Category: Weekly Reviews

 

Twitter Is the Devil

 

 

“This quoted Tweet is unavailable.” I am seeing way too much of this kind of thing on Twitter.

If I so choose – and lots of people do – I could post the most vile, disgusting pornography on my feed and that, apparently, would be fine by Twitter. But someone’s political statement must be censored?

 

Also, love him or hate him, millions of us follow Trump on Twitter, if only to see what outrageous thing he’ll say next. So how come his posts never show up on my feed?

 

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Poor Stephen King. Now he knows how J.K. Rowling must have felt last year when she ran afoul of the social justice mob. When you feed the woke beast, someday it will want to eat you.

 

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I tend to agree with Penguin Piers on this one. I also tend to hate myself because, dammit, I do get caught up in all of this British royals nonsense.

 

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Lara Logan Has No Agenda on Fox: She’s a journalist, so of course she has an agenda – even if it’s just going after other journalists and their agendas.

 

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What about the women who willingly slept with Harvey Weinstein just to advance their careers?

I can’t be the only one who would be interested in that story.

 

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TV and YouTube Tidbits

 

 

We publish on Saturdays and so, tragically, many of the week’s highlights are “old news” by the time we get around to them. So if Donald Trump attempts to hump Laura Ingraham’s leg on a Tuesday, we generally don’t mention it because everyone else does — over and over and over again.

Ricky Gervais’ skewering of Hollywood happened ages ago in Internet time: last Sunday. But it was so delicious, we just have to mention it again. And we have to post the YouTube link to his monologue, in case you haven’t seen it.

 

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Poor Schitt’s Creek. Now that it’s airing its sixth and final season, it is at last getting some attention. Apparently the combined efforts of The Grouchy Editor (2017 plug here) and Pop TV are no match for Netflix reruns.

 

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If Tucker Carlson would like increase his reach among middle-class viewers, he might consider changing the way he says the word “rather,” which he pronounces like a stereotypical wealthy snob: “raw-ther.”

 

Speaking of wealthy snobs … not that this show is ever short on juicy material, but this week’s big news about the royals should give Netflix’s The Crown at least one additional season:

 

 

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Dracula: Good grief. Showrunners Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat took a perfectly good first two episodes and completely destroyed this reboot with a boneheaded decision regarding the third and final installment. That’s our opinion, and we’re sticking to it.

 

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Funny YouTube Videos

 

Disclaimer: I am just one person. I can watch just a tiny fraction of the videos on YouTube. But the following are highly recommended:

 

A lot of the best YouTube clips feature grandma- and grandpa-types. In this video, “Marge” (above) is tricked into visiting a nudist beach.

 

Marge again, this time enduring someone’s gas-passing (actually “Liquid Ass”) in an enclosed vehicle.

 

Southern grandpa’s turn to be pranked. More gas-passing in a car.

 

Another victimized grandmother. Grandson is especially cruel.

 

An adult male cries like a little baby. From “The Daily Dropout.”

 

“The Daily Dropout” heads to the beach.

 

We have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of these prank videos take place at the beach because, even if the prank fails or isn’t particularly funny, there are always thong-clad butts to ogle. Certainly we here at The Grouchy Editor would never let such crass considerations affect our judgment about which videos to highlight. (By the way, see screen captures at top and below.)

 

 

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I don’t know about you, but I’m always touched when Facebook asks me if I’d like to share my precious “memories.”

 

 

 

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Predictions!

(Spoiler Alert: None of them are very pleasant)

 

Trump And Conservatives Will Continue To Hype Our “Great Economy”

Congratulations! After years of unemployment or underemployment, you finally landed that new job flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Meanwhile, Bill Gates has enough money to buy several countries, but why should you complain? You have a new job! And that’s all that matters in our great economy.

Oh, but wages are on the rise? Great news!  Instead of earning $12 an hour, you now earn $13 an hour. How’s that for “trickle down”?

 

Conservatives Will Continue To Downplay The Benefits Of Soaking The Rich

As long as Bill Gates and cronies like Stuart Varney can convince conservatives that an attack on Bill Gates is an attack on all businesspeople, well, Gates can go on his merry way. Because, you know, any transfer of wealth from the rich won’t solve all of our problems, so there’s no point in doing anything at all. Right?

 

We’ll Stay Involved In Middle East Wars – But Only Temporarily While We “Train” The Locals

We’ve been hearing this for 20 years. Our soldiers are training the Iraqis, or the Kurds or whoever, to be self-sufficient so that we can finally leave. Sadly, the Iraqis or whoever don’t give a crap about the U.S. or its interests, and will never be “trained.” So we’ll just have to stay there. Right?

 

If We Abandon The Middle East, That Will Open The Door For Russia

So what? The Middle East is a nightmare. Let it be Russia’s nightmare.

But there is money to be made, so we must stay there. Right?

 

I Will Still Be Unable To Stream The Danish TV Shows Forbrydelsen And Borgen

For some infuriating reason, Amazon only sells them on DVD. I’m not even sure if the Amazon DVDs are American-player-compatible. Plus, they are overpriced. Why can’t I buy them digital?

 

Finally, 2020 Won’t Be So Bad – But 2021 Will Be

That’s because, if Trump wins, half the country will become unhinged. If Trump loses, the other half will become unhinged.

Forget 2020. 2021 won’t be pretty.

 

Caveat: The above predictions were all made prior to the offing of that Iranian general. Should that lead to World War III in 2020 … then, well, never mind.

 

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Is that “method acting”?

 

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Great. That means we can expect to see more garbage like Murder Mystery from Netflix.

 

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I thought about reading this article, but good lord, it’s eight paragraphs long. Who has time for that?

 

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Cats!

 

 

Tim Pool (above) is a journalist who covers politics for a living. Every day, he posts videos guaranteed to push somebody’s button — on the left or right.  Yet I’ve never seen Pool get so worked up, so frothing-at-the-mouth angry, about any subject like he does in the video below. The subject? It’s not Trump. It’s not the media. It’s not immigration. It’s the movie Cats.

 

 

Can’t say that I blame Tim.

I don’t go to a lot of plays, but to the best of my recollection, I’ve only walked out of one. About 30 years ago, my then-wife and I got up and walked out of a touring production of, you guessed it, Cats.

By the way, the clip above isn’t Pool’s entire rant. If you want to see all 13 hilarious minutes of it, check out “Timcast” on YouTube.

 

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Sex in the News!

 

Every week there is some new controversial Web post or podcast sex scandal involving “celebrities” I’ve never heard of:

 

 

I guess Wayne Gretzky’s daughter created a stir when she posted this cheeky photo on Instagram:

 

grouchyeditor.com Paulina Gretzky

 

grouchyeditor.com Tappen

 

I guess the NHL analyst pictured on the right above said something kinky about his blonde coworker, pictured on the left.

Below, the coworker, Kathryn Tappen, is shown on the run. We’re guessing she’s on the run from the analyst.

 

grouchyeditor.com Tappen legs

 

By the way, we don’t care about any of these people. We just wanted to post the pictures.

 

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Season two of Lost in Space is streaming on Netflix. It’s an enjoyable show because the actors who play the Robinson family are clever and charming, and some of the action scenes are truly spectacular.

But the show often turns into a yawner when the Robinsons are forced to interact with the dullard humans they encounter.

 

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These photo ops of Bernie Sanders trying to hit a baseball … I’m sorry, but I think they have the opposite effect of what his handlers probably intend. Bernie looks like frail old Mr. Burns trying to play ball:

 

 

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Trump’s Space Force

 

Hmmm … is it just a coincidence that our new Space Force is introduced just as UFO reports are on the increase?

Just asking.

 

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I get ill when I think about these two porking in the bedroom.

Then again, I get ill thinking about Harvey Weinstein porking, period.

 

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This came in the mail:

 

 

We here at The Grouchy Editor are taking this as a personal challenge. We’ll be the judge of best butts, dammit.

For starters, how about this one?

 

 

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This is Angie Craig, who represents a district near me in Minnesota:

 

 

Why is it that Minnesota gets all of the fruit loops?

 

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From The Hill:

“The unrelenting opposition to Trump is not based on the fictional quid pro quo with Ukraine’s president but rather a desperate need by the entrenched establishment from both political parties to maintain the status quo of their all-powerful club – aka part of the “swamp” Trump sought to drain.”

 

That’s why, were I Trump, I wouldn’t be too comfortable with impeachment in Mitch McConnell’s hands. I suspect McConnell would be much happier dealing with a President Mike Pence than a President Donald Trump.

 

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Dinkle vs. King

 

 

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In 1973, my high-school pal Terry and I went to see The Exorcist at a cinema in downtown Minneapolis. Two hours later, we walked out of the theater in stunned silence. It was the scariest movie we had ever seen.

A year later, I took a cheerleader named Laurie to see Earthquake in Willmar, Minnesota. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as it turned out), the movie was sold out and we had to either go home or watch the other movie playing in the building, something called Black Christmas. We chose the latter option. Two hours later, we walked out of the theater in stunned silence.

In the span of one year, I had seen the two most frightening films I would ever see — before or since.

In the ensuing years, I’ve felt no need to justify my admiration for The Exorcist. Its place in the canon of all-time-great horror films is secure.

Not so with Black Christmas. For years, most people weren’t even aware of the low-budget masterpiece from Canadian director Bob Clark. And then, 13 years ago, its memory was pretty much trashed by the release of a much-inferior remake. And now it’s happening again, with wrongheaded feminist/director Sophia Takal defiling the title Black Christmas in the name of “social justice.” And so …

STOP REMAKING THIS MOVIE!

 

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Uh, no. The movie has humor, certainly, but it’s not “campy.” It is scary as hell.

 

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“For the uninitiated, the 1974 Black Christmas is often considered one of the earliest slasher films ever made. Though it received some not-so-great reviews when it first came out, it since gained a cult following, and even partially inspired John Carpenter’s more famous 1978 slasher, Halloween. The film stars Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, and Andrea Martin as sorority girls who received lewd, threatening phone calls from an unknown villain who stalks and murders them. It is, as Decider’s Meghan O’Keefe says, “a bonkers must-watch.” — from the Web site Decider

 

Corrections:  1)  Not just “one of the earliest slasher films ever made,” but one of the best ever made. 2)  Not just “partially inspired”; it hugely inspired Halloween. 3)  Contrary to what you might believe from the above description, Keir Dullea does not play one of the sorority girls. Sheesh.

 

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OK, I’ll stop ranting about Black Christmas now. Read my review of the original by clicking here. See video of the remake’s nude director by clicking here. See below how even the “woke” critics at Rotten Tomatoes are trashing the new version:

 

 

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I can’t decide if Adam Schiff is the love child of Dom DeLuise …

 

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… or Grady Sutton:

 

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Trump

 

It’s more and more apparent that I’m not going to change your mind and you’re not going to change mine.

So we might as well just go ahead and have our civil war and be done with it.

 

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Free advice for the national media: If you’d like to salvage what little credibility you have left, you must move some national headquarters the fuck away from coastal big cities. Having bureaus and stringers in “flyover country” won’t cut it. Some of your headquarters must be located in Chicago or Minneapolis or St. Louis or wherever. It’s your only hope of understanding the entire country.

 

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Yeah, this pretty much confirms my theory that most TV journalists are illiterate.

 

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Why little children have nightmares:

 

 

Hell, that guy gives me nightmares.

 

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Because we here at The Grouchy Editor are deeply committed to social justice, this week’s Review is sponsored by a company striving to promote the well-being of all Americans.

In the sweet commercial below, a loving husband submits to his wife’s deepest desire and gets her what she really wants for Christmas. In turn, the wife expresses her heartfelt appreciation.

 

 

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The Untouchables

 

 

We’re hearing a lot about Prince Andrew and his ties to notorious pervert Jeffrey Epstein. And we hear bits and pieces about the Clintons’ “friendship” with the dead pariah.

But why aren’t we hearing more about Alan Dershowitz (above) and his trips to Epstein’s Fantasy Island? Is it because he’s a high-powered attorney and everyone’s afraid they’ll get sued?

Could it be that Dershowitz’s Martha’s Vineyard friends stopped inviting him to parties not because he was perceived as a Trump supporter, but because those neighbors were afraid for their teenage daughters?

Just asking. We don’t want to get sued, either.

 

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You might not like Tucker Carlson, but I was reminded of Ted Koppel or Mike Wallace in their heyday when Carlson savaged the apparent biggest prick on the planet, Wall Street’s Paul Singer (above), on Carlson’s Tuesday show.

 

There’s an advantage to running a small Web site that no one has heard of. You can name names, like we did two weeks ago with the Trump “whistleblower,” and shame names, like Dershowitz and Singer, and they let you do it. Because they’ve never heard of you.

 

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Dinkle vs. King

 

 

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grouchyeditor.com Namath

 

More Celebrities You Like That I Hate:

 

grouchyeditor.com Ferrell

 

I suppose it’s possible that at some point over the years I saw Will Ferrell (above) in something and thought he was funny but, if so, I’ll be damned if I can remember it.

 

grouchyeditor.com Namath

 

Over the years, I have grown to really, really dislike Joe Namath (above, and at top). He’s neither cute nor amusing. He’s an annoying old drunk with an irritating vocal delivery. Any word with a consonant followed by the letter “l,” Namath adds a syllable. Flute becomes “fuh-lute”; include becomes “in-cu-lude.” Drives me nuts.

 

grouchyeditor.com Oprah

 

Oprah (above) is a predator, preying on people’s emotions from her exalted status as a “strong black woman.” Ugh.

 

grouchyeditor.com Ellen

 

Ellen DeGeneres (above). Hard to pinpoint exactly what it is about her that irks me. Something seems very fake about her. And no, it has nothing to do with watching football games with Bush.

 

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Every day, we are bombarded with fake headlines. Doesn’t matter if what you’re reading is left-leaning or right-leaning or apparently impartial, they all run fake headlines.

I know this, because I used to write some of them.

The problem would be solved if the media learned to regularly use a simple four-letter word: “says.”

A headline that reads “Senator X believes he will win the election,” or “Kim Kardashian wants more space for gerbils” – fake, both of them.

I take that back. They might be true, but the headline writer doesn’t know that. The headline writer is not a mind reader. The only thing the headline writer knows is that Senator X says he believes he will win the election, and Kim Kardashian says she wants more space for gerbils.

 

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grouchyeditor.com Crown

 

I finished season three of The Crown and my verdict is in. The first half of the season is brilliant television. The second half is very good television – not quite up to the standard of the first half, but hey, very good is still very good.

 

grouchyeditor.com Crown

 

How is it that the British seems to have an endless supply of great actors? The same thing happened with the Harry Potter movies. Just when you think they can’t possibly add another outstanding thespian to the cast, they do.

 

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I thought about doctoring a photo and placing Trump’s head on a porn star’s naked body. But then I thought better of it.

I didn’t want to destroy the last shred of sanity remaining in the far left’s collective head.

 

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Speaking of heads, the average person has many microscopic face mites living on his or her head – hundreds of them for sure; possibly thousands.

Think about that next time you kiss a loved one.

 

 

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Early reviews for season three of The Crown (above) are mostly glowing. What’s strange is that most of the naysayers seem to be members of the British press.

I’ve just watched most of the new season and believe we might as well just give it all the Emmys right now. Yes, it has a new cast, but the drama is just as good as ever.

Just as bad as ever: the Prince of Pedophiles (below).

 

 

Can’t wait for that miniseries.

 

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Uh, I don’t think so. A “screw-up” implies something unintentional. This looks more like an intentional hit followed by an intentional cover-up.

 

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Apparently much of the mainstream and social media are reluctant to out the Trump “whistleblower.” Screw that. Here is his name and here is his picture:

 

 

Eric Ciaramella

 

He looks exactly like the stereotypical millennial snowflake: soft features, prissy, arrogant expression, and a beard to compensate for a near-complete lack of masculinity.

Unless, of course, it turns out that this guy is not the whistleblower, but is simply some dweeb who toils in a cubicle. In which case … oops.

 

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I don’t know. When even Tim Pool finds it necessary to do a story about the fart heard round the world, well …. I’m sure that sooner or later, we’ll get to the bottom of it.

 

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Don’t forget, this is the guy who got excited when prank phone-callers told him they had nude pictures of Trump:

 

 

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Barring some new major scandal in the coming year – admittedly, always a possibility with this president – I think the country should prepare for four more years of Donald Trump.

 

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Last week I said that I was dreading the upcoming release of Black Christmas – the second remake in the past 13 years of my all-time favorite horror movie (see my review of the original).

But perhaps I’m wrong. The trailer for the remake doesn’t look half bad.

I was curious about the new version’s director, a woman named Sophia Takal, so I Googled her and discovered that she is also an actress whose resume consists of ubiquitous nude scenes in movies you’ve never heard of — probably not a good sign for the new Black Christmas.

Introducing Sophia Takal:

 

 

Then again, Bob Clark, who directed the 1974 original, was also responsible for Porky’s. So, I guess you never know.

 

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Dinkle vs. King

 

 

 

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More views of the director of Black Christmas:

 

 

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