“Dietland” (see below)

 

**

 

Well, they are still counting votes in Florida and in Arizona and in Georgia and in God Knows Where Else. These midterms are, apparently, the never-ending-terms.

We’re sick of politics. This is what we think of politics:

 

 

**

 

We now have hundreds and hundreds of TV channels, yet we can’t seem to find anything new that’s worth watching.

We’re sick of that. This is what we think of most television:

 

 

**

 

 

The above is a USA Today recommendation.

I don’t know, maybe Dietland was a great show; I didn’t see it. But from the USA Today synopsis, it seems like the type of recommendation we get from myriad Web sites that hire way too many male-bashing, victimhood-promoting, women’s-studies graduates who were coddled and indulged at ultra-liberal colleges.

Or, to borrow a term from Bill Maher, whiny little bitches.

 

We’re sick of that. This is what we think of that:

 

 

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Midterms!

 

I will see a campaign ad about Candidate A, in which he comes off worse than Hitler, and will later learn that Candidate A is leading his race by 10 points. I will conclude that Candidate A’s opponent must be worse than Hitler.

 

If the “experts” are correct – and they are never, ever wrong – the Democrats will seize control of the House of Representatives. This will result in:

 

  • Democrats stopping some of Trump’s agenda.
  • Democrats accomplishing nothing of their own agenda.

 

In other words, nothing much will happen.

 

I take that back. Trump will still be president, so the chances of nothing much happening are pretty much nil.

 

**

 

Sensitivity Training!

 

 

There is a commercial for a movie called Beautiful Boy in which an effeminate dad played by Steve Carell tries to help his effeminate, drug-addicted son. This commercial plays endlessly on Fox News and during football games.

Seems like if your target demographic is the sensitive crowd, you might want to plug your movie elsewhere. The title alone is enough to make Steelers fans upchuck.

 

**

 

Double Standards!

 

 

I watched Outlander in its first season, and it was a decent show. But then I drifted away. It appears, from the picture above, that the heroine dumped her husband and has taken up with the younger, studlier boy toy she found in the 18th century. This plot is considered dashing and romantic by many female fans.

But how is it different from the older man who dumps his long-time spouse for a younger trophy wife?

 

**

 

Note: Just in case it isn’t obvious, the preceding post was brought to you by an old straight male.

 

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Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr Story

 

Hedy Lamarr: Was she a typical story from Hollywood’s “golden age,” a self-centered actress who succumbed to drugs, vanity, and other trappings of wealth and celebrity? Hedy Lamarr: Was she the (unacknowledged) inventor of a groundbreaking military technology called “frequency hopping”? Was she the victim of shallow, sexist male contemporaries?

Answer: Probably all of the above. Lamarr was a fascinating woman, but this documentary reminds me why books are usually better suited to subjects like her. Lamarr’s life was simply too complicated, too interesting, to be captured in an 88-minute film.    Release: 2017   Grade: B

 

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Hats off to Major League Baseball, which is displaying laudable sensitivity toward people with disabilities in the current World Series.

For example, Boston’s Eduardo Nunez (above and below), who is afflicted with St. Vitus’s dance, has been showcased several times, most notably in Game 3:

 

 

 

 

 

**

 

This “CRISPR” business is spooking me.

In the ‘70s, one of the most jolting movie scenes involved the sudden appearance of this “dog-man” (“man-dog”?) in Invasion of the Body Snatchers:

 

 

It was a startling moment, but it was also funny because everyone knew that such an abomination was impossible in real life.

Not so funny anymore; not if you read a few articles about gene-splicing, animal experimentation, and the ominous-sounding CRISPR. I mean, mice with human brains?

 

**

 

 

“He (Louis C.K.) asked if he could masturbate in front of me. Sometimes I’d go, ‘Fuck yeah I want to see that!’

“So sometimes, yeah, I wanted to see it, it was amazing.” — Sarah Silverman

 

If Sarah enjoys watching men jerk off, I suspect she’d get more than a few volunteers who’ve watched her in these movie scenes:

 

.                       

 

**

 

 

Listen. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but since the pipe bombs all had her return address on them, it seems obvious that she must have done it.

 

**

 

I think it’s time we dispense with this expectation that, in times of national mourning, our president should act as “comforter in chief.”

Asking Donald Trump to soothe the nation’s nerves is like asking Larry Flynt to preside at a “Me Too” convention.

 

**

 

 

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The Haunting of Hill House

 

Last week, I said that I fully expected Netflix’s The Haunting of Hill House to “suck eggs.”

Last week, I was dead wrong.

I have to admit that I’m gobsmacked by this ten-episode chiller, which boasts: great acting, an intelligent script, superb direction and, last but not least, very few “jump scares.”

If you can get past the first episode — its flashbacks and numerous actors playing the same characters in different time periods are confusing – it’s terrific binge-watching.

My prediction sucked eggs.

 

**

 

The next time I’m feeling guilty about watching fart videos on YouTube, I’ll remind myself that the whole country is stuck in third grade.

To wit:

 

 

I don’t know. Sounds like a compliment to me. Isn’t that better than a toadstool?

 

Hard to believe that Trump brought up “Horseface” again. I’d almost forgotten about her:

 

“Horseface”

 

**

 

 

Yep, much scarier than Michael Myers.

 

**

 

 

Well, geez. Haven’t gay actors been playing straight characters for, like, forever?

 

**

 

I continue to enjoy pointing out inane statements made by cable news anchors, such as Fox News’s Arthel Neville’s observation that a Trump speech was “in his usual rare form.”

Cable news anchors, for their part, continue to enjoy blissful ignorance of both me and my comments.

Seems like a “win-win” relationship, to me.

 

**

 

 

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Taylor and Kanye, Sitting in a Tree …

 

.                              

 

If I could name just one song either one of them is famous for, I might be more interested in their political opinions. Then again … probably not.

 

Doesn’t it seem that Kanye is forever trying to upstage Taylor? She wins a music award and he jumps on the stage. She makes an Instagram post and he visits Donald Trump.

 

Kanye should just leave Kim to date Taylor. That way, Taylor can write songs about Kanye and they can both live happily ever after.

 

**

 

 

Sure, it’s adolescent and pointless, but I must admit that when I see this woman speaking on the news, I enjoy hitting the mute button.

 

**

 

 

Seems to me that King is either back on the sauce or he owes his writing career to some super-diligent editors and proofreaders.

 

**

 

 

Guess I’m just a glutton for punishment. I keep tuning in to these horror-themed series, hoping that one of them will actually be good. I had to quit watching The Purge and the latest installment of American Horror Story because they bored me to tears.

Now I’m watching The Haunting of Hill House (above) on Netflix, which I suppose will suck eggs.

 

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by Arthur Conan Doyle

 

When I think of Arthur Conan Doyle, like most people I think of his most famous creation, the indomitable Sherlock Holmes. Or perhaps I think of the author’s storied fascination with the paranormal. I did not, until now, think of great adventure tales, in the vein of Jules Verne or H.G. Wells. The Lost World, however, is a genuine classic of the genre, with its short but thrilling depiction of four men discovering a prehistoric land in the depths of Brazil, and their dual struggle to survive that environment and to convince the outside world of its existence.

The story, published in 1912, is old hat in 2018, of course. Large chunks of the narrative are politically incorrect, what with its quartet of European white men dominating and condescending to numerous people of color. But the adventure is the thing in Lost World. And by George, what a delightful twist ending – “Lake Gladys,” my ass!

 

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Judgment Day

 

Dear President Trump:

For the sake of everyone’s sanity, if you get the chance to nominate yet another Supreme Court justice, please let it be a woman.

 

How about this nutcase?

 

 

**

 

Speaking of female judges, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is the subject of a new documentary on Amazon Prime. Here is a screen shot of Ruth relaxing on a training table after a vigorous workout:

 

 

Just kidding. Apparently that’s some Russian hockey player.

 

**

 

 

I’m no youthful snowflake, but sometimes I feel the need for trigger alerts and safe spaces when I encounter Millennials, just to protect me from their ridiculously foul mouths.

 

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Genitals Week!

 

 

Penis!

 

 

I guess the only way we’ll learn the truth is for Kavanaugh and Trump to show their penises to Congress. On live TV, of course.

 

 

Balls!

 

“Promises Made, Promises Kept!”

It takes some major-league cojones to make that claim when the promise that got you elected – The Wall – can’t get past one or two bricks on a wheelbarrow.

 

**

 

Our ex-presidents go on talk shows and, sooner or later, get asked about UFOs, Area 51, and that sort of thing.

Seems like if ever we had a president who wouldn’t mind spilling the beans about little green men, it’s the dude in the White House right now. Has anyone even asked him?

Let’s ask him.

 

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Movie Night in America!

 

 

Seems like the country is watching two very different movies right now. Half of us are watching All the President’s Men; the other half is watching Seven Days in May.

All the President’s Men (above) is about Deep Throat helping The Washington Post take down Tricky Dick Nixon. Recommended for liberals.

Seven Days in May (below) is about Deep State attempting to take down President Fredric March. Recommended for Trump supporters.

 

 

 

**

 

Talking heads keep telling us that Brett Kavanaugh will have his “life destroyed” if accusations of sexual misconduct keep him from the Supreme Court.

Give me a break.

Did Merrick Garland have his “life destroyed” when he was denied a Court position? Is he living in a cardboard box under some freeway?

Louis C.K. is just fine. Merrick Garland is just fine. No one rich or powerful ever has his or her “life destroyed.”

 

**

 

 

 

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