The Grouchy Editor

“Our long national nightmare is over” — Neil Cavuto on Saturday, obviously relieved that The Establishment prevailed in the U.S. House of Representatives. Good lord, does Fatso really believe that “the nation” lost any sleep over this squabble?

Cavuto’s umbrage over the Freedom Caucus’s disruption of Kevin McCarthy’s coronation was palpable all week.

The fat boy seemed to consider the caucus’s challenge a personal affront. How dare anyone upset the cushy D.C. status quo, in which politicians and media know their place in an established hierarchy?

That’s the problem. Too many “journalists,” including some at Fox, are fat and happy with the way things are — for them. They spout political differences on TV, but then join their “foes” at ritzy D.C. dinner parties.

How dare regular folk and occasional upstarts like Matt Gaetz and Lauren Boebert threaten their lifestyle?

**

Yes, he does have a “punch me” face. Slitty eyes, arrogant smile, and too-perfect hair. But sometimes, that’s exactly the type of guy you want on your team.

Yes, she does sometimes come off as a “bimbo.” But when the other side has a bimbo named Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, that’s what you want on your team.

**

I propose that someone make a horror film and call it The Party. These people can play themselves:

**

Very Short Movie Reviews

Greenland was fun.

The Pale Blue Eye was just OK.

**

Thank God that The Bablyon Bee is back on Twitter.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Hate to be a Debbie Downer again but, just like a year ago, I am gazing into my crystal ball and predicting another miserable 365 days for everyone.

Unless, that is, you happen to be a member of the super-rich or the corrupt “public servants” who are creating so much misery. They will be fine.

**

Fox News Observations

Greg Gutfeld better watch his back. Fox’s latest court jester, Jimmy Failla (above), is popping up more and more on shows like The Five. And unlike Gutfeld, Failla is quite funny. Also unlike Gutfeld, he doesn’t find himself laughing, alone, at his own jokes.

I like Tulsi Gabbard. She is pretty and smart and pleasant. But as a fill-in host she has all the spark of a dead car battery. I am thinking her voice is the problem. It is lifeless and mournful, like that of a zombie at a funeral.

**

I’m wondering if Barbara Walters believed in reincarnation and, if so, if she will come back as a tree. Also, what kind of tree?

**

I watched a bit of HLN’s The West Wing marathon but had to stop. It was just too depressing, thinking about the enormous gulf between the fictional Bartlet administration and the real-life administration we are saddled with.

**

Speaking of misery, poor Rip van Dinkle is once again the subject of an upcoming humiliation by 21-year-old Filipino artist Kryanne.

Here is an early sketch of her latest debasement of Rip:

But don’t worry. We will warn you when she finishes and before we post the final product.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

It’s Christmas and current events are as depressing as ever, so I’m going to write about Glass Onion.

When Knives Out debuted a few years ago, I liked it but didn’t love it. It was good, not great. Mostly, it was a welcome respite from Hollywood’s endless stream of big-budget comic-book movies.

Daniel Craig, as comical detective Benoit Blanc, was amusing, and Christopher Plummer was Christopher Plummer. I am partial to comic murder mysteries, and Knives Out was pretty good. So how does its sequel stack up?

What’s good about Glass Onion:

1. A lot of money was spent on sets, costumes, and cast, and it shows. It’s always fun to fantasize about lifestyles of the rich and famous — including the big stars who assemble on a billionaire’s secluded island in Onion.
2. Madelyn Cline in a skimpy bikini (see below). 
3. Noah Segan as an oddball houseguest.
4. The premise, a rehash of And Then There Were None and The Last of Sheila, is suitably intriguing.

And Then There Were None

The Last of Sheila

What’s not so good about Glass Onion:

1. The one-liners rarely make the leap from mildly amusing to outright funny. Kate Hudson, clearly intended to be a comic high point, is instead shrill and annoying.
2. The movie is too long.
3. After borrowing plot points from the two mystery classics named above, the script fails to innovate or surprise.

I suspect that if this movie had been released 30 years ago, or even 20 years ago, it would have quickly faded. But in 2022, with the bar so low for anything not comic-book-related, well, these are the Rotten Tomatoes scores:

When I reviewed Knives Out I gave it a B-plus. Glass Onion is entertaining but a step back for writer-director Rian Johnson. I’ll give it a B.

**

Used to be, you won a Best Actress Oscar and you no longer had to do nude scenes. Not anymore. Poor Jessica does not look happy.

**

I was hoping Elon Musk would stay on as Twitter’s CEO. But if he keeps on posting tweets like this one, I’ll be content.

**

Let’s have another look at cheeky Madelyn Cline in Glass Onion. Because it’s Christmas.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

You might be thinking, “I don’t use Twitter. Nobody I know uses Twitter. What’s the big deal with Elon Musk’s ‘Twitter files’?”

Here’s the big deal: You might not use Twitter, but people with outsize influence — journalists, politicians, corporations, and special interests — all use Twitter, and combined they have the power and cash to alter elections.

If the FBI was pressuring Twitter (and probably Facebook, YouTube, et al.) to censor conservatives in clear violation of the First Amendment, which seems increasingly obvious, then it’s time for the FBI to be dismantled and revamped.

And if the FBI was pulling this shit, what’s to stop other branches of the Justice Department from doing the same?

**

I just watched Blindfold, starring Rock Hudson and Claudia Cardinale, and I thought of Harvey Weinstein and the Me Too movement.

I’ll review the movie tomorrow, but in researching it I stumbled on these behind-the-scenes publicity shots of Ms. Cardinale:

A crew member is wetting Claudia down for a scene in the movie. Am quite sure Harvey would approve. Am equally sure the Me Too movement would disapprove.

Oh yeah, and here is a blurry paparazzi photo of Claudia taken at a later date. Because you want to see it.

**

Life as a Minnesota Vikings Fan

Yes, I live in the frozen tundra and am a lifelong fan of “the purple.” Today, my heroes trailed 33-0 at the half — and scored 39 points to win the game. That’s the largest comeback in NFL history.

But as a Vikings fan, I am well aware of what comes next. In a January playoff game, with everything on the line, the Vikes will almost certainly lay an egg. A big, fat stinking egg. Because that’s what they do.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Politics

I’m tired of complaining about politics. Complaining about politics seems pointless.

Most of our institutions and so-called elites are corrupt.

We are all being forced to join one side or the other, or a “team.”

If I like what your team plans to do, and not just complain about, I will consider joining your team.

Until then, I will continue to watch Netflix — even though Netflix is, apparently, on a bad team.

**

Last week (I think it was last week; am much too lazy to check), I said I was watching Wednesday and that I wanted more Uncle Fester and less Thing. That was before I saw the actor playing Uncle Fester.

I take back my complaint. The Fester actor is much too low-energy, as is the actor playing Gomez. Thing has more personality than the two of them together.

And why do I care about the actors in a mildly amusing show like Wednesday? I do not. I just need something to complain about that isn’t politics-related.

**

It’s getting harder and harder to tell if a photo is real or a “deep fake.” That’s our excuse for working on a new post (maybe, possibly coming next week) featuring the ever-popular Minnesota Hmong girl (above).  We know she has great tits, but are they the real deal on popular Web sites or are they fake?

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

— proverb of unknown origin

Here’s a little quiz:

• Do you believe that all people, including homosexual, non-binary, and transexual persons, should be treated fairly and respectfully based on character and not on sexual preferences?
• Do you believe that people less fortunate than you, persons persecuted and/or poverty-stricken in their home countries, should be given the opportunity for a new life in America?
• Do you believe that people of color, historically discriminated against in America, should be afforded the same opportunities for economic prosperity as everyone else?
• Do you believe that the world should be protected from damaging, man-made pollutants?

That’s just a partial list, but I’m guessing that, unless you have no conscience, you answered “yes” to all the questions.

That’s the Democrats’ weapon, and that’s why we have Joe Biden and Kamala Harris in Washington.

Problem is … see the quote at top.

It’s not the ends, which all seem so admirable, it’s the means that are tearing the country apart. Nearly every policy that Biden and Company introduce has damaging side effects.

Free speech is a casualty. The rule of law is ignored. The Middle Class gets the bill for reform while the “elites” skate. The country is split. All of this happens in the name of “progress.” 

The real question is, is it worth it?

**

Kanye “Ye” West might be a musical genius. I don’t know because I’m not into his style of music. He might or might not be a business genius.

But after listening to him in interviews with Tucker Carlson and Tim Pool (above), it seems clear that as a public speaker and would-be politician, Ye’s just stupid.

Being successful in one or two fields of human endeavor does not mean you are good at everything.

Period.

**

I am watching Wednesday on Netflix. (Don’t ask why; I grew exasperated with 1899 and needed something new to watch.)

The show is confusing my Hollywood “woke” detector. At times, it seems to embrace wokeness. In one scene, for no apparent reason important to plot, we briefly meet a student’s parents who are, it turns out, a lesbian couple. There is also a short speech about the evil patriarchy, and America’s early colonists are taken to task.

But in other scenes, characters seem to be poking fun at wokeness.

Whatever. Jenna Ortega (above) is very good in the titular role, but I want more Uncle Fester, and less Thing.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

As a straight male, and despite society’s constant “you go girl!” feminist refrain, I don’t often find myself envious of the “fairer sex.”

But there’s one area where so-called chick flicks top most so-called buddy comedies, and that’s in the depiction of same-sex friendship.

I can’t think of a better example of this than Netflix’s Dead to Me, which just wrapped its third and final season.

In real life, I have absolutely zilch in common with the show’s two protagonists, played to perfection by Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini. They are rich chicks living the life in Southern California, much focused on relationships and family. I, on the other hand, am much focused on what’s for dinner and who’s playing in Sunday’s football games.

But I’m not ashamed to say that the bittersweet conclusion of Dead to Me nearly brought me to tears, and I’m going to miss these two broads — especially Applegate, who is a comic delight as foul-mouthed Jen Harding.

**

So far, so good on Elon Musk’s Twitter. I no longer live in fear of permanent banishment for violating whatever random protocol is established by some spoiled Gen Xer on the West Coast.

The last time I got banned (it’s happened three or four times; getting back on the site isn’t all that difficult – even without Kathy Griffin’s dead mother), it was for paying someone a compliment. What was my offense? I told South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem that she has “nice tits.”

I stand by my Tweet.

**

Trump or DeSantis? I’m not sure. I’m glad I don’t have to decide today.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Ouch!

It took two and a half years to find us, but the Wuhan Flu finally did so and is currently biting us in the ass.

And so, until (hopefully) next week, please enjoy this picture of a goat.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Looks like The Fourth Turning was correct: Clearly, we are amid some kind of new-age civil war.

It doesn’t matter how awful or hypocritical your candidate is; it doesn’t matter how many laws my candidate breaks. You are on your team, and I am on my team.

The midterms simply cemented our views. Red and blue. It’s depressing and exhausting.

For now, I don’t want to discuss politics. Instead, how about some TV Tidbits?

**

TV Tidbits

I’m watching Annika on PBS. It’s a pretty good cop show, mostly because it stars Nicola Walker (above), who has done this kind of role many times, but in Annika shows off more of her comedic side. However …

In the past few years, I’ve noticed a disturbing (to me) trend in a lot of European cop shows. They open with a theme song featuring a female wailer who wails slowly, sadly, and annoyingly. These singers bring to mind Sarah McLachlan in those omnipresent commercials about abused pets.

Also annoying: Annika’s co-worker is a lesbian. OK. Also, Annika’s teen daughter is a budding lesbian.

That’s not “woke” enough for me. Let’s make the entire cast lesbian.

*

The Crown season five on Netflix: The production values are still there, and for the most part the cast is fine. However …

Sure, Dominic West is a fine actor. But playing Charles? Give me a break.

Also, it seems like some of the show’s old magic is gone, possibly because so far (through three episodes) there doesn’t seem to be any character to root for. It feels like creator/writer Peter Morgan has decided that yes, the monarchy is outdated and it’s 2022 and everything in the past sucks and we’ve all had enough of these pampered Brits.

*

Banned, reviled, and worshipped Milo Yiannopoulos was on Tim Pool’s podcast. (This is a “TV Tidbit” because I watch YouTube on my TV, so shut up.)

Yiannopoulos is one of those raconteurs who can mesmerize you with his words. For two hours, he mesmerized the other blabbermouths on Pool’s show. And that’s no easy feat.

He’s an intellectual who is quite convincing while you listen to him, but of whom, in retrospect following the show, you suspect might be full of shit.

Maybe it’s his British accent.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

The time for private bitching is over. It’s time to make your voice heard.

If you detest globalists, elites, and insufferable culture warriors, it’s time to push back against their “(not-so) great reset.”

**

Yes, a lot of the Republican candidates suck (looking at you, Herschel and Oz). But again, see above.

**

A few weeks ago, I reviewed a book called Ten Dead Comedians. I arrived at the conclusion that if you are going to hang out with a professional comedian, you want him or her on a stage, and not in your living room.

That’s also how I feel about The Surreal Life, which has been resurrected on VH1 after a 16-year hiatus. Lord forgive me, I am watching the show again. The eight celebs — half of whom are new names to me — are generally messed up. But the drama in the house (in Mexico City, for some reason) is addicting.

Drunken, often-naked Dennis Rodman, spirit-channeling Stormy Daniels, and some female wrestler named CJ Perry (below) in a thong — what more do you need? It will take your mind off politics. Maybe.

**

Let the spoiled children learn to code.

© 2010-2023 grouchyeditor.com (text only)