Donald Trump is a bad liar.

Let’s all agree about that, shall we?

But here’s the thing. Ninety-nine percent of our national politicians are liars. However, most high-profile politicians are smooth liars, adept at hedging and dodging and changing the subject.

Trump, a bad liar, gets busted before he can even finish a sentence.

So what’s worse, a smooth-talking con artist who might be able to fool us, at least for awhile, or the blowhard who’s immediately called out?

 

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Pricks of the Week:

 

 

The NBA in general, Steve Kerr (above) in particular.

Sometimes in life, you have to choose. You people made the wrong choice.

 

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How to Do a (Male) Nude Scene

 

 

If you are William H. Macy, you have co-star Maria Bello cup your privates in her hand.

She has a small hand.

 

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The ultimate patriarchy proponent must have been Jesus Christ, who was forever going on about his father.

 

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My cable company, Comcast, informs me that it will now charge extra for TCM, which will be included in some sort of “sports” package.

Comcast must really want me to cut the cord.

 

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I can’t be the only one who likes “Weekend Update’s” Michael Che but can do without Colin Jost and his perpetual smirk.

 

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A big week for TV producer Brooke Nevils, who posted this loving picture of her and her fiancé, Luke, shortly after Matt Lauer shared this juicy tidbit with the world:

“I had an extramarital affair with Brooke Nevils in 2014. It began when she came to my hotel room very late one night in Sochi, Russia. We engaged in a variety of sexual acts. We performed oral sex on each other, we had vaginal sex, and we had anal sex.

“She was a fully enthusiastic and willing partner. She seemed to know exactly what she wanted to do.”

Poor Brooke. She will now be expected to regularly perform anal sex with lucky Luke, probably.

 

 

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Walking Out

 

I have a weakness for movies like this one. You know: wilderness movies with hungry bears, or deep-sea movies with dead-eyed sharks. That’s because, unlike most sci-fi and horror films, these scary stories could really happen. To you. Or to me. Walking Out, in which a father and his teenage son encounter peril in the Montana mountains, does well with its survival elements. On the downside, although Matt Bomer and Josh Wiggins are believable as dad and son, their on-screen chemistry left me a bit cold. Release: 2017 Grade: B

 

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“I don’t mind paying more taxes … but I’m more interested in how they’re going to spend it. What are they going to do with it?” — Mark Cuban, above, on Fox News

 

Translation: The government wastes too much tax money. We shouldn’t expect the rich to bear this burden, so let’s not raise their taxes until we solve this problem of waste. In the meantime, guess who will continue to get screwed?

Here’s a thought. Let’s tax the rich and let them feel the pain, rather than the Middle Class. Perhaps once they feel the pain, they’ll be motivated to fix all that waste.

 

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Do you want to be on the “wrong side of history”?

Well … why not? I mean, what does the question really mean?

Let’s say you were a cobbler in Nazi Germany, or a British loyalist in 1770 New Hampshire, or a farmer in 1859 Georgia. Maybe you tried to ignore politics … until all hell broke loose.

You are long gone now, of course.

Do we really suppose these bygone souls are floating somewhere in the cosmos, eternally muttering to themselves, “Damn! I really screwed up my time on Earth. Now I’m on the wrong side of history!”?

But what will your great-grandchildren think of you if you are on the “wrong side of history”? I can’t, of course, speak for you, but if I were to learn that my great-grandfather was in fact Jack the Ripper, I might be more fascinated than shamed. I might even write a book about it.

“The wrong side of history,” methinks, might be overrated.

 

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One of the (few) advantages of encroaching old age is that you feel, less and less, a compulsion to finish movies that suck. Life really is too short.

And so I stopped watching In the Tall Grass, the most recent garbage adaptation of a Stephen King story, just 30 minutes into the damn thing.

 

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Sometimes weeks – or even months – will go by when I have absolutely no interest in seeing whatever big-screen products Hollywood is cranking out. But I am intrigued by two new movies: Joker and Knives Out (above).

 

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Depressingly, my Minnesota Twins are on the cusp of losing yet another series to the hated New York Yankees. I have a theory about this year’s nightmare.

Before this ongoing playoff series, the Twins deactivated Willians Astudillo. Willians Astudillo looks like this:

 

 

Willians is the unofficial team clown. His nickname is “La Tortuga” (the turtle). No Twins team ever wins it all without the right ingredients, which include a seasoned veteran (Nelson Cruz), an amazing rookie (Luis Arraez), and a lovable clown (La Tortuga).

In 1991, the last time the Twins won it all, they had the seasoned veteran (Chili Davis), the amazing rookie (Chuck Knoblauch) and the lovable clown (Kirby Puckett).

Big mistake, deactivating Astudillo.

The Yankees, on the other hand, follow a different business model. Their formula for success, as always, is simply: “We spend more money than you do, so we win.”

 

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The Problem with Greg Gutfeld

 

Greg Gutfeld, Fox News’s resident class clown, is an odd duck.

He’s quick without being especially clever, interesting without being especially insightful. Bring up any subject and he’s sure to see it from an angle you hadn’t considered, and that makes him interesting, a respite from the numbing sameness of everyone else on most political panels.

But he’s more strange than funny. He must realize this, because his most annoying habit is relentless laughing at his own jokes. He is so insecure about the actual humor (or lack thereof) of what he’s saying that he must pre-empt a potentially mute reaction with his annoying cackle.

 

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This guy who is constantly on my TV plugging hearing aids (above) — is it ironic that whenever I see him I hit the mute button?

 

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A 78-year-old dude known for being perpetually apoplectic and under the constant stress of a political campaign has a heart attack? Who could possibly foresee that?

 

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by Amy Tan

 

As I read The Joy Luck Club, I was reminded of what’s great about books, especially fiction. Here I am, a middle-aged white man living in 2019 America, suddenly immersed in the lives of Chinese women and their Chinese-American daughters, spanning most of the 20th century. It was a bit like snooping in a stranger’s medicine cabinet: Much of what you see there is fascinating; some of it is unfathomable.

Tan is very good at world-building. Open her book to any page and you are immediately absorbed by whatever she’s writing about. Vivid images and memorable metaphors abound. That’s the good news.

Yet if I’m honest … there are eight main characters in the story – four mothers and four daughters – and I often found them indistinguishable. The mothers all suffer hardships and learn valuable life lessons, which they attempt to pass on to their girls. The daughters are all more optimistic but also more foolish. At times I felt I was reading the same story four times over, just with different character names.

But Joy Luck seems relevant to me, some 30 years after its publication, in part because there is so much talk about China today, and it illustrates the gap between the Chinese way of seeing the world, and the American way. The Chinese – at least traditionally – seem to be all about fate and omens and what the West might consider superstition. They see America as a place of much opportunity, but too little wisdom and too much worship at the altar of money.

 

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This week, let’s take potshots at people in the news. People you might like. Or people who are, well, children.

We can do this, at least so far, because no one visits this site, so no one knows what we’re up to. If you are reading this, you probably accidentally clicked on a bad link that brought you here.

We also feel good about taking shots because we are using the plural pronoun “we,” so that “we” can insulate ourselves from potentially angry readers. Or potentially angry reader. You know: “I didn’t write it! She must have written it!”

 

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I’m sorry, but if I’m casting a remake of some evil-child movie like The Bad Seed or Orphan, I’m definitely interviewing this girl. Scary.

 

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“High school girls love me”

 

(click to enlarge and actually be able to read the text)

 

This business of the media digging up old Tweets and videos to trash American citizens is despicable. What’s fun, however, is the business of digging up old Tweets and videos about the media itself. Like this YouTube video of football analyst Cris Collinsworth being a, uh, naughty boy in the 1980s:

 

 

 

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This is how you get blocked by a pretty girl on Twitter. First, you notice her pictures:

 

 

 

 

Then, to make sure she blocks you, you reply to her Tweet like this:

 

 

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Fox News has a reputation for being “Trump’s channel,” but I’ve suspected for quite awhile that some of its anchors/hosts are closeted Swamp creatures and/or “Never Trumpers.”

They just have to be subtle about it because, well, they are on Fox News.

 

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Unbelievable on Netflix is a pretty good show. There are bits of Hollywood “woke”-culture preaching, but for the most part it’s a gripping, if grim, drama.

 

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A Young Man with High Potential

 

Is it just me who finds it off-putting when a perfectly good suspense-drama finds it necessary to include a 10-minute sequence of graphic gore? Young Man concerns a social nerd/computer genius (Adam Ild Rohweder) who falls for a sexy girl (Paulina Galazka), then lets things get out of control and winds up running from the law – a cliché plot, for sure, yet suspenseful and well acted. But when Crime and Punishment veers into Blood Feast, it loses me. Release: 2018  Grade: B-

 

 

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American Horror Story got off to a smashing-good start on Wednesday.

But here’s the thing: American Horror Story always gets off to a smashing-good start. And then it drops off in quality — sometimes quickly, sometimes gradually.

As always, the show has impressive production design and top-notch technical aspects – photography, sound, direction, you name it. Alas and alack, at some point you can expect the story to go off the rails.

 

We could complain about the unrelenting gayness of AHS (see crotch, above), but this is a Ryan Murphy show, so we’re afraid that’s a lost cause.

 

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Politics Makes Depressing Bedfellows

 

It never fails. I will be presented with a choice between Political Position A and Political Position B. I will favor, say, Position B. Later, I will turn on cable news and see someone advocating for my favored position. This person will be repulsive.

I will then be forced to choose: Stay with Position B and become a reluctant ally with this revolting person, or … turn the channel, I guess.

 

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Since “white privilege” is now one of the cardinal sins of American life, will someone please explain why Cokie Roberts – daughter of powerful Democrat politicians and a Wellesley College alumnus – is now being venerated by our media?

 

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If you enjoyed our recent post about the “Flasher King,” here are two girls on a beach – one of them topless and scratching her ass – who spot a naked guy and decide to film him, not realizing that they are also being filmed.

Gotta love Millennials and the age of cell-phone cameras, right?

 

 

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Felicity Huffman is going to prison for 14 days? Hmmm.

One commentator said that, in reality, this will likely amount to 10 or 11 days in prison for the TV star. Someone else said that, due to administrative and processing time, she will likely spend only a few days behind bars.

I fully expect to hear soon that, due to this or due to that, Huffman will really spend two or three minutes in the slammer.

 

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Imagine my surprise and confusion when I read this (apparent) photo caption on the Decider Web site:

 

 

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In our quest to gradually turn The Grouchy Editor into a full-blown porn site (see last week’s video clip from Showtime’s Carnival Row), please enjoy this week’s clip from Power, featuring Candace Neolani Maxwell, also pictured above:

 

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Yet another hot chick

 

 

This isn’t soft-core porn, but if you enjoy hot girls who are actually funny in YouTube videos, here is Lara Fraser from The Daily Dropout:

 

 

If you feel this pivot to hot girls is a bad move by our Web site, consider the alternative: stories about Democrats debating.

We rest our case.

 

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Dave Chappelle ruffled some feathers with his latest Netflix stand-up special, so I had to check it out to see if he would ruffle my feathers.

My feathers are unruffled. I must be getting old.

In one corner, there are social-justice warriors who are offended by Chappelle’s politically incorrect jokes. In the other corner, political pundits like Tim Pool (I seem to be referencing Pool a lot recently; perhaps I need to get out of the house more often, away from YouTube) are hailing Chappelle as a legendary genius.

I watched the special, Sticks & Stones, and thought it was … interesting. That’s my reaction to most comedians these days: They are interesting.

None of them make me actually laugh. The last one to make me laugh out loud was probably Louis C.K., and he’s now branded as a pervert.

I must be getting old. Either that or I’m just a pervert.

 

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Since we’ve established that I’m probably a pervert, enjoy this video of British actress Tamzin Merchant getting poked by some black dude wearing a unicorn costume. Or a centaur costume. Or whatever it is. It’s from Amazon’s new series Carnival Row:

 

 

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Journalists are writing articles about how exhausted they are by politics. Tim Pool, who cranks out scores of videos about politics every month, bought a van and is planning to hit the road, in part to escape the nightmare of national politics.

We get sick of politics, too. We also cannot stomach one more story about random shootings or hurricanes in Florida.

So screw politics this week. Instead, let’s look at 10 pictures of cutie pies who probably did not expect to wind up on the Internet when they got pantsed, wedgied, or surprised by some jerk with a camera.

(If any of these girls happen to be your daughter, sister, girlfriend, or niece, our apologies. Someone put their bare butts on the Web, and now we all want to see.)

 

We’ve all heard of “mean girls,” but you just know there’s a dude holding the camera, encouraging this nonsense.

 

Another shot of one female turning on another female. Not exactly what we’d call “girl power.”

 

This seems more typical: toxic masculinity assaults the Coppertone girl.

 

Too bad we can’t see her facial expression. Or maybe that is her facial expression?

 

Are you ready for some (bottomless) football?

 

You just know that there’s a good story behind this photo.

 

Surprise! You’re naked on the Internet!

 

No clue what’s going on here.

 

“Someone’s taking a picture of our pumpable, humpable rear ends.”

 

 Trump did say that some girls will let you grab their pussies.

 

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