The Grouchy Editor

We haven’t checked in lately with the gang on Big Brother.  Let’s see what the houseguests are up to:

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Emmy Thoughts:

I have no clue how the Emmy people can possibly come up with their nominations.  Now that there are 4,752 channels on cable, satellite, cell phones, tablets, and the kitchen sink, who has time to watch every show?

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I am happy to see Orange Is the New Black get Emmy love.  It’s an excellent show and is unlike pretty much everything else on TV.  Assuming, of course, that you have time to watch everything else on TV.

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Fans of Orphan Black are outraged that series star Tatiana Maslany was ignored.  I don’t know.  Maslany is good, but mostly Orphan is a special-effects gimmick show.  Being upset that Maslany wasn’t nominated is like being upset that Hayley Mills didn’t win an Oscar for The Parent Trap.  I take that back; I am upset that Hayley Mills didn’t win an Oscar for The Parent Trap.

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Everyone is upset about some show or some actor who got snubbed.  Me, too.  I would have given a nod to Lilyhammer, which has been overshadowed by its trendier cousins on Netflix, House of Cards and Orange Is the New Black.

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Silly me.  I had no idea that the word “Chinaman” is considered offensive, as poor Bob Beckel found out on The Five this week.  Does that mean “Frenchman” is also a no-no?

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Let’s see what Paola and Victoria are up to on Big Brother:

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It’s the Fourth of July and America is divided.  Other countries dislike us; some even hate us.  I blame this on:  the Internet and the Kardashians.  Not necessarily in that order.

In this country, 99-percenters watch the awful Kardashians and resent the class they symbolize, the greedy 1-percenters.  In other countries, they see the awful Kardashians and hate all Americans.

We must get rid of the Kardashians.  Or the Internet.

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CNN is running a series about the 1960s.  Because if there is one part of American history that has been consistently ignored, it is the 1960s.

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We removed the pictures, even though we thoroughly approve of her “pubic image.”

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 The “Beautiful Game” 

While the world’s sports journalists fill our airwaves with reports about Uruguay’s Luis Suarez, the soccer-playing lout who likes to bite other players, I’m still waiting for a feel-good story about those lovable Brazilian football fans who last year decapitated a referee and put his head on a stake.

What, you hadn’t heard about that?  It’s the one-year anniversary next week – Google it!

A “beautiful game,” indeed.

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The Huffington Post’s TV critics, of all people, have been on an amusing rampage.  First, Maureen Ryan had an emotional meltdown (“I’m done!”) over what she perceived as a sexist new series, FX’s The Tyrant.  Then the Post published an article about “overrated” TV series that included these shows, some of which you probably know:  Girls, Seinfeld, Scandal, Boardwalk Empire, Orphan Black, Mad Men, Orange Is the New Black, and South Park.

You go, Post!

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Big Brother is back, and I’m pulling for Amber, pictured above.  Assuming, of course, that she can make it out of that house of lunatics in one piece.

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The Huffington Post is still looking for … well, you know the drill.

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We Moved!

Our old homes – blog.grouchyeditor and blogsecond.grouchyeditor – no longer exist.  Go Daddy discontinued its Quick Blogcast service and so we have moved to WordPress.  Consequently, if you browse our archives pre-2013, you will notice formatting and design glitches.  We are diligently going back in time, fixing each entry, post by post.  This tedious process has reminded us, once again, why we are indeed grouchy editors.

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Why I’m Glad Fox News Exists:

The “missing” IRS e-mails.  We regular folk are constantly reminded that we can’t ever really delete our e-mails, because some clever tech-type can always retrieve them.  And yet, Lois Lerner’s e-mails are gone forever?  Fox News is on the case.

Why I Wish Fox News Would Vanish:

The Iraq dilemma.  Dick Cheney and his hawkish pals lied their way into this Middle East quagmire, and now they are given a platform on Fox to whine about Obama’s failure to clean up their mess?

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They are still looking for a few good proofreaders at The Huffington Post: 

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From Reuters: “U.S. senators heavily criticized the marketing practices of e-cigarette companies on Wednesday, saying their use of glamorous models, celebrities and cartoon characters attracts children.”

If you are going to criticize companies for using models, celebrities, and cartoons in their ads, you might as well go ahead and just ban all advertising.

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Lots of bad news this week, so let’s take a break from politics and look at Miley Cyrus’s ass.

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The Tony Awards:  When you start your telecast with five minutes of Hugh Jackman bouncing up and down like a 12-year-old girl on a pogo stick, please don’t ask why your show doesn’t attract bigger ratings.

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Quotes of the Week

“Unless they have a small pecker.” — Joanne Nosuchinsky on Red Eye, reacting when another panelist said that wealthy men tend not to boast.

“We came out of the White House not only dead broke,  but in debt … we struggled to, you know, piece together the resources for mortgages, for houses.”  – Hillary Clinton.  Nice to know that our potential FFP (first female president) is just as blind as any male politician to the lifestyle of average Americans.

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Playboy used to run advertisements that asked the rhetorical question, “What sort of man reads Playboy?”  I was curious about “what sort of woman attends a small-penis pageant,” and so I visited the King’s County Bar’s Facebook page to see which women plan to giggle and ogle men with small peckers as they are measured for the ladies’ entertainment.  Here are a few of the wicked females who plan to attend:

hmmmm … where do I sign up?

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Right now there are just two shows I will go out of my way to watch – Fargo and Louie – and they both happen to be on FX.   FX is about to premiere a boatload of new series, and that makes me very happy.

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Nancy Grace is upset with The Slender Man.  Now that’s a wrestling match I’d pay to watch.

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The British royals don’t like it when media publishes pictures like this one, in which Kate Middleton had a wardrobe malfunction, so here you go.

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CNN’s Brooke Baldwin interviewed I Dream of Jeannie star Barbara Eden and mistook her for Bewitched’s Elizabeth Montgomery.  This is what happens when you let a young puppy like Baldwin interview a Baby Boomer icon:

“Will you wiggle your nose for me?” – Baldwin

“Well, that was the other girl.  I didn’t wiggle.” – Eden

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I can’t imagine any human male willingly going anywhere near her ass, so I guess we can’t blame her for getting excited when something else does.

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Jerk Politicians of the Week

Dick Cheney, who inexplicably feels qualified to criticize the current administration, called Obama “weak.”

John Kerry called Edward Snowden a coward for not returning to America to face “justice.”  Kerry knows damn well that espionage laws allow for no such thing.

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I never thought I’d feel the urge to defend the owner of a Dallas sports team but, poor Mark Cuban.  He made the mistake of ignoring political correctness and speaking the truth about race, and now he’s getting hammered.

I would love to place some of these self-righteous, cable-news talking heads on an inner-city street at midnight, alone, and then see how gallant they are when approached by a group of A) teenage, hoodie-clad black guys, or B) teenage, tattooed white skinheads.

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I’m not sure that I believe this guy is really “dead.”  I mean, look at him.  Plus, his name is an anagram of Rufos Dracule.

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This heroic cat business is forcing some of us to rethink our opinion of felines.  Good-guy cats and villainous dogs?  Has hell frozen over?

Now they are saying that the cat is slated to throw out the first pitch at a ballgame.  No word on whether or not she is a southpaws.

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It was nice to see so much media attention given to The Kiss this week.  As usual, we here at grouchyeditor were ahead of the curve, having shined the spotlight on Thomas Edison’s groundbreaking 1896 movie as our “Free Flick of the Week” for March 28, 2011.

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Barbara Walters retiring?  Yeah, right.  I’m betting that she will vanish from the scene just like Larry King vanished from the scene.

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If you are a middle-aged, homely comedian – but you do have a successful TV show – one of the perks is that you get to write love scenes for yourself and hot young actresses.  If you don’t believe that, just ask Marc Maron, above, and Louis C.K., below.

One of the circus acrobats injured in a “human chandelier” act that went bad last week is named Samantha Pitard.

Because we will go to any extreme to create an awful pun, we thought we’d mention that, in the picture above, it’s quite possible that one of the girls is being hoisted by her own Pitard.

They claim the magic age is 70, but I can attest that it happens much earlier than that.

Jessica Alba told Glamour magazine why she has a no-nudity clause in her film contracts:  “I don’t want my grandparents to see my boobs,” Alba explained.  “That’s it.  It would be weird at Christmas.  And I mean, really, if you look at the movies I have done, getting naked would never elevate the picture.”

I guess Jessica didn’t mind her grandparents seeing her butt-ass-naked spanking scene in The Killer Inside Me, pictured below.  

Public Service Announcement:  Our Web-site host announced that it will stop providing that service in June.  We here at grouchyeditor are working feverishly to migrate this site to a new location, but in the meantime, if you visit us and your computer explodes, you’ll know why.

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