Monthly Archives: December 2017

 

The Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant may be no more, but original contestant Rip van Dinkle’s infamy was alive and well in 2017. Podcasters, radio hosts, and bloggers — most of them female — were happy to amuse themselves and their listeners/readers by pubicly publicly evaluating Rip and his tiny tool.

So what was it like to have his penis fall under the critical gaze of American women?

 

 

Do most women feel like conservative Tomi Lahren (below) when it comes to puny-peckered men like Rip?

 

 

Who’s Checking Out Rip’s Dinkle?

(Click on pictures for a larger view)

 

 

 

 

Celinda Appleby (above) co-hosts a podcast called The Spark. She set up an interview with Rip to discuss wee peckers. Fellow guest Shoshana (click audio, below) had a question for Rip about the pageant:


 

“Like, do you all whip it out and somebody takes a ruler? Do I get to eye your penis?”

Uhh, yes and yes, Shoshana. See pictures at the top and bottom of this post.

 

 

 

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Kat Grudowski (above) is a Wisconsin filly who blogs at The Sex Kitten. Kat wasn’t at all hesitant to ask – and then share on her blog – the most intimate questions about Rip’s manhood, no matter how potentially embarrassing.

 

 

Says Rip: “I was a bit surprised by her article. Normally, when I do these interviews, the girl prints my stage name and is fairly positive in tone. But Kat pretty much took out her scalpel and castrated me in public, even mentioning my penis size down to the centimeter. I guess these millennial girls are so angry at older men right now that Kat couldn’t resist the opportunity to snip off my balls.

“It certainly wasn’t the first time a female blogger posted every embarrassing sexual detail about me. I got emasculated by Lizzi (click here) and Alicia (click here), too.”

 

 

 

From Kat’s post on The Sex Kitten:

 

 

On a scale of one to ten, one being smallest and ten being biggest, where would Kat put Rip’s manhood? That’s Rip on the left in the picture below.

 

 

 

 

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August McLaughlin, a fellow Minnesotan now living in Los Angeles, seemed disappointed to learn that the small-penis pageant wasn’t entirely an “anti-body shaming” event. That didn’t stop August from giggling about “dinky winkies” as she introduced Rip on her podcast:

“If you [listeners] have engaged in some dinky winkie, did you actually think it was funny?”

 

Rip: “She’s a Minnesota girl, so she’s probably seen her share of shriveled cocks.”

Here is August discussing small cocks with Rip:

 

 

 

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The Practical Joke

 

Years before the small-penis pageant, Rip had some fun at the expense of local radio personality Kevyn Burger. Using the alias of a spurned ex named “Maggie,” Rip e-mailed Burger about a (fake) Web site in which “Maggie” had posted naked pictures of her ex (Rip in a hot tub).

Rip: “If ever there was a ‘mom’ radio show, this was it. I think Kevyn and her friends were genuinely shocked at the sight of my bone at half-mast. Speaking of which … I’m a grower, not a shower, so that partial erection is atypical.

“I e-mailed Burger after the show, using another fake profile and pretending to be a woman hoping to see the nude pictures. Burger said she couldn’t forward the link but assured me the photos were ‘choice.’”

 

Click below to hear the segment on FM107 in which Kevyn and two gal pals discuss Rip’s nude pictures:

 

 

 

 

Kevyn Burger:  “So I click on it [the link] and hello — there he was in all his glory, and I was just blushing and clicked away.”

 

 Above, the photo that made Burger blush (from the shoulders down, that is)

 

KB:  “Is this humiliating for a guy, to be pictured naked on the Internet?”

KB:  “Well, the picture of this guy on the Web site, I forwarded it to you ladies –”

Gal Pals:  “Yes!”

Gal Pal 2:  “I just about died.”

KB:  “He looks pretty proud.”

Gal Pal 2:  “He’s wearing himself a big old smile.”

KB:  “And nothing else!”

Gal Pal 1:  “And nothing else.”

Gal Pal 2:  “Just his birthday suit.”

KB: “I don’t know if he’s exactly identified.”

Gal Pal 2:  “We see everything else.” (laughter)

Gal Pal 1:  “I think we can see the identifying marks.”

 

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Podcasters Rachel Khona and Abbi Stern, pictured above at the 2014 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant, interviewed Rip for their podcast Have You Seen My Panties? Click below to hear the interview:

 

 

 

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Rip was interviewed by Zoe Lillian (above right) and Nicoletta Heidegger (above left) for their podcast, Sluts & Scholars.

Zoe got right to the point: “How small is your dick?” she asked Rip.

About 1.5 inches, Rip revealed.

Zoe told Rip that she researched him on the Internet, and was “aghast” by the negative comments she read about him and other men with wee willies:

“A lot of women [were] shaming Rip for his small dick, saying like, ‘I couldn’t feel that even if it were inside me,’ or, ‘It would be like a finger … how on earth dare you be OK with your small penis?’” 

Zoe went on to interpret society’s attitude toward men with small cocks:

“The penis is the epitome of maleness, and the more male you are, the bigger your dick is. We as a society are bombarded with imagery of women deriving pleasure from deep penile thrusting,” Zoe said.

Imagery like the scene below from Any Given Sunday, in which Cameron Diaz eyeballs a big black cock in the locker room:

 

 

Zoe continued: “I once had sex with a man who had a really small penis and he was, um, kind of apologetic about it. So he just spent a really long time going down on me. And I didn’t really feel the need to be like, ‘I would rather you do this anyway.’”

Says Rip: “Zoe Lillian gave me erections twice. First, when I watched her juicy booty swivel back and forth in the video (below), and again when she accidentally sent me an e-mail intended for Heidegger. She seemed quite excited about talking to a guy with a small wiener.”

 

 

grouchyeditor.com Zoe

 

 

Nicoletta Heidegger, above, told Rip: “We will show your dick [on social media]. Because we think it’s important.”

Below, Nicoletta (left) and Zoe (right) contemplate sex with Rip’s small pecker. Just kidding. We have no idea what they’re doing. Below the pictures, more random comments from the podcast.

 

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Zoe:

“Most of the [female pageant] attendees, in your experience … come for the freak show aspect of it, to laugh at it, to shame, to mock? That’s OK with you?” 

 

Nicoletta:

“I don’t know what’s longer, your dick beard or your face beard.”

“Once you were there and you saw people were taking pictures, how do you feel knowing that there are pictures of you out there? Do you like it? Does it turn you on? Are you worried about your job?”

“They [Rip’s nieces] saw your dick pics. That is the name of this episode: ‘Uncle Rip’s Wiener.’”

 

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One happy side effect of Rip’s interview on Sluts & Scholars: The show’s promotonal Tweet was retweeted by one of Rip’s favorites – 1980s porn queen Nina Hartley, pictured below.

 

 

 

 

Listen to the full podcast below:

 

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Recently divorced Marlena (above) is a Chicago preschool teacher who blogs at Modern & Blissful. Marlena, like fellow Midwesterner Kat, wasn’t bashful when it came to prying personal, sexual information out of Rip. Some examples:

 

Marlena: How many women have you had sex with?

Marlena: Do you prefer vaginal or oral sex?

Marlena: How wide is your penis?

Marlena: Do condoms impact your ability to maintain erections and cum?

Marlena: How does having a small penis affect your life?

Rip:  Some women actually prefer a small sex organ to a very large one.

Marlena: I can attest to that! Huge dicks can be painful during extra penetrating positions such as doggie style.

 

 

Marlena: Would you ever consider becoming a porn star?

 

Rip got excited after discussing doggie-style sex, oral sex, masturbation, and spread buttocks, so he decided to hit on Marlena. Alas, she informed Rip that she was “taken” and not into guys with “long beards.” Oh, well.

You can read Marlena’s interview with Rip by clicking here.

 

 

 

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Rip attempted to renew his acquaintance with local news anchor Liz (that’s her on the right in the picture above, posing with Rip and another news girl), suggesting to Liz on Facebook that some nude sunbathing might be in order.

 

 

Readers might recall that when Rip first met Liz, she learned of his participation in the small penis pageant and was quite impressed.

After that, one of two things happened: Either Rip put his dinghy in the anchor (see below), or someone spent some time with Photo Shop.

 

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I hooked up with some of the college football players living in my apartment building … it was fun.” — Jaye, the model who fingered Rip’s prick

 

 

“I’ve had numerous hookups with guys I never dated … these guys are typically hot. A few months ago, I hooked up with some of the college football players living in my apartment building … they’re all hot 18-year-old guys so it was fun.” — Jaye’s post on Facebook

 

You provide the players, Jaye provides the end zone

 

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Photo (Shop) Fun!

 

 

 Kat dangles her panties in front of Rip, who can only enjoy the view

 

 Rachel doesn’t like little cocks; Rip can only fantasize

 

 Rip’s dinghy approaches the anchor

 

 

Above, Rip. Below left, certainly not Rip. Below right, not Rip but probably could be.

 

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“The great thing about Netflix right now is that it’s like a catapult, because they just want content and lots of it. Do they care so much about the quality? Less about it, and they should keep their eye on that.” – director Ridley Scott

 

So, so many of the movies on Netflix suck. Netflix’s acquisitions team doesn’t seem to care if you shot a found-footage thriller in two hours on an iPhone in your back yard, they just want to air it.

The real reason to subscribe to Netflix is to discover gems that would have been unavailable 15 years ago – especially foreign movies and series. Like La Casa de Papel (pictured above and below), an exciting new series from Spain. It’s a bit like Die Hard, but with empathy for the bad guys and the good guys.

It’s a cops-and-robbers show with an implausible plot, but paced and directed with such pizzazz that you don’t really care.

 

 

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It’s December 30, 2017, and I am two-thirds through Magpie Murders, and I hereby make the following prediction: Charles Clover is guilty of one of the murders.

 

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I live in a state (Minnesota) where some people boast that they enjoy the cold weather. These people are either a) bundled under so many layers of clothing that they are “outdoors” in theory only, or b) lying.

I wouldn’t worry about terrorism if I was one of the fools braving cold temperatures to celebrate the New Year in Times Square. Studies have shown that when the weather is cold enough, even criminals tend to stay home. No, I wouldn’t worry about bombs. I’d worry about my mental health.

 

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I don’t know if it’s the insane political atmosphere of 2017, or if I’m just getting old, but lately I’ve been drawn to conspiracy-theory shows. Shows like Wormwood (CIA shenanigans), 911: Truth, Lies and Conspiracies (“truthers”) and Unacknowledged (UFOs and aliens and pretty much everything else you can think of).

Just remember: It’s true that you’re not paranoid if they really are out to get you.

 

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She is a beauty. We’re looking forward to seeing the nude pictures once they hit the Internet.

 

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I watched part of Jupiter’s Darling (1955) on TCM, and now I know why we got the 1960s.

 

Although it must be said, the musical number in which a woman debates whether or not she’d like to be treated like one of a trainer’s elephants has a certain spunky charm.

 

 

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I am wondering which subject our government will keep hidden from us the longest: the Pentagon’s research on UFOs, or the list of congressmen who used taxpayer money to hush up their sex scandals.

 

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This photo of Hillary that was posted on Breitbart … you just know it’s gonna get photoshopped.

 

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Wormwood on Netflix

 

A mesmerizing docudrama about the shady doings of the CIA and its impact on one man’s family.

But it’s also a frustrating miniseries because, you know, CIA.

 

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Stupid Tweets

 

 

Oh, come now. Omaha isn’t the largest city, but it surely has theaters bigger than that.

 

 

Hmmm … must have been a pretty big freezer to make room for her and the dogs.

 

© 2010-2018 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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grouchyeditor.com crooked pol

 

How come we aren’t hearing more about the secret fund that Congress set up to protect its members against sexual harassment claims?

Are the devious creeps in Washington hoping that we’ll eventually forget about it and the issue will just fade away?

 

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Today is December 16, 2017, and I have reached page 170 of the whodunit Magpie Murders. I hereby make this bold prediction:

Dr. Emilia Redwing dunit.

Well, she done at least one of the murders.

I did not cheat by looking ahead to the end of the book to find out whodunit.

 

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Fox’s Steve Hilton was either star-struck by guest Corey Lewandowski, or he’s still learning how to host an American cable-news show.

Either way, this gets our vote for Introduction of the Year:

 

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Do your part to help Tasmania’s economy: Watch Rosehaven (above) on Sundance.

 

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I keep wanting to call Don Lemon “little Donnie Darko” because it sounds insulting and I have no respect for him.

But it also sounds racist.

So I’d best not call him “little Donnie Darko.”

 

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TV Update

 

 

Shows I Hate to Love

 

There are good reasons to shun two of Netflix’s latest offerings, Dark and season two of The Crown. I have issues with both shows. But I watched all ten episodes of the German mystery Dark and am well into the second season of The Crown. They are both very, very well made. If you begin watching either of them, you are likely to get hooked — despite yourself.

 

 

Why I dislike Dark

 

It’s a time-travel fantasy show, and I generally like time-travel shows only when they are light and fun, like Back to the Future or Time After Time. As far as current science knows, time travel is not possible, and therefore the entire premise is silly. Yet Dark takes itself oh-so-seriously.

And there are a lot of characters. The show takes place in 2019, and in 1986, and in 1953. You must learn the names of characters in 2019, and of the same characters 33 years earlier, and of the same characters 33 years before that. The various characters in 1953, 1986, and 2019 are all played by different actors. And they are German actors, so they are unfamiliar.

The myriad characters all have complex relationships with one another. Once you finally feel comfortable with Ulrich in 2019, for example, you must learn what his father looked like in 1953, or whom Ulrich was dating in 1986, or which children he sired by which woman.

During your struggle to read subtitles and unravel scores of relationships between unfamiliar actors, you must also keep an eye out for clues to the central mystery: Who is kidnapping and killing kids in a small German village? We didn’t have to work this hard during Stranger Things.

 

Why I kept watching Dark

 

If you accept the silly premise, it’s an otherwise intelligent show. The cinematography and art direction are striking. The soundtrack, which alternates between ‘80s retro and some kind of eerie, modern, German contribution, is cool. The gloomy setting and mood are also cool.

 

Why I dislike The Crown

 

Why on Earth should any of us give a rat’s ass about the problems of rich, privileged, self-pitying royals? We shouldn’t. So what if their life isn’t trouble-free? Let them eat cake.

 

Why I keep watching The Crown

 

Living the life of a British royal is a seductive fantasy. If you can divorce your thoughts from the fact that these people actually exist, which isn’t always easy to do, this handsome, well-produced show will suck you in with its world cruises, slaves servants on hand to cater to your every whim, and that torrid sex scene between stars John Lithgow and Claire Foy.

OK, just kidding about that last one. Maybe.

 

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Uhhh … who?

 

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Voyeur

grouchyeditor.com Voyeur

 

This might be one case where the movie is better than the book. Famed journalist Gay Talese’s nonfiction account of a Colorado Peeping Tom was often a repetitious slog through the mind (and journal) of Gerald Foos, a motel owner who for years spied on unsuspecting guests through ceiling vents and then recorded his observations.

This documentary, on the other hand, is less about peeping and more about two old men who are both preoccupied with how they are and will be perceived by the rest of us. The juxtaposition of the proud and meticulous Talese with his partner in crime, the alternately insecure and self-aggrandizing Foos, as they strive to publish Foos’s perverse tale is an often-fascinating look at fame – and infamy – in America. Release: 2017 Grade: B+

 

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Nocturama

grouchyeditor.com Nocturama

 

Nocturama is stylish, beautifully shot, and has several scenes that are truly harrowing. But too bad the editor wasn’t in charge of things, because the movie also has a lot of sequences that drag on needlessly – especially during the first hour. Writer-director Bertrand Bonello’s premise is a good one: A group of disaffected young people are persuaded to plant bombs on the streets of Paris, and then hide out in an upscale department store while all hell breaks loose in the city. But in that first hour, Bonello’s camera dwells on every corner the kids pass, every elevator they use, and every subway change they make on their way to planting the bombs. Yet the rest of the film is a chilling portrait of what could come next in the form of terrorism.  Release: 2016 Grade: B+

 

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This was our prediction from a year ago:

 

 

OK, OK, so our timing was a little bit off. But still ….

 

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These are apples:

 

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As far as I’m concerned, there is only one “celebrity chef” – the man pictured above.

The rest of these guys are just cooks on TV.

 

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I just finished season three of Broadchurch, and I’ve come to the conclusion that Hardy and Miller (above) are the most entertaining crime-fighting duo since Blomkvist and Salander in the original The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

I’ve softened my view of Hardy (David Tennant), of whom I said in my original review: “My problem is with the lead detective.  … this guy is so relentlessly sour and unpleasant that I find myself sympathizing with anyone he encounters — including all of the murder suspects.”

Hey, this is The Grouchy Editor. I can’t hold a grudge against a fellow grouch.

 

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I wonder if Queen Elizabeth caught this episode of Suits, featuring her future granddaughter-in-law.

 

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I have a hard time shedding tears for the Big Shots losing their jobs over sex scandals. When I lose my job, or when you lose your job, that’s a problem. When Matt Lauer and Charlie Rose get axed, they lick their wounds while sitting on piles of cash.

 

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I suspect that the best, smartest people in America are people you never see on television, most likely because they avoid going on television.

 

In other words, turn off the TV because there is hope for all of us.

 

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Yeah. What the lady above said. In this article.

 

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