It turns out that the ladies Down Under were curious about what Rip van Dinkle was hiding down under, so in 2013 he wrote this confessional for Australia’s Women’s Health & Fitness magazine. Click on any page (maybe twice, depending on your browser) for a magnified view.
The Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant may be no more, but original contestant Rip van Dinkle’s infamy was alive and well in 2017. Podcasters, radio hosts, and bloggers — most of them female — were happy to amuse themselves and their listeners/readers by pubicly publicly evaluating Rip and his tiny tool.
So what was it like to have his penis fall under the critical gaze of American women?
Do most women feel like conservative Tomi Lahren (below) when it comes to puny-peckered men like Rip?
Who’s Checking Out Rip’s Dinkle?
(Click on pictures for a larger view)
Celinda Appleby (above) co-hosts a podcast called The Spark. She set up an interview with Rip to discuss wee peckers. Fellow guest Shoshana (click audio, below) had a question for Rip about the pageant:
“Like, do you all whip it out and somebody takes a ruler? Do I get to eye your penis?”
Uhh, yes and yes, Shoshana. See pictures at the top and bottom of this post.
Kat Grudowski (above) is a Wisconsin filly who blogs at The Sex Kitten. Kat wasn’t at all hesitant to ask – and then share on her blog – the most intimate questions about Rip’s manhood, no matter how potentially embarrassing.
Says Rip: “I was a bit surprised by her article. Normally, when I do these interviews, the girl prints my stage name and is fairly positive in tone. But Kat pretty much took out her scalpel and castrated me in public, even mentioning my penis size down to the centimeter. I guess these millennial girls are so angry at older men right now that Kat couldn’t resist the opportunity to snip off my balls.
“It certainly wasn’t the first time a female blogger posted every embarrassing sexual detail about me. I got emasculated by Lizzi (click here)and Alicia (click here), too.”
From Kat’s post on The Sex Kitten:
On a scale of one to ten, one being smallest and ten being biggest, where would Kat put Rip’s manhood? That’s Rip on the left in the picture below.
August McLaughlin, a fellow Minnesotan now living in Los Angeles, seemed disappointed to learn that the small-penis pageant wasn’t entirely an “anti-body shaming” event. That didn’t stop August from giggling about “dinky winkies” as she introduced Rip on her podcast:
“If you [listeners] have engaged in some dinky winkie, did you actually think it was funny?”
Rip: “She’s a Minnesota girl, so she’s probably seen her share of shriveled cocks.”
Here is August discussing small cocks with Rip:
The Practical Joke
Years before the small-penis pageant, Rip had some fun at the expense of local radio personality Kevyn Burger. Using the alias of a spurned ex named “Maggie,” Rip e-mailed Burger about a (fake) Web site in which “Maggie” had posted naked pictures of her ex (Rip in a hot tub).
Rip: “If ever there was a ‘mom’ radio show, this was it. I think Kevyn and her friends were genuinely shocked at the sight of my bone at half-mast. Speaking of which … I’m a grower, not a shower, so that partial erection is atypical.
“I e-mailed Burger after the show, using another fake profile and pretending to be a woman hoping to see the nude pictures. Burger said she couldn’t forward the link but assured me the photos were ‘choice.’”
Click below to hear the segment on FM107 in which Kevyn and two gal pals discuss Rip’s nude pictures:
Kevyn Burger: “So I click on it [the link] and hello — there he was in all his glory, and I was just blushing and clicked away.”
Above, the photo that made Burger blush (from the shoulders down, that is)
KB: “Is this humiliating for a guy, to be pictured naked on the Internet?”
KB: “Well, the picture of this guy on the Web site, I forwarded it to you ladies –”
Gal Pals: “Yes!”
Gal Pal 2: “I just about died.”
KB: “He looks pretty proud.”
Gal Pal 2: “He’s wearing himself a big old smile.”
KB: “And nothing else!”
Gal Pal 1: “And nothing else.”
Gal Pal 2: “Just his birthday suit.”
KB: “I don’t know if he’s exactly identified.”
Gal Pal 2: “We see everything else.” (laughter)
Gal Pal 1: “I think we can see the identifying marks.”
Podcasters Rachel Khona and Abbi Stern, pictured above at the 2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant, interviewed Rip for their podcast Have You Seen My Panties? Click below to hear the interview:
Rip was interviewed by Zoe Lillian (above right) and Nicoletta Heidegger (above left) for their podcast, Sluts & Scholars.
Zoe got right to the point: “How small is your dick?” she asked Rip.
About 1.5 inches, Rip revealed.
Zoe told Rip that she researched him on the Internet, and was “aghast” by the negative comments she read about him and other men with wee willies:
“A lot of women [were] shaming Rip for his small dick, saying like, ‘I couldn’t feel that even if it were inside me,’ or, ‘It would be like a finger … how on earth dare you be OK with your small penis?’”
Zoe went on to interpret society’s attitude toward men with small cocks:
“The penis is the epitome of maleness, and the more male you are, the bigger your dick is. We as a society are bombarded with imagery of women deriving pleasure from deep penile thrusting,” Zoe said.
Imagery like the scene below from Any Given Sunday, in which Cameron Diaz eyeballs a big black cock in the locker room:
Zoe continued: “I once had sex with a man who had a really small penis and he was, um, kind of apologetic about it. So he just spent a really long time going down on me. And I didn’t really feel the need to be like, ‘I would rather you do this anyway.’”
Says Rip: “Zoe Lillian gave me erections twice. First, when I watched her juicy booty swivel back and forth in the video (below), and again when she accidentally sent me an e-mail intended for Heidegger. She seemed quite excited about talking to a guy with a small wiener.”
Nicoletta Heidegger, above, told Rip: “We will show your dick [on social media]. Because we think it’s important.”
Below, Nicoletta (left) and Zoe (right) contemplate sex with Rip’s small pecker. Just kidding. We have no idea what they’re doing. Below the pictures, more random comments from the podcast.
“Most of the [female pageant] attendees, in your experience … come for the freak show aspect of it, to laugh at it, to shame, to mock? That’s OK with you?”
“I don’t know what’s longer, your dick beard or your face beard.”
“Once you were there and you saw people were taking pictures, how do you feel knowing that there are pictures of you out there? Do you like it? Does it turn you on? Are you worried about your job?”
“They [Rip’s nieces] saw your dick pics. That is the name of this episode: ‘Uncle Rip’s Wiener.’”
One happy side effect of Rip’s interview on Sluts & Scholars: The show’s promotonal Tweet was retweeted by one of Rip’s favorites – 1980s porn queen Nina Hartley, pictured below.
Listen to the full podcast below:
Recently divorced Marlena (above) is a Chicago preschool teacher who blogs at Modern & Blissful. Marlena, like fellow Midwesterner Kat, wasn’t bashful when it came to prying personal, sexual information out of Rip. Some examples:
Marlena: How many women have you had sex with?
Marlena: Do you prefer vaginal or oral sex?
Marlena: How wide is your penis?
Marlena: Do condoms impact your ability to maintain erections and cum?
Marlena: How does having a small penis affect your life?
Rip: Some women actually prefer a small sex organ to a very large one.
Marlena: I can attest to that! Huge dicks can be painful during extra penetrating positions such as doggie style.
Marlena: Would you ever consider becoming a porn star?
Rip got excited after discussing doggie-style sex, oral sex, masturbation, and spread buttocks, so he decided to hit on Marlena. Alas, she informed Rip that she was “taken” and not into guys with “long beards.” Oh, well.
Rip attempted to renew his acquaintance with local news anchor Liz (that’s her on the right in the picture above, posing with Rip and another news girl), suggesting to Liz on Facebook that some nude sunbathing might be in order.
Readers might recall that when Rip first met Liz, she learned of his participation in the small penis pageant and was quite impressed.
After that, one of two things happened: Either Rip put his dinghy in the anchor (see below), or someone spent some time with Photo Shop.
“I hooked up with some of the college football players living in my apartment building … it was fun.” — Jaye, the model who fingered Rip’s prick
“I’ve had numerous hookups with guys I never dated … these guys are typically hot. A few months ago, I hooked up with some of the college football players living in my apartment building … they’re all hot 18-year-old guys so it was fun.” — Jaye’s post on Facebook
You provide the players, Jaye provides the end zone
Photo (Shop) Fun!
Kat dangles her panties in front of Rip, who can only enjoy the view
Rachel doesn’t like little cocks; Rip can only fantasize
Rip’s dinghy approaches the anchor
Above, Rip. Below left, certainly not Rip. Below right, not Rip but probably could be.
It’s been a while since we checked in with small-penis-pageant contestant Rip van Dinkle. We asked him to dig into his scrapbook to find some post-pageant mementos that he might share with us.
“It’s amazing,” Rip tells us, “how many gorgeous women who normally won’t give you the time of day, when they find out you’ll admit you have a tiny penis and that they can have a laugh at it — and a laugh at you — suddenly they are very interested in you.”
Unlike pot-bellied, mini-membered Rip, a lot of the women having a laugh at his expense are physical knockouts. They had a good look at Rip; let’s have a good look at them.
“You are obviously out and proud about your small penis”
Lawyer and penis connoisseur Madeleine Holden was not overly impressed with Rip’s manhood. “So your dick is small and you’re proud. Great,” Madeline wrote, with more than a touch of sarcasm. Here’s more from her Web site (Critique My Dick Pic), in which she rates dick pics from around the globe:
Luckily for her fans, Madeleine also posts selfies of herself:
The South American Journalist
“My editor preferred to hide the penis”
Brazilian reporter Anna Gabriela Ribeiro attended the 2015 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant and interviewed Rip for South American publications. Anna also played photojournalist, below, capturing Rip and the other contestants for her stories.
Some months after Anna interviewed Rip backstage in Brooklyn, Rip returned the favor and interviewed Anna:
Rip asked if it was challenging for her to interview a man (him) while his tiny penis was in full view.
Anna:I try to ignore all the awkward things around me while interviewing. But yes, it was a little bit awkward.
Rip asked if having a small sex organ is a source of embarrassment for South American men.
Anna:Yes definitely, it´s something men always feel embarrassed and sad about.
Rip asked why, in the pictures Anna took of him and then posted online, his genitals were obscured by a black bar (below right).
Anna:Well, I think on that time my editor preferred to hide the penis areas because [it] is a very popular media and they consider more respectful with the readers like that.
Rip tells us that, if she’s interested, he would very much enjoy tutoring Anna in English as a second language.
The Model from North Dakota
“I could fucking bite your dick off and eat it”
Model Jaye M. interviewed Rip for a short article. Excerpts from the interview:
“Rip van Dinkle traveled from his home to be hilariously ridiculed by female audience members half his age.”
Jaye: Holy fuck, dude you are tiny!
Jaye: I could fucking bite your dick off and eat it like candy.
Jaye: Well there’s no way you could fit inside me, let alone get me off!
Jaye: What makes you think you can pleasure me?
Jaye set aside her hostility long enough to pose with Rip for a short video in which the long-legged lass measured his junk.
Despite her insults, Rip is forgiving and describes Jaye as a “hot piece of ass.” Here’s a short video of Jaye displaying her goods in the California sunshine:
The Sketch Artist
“Do you want the teeny weeny showing?”
MiYon Kosloske-Richardson (above) is a sometime artist who jumped at the opportunity to immortalize Rips’ pageant shame. MiYon didn’t actually attend the event, but she found inspiration from pageant photos, including this full-frontal shot of Rip:
Click on the sketches below to see larger views of MiYon’s final work:
“Show us your dick!”
Podcaster/comedian Zoe Nightingale was anxious to attend the 2015 pageant. Per her Instagram page (below), Zoe found out about the teeny-weenie show by reading Time Out New York:
Judging from her podcast commentary (click below), Zoe didn’t get the anti-body-shaming memo:
If the contestants had looked at these pictures Zoe posted of herself on social media, there might not have been any tiny dicks for her to laugh at:
The Beauty from Trinidad
“Special thanks to Rip van Dinkle”
Broadcaster and sometime model Kimi McCarthy, above, interviewed Rip for her radio show in Trinidad:
Kimi: “When are you coming to Trinidad?”
Rip: “I wish I was there right now. I hear Trinidad is really beautiful. I know Kimi is really beautiful.”
Kimi: “You’re so sweet.”
Rip: “You need to organize a small-penis pageant in Trinidad … Kimi can be one of the judges.”
Kimi: “I don’t mind. It’s for a good cause.”
Kimi plugged the interview on social media:
After that, Rip discovered these videos and wanted to plug Kimi:
Have a look at Kimi — top and bottom — in the videos below:
The average male’s greatest fear confirmed: Feminists do like to humiliate men with small dicks. Meredith Landry, editor of the feminist Web site Role Reboot, asked Rip to write a first-person account about his prick and its exposure at the pageants. That’s Meredith pictured above.
The Village Voice spotlighted Rip in its end-of-year edition. That particular photo has certainly made the rounds.
The small-penis pageant was Time Out New York’s sixth-most-read story of the year. Writer Rebecca Fontana (above) didn’t want her readers to miss out on any of the pictures.
Pageant organizer Bobbie Chaset, pictured above in I Dream of Jeannie garb, seemed to feel that pageant contestant “Flo Rida,” above right, has a more impressive dick than poor Rip, above left.
The following exchange is from Bobbie’s interview on a Detroit radio station:
Host:Are you the emasculating woman who’s responsible for the smallest penis contest?
Bobbie:“If you’d like to say it that way, then yes.”
Bobbie:“He’s not as small as the rest of the guys” – comparing Flo Rida to Rip and the other contestants.
Gorgeous “Sara,” pictured above, recognized a handsome pecker when she saw one, and just had to paint Rip’s for posterity:
OK, so that was a lie. In reality, Sara had a good belly-laugh when she saw poor Rip, far right in the photo below, posing next to some well-hung dudes.
Comments from Jezebel Readers
Dr. Naomi Mac enjoyed all the small-penis bashing on Facebook:
“Loving the comments here”
Anne Marie Benavides was disgusted by the pageant and its participants:
“Are we really surprised that these gentrifying hipsters are small dick bastards? I would’ve gone with dickless.”
Rip was impressed by the large number of African-American women attending the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageants.
So was podcaster Zoe Nightingale, who had a question for some of them:
“Are you here just to see a small white penis for the first time? I knew it – there are so many beautiful black people here to laugh at the white people.”
YouTube’s Titty Talk Show sent “our lady in the streets,” Bri’en Potter, pictured above and below, to interview contestants at the 2013 pageant:
Rip acquaintance Aleeya Michelle didn’t mince words after she evaluated his manhood on Skype:
“It is a puny white boy dick.”
“That is not a big pee-pee … that’s a pee.”
Seems only fair that since Aleeya had a look at Rip’s equipment, readers should have a look at hers:
Brokelyn writer-photographer Mary Dorn, above, covered the penis pageants in 2013 and 2014. Some excerpts from one of her stories:
And finally … it takes a special brand of woman to actually slide a ruler up alongside Rip’s dangling noodle.
Some guys might consider letting a woman measure their cock, take pictures of the humiliation, and then post the results for the entertainment of other women as rather a … shameful situation. Not Rip, who is philosophical: “If a lady is willing to get that up close and personal to my genitals and then play with them, photos are the price I’m willing to pay.”
Who prodded Rip with a ruler? Aimee Arciuolo, Cyndi Freeman, Amy Minnick, and Jaye M.