The Grouchy Editor

01Apr

Reviews in Short: April 2024

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A Haunting in Venice

Alfred Hitchcock said that he did not make “mystery” movies because, unlike his preferred plotlines, whodunits rely more on logic than suspense. Hitchcock chose to feed information to his audience and then keep it on tenterhooks, anxious not about who the killer was, but on when or how the bad guy would strike.

Kenneth Branagh, starring in and directing his third adaptation of an Agatha Christie whodunit, seems to realize that Hitchcock was correct. A Haunting in Venice, in which Branagh once again plays the indomitable Hercule Poirot, swaps suspense for atmosphere. But oh, what atmosphere!

The plot: A cast of typical Christie characters are stranded in a cavernous Venetian palazzo during a storm and, following a séance, learn there is a murderer in their midst. Poirot must unmask the villain while simultaneously battling odd visions. Is he fighting an ordinary criminal or is the supernatural at work?

Not every plot element holds up to inspection, but Venice has never looked lovelier — or creepier. Release: 2023 Grade: B+

Would I watch it again? Eventually, yes.

30Mar

The Weekly Review: March 24 – 30

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I glanced back at last week’s “Review,” and it struck me that the whole post was essentially a parade of horrors.

Let’s take a break from that unceasing misery and enjoy something that hasn’t really changed that much: celebrity T&A.

Above, Donald Trump’s pal looking fetching on a Caribbean beach. The girl, Trump attorney Alina Habba, looks good, too.

**

I’ve never thought Taylor Swift was particularly attractive, but she does nicely fill out (almost) a bikini.

**

This is Amandla Stenberg, who stars in Bodies Bodies Bodies and, I hear, an upcoming Disney+ show called The Acolyte:

Posting pictures like the ones above has always been a not-so guilty pleasure here at The Grouchy Editor.

It’s a bummer to realize that with the increasing prevalence of A.I. and “deep fakes,” soon we won’t be able to tell whether these kinds of pics are the real deal … or fake.

23Mar

The Weekly Review: March 17 – 23

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“Civil War”

The early reviews are in for this much-anticipated film, and most of them are glowing.

I am of two minds about this. On the one hand, there’s nothing I enjoy more than a crackerjack thriller, and this sounds like a good one.

On the other hand, the movie’s protagonists are reportedly … members of the media.

If there is one profession that decidedly does not deserve the hero-treatment in 2024, it’s the media.

**

“We’re on the verge of insanity” — Victor Davis Hanson

If I didn’t know better, I would suspect that the Democrats, sensing a November election loss to Donald Trump, are doubling down on the insanity, hoping to inflict as much permanent damage as possible to the country in the months they have left in power. Some recent outrages:

Outrage 1

Terrorists, for sure. But don’t forget the child sex-traffickers.

Outrage 2

More evidence that whatever Joe Biden touches turns to shit — including Supreme Court appointments. This one believes, apparently, that government should rule with an iron fist over its citizens. You know, because the citizens work for government, not the other way around.

Outrage 3

Yeah, Biden, this one’s on you, too.

Outrage 4

Biden’s America. Sorry if that sounds like a broken record, but there it is.

Outrage 5

I live in Minnesota, which has a friendly rivalry with neighboring Iowa. But hats off to you on this one, Iowa.

**

Overrated Movies

Typically, when I see “click-bait” articles like this one, I just roll my eyes and move on. But I read this one about overrated movies and, to my surprise, I agreed with most of its conclusions.

**

Who was it that said, “Women acquire wisdom when, as they age, they realize the importance of logic; men acquire wisdom when, as they age, they realize the importance of compassion”?

Wait … that was me.

Aren’t I smart?

**

Some pundits on the political right also seem to have gone crazy:

Or does Candace Owens know something about the First Lady of France that we do not?

**

Too much doom and gloom. Let’s end this week on a more pleasant note. Like this picture of bathing beauty Riley Gaines.

23Mar

Reviews in Short: March 2024

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Bodies Bodies Bodies

I was ready to write off this movie after the first act. OK, I thought, it’s a whodunit like And Then There Were None meets Any-Slasher-Movie, Gen Z-style. Seven young people gather to party at a mansion during a hurricane, and they are picked off, one by one. Been there, done that — plus, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stand the music on the soundtrack (yes, I am old).

But a funny thing happens at the end that redeems the whole movie. There is a brilliant twist that I didn’t see coming, and it was good enough that I’m upping my grade from, oh, C-minus to (see below). Kudos to three creative chicks: Kristen Roupenian and Sarah DeLappe, who wrote the film, and Halina Reijn, who directed. Release: 2022 Grade: B+

Would I watch it again? Yes.

16Mar

The Weekly Review: March 10 – 16

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I don’t know a whole lot of Gen Z people. I work with some of them. That’s about it.

But from what I have read about members of Gen Z, I suspect they might be a bit like Gen X.

Both groups followed flamboyant, frequently self-centered generations. Gen X came of age in the shadow of Boomers, and Gen Z is trailing the Millennials.

Gen Z and Gen X don’t get all the attention, but they don’t seem to mind. They appear more grounded to me, more level-headed than Boomers and Millennials. Also, some of my best friends are Gen X.

My heart goes out to Gen Z. It’s hard for them to buy a house or start a family. Society is crumbling. Institutions are untrustworthy. The so-called government “safety nets” are either gone or going to other people (or countries).

Of course, there is always the possibility that I am full of shit.

Let’s hope so, for Gen Z’s sake.

**

Oh, goodie. Can’t wait to see this.

Just kidding. The last time I watched a special Halloween broadcast involving ghosts and such, it was Britain’s “legendary” (100% “fresh” rating on Rotten Tomatoes) Ghostwatch — which has not aged well and wasn’t remotely scary.

But can the esteemed critics at Rotten Tomatoes all be mistaken? The short answer: yes.

09Mar

The Weekly Review: March 3 – 9

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(British) TV Tidbits

Sad news: I watched the series finale of Doc Martin (above) a few weeks ago. If there was an Andy Griffith Show for the 21st Century, this was it. I will miss the curmudgeonly doctor and everyone else in the picturesque village of Portwenn.

Good news: Peacock is finally showing the second season of The Traitors, British version. I continue to believe that this is superior to the American show because, instead of spoiled, camera-hungry reality-TV stars, we get regular folk (who could really use the cash prize) competing and displaying genuine emotion.

U.K. Traitors

Bad news: If the final “mission” on season two of the American Traitors is any indication, the physical competitions are clearly rigged.

The challenges nearly always come down to the final seconds, with our heroes emerging triumphant. The final mission of season two, in which contestants amazingly rappelled down a steep cliffside and swam through a water-filled cavern — all of this, according to the clock, in less than 15 minutes — was ridiculously unrealistic. If the missions are staged, what else about the show is fake?

Uncertain news: The return of Downton Abbey. Could be a welcome thing, could be a colossal mistake.

**

“Deadnaming”

What are we to call Elliot Page in his old movies? Because Page identified as, looked like, and played female characters in films like Inception, the logical thing to do is to use “Ellen Page” when talking or writing about those older movies.

If that makes certain people unhappy, tough shit.

IMDB rewriting history for us

**

Maher the Mockster

The venerable host prides himself on calling out conservative bullshit. So why does he so often become the butt of his own jokes? You know, like laughing at Ann Coulter when she (correctly) predicted that the Super Bowl shooter would not turn out to be a white male. Or mocking guest Dennis Prager for (correctly) stating that progressives insist that men can menstruate. Or generating big laughs from his audience when Maher failed to recognize the satire in Jack Prosobiec’s speech about “the end of democracy” at CPAC.

Maher clearly needs to drop politics and do what he really wants to do: get stoned on Club Random and shoot the breeze with his celebrity pals.

**

OK, I’ll swallow that. Because The Washington Post “fact checkers” are about as reliable as Bill Maher.

02Mar

The Weekly Review: February 25 – March 2

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I decided it was time to finally learn what the fuss was about regarding Game of Thrones, so I’ve been binge-watching it. I am halfway through season four. My initial impressions:

1. There are a lot of plot threads to follow. Too many plot threads. Unless you do a rewatch of the episodes, I don’t think it’s possible to keep in mind all the tribes, kingdoms, characters, cities, families, names, grudges, villains, and heroes.

*

2. I recall the controversy over the amount of gratuitous female nudity in the show. But there is also more male nudity and gay sex than I expected (or wanted).

*

3. Individual scenes are very, very good. It’s well-written and handsomely produced. But overall, the tone of the show is depressing. It might accurately depict life in the Middle Ages, but there is very little sunshine in that world.

*

4. Usually, I grow weary of stories with magic and dragons and witches and giants and ghosts and other fantasy staples. But in Thrones, at least they are used sparingly.

*

5. Is there an actor on Earth who plays compelling villains better than Charles Dance (above)? I doubt it.

*

6. I roll my eyes whenever the show focuses on “the mother of dragons” (Emilia Clarke, below). It seems like every male on the show instantly shows fealty to her and cannot wait to become one of her foot soldiers. I assume this is because she’s so cute.

**

Remember when we had a thing they called “a slow news day”?

Yeah, I don’t either.

24Feb

The Weekly Review: February 18 – 24

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According to Google’s A.I. feature, this is the father of our country:

There’s nothing “woke” about the world’s largest search engine, is there?

Can’t wait to see how Google handles our upcoming presidential election.

**

I keep harping on this subject, but to little avail.

To the average voter, the “economy” has nothing to do with job reports, or projections, or Wall Street. The economy has everything to do with skyrocketing costs for gas and groceries that cut into their disposable income. We’re talking about thousands of dollars, annually, for a middle-class family.

But to rich liberals like Bill Maher, inflation is nothing more than the cost of a Mars bar going up twenty-five cents.

**

I had to read the above Daily Mail headline three times before I got an inkling of what it was trying to say.

**

Whenever I begin to despair about the wokeness takeover in America, I remember that things could be worse. I could live in England (or Canada).

**

An Example of Fine Investigative Reporting:

There is a debate about whether the derriere on display in a scene from the slasher flick Thanksgiving belongs to actress Shailyn Griffin (above). We’re trying to get to, uh, the bottom of it.

AZ Nude seems to believe the butt belongs to a body double:

Mr. Skin also suspects the rear end does not belong to Ms. Griffin:

But on Reddit, there is a raging debate:

In pursuit of journalistic truth, we have examined the scene in question. Below is a video clip. If you watch it carefully, there is a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it profile shot of the actress at the eight-second mark. Is that Ms. Griffin’s face?

Because we are so intrepid, we sent a query to Ms. Griffin on her Instagram page:

That was a week ago. We haven’t heard back.

We are not holding our collective breath for a reply.

17Feb

The Weekly Review: February 11 – 17

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Movie Thoughts

I sat down to view Ghostwatch, Britain’s 1992 answer to The War of the Worlds, Orson Welles’s infamous 1938 radio prank on the American public.

The premise of Ghostwatch is clever. Using real talent from BBC’s presenter pool, the 90-minute production purports to be a live Halloween special documenting a poltergeist event in a West London household.

The coverage ping-pongs from man-on-the-street “interviews,” to sit-downs with supposed experts on the paranormal, to creepy incidents in the allegedly haunted house.

What the BBC did not anticipate: Thousands of alarmed viewers inundated the station with phone calls, most of the callers taken in by the elaborate hoax. It was a repeat of the hysteria Welles created in 1938.

After I watched this controversial movie, I checked out Chris Stuckmann’s review of it, then read his comments section.

What’s interesting is the defensiveness expressed by many commenters. They begin with the caveat, “What you have to understand is –” or “The reason this show was so –.”

I think the commenters, many of whom were children when first exposed to the prank show, are defensive because at some level they realize that as a TV movie, Ghostwatch simply doesn’t hold up.

My 2024 perspective: Although the production is interesting as a sort of time-capsule, it hasn’t aged well as a drama. Too many incidents stretch credibility. The “news coverage” comes off as fake. “Pipes,” the ghost at the center of the story, isn’t particularly scary.

After its initial showing, BBC declined to air Ghostwatch again. Ever. Too controversial, I guess. For years it was difficult to find the movie.

No more. If you want to form your own opinion, you can now rent it or purchase it on Amazon.

**

I suppose that if I were inclined to do the research, I could find out how Rotten Tomatoes defines its “rotten” and “fresh” ratings. I am not inclined to do that.

But doesn’t it seem odd that a grade of D-minus warrants a “fresh” rating?

**

Wonder woman Taylor Swift keeps hooking up with losers like man-child Travis Kelce (above).

Isn’t it high time that Swift wrote fewer songs about these guys, and more songs about her personal failings? She is clearly doing something wrong.

11Feb

Still Life

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by Louise Penny

The Plot:

Someone using a bow and arrow kills a beloved old lady in the woods. Was it an accident, or is someone in an arts-loving Canadian village responsible?

What I Liked:

Clues to the killer — and other village secrets — are hidden in a unique setting: the victim’s living-room walls. The walls are adorned with a giant mural depicting the residents of tiny Three Pines. Did the dead woman leave a clue to the identity of her eventual killer in her mural?

That’s a fun idea that I haven’t really seen done before. The detectives, the villagers, and readers alike are invited to ponder this maze-like puzzle.

What I Didn’t Care For:

The main characters are a collection of middle-class liberals who believe that, deep down, they are undiscovered great artists. They seem oblivious to the fact that history’s great artists were not often middle-class liberals.

Penny wants us to view lead detective Armand Gamache as an enigmatic, wise man of few words. I saw him as bland and forgettable. (Gamache is much like another low-key detective who leaves me cold, P.D. James’s Adam Dalgliesh.)

I prefer my protagonists to have a bit more color, a la Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes.