Category: Guilty Pleasures

We get a lot of review requests along with links to private “screeners.” Mostly, these are low-budget movies so dreadful that they don’t even appear on Netflix or Amazon Prime – yet.  They have titles like Luciferina and The Haunting of Mia Moss and, in this case, Abduction 101.

Often the movies are unfinished: The soundtrack might not match the video, the credits have yet to be added, that sort of thing. But occasionally these films have a certain rustic charm; the spirit of Ed Wood living on.


Abduction 101



I suppose that if I’m an aspiring actress or model stuck in Portland, Oregon, and some French director asks me to star in his low-budget horror movie, I might jump at the opportunity. I suppose I might.

And so we have Abduction 101, a Portland-filmed indie starring four Portland babes. It’s the kind of schlock that gave birth to Joe Bob Briggs (remember him?); the kind of movie that gave oxygen to Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Director Robin Entreinger’s movie stars beauty-pageant contestant Brianna Shewbert Rouse (who’s not bad), Portland model Luna Labelle (who’s quite fetching), and an actress named Adrienne Stone* (who is very, very naked. So naked, in fact, that her prolonged exposure won “Best Nudity Scene” at the Independent Horror Movie Awards).


“Best Nudity Scene” — hey, who are we to argue?


But I digress. The plot of Abduction 101, not that it matters, is about three cute girls who decide to investigate their mysterious neighbors in the woods. They intend to film the neighbors, who are not expected to object to this invasion of their privacy because, as one of the girls says repeatedly, “all of us are so fucking hot.”

But uh-oh. Turns out the neighbors must have seen Alien 3, in which Sigourney Weaver got impregnated by a creature, and now enjoy doing the same sort of thing to unsuspecting people – like snoopy neighbor girls who are so fucking hot. That’s the plot.

Watching Abduction 101 is at times an endurance test. Any shot that might last five seconds in a better movie will drag on for 30 seconds in this one. A scene that goes on for a minute in another flick will be stretched to five minutes here. In fact, the whole movie feels like filler between the opening 15 minutes, in which Entreinger’s camera lustfully scans the girls’ bodies, to the midpoint, which features the famous nude scene, to the blessed relief of an ending.


Three “fucking hot” girls


And yet … I shouldn’t complain. In the “Me Too” era, I’m glad that they still make outright exploitation like this. Someone needs to carry on the tradition of Joe Bob Briggs. And Portland models need the work.      Grade:  You Don’t Want to Know


Directors: Robin Entreinger, Steve Noir  Cast: Brianna Shewbert Rouse, Luna Labelle, Adrienne Stone, Nixi Oblivion, Kayla Kilby Release: 2019


*It’s possible that the naked actress is actually called “Nixi Oblivion.” It’s impossible to know based on the incomplete credits. Maybe that’s intentional?


The Girls of ‘Abduction 101’





Brianna Shewbert Rouse


It must be frustrating when your leading lady won’t get naked for your horror movie. What’s a French director to do? In this case, he dresses Brianna in tight pants and bikinis and then zooms in on her butt. A lot.  


Above at far right, Brianna in a beauty contest


Kayla Kilby


Kayla has a small part in Abduction 101, basically just a fight scene near the end of the movie. She gets killed (below). Looks like she isn’t wearing panties. Judging from the modeling photos that follow, that seems to be a recurring theme.




Luna Labelle


Inexplicably, Luna, who had no issues with doing full-frontal and full-rear nudity in the modeling photos below, does not appear naked in Abduction 101. We can only guess that this oversight was due to the directors being unaware of the photos.





Adrienne Stone (we think)


Last but not least, we bring you Adrienne Stone. Unless it’s Nixi Oblivion. We’re going to go with Adrienne Stone. Whoever she is, she was quite the good sport and was no doubt most responsible for the movie’s “Best Nudity Scene” honor.

Also, the fact that she allowed some actor to fondle her boobs and let Entreinger’s camera peek between her legs probably had something to do with it.



Abduction 101 is now available on Amazon Prime. Click here to watch the trailer.


© 2010-2019 (text only)



Harvey Weinstein gets in trouble with the starlets. George Bush gets in trouble with his “David Cop-a-Feel” routine. But Howard Stern, the King of All Sexual Harassment, never seems to get in trouble.

Stern has been copping feels and scandalizing women for as long as I can remember. The difference between Howard and Harvey and George? Somehow, the “shock jock” persuades his female guests that a little bare-bottomed humiliation is their idea.

And their husbands and boyfriends are just as game and/or gullible, offering up their ladies to Howard’s altar of ass.

Stern’s 1992 video Butt Bongo Fiesta is a monument to bad taste, with cringe-worthy racism, misogyny, and homophobia all competing for attention. Not to mention scatological humor. Much of the video is, well, unwatchable. But I do like the parts presented below.

(The quality isn’t great on these clips, but hey, they are lifted from an ancient, hard-to-find VHS tape, and so ….)





Marie told Howard that she is a housewife and a real estate developer. She and her spouse “represent your more middle-of-the-road American couple,” she claimed, but Howard was skeptical. “I bet you do,” he said.

The kinky housewife revealed that she and hubby sometimes enjoy spanking sessions. For this video, Howard got to join the fun.




In these screen captures, Howard nearly tongues a piece of ass. Hubby doesn’t mind. Wifey seems not to notice.





The cameraman zooms in so that viewers can enjoy a close-up of Marie’s bare — and quite red — cheeks:



We’re not sure if Marie had an orgasm during her spanking session. It seems like a possibility. Here is the video:





Stacy was a 21-year-old blonde whose long-haired boyfriend wanted to bongo her butt for Howard.

Below, Howard takes a peek at Stacy’s blonde bush and persuades her to remove her g-string:




Howard examined Stacy’s bare backside and quipped, “My goodness — anybody want a roast-beef sandwich?”



Stacy’s video:






Jessica Hahn achieved infamy when her sex scandal with televangelist Jim Bakker made headlines in 1987. The former church secretary then prolonged her 15 minutes of fame by debasing herself for Howard and by posing, naturally, for Playboy magazine (below).




In the video below, Ms. Hahn spreads her limbs for a sketch in Butt Bongo Fiesta:



And here she is in a segment about the vagina. Notice how the cameraman cannot resist zooming in on hers.



If you’d like to watch the entire video – not exactly recommended – it can be found here or here on YouTube.



© 2010-2019 (text only)




We don’t know if these daring dads and their darling daughters are A) artistically uninhibited; B) sexually perverted; or C) some combination of the above, but we do know that it’s not every day that papa films his progeny in the buff — and then shares the lust-provoking results with the world.


Katrine Boorman & director John Boorman



“A lot of people ask me, well, ‘How did you feel about directing your daughter being raped?’ Well, she wasn’t being raped of course. It was just a scene. She didn’t mind, and nor did I.” – John Boorman on Excalibur’s director’s commentary



“I’ve always said that once you’ve been raped by Gabriel Byrne and Corin Redgrave in armor, watched by your father, you’ll never look back.” – Katrine Boorman in The Independent



“So I was doing the scene with John Boorman’s daughter Katrine, who was playing my wife, and I was supposed to make love to her in quite a violent fashion. Anyway, I made love to Katrine in the wide shot, doing my grunting and groaning and all those medieval sexual shenanigans. Then they came in for the close shot.”– Gabriel Byrne. 

Byrne’s turn humping Katrine was apparently left on the cutting-room floor; in the shots reproduced here, that’s Redgrave having his way with Boorman’s daughter.





Katrine didn’t just bare her breasts for daddy when she was 23; she went topless again at age 39 in 1997’s Le Bonheur est un mensonge (above left). In 2012, Katrine got behind the camera to make a documentary about her famous family called Me and Me Dad. Below, the infamous pumping scene from Excalibur:


Asia Argento & director Dario Argento



“Argento began performing for her father when she was a teenager, appearing in the nude as a 16-year-old in Trauma. She was also a rape victim in another of his films, The Stendhal Syndrome. Not surprisingly, these roles and their father-daughter relationship scandalized Italy. Argento has said that they are viewed in her native country like a real-life Addams Family – ghoulish and weird.” – New York Daily News

Now 41, Asia apparently still has a thing for older men. It was recently reported that she’s dating TV personality Anthony Bourdain, 61.


 “How’s this, dad?” Sixteeen-year-old Asia in Trauma.


“I never acted out of ambition; I acted to gain my father’s attention. It took a long time for him to notice me – I started when I was nine, and he only cast me when I was 16. And he only became my father when he was my director.” – Asia Argento in Filmmaker Magazine


Above and below, Asia in Dracula 3D




 In Dario’s The Phantom of the Opera, above and below, Asia gets taken doggie-style.



Alexis Vogel & photographer Ron Vogel



From Playboy’s February 1979 pictorial “Father Knows Best”:

“Photographer Ron Vogel has been snapping pictures of his daughter ever since she was a baby. At 21, she’s still his favorite model.”



“Over the years, Ron took ‘hundreds of pictures of Lexi in various states of undress. She has youth and vitality greater than most of the models I’ve worked with and her coloring is extraordinary; she has earthy tones and dark penetrating eyes.’”

Click on the thumbnail shots below for full-sized views of Ron’s full-frontal shots of Alexis.




“Lexi: ‘I was a ham. I’d try to get my dad’s attention away from the models … I never had any problems posing that way for my father.’”




“‘Posing nude for me throughout the years has made Lexi very free about herself,’ says Ron.”




© 2010-2019 (text only)



Most slasher-flick producers figure that if they can convince a few actresses to take their clothes off on camera, and then toss in a bucket of blood, the job is done. Not so with Girl House, a better-than-average slash-‘em-up that – gasp! – does not insult the intelligence.

That doesn’t mean that the actresses in Girl House keep their clothes on, or that there are no buckets of blood. It does mean that you won’t be bored between stripteases.


The Story:

In a prologue, two pre-teen girls chase a boy through the woods. They catch him and then, as naughty girls are wont to do … they pull down his shorts. They then proceed to trick the poor schlub into showing them his penis:




 “We wanna see what’s down there,” says mean girl Camren Bicondova



“That’s it? Looks like an acorn!”


As we all know, this is how serial killers are born.



Fast forward to the present, and we meet college student Kylie (above), a nice girl who needs money. In her desperation, Kylie does what most college students who need money do: She goes to work at McDonald’s.

Just kidding. She takes a job at the titular “Girl House,” a wired-up mansion in which half a dozen hotties are spied on, 24 hours a day, by thousands of horny Internet viewers.



The house is supposedly secure, but the girls’ guardians don’t reckon with a certain young man whose rage against females has festered since he once had his pants pulled down by two naughty girls. Someone’s going to pay for that.



One by one the Web-cam girls get picked off, but not before most of them fulfill the obligations of movies like this by stripping down to their birthday suits. As a bonus for the viewer, the actresses in Girl House don’t seem like future porn stars; they’re exploited, sure, but … see “Casting Call” sidebar below.



Girl House plays better than it sounds. The characters all have at least the semblance of personality, the production values are decent, and the pace is snappy. It’s no Texas Chain Saw Massacre or Halloween – but it does have more T&A.   Grade: B-



Directors: Jon Knautz, Trevor Matthews  Cast: Ali Cobrin, Adam DiMarco, Slaine, Alyson Bath, Elysia Rotaru, Chasty Ballesteros, Nicole Arianna Fox, Alexis Kendra (Peters), Camren Bicondova, Baylee Wall   Release: 2014



Watch the Trailer (click here)






Casting Call:



How do you cast the girls for a movie like Girl House? We’re guessing the casting director caught some of the performances below. (Click on thumbnails for a larger view.)


Ali Cobrin (“Kylie”)


Ali Cobrin’s good side and, uh, other side in American Reunion (2012)




Chasty Ballesteros (“Janet”)


Chasty Ballesteros gets butt-pumped in Showtime’s Ray Donovan (2013); enjoys crotch play and displays her rear in the 2013 Cinemax series The Girl’s Guide to Depravity




Alyson Bath (“Devon”)


Alyson Bath, sometimes billed as Shirleyann Mason, gave it (and the audience) her all in the 2009 Cinemax series Lingerie




Nicole Arianna Fox (“Mia”)


Model Nicole Fox strips for a photo shoot in Redlands (2014)




Alexis Kendra (“Business Woman”)


Also known as Alexis Peters, Alexis Kendra went topless in Hatchet II (2010); in Goddess of Love (2015) she got bolder, including the ass shot and the full-frontal above. At top, she contemplates life while seated on a toilet.




Elysia Rotaru (“Heather”)


Elysia Rotaru puts the girls in Girl House


© 2010-2019 (text only)



“Take off your clothes … because I’m going to do a strip search – full cavity.”


I’m not entirely sure for whom Strip Search is a guilty pleasure – me, or the late, great, director Sidney Lumet. Possibly it’s both of us.

Lumet, who turned 80 the year this film was released, is responsible for classics including 12 Angry Men, Fail-Safe, Dog Day Afternoon, and Network. In his dotage, however, the movie maestro seemed to draw more inspiration from Girls Gone Wild than from social issues.




Just ask Oscar winner Marisa Tomei, whom Sidney coaxed out of her clothes for his final film, Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead. Or check out Strip Search star Maggie Gyllenhaal, who, after a sexy turn in Secretary, apparently had a nudity clause inserted in her film contracts; in Maggie’s case, it seems she’ll only take roles that require it.



 Maggie Gyllenhaal assumes the position for James Spader in Secretary


Strip Search, which aired once on HBO in 2004 and was then promptly pulled from the network schedule (there were complaints and controversy), is an intense examination of how governments can and do violate the civil rights of ordinary citizens. Lumet presents alternating storylines with near-identical dialogue, in one case focusing on an American named Linda (Gyllenhaal) who is brutally interrogated in China, and in the other case depicting an Arab man (Bruno Lastra) similarly abused by an FBI hard-ass played by Glenn Close.



Glenn Close to Bruno Lastra: “Is there a part of your body you’re embarrassed about, something … smaller than it ought to be?”


At about the midpoint, Strip Search goes from social commentary to sexual commentary, courtesy of Lumet’s leering camera.  It’s hard to contemplate civil liberties when you are distracted by lingering close-ups of Maggie’s bare breasts being kneaded like bread dough, or by Glenn asking her captive Arab if a body part is “smaller than it ought to be” while eyeballing his willie.    Grade: B




Director: Sidney Lumet  Cast: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ken Leung, Glenn Close, Bruno Lastra, Austin Pendleton, Jim Gaffigan  Release: 2004





“Yes, a good solid body.”



“Take off your clothes … because I’m going to do a strip search – full cavity.”



“Yes, you’ve got a good solid body.”



“If I touch you down there, what do you think your reaction will be?”


Strip Search is once again available on HBO. If you would prefer to see just the good parts, i.e., Maggie Gyllenhaal forced to strip and getting felt up by Ken Leung, watch movie outtakes by clicking the links below: 





If the above videos don’t work on your mobile device, try these:


© 2010-2019 (text only)

Share Cinderella


And now for something completely different … Cinderella


Once upon a time, Your Humble Reviewer lived in a strange kingdom called Texas. One lonely night he imbibed too much mead and found himself staring at a late-night movie on Cinemax. The movie had lots of nudity and sex, and the story was very silly. Alas, the nasty mead eventually caused Your Humble Reviewer to drift off into dreamland, until …


… the following morning, when bits and pieces of the Cinemax movie began to crop up in his foggy memory bank. The film had been called Cinderella, and indeed it featured wicked stepsisters and a fairy godmother and a carriage ride to the big ball. But it also had sex scenes. And music and dancing. Disco-flavored music. Most perplexing of all, it seemed to Your Humble Reviewer that the movie … had not sucked. Cinderella Cinderella


Many moons later, in the year 2015 and while he dwelled in a new kingdom called Minnesota, Your Humble Reviewer once again watched Cinderella, which had recently been issued on DVD. And lo and behold, it still didn’t suck. Quite the contrary; parts of this soft-core-porn-musical-comedy were actually a hoot, and the songs and choreography were, well, quite good.


The plot:  What, you don’t know the story of Cinderella? The plot in this version is the same, albeit with adults-only alterations. The fairy godmother, for example, is played by black actor Sy Richardson who, as a fun-loving thief, steals every household good in sight and every scene he appears in. The handsome prince, in his quest to find the enchanting Cinderella, slips more than a shoe onto comely maidens. Oh, and then there is the “snapping pussy” ….



.        Cinderella

In an inexplicable, bizarre dream sequence, this creepy geezer squeezes poor Cinderella’s breasts until they squirt milk.


Cheryl “Rainbeaux” Smith plays the beloved lead, which in this telling of the fairy tale requires her to be gullible (check), cute as a button (check), personable (check), and often naked (check and check again). Sadly, Smith’s real life was apparently no fairy tale. According to her Wikipedia biography, a few years after Cinderella, Smith became addicted to heroin, which eventually led to a pair of prison stints and her death from liver disease and hepatitis at age 47.

It’s not likely that NBC will be inspired to produce this version of Cinderella as one of its live musical holiday specials. Along with the voluminous sex and skin, this is a low-budget affair, with bad dubbing, cheesy sets, and dime-store special effects. On the other hand, this 1977 oddity boasts music and songs by Andrew Belling with witty lyrics, an energetic cast, amusing 1970s pop-culture references, and some numbers that are better than what you’ll find in many “legitimate” musicals. It’s all very good-natured and fun.

In the end, of course, they all fuck happily ever after. Merry Christmas.   Grade: B Cinderella

Elizabeth Halsey rides the prince while Linda Gildersleeve, also in her birthday suit, looks on.


Director: Michael Pataki   Cast: Cheryl Smith, Yana Nirvana, Marilyn Corwin, Jennifer Doyle, Sy Richardson, Brett Smiley, Kirk Scott, Brenda Fogarty, Elizabeth Halsey, Linda Gildersleeve, Mariwin Roberts, Roberta Tapley  Release: 1977 Cinderella


Watch the Trailer (click here) Cinderella Cinderella

This female extra was either the victim of budget cuts (no money for knickers!), or she was married to a producer and had an exhibitionist fetish. Cinderella

Cinderella (right) and the girls check out the prince’s family jewels. Cinderella Cinderella


© 2010-2019 (text only)




Despite what the trailer trumpets (“The most intellectually stimulating movie of the year!”), there’s no question that H.O.T.S. is a dumb movie.  But it knows that’s it’s a dumb movie – and it doesn’t really care.  Neither do I.

By today’s standards – hell, even by 1979 standards – H.O.T.S. is a sexist, juvenile, exploitive piece of junk.  And that’s why I like it.  It doesn’t apologize for existing; it knows that a large segment of the audience will dismiss it, but it isn’t pandering to all segments of the audience.  It’s pandering to me, damn it.  You go watch your Magic Mike; some of us prefer this.





So what, exactly, is this 1970s relic?  It’s: 1) A low-budget rip-off of the previous year’s comedy smash, Animal House2) An attempt to lure sex-crazed males by showcasing boobs, boobs, and an occasional butt;  3) The precursor to a slew of 1980s T&A crap (it predates Porky’s);  4) A good-hearted, lame-brained waste of 95 minutes;  5) An attempt to lure sex-crazed males by showcasing boobs, boobs, and an occasional butt.



                                    Danny Bonaduce, above, with Angela Aames and Lisa London.



Oddly, H.O.T.S. was penned by two women, including B-movie queen Cheri Caffaro (Ginger).  Refreshingly, the voluptuous actresses on display, including a bevy of Playboy Playmates, seem to be in on the jokes, no matter how lame they are.



                                                       K.C. Winkler demonstrates method acting.




So why should you waste time watching this nonsense, or even see it more than once like, ahem, some of us have?  1) It stars post-Partridge Family, pre-radio host Danny Bonaduce, one of the few actors in the cast who can handle the dialogue, no matter how lame it is.  2) The “plot,” some folderol about competing sororities, includes a pet seal, a drunken bear, topless parachuting, and awful 1970s fashion and music.  3) Susan Kiger’s boobs, K.C. Winkler’s ass, Lindsay Bloom’s boobs, and … first and foremost, the greatest strip-football game ever to grace the silver screen.        Grade:  B


Hots7Hots8          Hots9Hots10                              

                         Angela Aames makes a splash; Lindsay Bloom makes a pass.


DirectorGerald Seth Sindell   Cast:  Susan Kiger, Lisa London, Pamela Jean Bryant, Kimberly Cameron, Angela Aames, Lindsay Bloom, K.C. Winkler, Sandy Johnson, Danny Bonaduce, Richard Bakalyan   Release:  1979


                                                 Watch the Trailer  (click here)




  Hots14     Hots15




© 2010-2019 (text only)




It’s not easy being a “butt man” in a boobies world.  When it comes to flesh and the female form in movies, the breast has always reigned supreme and, as a result, the butt man is often left behind.

So it was with a combination of cautious optimism and scholarly interest that I watched Cheeky!, Italian director Tinto Brass’s homage to the perky posterior.  The movie was okay, but Brass’s comments in a DVD behind-the-scenes interview were heartening to all devotees of the derriere.

“I would like to propose myself to television with a  program,” said the 67-year-old auteur.  “There are some who read your palm.  I’d like to go there [television] and read your ass.  I would like to call it Not Just Vagina.  Can you just imagine the success?”




Like any connoisseur of the caboose, Brass gave a great deal of thought to the subject of his movie before the cameras rolled for Cheeky!  The director cast Ukrainian actress Yuliya Mayarchuk in the pivotal role of Carla, a young Venetian who learns that cheating on her boyfriend adds spice to their previously lackluster love life.  In Mayarchuk, Brass found a willing accomplice toward his goal of shedding light on the psychology of modern women.

“Each woman is the ass that she has,” Brass says.  “Actually, in addition, the ass is the mirror of the soul; in this specific case, it’s the mirror of that gorgeous Slavic soul, Yuliya Mayarchuk, who’s the lead actress of the movie.”


Cheeky3 Cheeky4  


Although Mayarchuk was an acting unknown when the film was released in 2000, Brass had a hunch that her moon was about to rise.  “She’s very good-natured, she has a great temperament, and she has a very cute little ass,” said the aesthetically minded filmmaker.  Brass’s intent with Cheeky! was, first and foremost, to advance the cause of feminism through the character of Carla:  “She’s a modern woman who is fully aware of her sexuality and sensuality, and of her right to enjoy it without subduing herself to a chauvinist mentality,” he said.

Just as that other cinematic giant, Alfred Hitchcock, inserted himself into his own films via cameo appearances, Brass inserted himself, and his finger, into both the movie and his young starlet.  This occurs during a scene crucial to the plot in which … well, all right, perhaps the scene isn’t crucial to the plot.  But Brass was intent on exploring bigger issues:


Cheeky5 Cheeky6


“It’s an old habit, a fixation of mine, a belief that in order to discover women’s lies, all you just have to do is look at their ass.  Because, as opposed to the face, which is a hypocrite mask capable of faking and lies, the ass doesn’t lie.”

Or, to paraphrase the Eagles, you can’t hide your lying ass.        Grade:  B




Director:  Tinto Brass  Cast:  Yuliya Mayarchuk, Jarno Berardi, Francesca Nunzi, Max Parodi, Mauro Lorenz, Leila Carli, Chiara Gobbato  Release:  2000




Above, director Brass gives star Yuliya Mayarchuk a pointer on method acting.




    Watch Trailer One  (click here)  or Trailer Two  (click here)




© 2010-2019 (text only)




Last week, I watched a ghost story called The Woman in Black.  It’s a $15 million studio production, designed as a post-Harry Potter vehicle for superstar Daniel Radcliffe.  It was pretty and polished, but I doubt if I’ll remember a thing about it in three months.

Forty-two years ago, I sat in a small, dingy cinema in rural Minnesota and watched a monster movie called Count Yorga, Vampire.  Its budget was $64,000 and it was originally conceived as a soft-core horror film.  It was el cheapo, to be sure, but Yorga made an impression on me that’s lasted four decades.




Thanks for the memories (or nightmares), Robert Quarry and Bob Kelljan.  Thank who, you ask?  Good question.  Quarry, the actor who played the title character, and Kelljan, the film’s writer-director, don’t have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  They weren’t exactly hot properties back in 1970, either.

“We had just four crew members — that was it,” said Quarry in a 2004 interview.  “There was one makeup man and a few guys with little arc lights.  You say the film was ‘dark and mysterious.’ The film was dark and mysterious because we didn’t have enough lights!”




Kelljan didn’t have much money, but he had something better, something that the makers of Woman in Black apparently lacked:  creativity and a passion for his movie.  If you can overlook Yorga’s cheesy production values — admittedly, no easy feat — the film has some genuinely scary moments.  I’m thinking of three scenes in particular:  one involving a couple stranded in a van on an isolated road; a second featuring a woman and her … well, what used to be her cat; and a third in which the suave, menacing count has a final showdown with his nemesis, a doctor played by veteran TV actor Roger Perry.

Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee be damned, Quarry’s mocking, triumphant bloodsucker in that climactic scene is as good as it gets.  Said a reviewer in the New York Times:  “Robert Quarry [is] the best chief vampire I have seen in years.”


Yorga4                     Yorga5




The acting is all-around respectable — something not common in B-movies of the period — and Kelljan’s script was even seminal in one respect:  In having Yorga take up residence in modern-day Los Angeles, the cinematic vampire was at last removed from his previous haunts in 19th-century Europe.  Fans of Twilight and True Blood can thank Kelljan for the immigration.

At times, the bare-bones production values even work in the film’s favor, because we aren’t distracted by Hollywood gloss.  Yorga’s retro scenery, jerky edits, and scratchy soundtrack are more realistic than many of today’s “found footage” productions.         Grade:  B


Yorga7                  Yorga8

Yorga9  Yorga10


Director:  Bob Kelljan   Cast:  Robert Quarry, Roger Perry, Michael Murphy, Michael Macready, Donna Anders, Judy Lang, Edward Walsh, Julie Conners, Sybil Scotford, Marsha Jordan   Release:  1970






                                                  Watch the Trailer (click here)




© 2010-2019 (text only)




Horror-film addicts will go to great lengths to get their fix, and if that means that we– er, they must travel 4,000 miles to the mountains of Norway, so be it.  Because it turns out that hidden somewhere in the icy peaks north of Oslo there is an abandoned ski lodge.  And living in that lodge is ….

The Norwegian slasher flick Cold Prey is a lot of fun, but not right away.  It begins with a slew of horror-movie clichés:  We listen to ominous news reports about missing skiers;  we meet a carload of attractive-but-vapid young people on their way to a snowboarding holiday; and, naturally, the kids’ cell phones don’t work.

But if you can make it past those too-familiar opening scenes without throwing your cell phone at the screen, the movie delivers some nifty chills once the youngsters arrive at Jotunheimen, a frigid, beautiful mountain range where Cold Prey was filmed.




After that trite opening, director Roar Uthaug makes some good decisions.  For one, he cast Ingrid Bolso Berdal as his heroine.  It’s immediately clear that if anyone can survive an upcoming bloodbath, it’s this steely-eyed brunette.  Berdal is to Scandinavian psychopaths what Sigourney Weaver is to scaly aliens.

Second, Uthaug tapped Norwegian beauty Viktoria Winge to play the other girl in the small party of stranded snowboarders.  Winge is in the movie to suffer a gruesome death — but not before she spends a fair amount of screen time prancing about in skimpy panties.  That is, admittedly, odd behavior for a woman stuck in a heatless lodge in the mountains of Norway.  But who’s complaining?




You might notice that I haven’t yet described the movie’s plot.  You might also have seen one or more of the Friday the 13th flicks, in which case you already know the plot.  Plot doesn’t really matter in a film like this; in fact, too much story can be a detriment.  What matters are goosebumps.  Uthaug sets a leisurely pace as the kids take refuge in a gloomy, 1970s-vintage lodge, exploring its dim hallways and common areas, generating a delicious sense of isolation.  The director is also smart enough not to show too much of the killer, too soon.

Cold Prey was a big hit in Scandinavia, spawning two sequels.  It’s no classic, but it’s better than most films in the much-maligned slasher genre.  And did I mention Viktoria Winge in her panties?        Grade:  B


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Director:  Roar Uthaug   Cast:  Ingrid Bolso Berdal, Rolf Kristian Larsen, Tomas Alf Larsen, Endre Martin Midtstigen, Viktoria Winge, Rune Melby   Release:  2006




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