Big (Red-Faced) Apple
I used to like New York City. But lately, thanks to blowhard Donald Trump and midget Mike Bloomberg, the Big Apple’s image is taking a whipping. Apparently, New Yorkers can banish super-sized soft drinks but not super-sized egos.
Rachel Maddow, still smarting over election results in Wisconsin, launched into an attack on big money in politics. Fine by me. But Maddow chose the wrong target for her wrath: Big Tobacco and the millions of dollars it spent in California to defeat an anti-smoker tax known as Proposition 29. “Everyone” was in favor of this tax, whined Maddow, because its merits were “incontestable.”
Contest this, Rachel. Before you leap into your next harangue against smokers, please explain the merits of your weekly glorification of alcohol, specifically your Friday-night “happy hours” in which you extol the virtues of mixed drinks.
Meanwhile, in a world gone mad, I found myself rooting for Ann Coulter, who on Fox’s Red Eye went to bat for nicotine addicts everywhere. “Smokers get a lot of work done,” Coulter asserted. Yes. Unlike, say, people who drink too much.
I was watching cable news the other day and someone said, “You know what they say about Oklahoma? If you don’t like the weather, just wait a day!”
Thirty years ago, shortly after I moved to Texas, a city councilman named Harris Hill welcomed me to the Lone Star State with this information: “You know what they say about Texas? If you don’t like the weather, just wait a day!”
Since I moved back to Minnesota, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard, either on TV or in real life, “You know what they say about Minnesota? If you don’t like the weather, just wait a day!”
Do they say this even in California?
Crystal Harris, Hugh Hefner’s 26-year-old “runaway bride,” has reunited with the old fart. In case you’ve forgotten what Crystal looks like, here is a picture:
Former Hefner squeeze Kendra Wilkinson did not take the news lightly. “I’m kind of ashamed. I’m like, ‘Hef, what are you doing?’” Kendra sniffed, adding, “I don’t want him to be, like, caught up in this woman.” In case you don’t recall what Kendra looks like, here is a picture:
And finally, in case you’ve forgotten what 86-year-old Hugh Hefner looks like …
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