The Grouchy Editor

22Feb

People Who Eat Darkness

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by Richard Lloyd Parry

When it comes to “true-crime” material, journalist Parry had a lot to work with for this book: a mysterious, cold-blooded rapist/killer who used charm and loads of cash to lure victims; an intriguing culture clash between East and West, as the British family of victim Lucie Blackman descends on the Land of the Rising Sun to seek justice for Lucie, who was eventually found – in pieces – buried in a seashore cave; and the lurid setting of much of the book: the bizarre night world of Roppongi, a Tokyo red-light district where Lucie worked as a “hostess.”

What Parry delivers is a workmanlike recounting of the hunt for Lucie, followed by the trial of middle-aged Joji Obara, who comes off as a combination of Jay Gatsby and Hannibal Lecter, certainly the strangest “date rapist” in Japanese history. But Parry is handicapped by never landing an interview with the enigmatic Obara, which turns People into a poignant, but not particularly compelling, story of the luckless Blackmans.

17Feb

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia (2009)

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The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia made me feel like a horsefly at the county dump. Everywhere I looked, there was garbage and piles of unpleasantness, but damned if it didn’t attract me.

Director Julien Nitzberg used film from a 1991 documentary and new footage to shine a spotlight on the Whites, a multi-generational clan of mountain dancers, moonshiners, cons, and killers, not to mention the terror of Boone County, West Virginia. The Whites — from barefoot young’uns to toothless elders — allowed Nitzberg to film them in bad times and in … well, I’m not sure that there are any good times for this bunch, although I’m certain they would argue the point.

One of the challenges of watching this movie is that each White is a natural-born storyteller, blessed with the con man’s gift of gab, usually through nicotine-stained teeth and whiskey-choked larynxes. But how much of what they say is actually true? It’s tempting, for example, to listen as Jesco White professes his admiration for Charles Manson and to assume that, like any good reality-TV star, Jesco simply knows how to hook his listener.

But then Nitzberg turns his camera on Boone County law enforcement, and the sheriff rattles off a litany of crimes committed by Whites over the years. We learn who was shot, who was killed, and who was imprisoned. We watch Kirk White snort drugs just hours after she gives birth to yet another White. A judge means business when he sentences Brandon Poe to 50 years in prison for shooting Mamie White’s boyfriend in the face. And “Wimpy” isn’t kidding when he reveals what’s tattooed on his penis.

There’s a good deal of exploitation in a documentary like this, both by the filmmakers and by the self-serving subjects. We are often invited to laugh at their outlaw exploits. Yet when I wasn’t gawking at a drunken “girls’ night out” or marveling at Jesco’s clog-dancing routine, I felt … depressed.

We see little soul-searching by the hell-raising Whites, nor any sleepless nights when the government checks don’t arrive in the mail. The coal-mining life of these hill people, despite all their whooping and dancing and drinking, is not very pretty. Sort of like what you see at the county dump. Grade: B+

Director: Julien Nitzberg Featuring: Jesco White, Mamie White Release: 2009

Watch the Trailer (click here)

16Feb

The Weekly Review: February 10 – 16

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The Love Boat

I used to wonder what a poop deck was. Not anymore, thanks to the passengers on the ill-fated Triumph.

I actually feel a bit sorry for Carnival’s P.R. people, who are having to answer so many idiotic questions from the media. They should have simply issued a two-word press release: “Shit happens.”

Oh and by the way, media … this cruise-ship business was mildly interesting, but Jon Stewart was correct in calling you out for going, uh, overboard with your frantic coverage. Inconvenienced vacationers are page 2 news. What do I consider page 1 news? Well, this …

*****

Eggheads, Airheads, and Dogheads

Security expert James Lewis was on Face the Nation. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a man whose noggin so closely resembles an egg.

*****

I was under the impression that most bubble-headed anchors work at Fox News, but it’s hard to ignore CNN’s Ashleigh Banfield (above). Banfield and Anderson Cooper shared this memorable exchange during last week’s East Coast snowstorm:

Banfield: One other thing that I’ve been doing, Anderson, all day I’ve been doing the president’s measurements. And I think this — as the governor of the state said — this is when it’s going to start getting a lot more serious. The snowfall is going to start getting a lot more thick. We’re going to get those 3 to 5 inches an hour. And our official president’s measurement, we have reached Millard Fillmore. I’ve been waiting. I’ve been waiting to reach Millard Fillmore, which is about seven inches or so. But now I can tell you every ten minutes or so, we are going up a president.

Cooper: Hey, Ashleigh, I know you’re cold, but what are you talking about? I don’t understand. The measurements of the presidents?

Banfield: Anderson Cooper, get your Kathy Griffin on. I have a second-grader, so this is how the rulers are when you’re in second grade.

Cooper: OK.

Banfield: They’re the presidents.

Cooper: I see. OK.

Banfield: Get with the program. I’ve been measuring it in president. We started at George Washington. We’re at Millard Fillmore. I’m waiting to get to Cleveland, not second term, first term, because that’s halfway.

Cooper: It’s been a long night, hasn’t it, Ashleigh?

*****

11Feb

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Posted in Books, Movies, TV & Web, Movies | 1 Comment

As I watched Beasts of the Southern Wild, director Benh Zeitlin’s mystical, philosophical sojourn in the “Bathtub,” a fictional bayou settlement in southern Louisiana, I had two reactions: 1) I thought, this is the kind of film that sheltered, privileged city-dwellers probably love, because it allows them to spy on and empathize with rural “little people” for a brisk 90 minutes or so; 2) I thought, this is the kind of film that residents of the Bathtub — if they were real and assuming they ever watched movies — would likely detest. There is very little plot, lots of mumbo jumbo about man’s place in the universe, artsy-fartsy photography, and a “can we all get along?” sentimentality.

Oh, and I had a third thought: The people of the Bathtub would make excellent subjects for a documentary on the National Geographic Channel. If nothing else, Beasts is a welcome reminder that, between the coasts, America is many things, none of them apartments on the Upper East Side or cop chases in South L.A.

Young Quvenzhane Wallis, five years old at the time of filming, has been nominated for an Oscar for her starring role as “Hushpuppy,” a spunky Bathtub resident who lives in squalor with her ailing, abusive father. Wallis is very good; she has an expressive face and loads of charm. But Best Actress good? Lord, no. Maggie Smith has nothing to fear. At least not yet.

Not a lot happens to Hushpuppy in this movie. We are voyeurs of her poverty-stricken lifestyle in the heat and humidity of the swamp. But we needn’t worry much about her because, although her drunken father occasionally beats her and her neighbors are all illiterate pigs, these people like each other. And Hushpuppy is wise beyond her years. And the Bathtubians(?) don’t much cotton to encroachment by modern civilization, which threatens their idyllic way of life. So we can thank them for 90 minutes of their time and go back to our apartments and cop chases in South L.A. Grade: C+

.

Director: Benh Zeitlin Cast: Quvenzhane Wallis, Dwight Henry, Levy Easterly, Lowell Landes, Pamela Harper, Gina Montana, Amber Henry, Jonshel Alexander Release: 2012

Watch Trailers and Clips (click here)

09Feb

The Weekly Review: February 3 – 9

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“They go straight back home, they make a beeline back to the apartment, back to the home for more anal sex. You know, I’ve been thinking about this a lot.”

That’s a quote from Nancy Grace, who has been taking a keen interest in the trial of Jodi Arias for the murder of her ex-boyfriend, Travis Alexander. Trial watching has also been a welcome opportunity for Nancy and BFF Casey to enjoy some long-overdue bonding (above).

Photoshop, you ask? Certainly not. We aren’t professional graphic artists here at The Grouchy Editor, so if ever we did attempt to alter a photograph, you would most likely be able to tell.

*****

I guess this demand from the right for a picture of Obama shooting a gun (above) is some sort of manhood test. OK, but it seems only fair then that we all get to enjoy this manly photo of George Bush from back in his cheerleader days:

*****

I realize that we can’t all be fashion models, and I love casual Fridays as much as the next guy, but geez Rachel, what is this? “Hobo chic”?

*****

More proofreading woes at The Huffington Post:

*****

“We interrupt this week’s coverage of nutcase Jodi Arias’s murder trial to bring you coverage of rogue nutcase Christopher Dorner, an ex-cop on a murderous rampage in California.”

I understand the hand-wringing over our tendency to treat hard news as “infotainment,” but good grief, is there no end to these outrageous diversions? Guess I should ask Nancy and Casey.

*****

08Feb

Gone Girl

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by Gillian Flynn

Did smirking Nick Dunne kill his gorgeous, albeit pampered, young wife? As I read for clues, the plot twists kept coming but I persevered … persevered … persevered – stop. Alas, about two thirds into the story, Gone Girl lost me.

Flynn’s mindbender is peppered with clever asides about marriage, co-dependence, and the perils of marrying a sociopath, but it’s also decidedly lacking in sympathetic characters; if her people aren’t flat-out crazy, then they’re something conceivably worse: relentlessly cynical. But we all love a good villain, and the cat-and-mouse shenanigans between the less-than-perfect Dunnes are often delicious (imagine Nick and Nora Charles with homicidal streaks). The problem here is plot: There are simply too many “yeah, right” moments.

02Feb

The Weekly Review: January 27 – February 2

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“I know more about Jodi Arias’s — let me just say rear end, for a better word — than I ever dreamed I would know. That’s not exactly why I went to law school.”

— Nancy Grace, not fooling any of us

*****

Term that needs to be abolished: “rock star” — unless it refers to an actual, honest-to-goodness musician.

Hillary Clinton, love her or hate her, is often referred to as a Democratic “rock star.” Hillary is many things, but she is certainly not a rock star. She is an aging, heavyset politician who wears pantsuits and glasses — the very antithesis of “rock star.” Likewise, that scrawny geek from Louisiana, Bobby Jindal, is no one’s idea of a “rock star.”

*****

As long as we’re banning things, let’s ban the Super Bowl party. If you are a genuine football fan, it’s next to impossible to watch the actual game during these parties because there are “casual fans” in attendance, blocking the TV screen, paying attention only to commercials, and making non-football-related conversation. Who needs that?

*****

Eddie Munster haircut, circa 1964

Eddie Munster haircut, circa 2013

*****

Lord knows I bitch enough about annoying commercials, so it’s only fair that I praise a — stop the presses! — good one, on the rare occasion that one comes along. This Kayak spot is funny. Of course, I won’t feel that way after I’ve seen it 1,400 times.

It’s impossible to escape awful commercials. Not if you expect to watch television. But you can at least pick your poison. If you want to avoid the cloying appeals of retired celebrities like Henry Winkler, Fred Thompson, or William Devane, who all strive to convince us that they are just like us, just regular folk, you must steer clear of cable-news channels. Likewise, if you can’t stomach one more acne-cream ad, say goodbye to MTV.

*****

This attraction Obama has for flies at press conferences is beginning to go beyond bizarre. Perhaps he needs acne cream.

02Feb

Reviews in Short: February 2013

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Art School Confidential Quirkiness has done well for Terry Zwigoff, the creator of off-the-wall gems like Ghost World and Crumb. Zwigoff’s Art School is certainly peculiar, blending youth romance with satire about what constitutes “art.” And oh, yes: There is a subplot about a vicious serial killer terrorizing the school campus. Hey, I did mention that Zwigoff is into quirky. But despite funny supporting work from John Malkovich and Jim Broadbent, this time Zwigoff falls flat. Art School is often slow and it’s hampered by a dullish Max Minghella as the young hero. Release: 2006 Grade: C

*****

Safety Not Guaranteed tries hard to be a lovable fantasy-romance, but male lead Mark Duplass, as an eccentric who claims to know the secret of time travel, comes off stiff and childish. There are also some jarring shifts in tone — it’s difficult to sustain whimsy when your quirky comedy suddenly morphs into an armed-heist thriller — but doe-eyed Aubrey Plaza is disarming as a kooky “emo girl,” a magazine intern sent to investigate oddball Duplass. Release: 2012 Grade: C+

*****

House at the End of the Street Until it gets stupid, stupider, and stupidest in its last act, during which every horror-flick cliché ever clichéd comes into play, House is a decent enough thriller. But not even Jennifer Lawrence — smack in the midst of Major Movie-Star Momentum — can rescue that silly third act. Lawrence, playing a typical teen who moves with her mom to a house with some atypical neighbors, at least doesn’t embarrass herself. Release: 2012 Grade: C

*****

The Aztec Box What hath the Blair Witch wrought? Aztec is yet another low-budget, found-footage horror flick, this time involving the unearthing of a cursed Mexican artifact. I say “low-budget,” but that’s not really the problem here. The problem is a run-time that’s about 20 minutes too long, much of it inane home-movie footage that really should have remained lost. Release: 2013 Grade: D

*****

The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara You might not agree with all of McNamara’s “lessons,” but this mix of archival footage and interviews with the former Secretary of Defense could be one of the best films about war — and the all-too-human leaders who wage them — ever made. McNamara is alternately brash and humble as he chronicles his uniquely American life, culminating with his years as advisor to two presidents during the hellish Vietnam War. Release: 2003 Grade: A

26Jan

The Weekly Review: January 20 – 26

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Football wife Anna Welker, above, had some choice Facebook words for Baltimore’s Ray Lewis, who in the past has had some well-publicized legal problems. I had never heard of Anna Welker, so I Googled her. I have a hunch that the German woman pictured below, also named Anna Welker, is surprised by the sudden popularity of her online job profile.

Expect CBS broadcasters Jim Nantz and Phil Simms to kiss Lewis’s ass during the Super Bowl, and say little or nothing about his messy past (below). That’s apparently Anna Welker’s job – the American Anna Welker, that is.

*****

Thanks to the Manti Te’o hullaballoo, I’ve been watching MTV’s Catfish, which documents similar online deceptions. MTV should consider changing the name of this show to: Fat Youth Lying to Get Dates.

Catfish second banana Max Joseph (above left) shared an opinion that got my goat: “Saying you don’t have a cell phone is like saying you don’t wear pants!”

I don’t have a cell phone, and I might or might not be wearing pants – got a problem with that, Junior?

*****

Fashion Update!

CNN “fashion czar” Alina Cho was giddy over the way designer Jason Wu dolled up Michelle Obama (above) for inauguration festivities. Gushed Alina, “Another thing he [Wu] said, you know what? ‘After four years in office I thought the country was ready to see a confident First Lady in red’ – which I think is extraordinary.”

Good point, Alina, because until last week the nation most likely preferred a cowering, timid First Lady in red.

*****

The reviews are in for Movie 43, and they ain’t pretty. Here is a sample from Moviefone:

“The first section, with Jackman (playing a man who has testicles hanging off his chin) and Winslet, was shot FOUR YEARS AGO. Even after people said yes, they didn’t want to be in this thing.”

The “thing” is getting universally trashed by critics, and yet … I don’t know about you, but any movie that has Hugh Jackman with testicles hanging off his chin sounds like a must-see to me.

*****

The Huffington Post should really consider hiring a few proofreaders.

25Jan

No Easy Day

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by Mark Owen and Kevin Maurer

“In all of my deployments, we routinely saw this phenomenon. The higher up the food chain the targeted individual was, the bigger a pussy he was. The leaders were less willing to fight. It is always the young and impressionable who strap on the explosives and blow themselves up.” Those words are from “Mark Owen,” co-author of No Easy Day and one of the Navy SEALs responsible for killing Osama bin Laden.

The book is a compelling look at the day-to-day life of an elite SEAL, and I’m sure it’s a great recruitment tool for the military. However … if only Owen had left it at that. Owen (a pseudonym), who claims that he and his fellow SEALs don’t much concern themselves with politics, does little to hide his disdain for Barack Obama, and presumably liberals in general – yet has nothing to say about the “young and impressionable” Americans who died in the bogus war begun by Obama’s predecessor.