The Grouchy Editor

Donald Trump is a bad liar.

Let’s all agree about that, shall we?

But here’s the thing. Ninety-nine percent of our national politicians are liars. However, most high-profile politicians are smooth liars, adept at hedging and dodging and changing the subject.

Trump, a bad liar, gets busted before he can even finish a sentence.

So what’s worse, a smooth-talking con artist who might be able to fool us, at least for awhile, or the blowhard who’s immediately called out?

 

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Pricks of the Week:

 

 

The NBA in general, Steve Kerr (above) in particular.

Sometimes in life, you have to choose. You people made the wrong choice.

 

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How to Do a (Male) Nude Scene

 

 

If you are William H. Macy, you have co-star Maria Bello cup your privates in her hand.

She has a small hand.

 

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The ultimate patriarchy proponent must have been Jesus Christ, who was forever going on about his father.

 

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My cable company, Comcast, informs me that it will now charge extra for TCM, which will be included in some sort of “sports” package.

Comcast must really want me to cut the cord.

 

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I can’t be the only one who likes “Weekend Update’s” Michael Che but can do without Colin Jost and his perpetual smirk.

 

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A big week for TV producer Brooke Nevils, who posted this loving picture of her and her fiancé, Luke, shortly after Matt Lauer shared this juicy tidbit with the world:

“I had an extramarital affair with Brooke Nevils in 2014. It began when she came to my hotel room very late one night in Sochi, Russia. We engaged in a variety of sexual acts. We performed oral sex on each other, we had vaginal sex, and we had anal sex.

“She was a fully enthusiastic and willing partner. She seemed to know exactly what she wanted to do.”

Poor Brooke. She will now be expected to regularly perform anal sex with lucky Luke, probably.

 

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

“I don’t mind paying more taxes … but I’m more interested in how they’re going to spend it. What are they going to do with it?” — Mark Cuban, above, on Fox News

 

Translation: The government wastes too much tax money. We shouldn’t expect the rich to bear this burden, so let’s not raise their taxes until we solve this problem of waste. In the meantime, guess who will continue to get screwed?

Here’s a thought. Let’s tax the rich and let them feel the pain, rather than the Middle Class. Perhaps once they feel the pain, they’ll be motivated to fix all that waste.

 

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Do you want to be on the “wrong side of history”?

Well … why not? I mean, what does the question really mean?

Let’s say you were a cobbler in Nazi Germany, or a British loyalist in 1770 New Hampshire, or a farmer in 1859 Georgia. Maybe you tried to ignore politics … until all hell broke loose.

You are long gone now, of course.

Do we really suppose these bygone souls are floating somewhere in the cosmos, eternally muttering to themselves, “Damn! I really screwed up my time on Earth. Now I’m on the wrong side of history!”?

But what will your great-grandchildren think of you if you are on the “wrong side of history”? I can’t, of course, speak for you, but if I were to learn that my great-grandfather was in fact Jack the Ripper, I might be more fascinated than shamed. I might even write a book about it.

“The wrong side of history,” methinks, might be overrated.

 

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One of the (few) advantages of encroaching old age is that you feel, less and less, a compulsion to finish movies that suck. Life really is too short.

And so I stopped watching In the Tall Grass, the most recent garbage adaptation of a Stephen King story, just 30 minutes into the damn thing.

 

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Sometimes weeks – or even months – will go by when I have absolutely no interest in seeing whatever big-screen products Hollywood is cranking out. But I am intrigued by two new movies: Joker and Knives Out (above).

 

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Depressingly, my Minnesota Twins are on the cusp of losing yet another series to the hated New York Yankees. I have a theory about this year’s nightmare.

Before this ongoing playoff series, the Twins deactivated Willians Astudillo. Willians Astudillo looks like this:

 

 

Willians is the unofficial team clown. His nickname is “La Tortuga” (the turtle). No Twins team ever wins it all without the right ingredients, which include a seasoned veteran (Nelson Cruz), an amazing rookie (Luis Arraez), and a lovable clown (La Tortuga).

In 1991, the last time the Twins won it all, they had the seasoned veteran (Chili Davis), the amazing rookie (Chuck Knoblauch) and the lovable clown (Kirby Puckett).

Big mistake, deactivating Astudillo.

The Yankees, on the other hand, follow a different business model. Their formula for success, as always, is simply: “We spend more money than you do, so we win.”

 

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The Problem with Greg Gutfeld

 

Greg Gutfeld, Fox News’s resident class clown, is an odd duck.

He’s quick without being especially clever, interesting without being especially insightful. Bring up any subject and he’s sure to see it from an angle you hadn’t considered, and that makes him interesting, a respite from the numbing sameness of everyone else on most political panels.

But he’s more strange than funny. He must realize this, because his most annoying habit is relentless laughing at his own jokes. He is so insecure about the actual humor (or lack thereof) of what he’s saying that he must pre-empt a potentially mute reaction with his annoying cackle.

 

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This guy who is constantly on my TV plugging hearing aids (above) — is it ironic that whenever I see him I hit the mute button?

 

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A 78-year-old dude known for being perpetually apoplectic and under the constant stress of a political campaign has a heart attack? Who could possibly foresee that?

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

This week, let’s take potshots at people in the news. People you might like. Or people who are, well, children.

We can do this, at least so far, because no one visits this site, so no one knows what we’re up to. If you are reading this, you probably accidentally clicked on a bad link that brought you here.

We also feel good about taking shots because we are using the plural pronoun “we,” so that “we” can insulate ourselves from potentially angry readers. Or potentially angry reader. You know: “I didn’t write it! She must have written it!”

 

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I’m sorry, but if I’m casting a remake of some evil-child movie like The Bad Seed or Orphan, I’m definitely interviewing this girl. Scary.

 

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“High school girls love me”

 

(click to enlarge and actually be able to read the text)

 

This business of the media digging up old Tweets and videos to trash American citizens is despicable. What’s fun, however, is the business of digging up old Tweets and videos about the media itself. Like this YouTube video of football analyst Cris Collinsworth being a, uh, naughty boy in the 1980s:

 

 

 

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This is how you get blocked by a pretty girl on Twitter. First, you notice her pictures:

 

 

 

 

Then, to make sure she blocks you, you reply to her Tweet like this:

 

 

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Fox News has a reputation for being “Trump’s channel,” but I’ve suspected for quite awhile that some of its anchors/hosts are closeted Swamp creatures and/or “Never Trumpers.”

They just have to be subtle about it because, well, they are on Fox News.

 

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Unbelievable on Netflix is a pretty good show. There are bits of Hollywood “woke”-culture preaching, but for the most part it’s a gripping, if grim, drama.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

American Horror Story got off to a smashing-good start on Wednesday.

But here’s the thing: American Horror Story always gets off to a smashing-good start. And then it drops off in quality — sometimes quickly, sometimes gradually.

As always, the show has impressive production design and top-notch technical aspects – photography, sound, direction, you name it. Alas and alack, at some point you can expect the story to go off the rails.

 

We could complain about the unrelenting gayness of AHS (see crotch, above), but this is a Ryan Murphy show, so we’re afraid that’s a lost cause.

 

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Politics Makes Depressing Bedfellows

 

It never fails. I will be presented with a choice between Political Position A and Political Position B. I will favor, say, Position B. Later, I will turn on cable news and see someone advocating for my favored position. This person will be repulsive.

I will then be forced to choose: Stay with Position B and become a reluctant ally with this revolting person, or … turn the channel, I guess.

 

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Since “white privilege” is now one of the cardinal sins of American life, will someone please explain why Cokie Roberts – daughter of powerful Democrat politicians and a Wellesley College alumnus – is now being venerated by our media?

 

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If you enjoyed our recent post about the “Flasher King,” here are two girls on a beach – one of them topless and scratching her ass – who spot a naked guy and decide to film him, not realizing that they are also being filmed.

Gotta love Millennials and the age of cell-phone cameras, right?

 

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Felicity Huffman is going to prison for 14 days? Hmmm.

One commentator said that, in reality, this will likely amount to 10 or 11 days in prison for the TV star. Someone else said that, due to administrative and processing time, she will likely spend only a few days behind bars.

I fully expect to hear soon that, due to this or due to that, Huffman will really spend two or three minutes in the slammer.

 

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Imagine my surprise and confusion when I read this (apparent) photo caption on the Decider Web site:

 

 

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In our quest to gradually turn The Grouchy Editor into a full-blown porn site (see last week’s video clip from Showtime’s Carnival Row), please enjoy this week’s clip from Power, featuring Candace Neolani Maxwell, also pictured above:

 

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Yet another hot chick

 

 

This isn’t soft-core porn, but if you enjoy hot girls who are actually funny in YouTube videos, here is Lara Fraser from The Daily Dropout:

 

 

If you feel this pivot to hot girls is a bad move by our Web site, consider the alternative: stories about Democrats debating.

We rest our case.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Dave Chappelle ruffled some feathers with his latest Netflix stand-up special, so I had to check it out to see if he would ruffle my feathers.

My feathers are unruffled. I must be getting old.

In one corner, there are social-justice warriors who are offended by Chappelle’s politically incorrect jokes. In the other corner, political pundits like Tim Pool (I seem to be referencing Pool a lot recently; perhaps I need to get out of the house more often, away from YouTube) are hailing Chappelle as a legendary genius.

I watched the special, Sticks & Stones, and thought it was … interesting. That’s my reaction to most comedians these days: They are interesting.

None of them make me actually laugh. The last one to make me laugh out loud was probably Louis C.K., and he’s now branded as a pervert.

I must be getting old. Either that or I’m just a pervert.

 

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Since we’ve established that I’m probably a pervert, enjoy this video of British actress Tamzin Merchant getting poked by some black dude wearing a unicorn costume. Or a centaur costume. Or whatever it is. It’s from Amazon’s new series Carnival Row:

 

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Journalists are writing articles about how exhausted they are by politics. Tim Pool, who cranks out scores of videos about politics every month, bought a van and is planning to hit the road, in part to escape the nightmare of national politics.

We get sick of politics, too. We also cannot stomach one more story about random shootings or hurricanes in Florida.

So screw politics this week. Instead, let’s look at 10 pictures of cutie pies who probably did not expect to wind up on the Internet when they got pantsed, wedgied, or surprised by some jerk with a camera.

(If any of these girls happen to be your daughter, sister, girlfriend, or niece, our apologies. Someone put their bare butts on the Web, and now we all want to see.)

 

We’ve all heard of “mean girls,” but you just know there’s a dude holding the camera, encouraging this nonsense.

 

Another shot of one female turning on another female. Not exactly what we’d call “girl power.”

 

This seems more typical: toxic masculinity assaults the Coppertone girl.

 

Too bad we can’t see her facial expression. Or maybe that is her facial expression?

 

Are you ready for some (bottomless) football?

 

You just know that there’s a good story behind this photo.

 

Surprise! You’re naked on the Internet!

 

No clue what’s going on here.

 

“Someone’s taking a picture of our pumpable, humpable rear ends.”

 

 Trump did say that some girls will let you grab their pussies.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Waxing Philosophical

 

We are told by the “experts” that there are two factions fighting for control of the country: the left, which leans globalist and strives for a more diverse and egalitarian future, and the right, which prefers the status quo or, perhaps, a return to the “idyllic” past (like the 1950s). If this is true, in which camp do you find yourself?

I keep thinking of the movie American Graffiti. When I think of the America that I like, I think of that film, which is set in 1962, a bit ahead of my time. If you watch the movie and lean to the left (politically), one of the first things you might notice is its lack of blacks, gays, Hispanics, Asians, et al. It is about a bunch of white kids.

But if you are a member of one of those minority groups, imagine for a moment that you are represented in the movie; not as an “other,” but just as a regular kid. Isn’t that world appealing? The movie is about hope and dreams and youth and the birth of rock and roll and sadness and change. But mostly it’s a nice world, a good place.

Of course, it’s a fantasy world. Hollywood is, after all, the Dream Factory, and that’s what movies do.

We don’t have that world; we have Twitter.

 

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My

(two cents)

 

People need to stop dickering with the English language just to suit their political goals. Conservatives are mocking San Francisco for attempting to abolish words like “felon” and “convict” in favor of euphemisms like “justice-involved person.”

I agree with the conservatives; San Francisco deserves to be mocked. However … there are plenty of conservatives on Fox News who seem to want to abolish the word “rich” in favor of the euphemism “successful.”

Just stop it – all of you.

 

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Seems to me Trump is at the disadvantage in this tariffs battle with China.

We have one country (China) that doesn’t mind if tariffs make its people suffer. We have another country (us) that will punish any politician who makes us the least bit uncomfortable.

So which side do you think will endure the most pain?

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Just because there’s more good TV than ever, doesn’t mean that it’s easy to find. In fact, because so many new series get cranked out every week, it’s harder to find a good one.

When it comes to new TV shows, I used to rely on the critics at Rotten Tomatoes to steer me in the right direction. Not so much anymore. I haven’t heard of most of these critics, a lot of whom hail from obscure Web sites. Way too many of them are youthful social-justice warriors more interested in diversity than in something like, say, quality.

But you can, of course, rely on my judgment, and I’ve just seen the first two episodes of the second season of Mindhunter (pictured above) on Netflix. So far, it looks even better than its first season, and the first season was superb.

 

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Why don’t we just buy Greenland and give it to Israel? The Israelis can move there, the Palestinians can have Israel, and the Middle East problem will be solved.

Or not.

 

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I’m sure we’ll get to the bottom of the Jeffrey Epstein murder-or-suicide because both Democrats and Republicans want the truth …

… of course, Democrats want the truth only if it implicates Trump, and Republicans want the truth only if it implicates Clinton. And so … we’ll probably never get to the bottom of it.

After all, there are still doubters about the official versions of Kennedy’s assassination, Marilyn Monroe’s death, etc. So why should Epstein be any different?

 

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“We should rip Barron Trump from his mother’s arms and put him in a cage with pedophiles.”

— Peter Fonda on Twitter last year, a quote that was strangely missing from many of this week’s fawning obituaries about the actor.

 

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It does kind of remind me of the famous World War II poster of Uncle Sam.

 

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

The Hunt

 

If you just read the synopsis of this upcoming (see below) movie, your immediate reaction could well be, “What is Hollywood thinking?  Liberal elites hunt down Trump supporters?”

But if you watch the trailer, you might have an entirely different opinion. Looks to me like the thing might actually be pro-Deplorable. If that’s the case, won’t a lot of people feel silly for criticizing it?

Of course not.

 

Editor’s Note:  The film studio just announced it is cancelling The Hunt’s September release. Not to worry: I imagine that, just like The Interview several years ago, the movie will eventually be released for streaming and we’ll all find out the fuss was much ado about nothing.

 

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Watching the media these days, I get the strong impression that we are on the verge of civil war.

Here’s a suggestion: Let the media fight the civil war and the rest of us will watch on television.

Rush Limbaugh, Tucker Carlson, and Laura Ingraham can battle Bill Maher, Sarah Silverman, and Jim Acosta. I’d watch that. Wouldn’t you?

 

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Big Tech Battle

 

Are Twitter and Facebook more like a newspaper or the phone company? If the former, you have to let us sue them when they misbehave. If the latter, they can’t be allowed to censor anything that doesn’t already break the law.

I vote for the latter. Treating them like Ma Bell won’t be pretty, and the Wild West will rule social media, but hey, you can always block, mute, or unfriend.

Problem right now is, these “algorithms” don’t work worth a shit.

 

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Unpopular Thought No. 1:

If our parents and grandparents were truly “the greatest generation,” then why did they do such a lousy job raising their spoiled-brat children (the Boomers — my group), which in turn did an even lousier job raising their spoiled-brat children (the Millennials)? Just asking.

 

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Unpopular Thought No. 2:

Farmers pride themselves on their supposed independence, yet with their endless government bailouts and subsidies, aren’t they our biggest welfare recipients? Just asking.

 

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Unpopular Thought No. 3:

Listen, I’m no gun nut. If you believe the world would be a better place with absolutely no guns, I’m with you. But if you scratch your head when the pro-gun people resist every attempt to regulate gun ownership, I have two clichés for you: “slippery slope” and “if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.” Those might be clichés, but that doesn’t make them untrue.

I know this, because incremental regulation worked well for the anti-smoker brigade. I’m a smoker who watched “common sense” regulations progress from no smoking on airplanes to where we are today, which is basically treating smokers like lepers oozing disease from their pores.

The gun people watched that happen, too. So that’s probably why they fight every little attempt to regulate them.

 

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Far be it from me to add fuel to the fire of conspiracy theories. However …

What do (dead) Jeffrey Epstein and (living) Jim Comey have in common?

Answer: They both potentially have/had very damaging dirt on the rich and powerful. Epstein is now conveniently dead, and Comey last month escaped charges from the Justice Department, which is very convenient for him.

Moral of the story: If you are a convenience store clerk who dreams of joining the rich and powerful, be content with your lot in life. Joining the rich and powerful can be hazardous to your health.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)