If I told you that this review was written by Zargon, a 10,000-year-old wooly mammoth that was recently discovered in Antarctica, unfrozen by scientists, and then taught typing skills by an English teacher, you’d have to admit that the possibility is fairly imaginative. Hopefully, we could also agree that it’s a profoundly stupid claim. But that’s what you get with The Cabin in the Woods — an imaginative but profoundly stupid horror movie.
Esteemed film critic Roger Ebert has written of Cabin’s plot, “You’re not going to see this one coming.” With any luck, that’s because you’re a somewhat rational human being who expects at least a modicum of realism in your movies, even silly movies like this one.
Everything in Cabin is culled from countless kids-in-peril flicks of the past. You already know the story: Five kids party at an isolated cabin, where bad things happen to them. The kids are all archetypes from other slasher movies, which isn’t entirely bad because it does mean we get an obligatory topless scene from one of the girls, this time courtesy of actress Anna Hutchison.
Much has been made of Cabin’s supposedly novel take on a tired genre, but imagination with no discipline is also what you get when a three-year-old draws pictures on the wall. With his own poo. Grade: C
Director: Drew Goddard Cast: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Brian White, Amy Acker Release: 2012
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