Category: Movies

Two

 

A man and a woman, strangers to each other, awaken naked in a bed and discover they have been surgically sewn together at the abdomen. Who would do this to them, and why?

From its synopsis, I expected Spain’s Two to be cheap exploitation, inspired by the cult success of The Human Centipede. But I was mistaken; the movie is neither cheap nor exploitative. Rather than Centipede, the movie it most resembles is Brian De Palma’s Sisters, steeped in psychological horror. At a brisk 71 minutes, the film nevertheless leaves a lasting impression. Release: 2021 Grade: A-

 

 

For those of you intrigued by Two for its more prurient elements — such as naked actress Marina Gatell, 42 — check out 2009’s Little Ashes, below. From her full-frontal shots in Two to her fairly graphic backside exposure in Little Ashes, Gatell clearly places a lot of trust in her directors.

 

Above, Gatell braves cold weather in Two

 

Above and below, Gatell braves the camera’s lens in Little Ashes

 

**

 

Photocopier

 

Such a difficult movie to review. Technically, it’s top-notch. The acting is uniformly excellent, and the direction is flawless, at times even inspired. And yet — to this American — the film’s premise is patently absurd. Or is it?

Shenina Cinnamon plays an Indonesian girl (“Sur”) who, after attending a celebratory party with a group of artists, wakes up the following day and learns that someone took “selfies” of her during the night and posted the embarrassing pictures online.

The movie then becomes a mystery/thriller, with Sur enlisting the aid of anyone she can to find out who did this to her. Her quest makes for compelling drama.

And yet … the selfies are not nudes, nor are they particularly salacious — to my Western eyes. Apparently, in Indonesia relatively tame images are enough to ruin careers and irreparably harm reputations.

One more quibble: I thought the ending was overly artsy and pretentious. At least to my Western eyes. Release: 2021 Grade: B+

 

*

 

 

Unlike starlets from the West, whose social media posts might make Hugh Hefner blush, Indonesian actress Shenina Cinnamon’s posts are indicative of a conservative (repressive?) culture. The pictures above and below are about as provocative as you will find on Cinnamon’s Instagram page.

 

 

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Promising Young Woman

 

The main reason to watch Promising Young Woman is Carey Mulligan, who shines as a damaged woman who goes to the dark side to avenge a friend’s gang rape and subsequent suicide. It’s a good film, but not a great one, I think because it tries too hard to juggle a serious topic with a desire to entertain. The muddled result is thought-provoking drama — but not too thought-provoking. Because, you know, that might be a downer. Release: 2020  Grade: B+

 

**

 

Nobody

 

With Nobody, Bob Odenkirk joins Liam Neeson and Keanu Reeves in the trendy late-career transition to that most unlikely of genres: the middle-aged man as action hero. Odenkirk plays a seemingly harmless everyman who, following a home-invasion that threatens his wife and kids, returns to his not-so-harmless roots.

What sinks the movie is its discordant tone. It begins like a Falling Down for a new generation, with Odenkirk in Michael Douglas’s role as the American white man who finds himself on the downswing of societal change. But once the big secret is revealed, Nobody goes from “take this serious” drama to a procession of violent, cartoonish set pieces — “hey, we’re just having fun here!”

Although a sequel is clearly on the minds of everyone involved with Nobody, I can only hope that Odenkirk finds something more suited to his talents. Something like Better Call Saul, maybe? Release: 2021  Grade: B

 

**

 

Insomnia

 

I liked the 2002 American remake of this movie, which starred Al Pacino as a cop with a checkered past who hunts a killer while battling his own demons — and a relentless midnight sun. I also enjoyed the original, with Stellan Skarsgard as the troubled cop, although the locale in the first film is northern Norway, not Alaska.

I guess a viewer’s preference might depend on which performance most intrigues: Skarsgard’s cold-as-ice inspector, or Pacino’s more emotional cop on the edge. I’ll give the nod to Norway’s version, if only because it came first. Release: 1997  Grade: B+

 

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So I suffered through Godzilla vs. Kong so that you don’t have to. And yes, I do expect some kind of reward.

I did this because, foolishly, I believed reviewers who claimed that, unlike so many big-budget monster movies, this one dispenses with any pretense toward character development or logic and gets straight to the good stuff.

Also, despite initial reservations, I enjoyed a few monster flicks like this in recent years, including Peter Jackson’s King Kong and 2014’s Godzilla.

Silly me.

As I endured the first 40 minutes or so of Godzilla vs. Kong, familiar patterns emerged:

 

  • Big-name actors were hired to remind us that yes, previously respected stars will spout cliched dialogue and go “ooh!” and go “aah!” any number of times — if the paycheck is big enough.
  • Characters include: a cute child; teenage nerds; women who are stronger/smarter than the men; arrogant men who must be humbled; society’s “weak” members who turn out to be heroes.
  • Characters who, although we don’t really care for them, we must care for them because, if they are kids they are orphans or, if they are adults their spouse/child has died.

 

Left to right: cute kid, nerds

 

OK, so the movie does deliver on its special effects. But no, it wasn’t worth sitting through all the dull exposition and pseudo-science talk meant to appeal to teenage science buffs. In the case of Godzilla vs. Kong, this talk includes mumbo jumbo about reverse gravity and journey-to-the-center-of-the-earth ecosystems — who knew there was sunshine, waterfalls, and floating asteroids way down there?

I’d go into the movie’s plot, but life is too short. I lost interest early on. Besides, the plot is just one long, ridiculous set-up to get to the special effects.

 

Eiza Gonzalez

 

There was a silver lining in the movie. My reward for sitting through it, I suppose. I had never heard of Mexican actress Eiza Gonzalez, who plays a bitchy cybernetics executive (uh-huh), so I Googled her. Turns out she has a stripper scene in the TV show From Dusk till Dawn: The Series. Here it is:

 

 

Apparently, Eiza also has a sex tape — unless it’s not really her in the grainy, blurry video. If you want to make the determination for yourself, here is a link.

 

Perhaps I was a bit harsh in this review. The final battle in Tokyo was fun. My advice is to fast-forward to the last 30 minutes of the film and enjoy. You won’t have missed anything important.

 

 

Director:  Adam Wingard  Cast:  Rebecca Hall, Alexander Skarsgard,  Millie Bobby Brown, Kyle Chandler, Demian Bichir, Brian Tyree Henry, Eiza Gonzalez  Release:  2021  Grade: C-

 

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Searching

 

I was wary of Searching because it’s a gimmick movie. Like Unfriended and films of that ilk, the entire story is told from the perspective of a screen — computer screen, cell-phone screen, security footage, you name it. I’m not a fan of the screencast genre because, among other annoyances, I find myself triggered to “interact.” I feel like I should be clicking on buttons or highlighting text. Too much work.

But like the much-maligned found-footage genre, if the screenplay is clever and the direction is skilled, screencast movies can work. Searching succeeds because the gimmick never becomes outlandish, and the script contains several surprises and one nice twist.

Oh yeah, the plot: A widower undergoes every parent’s nightmare when his teenage daughter goes missing. Then he undergoes every technophobe’s nightmare: enduring all those screens to retrace her steps.  Release: 2018  Grade: B+

 

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The Trip

 

I’m not normally a fan of gross-out humor, which is too often witless and juvenile. And I’m not attracted to gore, which I find a bore. So why am I recommending Norway’s The Trip, which is loaded with gross-outs and gore? Because when done right it can be funny, and The Trip is a black comedy that made me LOL — an event so rare for me that when it does happen, I simply must praise the film.

Noomi Rapace and Aksel Hennie play a married couple who are ostensibly taking a relaxing holiday trip to their lakeside cabin. But peace and prosperity are not in their cards. The plot starts out like The War of the Roses, but then … shit happens. Literally. To say more would be a spoiler, so I’ll shut up now. Release: 2021 Grade: B+

 

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I just finished watching There’s Someone Inside Your House on Netflix. In some ways, the movie was comforting. It’s nice to know that 40 years after I was first exposed to this kind of junk, young people are still transfixed by slasher movies in which other young people get slashed.

On the other hand, watching the flick was dispiriting. Since the 1970s, movies like this nearly always featured nubile young starlets getting naked. This was done, presumably, to cater to the lust of males in the audience — not to mention the leering producers and crew on set.

No such luck in There’s Someone Inside Your House. The movie certainly has nubile young starlets, including final girl/star Sydney Park (pictured above). But no one shows skin. (As a consolation for horny males, Park does treat us to tits and ass in her Instagram posts. See below.)

 

 

But I miss the gratuitous skin in teen slasher flicks — or, for that matter, in sex comedies. Everyone involved back then seemed to understand that bare-naked actresses were not essential to the plot, but they got naked anyway. And if this was degrading to the actress, well, she wasn’t held at gunpoint. She got paid. Like starlet Karen Wood in this shamelessly gratuitous — some would say humiliating — scene from 1985’s Screwballs II (originally titled Loose Screws):

 

Karen Wood

 

“I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille.”

 

Not just bare-breasted, but groped as well.


In addition to the cluster of actors, there would also be an off-camera crew taking in the action.


 

The end of the gratuitous nude scene in mainstream movies — what caused this cultural calamity? Was it overzealous feminists? Harvey Weinstein? An Internet where the most disgusting and dehumanizing pornography is just one click away, and a cultural desire to compensate for that by sanitizing mainstream fare? All of the above?

Depending on how despondent we become thinking about the demise of the gratuitous nude scene, we might or might not make this an ongoing category at The Grouchy Editor. We have nostalgia for movies and starlets who knew that what they were doing was naughty — but did it anyway.

 

Karen makes a dash for the exit.

 

Sydney shows us the back door.

 

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The Voyeurs

 

Here’s the thing about stupid erotic thrillers: If the movie can manage to keep me entertained, I am willing to forgive any number of gaping plot holes, ridiculous twists, and bad acting. So long as the filmmakers don’t take their movie too seriously, neither will I.

Amazon’s The Voyeurs is certainly guilty of the three cinematic sins listed above, but I kept watching for several reasons: 1)  I’m a sucker for movies that take their inspiration from Hitchcock and De Palma, and Voyeurs, in which our heroes make the mistake of spying on their sexy, intriguing neighbors, does exactly that. 2)  The twist ending is unbelievable, sure, but rather than try to hide that unfortunate fact, Voyeurs embraces it. 3)  Star Sydney Sweeney (pictured above), totally unconvincing as a respected optometrist, is utterly convincing as a woman with spectacular boobs.

And Ben Hardy, as the charismatic villain, proves that at least one member of the cast can act.  Release: 2021 Grade: B-

 

Natasha Liu Bordizzo, left, also gets naked.

 

**

 

The Vast of Night

 

Don’t go into The Vast of Night expecting Spielbergian spectacle, a la Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Do go in expecting — dare I say it? — a more realistic depiction of what a visit from space aliens might be like, should the creatures decide to drop in on a small New Mexico town in the late 1950s. Simple, straightforward, and above all, atmospheric as hell, this little film is a creepy gem. Release: 2019 Grade: A-

 

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Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

 

I had low expectations for this Hollywood-machine product. Big budget, special effects, and movie stars slumming for large paychecks, I assumed. Well, what a pleasant surprise: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is no cinematic masterpiece, but it is clever and often laugh-out-loud funny.

Kevin Hart, Dwayne Johnson, Karen Gillan and Jack Black play teens who, thanks to a magical video game, find themselves transported into a deadly race in the heart of a jungle — and into the bodies of adult avatars. (In one case, this means a teen girl inhabiting the body of a portly middle-aged male.) It’s all very silly, sure, but it’s also fast-paced and crowd-pleasing. The only drawback is a villain who is generic and bland. Release: 2017 Grade: B+

 

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Contagion

 

For about an hour, Contagion is superb: eerily prescient, educational, and a first-rate thriller. Steven Soderbergh’s 2011 drama about a killer virus that originates in China and then spreads worldwide pushes a lot of emotional buttons, in no small part because it so accurately predicts much of what COVID 19 hath wrought. Soderbergh ratchets up the tension as health officials race to find the source of the virus and then, hopefully, to produce a vaccine.

Yet the second half of the movie is oddly anti-climactic. As the story shifts to less-than-compelling subplots involving those health officials and regular folk, the suspense peters out. Release: 2011 Grade: B

 

**

 

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

 

The gist: A young girl and her pals discover an old book that conjures monsters bent on avenging injustices perpetrated by the citizens of tiny Mill Valley. I realize I’m not the target audience for this movie, which could be described as Nancy Drew meets Guillermo del Toro (he’s a producer and writer). The target audience would be young teens. But still, it would be nice if Scary’s plot wasn’t so derivative and predictable. You can usually guess what’s going to happen five minutes before it does.

Also, much like its plot, the film’s politics are about as subtle as a severed toe in your stew. Every time someone passes a television (this is 1968), we are reminded just how bad “Tricky Dick” Nixon was. And the chief sin in Mill Valley seems to be a white male population that is 95 percent racist.

On the plus side, the movie does look good (I sense del Toro’s influence), the monsters are amusing, and it isn’t boring — just annoying. Release: 2019 Grade: C

 

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The Hunt

 

Is it possible to be both entertained and depressed by the same movie? It is, if that movie is The Hunt, the controversial “elites vs. deplorables” thriller from last year.

A plot synopsis — rich “elites” kidnap and hunt poor “rednecks” — can be misleading at best, harmful at worst. I got the blues during the film’s opening scenes because, satire or not, the story was too credible: There really are progressives and conservatives who would like to kill each other. Is that what passes for entertainment these days?

But for a Hollywood product, this movie ain’t what you might expect. And Betty Gilpin might be the best female action hero since the Alien films gave us Ellen Ripley. Release: 2020 Grade: B+

 

**

 

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

 

Ask a modern-day movie fan to name the most important (or best) family-oriented film of the 1930s, and chances are that he or she will cite The Wizard of Oz. But to Depression-era audiences, the biggest gobsmack of the decade was probably Walt Disney’s Snow White, which predates Oz by two years. Filmgoers had never seen anything like it: a feature-length, Technicolor, animated motion picture.

I hadn’t watched Snow White in many years, but I’m reading a biography of Disney, so now seemed like a good time to revisit the fairy-tale classic. Two things stood out for me: The story is likely a feminist nightmare, with Snow White’s fondest desire being to marry a prince and move into his castle. Not to mention her three prized attributes: cooking, cleaning, and physical beauty. But as an artistic milestone and a tribute to the Disney staff’s blood, sweat and tears (the movie was three years in the making), Snow White was, and remains, a monumental achievement.

(By the way, I can’t be the only one whose favorite character is Grumpy, can I?) Release: 1937  Grade: A

 

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