“In space … apparently you can hear all kinds of weird shit.”
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War Drums Update
Irritating phrase of the week: “trust, but verify”
Irritating word of the week: “degrading”
If you trust in something (or someone), there is no need to verify. If you bomb somebody (or something), it is not “degrading.” Degrading is what happens to the nerd in high school who gets his pants pulled down in the cafeteria.
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CNN’s Crossfire: I can’t bring myself to watch it, because it features Newt Gingrich with his fat, smarmy persona and castrato voice. Did I mention that I don’t care for Newt Gingrich?
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Whatever your feelings about the show itself, is there another program that does cooler trailers than American Horror Story?
© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Just when you think it’s a waste of time to seek your soul mate on Internet dating sites, this sexy, highly desirable couple breaks up, adding more goodness to the dating pool.
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I don’t know a thing about these striking Mexican teachers and their issues, but I do know that, of all professions, there is no group that I associate more with the word “whining” than teachers.
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“No one had done that in 44 years.” — CBS’ Scott Pelley, praising Peyton Manning’s record-tying seven touchdown passes in the NFL opener.
Pelley did not mention the name of the quarterback who last accomplished the feat — poor Joe Kapp. The last time we heard from old Joe was in 2011 when the 73-year-old former Viking was videotaped brawling onstage with 74-year-old Angelo Mosca. Jostling Joe is at left in the pictures.
I dunno, I think the old-fart fisticuffs might be more impressive than seven touchdowns.
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Damn, I’m old. I had to look up “twerking.” But I’m still not sure. Is Miley Cyrus twerking in the picture above? Or is that spelunking?
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Makes sense to me. I don’t think that humans, at least, belong on this planet, and the evidence for this is overwhelming: 1. Unless you live in Hawaii, there is practically no place on Earth with a comfortable climate; you either need to strip down to escape the heat, or bundle up to ward off the cold. Of all life forms on Earth, only humans have this need for artificial clothing. 2. Everything we like to ingest — chocolate, alcohol, tobacco, heroin, Miley Cyrus — is bad for us. Everything good for us — water, green vegetables, PBS — is a crashing bore. Things had to be better on the red planet.
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Just listened to Obama’s speech. Apparently, there will be no new war in the Middle East this week. Be sure to check in again next week. …
© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Jerk of the Week: Arianna Huffington
The media queen plans to ban anonymous comments from The Huffington Post, apparently because her cocktail-party pals have had their feelings hurt. Better to stifle honest discourse than to offend the high and mighty, right Arianna?
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It’s been a tough month for former teen idol David Cassidy. First, busted for squatting at J.Lo’s house, and then nailed for DUI. Sorry, dude, but that wig doesn’t fool us.
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Broadchurch: As we’ve come to expect from British television, this is a smart and entertaining whodunit. My problem is with the lead detective (David Tennant, above with Olivia Colman). Either as written or performed by Tennant, I’m not sure which, this guy is so relentlessly sour and unpleasant that I find myself sympathizing with anyone he encounters — including all of the murder suspects.
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Quote of the Week:
“I just thought there was no way they could find people this awful in the world. But they did.” — houseguest Elissa, describing her initial impression of fellow cast members on Big Brother
© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Baseball’s Bold Move
Major League Baseball announced that it will add more instant-replay challenges to games, beginning next year. Great idea. Complaints have been rampant about the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, rapid pace of baseball, so anything that slows down the game has got to be a good thing.
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I keep seeing Barbara Starr doing special reports for CNN. Someone at that network obviously needs to be chastened, because this is not in keeping with standard cable-news practice of featuring nothing but Hooters-girl journalism.
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God help me, I am a sucker for hidden-camera shows, no matter if they are real, or obviously staged. TruTV’s (Impractical) Jokers is the epitome of stupid-funny, and I love it.
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I’m going to stop making fun of “conspiracy nuts.” Area 51, NSA spying, black boxes in our cars, ad infinitum. The government, led by Professor Obama, is much too fond of keeping secrets … and Jesse Ventura is looking less crazy to me every day.
© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Now there are two reasons to skip Lee Daniels’ The Butler — Oprah, and Lee Daniels.
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“What is wrong with people?” — Shepard Smith, pretty much speaking for all of us.
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Not sure why this is considered news. Isn’t this knucklehead wrong about nearly everything?
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Jimmy Fallon had Fran Lebowitz (above) on his show. Every talk show needs more Fran Lebowitzes — and fewer Hollywood starlets.
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From Entertainment Weekly:
“The Oscars Atone with Ellen: That was the message when the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences tapped Ellen DeGeneres, 55, to emcee the Academy Awards on March 2, 2014. The fact that a woman was selected felt like a well-earned apology for the arguably sexist humor of this year’s Seth MacFarlane.”
Yes, because in hiring MacFarlane, the Oscars reached out to a straight-male audience, and as a result its ratings went up. Don’t want to repeat that mistake, right, Entertainment Weekly?
© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Summer TV Report
Under the Dome: CBS shot its special-effects wad in the first episode. Since that cow-splitting, plane-crashing introduction, this Stephen King-based miniseries has just been tepid soap opera under glass. Grade: C+
Orange Is the New Black: Some of the humor is sophomoric and a few of the characters are cartoonish, but this Netflix comedy-drama about a well-off woman who finds herself in prison is mostly smart and entertaining. Grade: B+
The Bridge: Lots of plots and subplots in the first four episodes — maybe too many — but the lead characters are intriguing. Two quibbles: When did cigarettes replace the black hat as the prop that signals “villain,” and must every journalist on TV be written as a jerk? Grade: B
The Killing: Critics and fans who wrote off this series when it failed to resolve “the killing” at the end of its first season made a mistake, because this continues to be a great cop show. Grade: A-
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: June and clan are a likeable bunch, but the hillbilly novelty has worn off. At some point, subtitled English and fart jokes lose their luster. Grade: B-
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Buttwipe of the Week … er, Month
Director of National Intelligence James Claptrap. If you are a high-powered government official, evidently you can lie to Congress, get busted for doing so, and be penalized by … nothing.
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Quote of the Week:
“My vagina came out! Sorry, America … it just popped out!” — controversial houseguest Aaryn Gries (above) on Big Brother After Dark, having an oops! moment while climbing into a hammock
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Fox News sex bomb Shannon Bream (above left at journalism school, and right at Fox) interviewed a doctor who told us that we should all be eating fruits and vegetables. I did not know that. Next thing you know, they will be telling us that smoking is bad.
© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
These misbehaving politicians are reminding me of nature:
Bob Filner
Anthony Weiner
Eliot Spitzer
But spare me all of this sympathy for Anthony Weiner’s wife, Hubris. Hubris stays with Anthony because Hubris likes power and Hubris likes fame.
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Apparently some people are disappointed — secretly or not — that the little brat born this week “across the pond” is a boy brat, and not a girl brat. Royal poop, whether in male or female diapers, is still just royal poop.
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Geraldo Rivera tweeted a naked “selfie.” Seems obvious to me that Geraldo noticed all of the media attention for Filner, Weiner, and the “Smallest Penis in Brooklyn” pageant and was overcome with envy.
© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
More TV Crap
Netflix joined the Emmy party with 14 nominations, including nine for House of Cards. I’m not as surprised by the caliber of Netflix’s new series as I am by the variety. Cards is the type of quality drama that the traditional networks would love to do, but don’t. Hemlock Grove is the type of series that SyFy would love to do, but doesn’t. Orange Is the New Black is the type of “dramedy” that Lifetime would love to do if Lifetime wasn’t, well, Lifetime.
Disturbing Trend 1:
The endless dragging out of opening credits on TV shows is a distracting, annoying new practice. I began watching The Bridge at 9 p.m. At 9:15, the opening credits finally ended. Why not just run credits throughout the entire show?
Disturbing Trend 2:
TV-show creators are devious. If they have a new series that potentially skews female, like Netflix’s Orange Is the New Black (top), or BBC America’s Orphan Black (below), they lure in male viewers by displaying lots of female flesh in the opening episodes. But once the Neanderthalian male is hooked on the story, the nudity stops – at least from the star actress.
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Now that Jodi Arias and George Zimmerman are in the rearview mirror, what will we armchair jurists do for entertainment? More important, what will HLN do for ratings?
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Some people wouldn’t let anything interfere with Wednesday’s premiere of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo:
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Hats off to Rae Dawn Chong! At last, a celebrity who sees the Queen of Smarm, Oprah Winfrey, the same way that I do. These Chong quotes from a recent radio interview are a bit out of context, just because it’s more fun this way:
“She’s [Oprah’s] a great brown-noser. If you were in a room with her, she will pick the most powerful person and she’ll become best friends with them.”
“She was that fat chick in school that did everything and everybody loved her.”
“You’ve got to respect her no matter how vile she is, ultimately because she’s all about Oprah and she’s boring.”
© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
