The Grouchy Editor

Better Late Than Never, or …

Too Little Too Late?

Biological weapons are scary. Who’s to say that COVID-19 isn’t just the first in a long string of viruses about to be unleashed on the world?

I certainly no longer believe anything the clownish Dr. Fauci has to say. He’s much too busy planning the Hollywood story of his life. Starring, of course, Brad Pitt. I can’t wait for the scene where Fauci lies to Congress about the U.S. funding the Wuhan lab.

So, yeah, China is the villain in this drama — along with our own money-grubbing elites.

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This organization is targeting “woke” corporations and naming names in an attempt to shame the shadowy honchos who hide behind beloved institutions like Coca Cola or Disney. That’s a good idea.

Rather than getting angry at an amorphous, untouchable corporation, go after the cowardly villains at the top. After all, aren’t we told that “corporations are people”?

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Seems like we are rapidly transforming from a “nation of laws” to a “nation of rules.”

Unlike laws, rules can carry the weight of law without the burden of being constitutional.

Meanwhile, actual laws can simply be ignored. Just follow the rules, pal — or else.

Thanks, Millennials.

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I don’t know why these scandals still come as (a little bit of) a shock to me. You’d think that by now, after reading books about celebrities like Johnny Carson and gossip sites like Crazy Days and Nights, I’d know better than to believe the Hollywood P.R. machine.

Now it’s Lucy’s turn to face the ugly music. Good grief.

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This Netflix movie from Austria is getting lukewarm reviews, but silly me, I kind of liked it. The Strange House is not particularly scary, but then it isn’t supposed to be. It’s a spooky little flick aimed at the whole family.

It’s like Stranger Things was in its first season: mildly ominous, but with a big heart.

The Strange House isn’t getting a whole lot of buzz. Army of the Dead, on the other hand, is getting tons of buzz.

I watched it yesterday. It was … OK. By that I mean it’s entertaining mayhem, but nothing you haven’t seen a hundred times before.

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I am mystified as to why Netflix often has the Midas touch when it comes to producing original TV shows, while at the same time it cranks out so many Lifetime network-level original movies.

The same streaming service that gives us, for example, the superb Ozark, this past week premiered Oxygen and the Amy Adams vehicle The Woman in the Window.

Oxygen, from France, wasn’t exactly “bad,” and it does feature one truly memorable sequence when the heroine discovers what actually happened to her immediate environment (she’s confined to a claustrophobic pod). But I’m guessing I won’t remember much about the movie six months from now.

Window won’t make anyone forget its most obvious inspiration, Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window. The much-anticipated thriller boasts an impressive A-list cast, with Gary Oldman, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Julianne Moore lending support to Adams, who plays an agoraphobic who apparently witnesses a murder across the street. It is also apparent that Netflix, or some other entity, spent a bundle on the production itself.

But the story? Nah. Watch Rear Window again, instead. Or Ozark.

Top, Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window. Bottom, Amy Adams in The Woman in the Window.

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I guess I feel about Joe Biden the way so many lefties felt about Donald Trump. I can only observe the guy for a limited period of time while the country falls apart. Then I turn to Netflix.

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Evidently, proofreading skills — or writing skills, or editing skills — are no longer a requirement to write headlines for most Web sites. If anyone can please explain the meaning of the Little Fish headline above, I will send you a free copy of The Woman in the Window.

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Dear Republicans:

Never underestimate the power of a politician buying voters.

It doesn’t really matter if Joe Biden’s policies will bankrupt the country, or if his crew is hellbent on erasing patriotism, culture, and the middle-class way of life.

As long as we get $1,400 checks, “free” daycare for our infants and/or a “free” college education, whoever’s handing out the cash will get elected. And re-elected.

Also, the more the rich squawk, rightly or wrongly, about higher taxes, the more popular the tax will be.

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I don’t understand how TV critics can review new shows based on just a handful of episodes, which is something they routinely do. Isn’t that like watching 15 minutes of a 2-hour movie, and then turning in your verdict?

Granted, critics can’t wait for something like Gunsmoke, which ran for 20 seasons, to conclude before gracing us with their opinions. But viewing something like, oh, maybe half a season before you begin typing might be nice.

Having said that, I watched the first two episodes of Mare of Easttown and I recommend it.

Hey, I would have watched more, but two episodes were all they offered during HBO’s freebie week and I didn’t want to subscribe.

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Carlsons

Frank Luntz

Why I dig Tucker Carlson: He has the balls to go after sacred cows that everyone else leaves alone — like Friday night when he tore pollster Frank Luntz a new one. I, for one, had no idea that Luntz is, in reality, a corporate shill with Democrat leanings.

I’d watch Tucker’s new show on Fox Nation, but I don’t want to pay for the subscription.

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Fellow Minnesotan Kelly Carlson was interviewed on Fox News the other day — I’m not entirely sure why; I guess she’s now a proud housewife or something — and it occurred to me that I haven’t seen her in anything since I was a regular viewer of Nip/Tuck.

I remember thinking that it was too bad she didn’t do any nude scenes. Silly me. She certainly did do nude scenes, like this one from Starship Troopers 2:

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Closing Arguments

Now that we got “justice for George,” can we finally acknowledge that George Floyd was a major-league prick? Or must we persist in this fiction that he was somehow a martyred saint?

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If you’re going to impeach Trump for allegedly inciting the Jan. 6 uprising, then you’ve got to impeach/expel/demote fruit-loop Maxine Waters (pictured above) for doing the same.

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Pompous judge Peter Cahill (above) seemed to be in the tank for the prosecution all along. The defense requested change of venue. Denied. The defense requested jury sequestration. Numerous times. Denied! Denied!

When Waters basically encouraged mob violence should Chauvin walk, Cahill, who had the power to prevent jury intimidation all along, got all huffy and tried to lay blame for a potential mistrial on Waters.

If ever there was a trial where outside pressure and publicity demanded a holed-up jury, it was this one. (See juror Lisa Christensen’s comments below.)

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Don’t get me wrong. I watched the Floyd video just like you did, and Chauvin was clearly guilty of something — whether murder or manslaughter, I can’t say because I’m not a lawyer.

My problem is not with Chauvin winding up behind bars; it’s with the way the trial was botched by Cahill the Clown.

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If you’re a guy who supported Derek Chauvin, does that make you a male Chauvinist?

If you’re a guy on the police force who supported Chauvin, does that make you a male Chauvinist pig?

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From the mouth of alternate juror Lisa Christensen:

“I was concerned about people coming to my house if they were not happy with the verdict.”

But Cahill, in his infinite wisdom, was confident that a change of venue was not necessary. Nor was sequestration.

“I did tell them that I saw the [$27 million Floyd family] settlement run across the bottom of the screen one day.”

But Cahill, in his infinite wisdom, felt confident that jurors would follow his instructions not to follow the news. Including news of Minneapolis’s $27 million settlement with the family, news of the Brooklyn Center police shooting, and news of riots past, present and future.

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I know the feeling, Mr. Booger, er, Brooger. Same thing happened to me. Except for the ice-fishing part.

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Oh, boy. I sure am looking forward to the coming week.

I live about ten miles from the site of George Floyd’s death, and about the same distance from the Minneapolis courthouse where Derek Chauvin is being tried for Floyd’s murder/manslaughter.

Meanwhile, every day I drive to and from work right past Brooklyn Center, where another cop is charged with killing Daunte Wright.

I live in Plymouth and work in Brooklyn Park (circled above). 

A verdict in the Chauvin trial could come this week. The activists are in town, and they are restless.

What, me worry?

YouTube’s Tim Pool has been telling those of us who live in the area that we are fools for not getting out of Dodge while we can. It’s anyone’s guess whether Pool is correct or if he’s overreacting.

I’ll let you know in a week or so. If I can.

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I suspect that what we’re witnessing in this country, at least in part, is “revenge of the Millennials.”

Millennials were coddled and lied to by their Baby Boomer parents, who told their kids that everything would be fine: great jobs (not crippling college debt), and great personal lives (not war with every other “identity” group).

Oh, and then along came the killer virus. No more fun for the locked-up, masked Millennials.

Frustrated Millennials, like angry children, are now “woke” to their elders’ ways and are responding by attempting to tear apart every institution they can, like infants tossing poop at the walls.

They leave nothing untouched, torching everything previous generations held near and dear: baseball, movies, schools, the language, bathrooms, locker rooms, the law, and skinny models in Playboy.

A lot of these institutions deserve to be attacked. Problem is, the Millennials have no viable replacements in mind. Wreck everything and worry about rebuilding later.

I’m sure Russia, China, and North Korea will wait patiently while the snowflakes build a new America.

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