bronze, the silver, and the gold?

 

.

          Suni Lee          Rebeca Andrade                   Co-worker “P”

 

                                   (click images for a better view)

 

**

 

Coming tomorrow: a new “Tale From The Grouch.”

 

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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Biden’s 6-Month Report Card:

 

“F”

 

We give the stuttering dotard an F. If there was a lower grade, Biden would own it.

There was a good reason why Biden’s handlers hid him during much of his campaign, and now we can all see it.

And if you voted for Biden just to prove a point, congratulations! You certainly showed those Deplorables how it should be done, didn’t you?

 

On the other hand, if Biden’s true goal is to tear the country apart, then he’s doing an admirable job.

 

**

 

 

I’m tired of every criticism aimed at law enforcement — FBI, Capitol Police, et al — prefaced with the caveat, “The vast majority of men and women in (insert agency name) are hard-working, honest, good people.” No, they are not. Their silence/inaction in the face of so much corruption makes them all complicit.

We need way, way more whistleblowers. Until we get them, you people are all tainted.

 

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Do we have some sort of civic duty to care about the Britney Spears saga?

 

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Notice what these summaries have in common? The dreaded “slow pacing” critique.

A lot of reviewers complain about this. I’ve complained about it. And yet, I don’t believe there’s anything inherently wrong with a slow pace. It’s what we’re watching that matters, not how long it goes on.

I’ve enjoyed many movies and shows that have scenes without so-called “action,” but are still absorbing because you want to watch a character simply think or feel. Or you need to catch your breath between the “action” scenes.

 

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The unprecedented influx of illegal aliens must have the mainstream media salivating. 

In the unlikely event that someone other than a Democrat is elected our next president, just think of his or her unenviable task regarding illegal immigration. The only way to reverse the millions of uninvited guests who now populate the country is to … (gasp!) deport. Deport a lot.

Just think of how happy that would make the media, which would have no end of sob stories about “families torn apart” by the new president.

 

**

 

Finally, some good news:

 

 

**

 

Editor’s note: A new “Tale From The Grouch” coming tomorrow.

 

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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Two-sentence (Netflix) reviews!

 

 

Major Grom: Plague Doctor

I am picturing Vladimir Putin as he complains, “Why should Hollywood make all the blockbuster superhero movies?” The result is this eye-popping piffle from Russia, which is silly, yes, but also expensive-looking and often amusing. Grade: B

 

 

A Classic Horror Story

Italy jumps on the “ironic” horror-flick bandwagon, in which the plot steals from better movies but hey, it’s OK because the audience is in on the joke, right? No, it’s not OK, but the end credits are clever — if you can make it that far. Grade: C+

 

 

You Are My Spring (pictured at top)

Ignore the sappy title, which reminds me of an old Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald duet (look it up, kids). This South Korean mix of murder mystery, family drama, and romantic comedy somehow manages to work — at least through the first four episodes. Grade: A-

 

 

Fear Street

Hey, it’s a three-part slasher flick with a decent budget! Hey, it’s all way too familiar! Grade: C

 

 

The Mire (season 2)

I still have trouble following this Polish crime drama (click here). But I enjoy not understanding it. Grade: B

 

**

 

 

Great job, Rotten Tomatoes — that description really nails it!

 

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Editor’s note:  New “Tale From The Grouch” coming tomorrow!

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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Jerk of the Week

 

So many “Jerk of the Week” candidates from which to choose. We’ve narrowed the list to these two charmers:

 

“Get over it.” — Anthony Fauci’s advice to vaccine holdouts. “You’ve gotta ask: What is the problem?” he added.

What is the problem? YOU are the problem. YOU lied to Congress and YOU lied to the American people, and now they are expected to trust you?

 

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“We teach history, not hate.” — Randi Weingarten, pictured above, in a teachers’ union speech. 

When I was a kid, teachers were well respected. We went to movies like To Sir, with Love and Up the Down Staircase, in which the teachers were heroes. Teachers were liked.

Now they are possibly the most reviled Americans. And it’s their own damn fault.

 

**

 

The Kansas City Royals have a pitcher named Richard Lovelady. “Dick” Lovelady.

Where are Beavis and Butt-Head when you need them? Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

 

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Sell-out Songs

 

There should be a special place in hell for advertisers who buy once-popular songs and then ruin them by bombarding the public with commercials that bastardize the tunes.

Normally, there is a song that gets demolished just once this way. But what on Earth is the deal with “Our House,” a song I used to like from Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young? Is it being done to death by both Allstate and Hy-Vee?

I did some Wikipedia research on the song: “It was used as a commercial jingle for Eckrich sausage in the 1980s, and for Sears Kenmore appliance advertisements in 1989. It has appeared in various television shows and films, including the 1996 Only Fools and Horses Christmas special, Time on Our Hands, watched by 24.3 million viewers in the United Kingdom. It was also used in an advert for Halifax Building Society in the 1990s.”

Like I said, I used to like it.

 

**

 

Big Brother finally raised its first-place prize money from $500,000 to $750,000.  It’s about time cheapskate CBS increased the cash, considering how ridiculously inexpensive the show is to produce and the fact that Big Brother has been one of the network’s few reliable moneymakers for two decades.

 

**

 

From our “comments” box:

 

 

Fair enough.

Wait … not fair enough. Next time, would you mind telling us what we did to make you so upset? Were there too many things to mention?

 

**

 

 

Thanks again, Babylon Bee.

 

© 2010-2021 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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