The Grouchy Editor

 

Dear Fox News anchors:

Yes, of course I’d like to be respectful of your religion. And I understand it was Ash Wednesday. But for crying out loud, those black smudges on your foreheads make you look like clueless buffoons.

 

 

**

 

Coronavirus

 

 

Is anyone else beginning to feel a bit like Will Smith in I Am Legend, or Charlton Heston in The Omega Man, hunkered down in your house and watching news reports about the end of the world (above)?

You go ahead and stock up on bottled water and canned beans. I’m going to run out and get a dog and a bust of Napoleon – or whoever that dude is with whom Heston plays chess.

 

 

**

 

 

Perhaps it’s just another reminder that I’m getting old, and if ever there was a “first-world problem,” this might be it, but the age of streaming TV shows with long story arcs is playing hell with my brain cells. For example: Better Call Saul (above), a great series, last week premiered its fifth season. I love the show, but it definitely places demands on a viewer’s recall.

Not only does Saul employ a complicated time-frame structure – lots of flashbacks and flash-forwards – but you must remember: 1) how the plot (and Saul) progressed during the show’s first four seasons; 2) the entire five-season run of Breaking Bad, a show of which Saul is heavily intertwined and acts as a sort of prequel … although it might eventually become a sequel – who knows? Characters who died in Breaking Bad are alive and well in Better Call Saul. At least I think so.

Like I said, this is a first-world problem; nothing to lose sleep about.

 

 

Tomorrow, another show I’ve been watching and like a lot, Babylon Berlin (above), premieres its third season on Netflix. I fully expect to have the same kind of recall issues with Babylon that I have with Saul, but with the added burden of subtitles.

Poor me.

 

**

 

 

It was not a great week for legendary director Steven Spielberg.

First, the news broke that his adopted daughter Mikaela is embarking on a career path no doubt made possible by her father’s fame and fortune: She’s going to be an Internet porn queen.

Then, the Web site Crazy Days & Nights ran a blind item linking Mr. Hollywood to sordid behavior regarding child actors. You can read about it here.

 

© 2010-2024 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Donald Trump’s unhappy about Parasite (above) winning the Best Picture Oscar. I haven’t seen the movie, so I can’t comment on its quality, but I do have a question about the nomination categories.

If a foreign-made film is eligible to win both the international and the regular best-picture awards, then shouldn’t American-made films also be eligible in both categories?

 

**

 

There is much fuss about the 40th anniversary of the U.S. Olympic hockey team’s triumph over the Russians. I recall my college roommates’ excitement while they watched the game on our dorm-room television. I, however, left the room to do something else.

Sorry, but hockey bored me then, and it bores me now – and I live in Minnesota, the so-called “state of hockey.”

 

**

 

 

The item above is from a satire site. Sadly, it sounds like something she might actually say.

 

**

 

 

Michael Bloomberg took my cigarettes away and he wants to take your soda-pop away. That’s all you need to know.

 

**

 

Legal marijuana vs. illegal marijuana, sanctuary cities vs. ICE, etc. I blame all of these problems on Nevada.

After all, wasn’t it Nevada that started all this trouble between states and the feds when it legalized prostitution and gambling? I mean, once you have something and I don’t, I’m probably going to want that something.

Unless it’s coronavirus.

 

**

 

 

© 2010-2024 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Commercial Hell

 

What good is running a Web site if you can’t, from time to time, abuse that awesome power by using the site to vent about your pet peeves?

Answer: no good at all.

And so I am going to bitch about TV commercials that are driving me insane. If I have to watch them, then you have to read my complaints.

 

 

I cannot stand the chick pictured above, allegedly the “fittest woman on Earth.”  She is so fit that she no longer resembles an actual woman. In fact, were it not for her high-pitched, nasal voice, I would suspect that she is actually a man. And the music in this commercial is weird. Also, what the hell is goli.com?

 

**

 

GEICO makes funny commercials. Liberty Mutual does not. Liberty Mutual foists aggressively unfunny ads on the public, like the obscenities featuring the young actor pictured below, who garbles his lines and sends viewers into paroxysms of laughter.

Not.

 

 

Continuing its relentless assault on all things actually humorous, Liberty Mutual decided that the blooming idiots pictured below are our new Abbott and Costello, or Laurel and Hardy for the 21st century. They are decidedly not. They make me want to vomit.

 

 

Last but not least, there is “Randy A.” in a My Pillow commercial. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but he makes my skin crawl when I hear him whine about getting a good night’s sleep “so I can do my job in the morning.” I desperately want to ram several My Pillows up Randy A.’s ass.

 

 

***

 

 

Are we all required to refer to this guy by the nickname, “Mayor Pete”? That’s way too cutesy and familiar and I refuse to do it. He is not my buddy. I suspect everyone calls him that because no one is quite sure how to pronounce his last name.

 

***

 

I am ranting about TV ads this week because some self-loathing Swedish airline made a commercial trashing Scandinavian culture by proclaiming it doesn’t exist. The culture, that is, not Scandinavia.

I am of Scandinavian descent. Everyone is just jealous because Scandinavia has the hottest chicks. 

 

© 2010-2024 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Did anyone bother to tell Trump that we don’t want any of their damn viruses as part of the China trade deal?

 

**

 

We Need to Replace:

 

Breakfast

 

But, but … “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!”

Then why did I just watch Dr. Oz telling us that there is no medical research supporting the benefits of eating breakfast?

Can that be true? If so, breakfast has to go.

 

Rotten Tomatoes

 

This Web site appears hell-bent on rewriting history by allowing “woke” Millennials to write “reviews” of old movies and also, apparently, by deleting negative audience ratings of woke shows like Doctor Who.

Can that be true? If so, Rotten Tomatoes has to go.

 

John Roberts

 

If Roberts is the “referee” of Trump’s impeachment trial, why isn’t he enforcing rules that tell senators they cannot leave their seats, access electronic devices, and eat candy during proceedings?

Can that be true? If so, Roberts has to go.

 

**

 

 

© 2010-2024 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Twitter Is the Devil

 

 

“This quoted Tweet is unavailable.” I am seeing way too much of this kind of thing on Twitter.

If I so choose – and lots of people do – I could post the most vile, disgusting pornography on my feed and that, apparently, would be fine by Twitter. But someone’s political statement must be censored?

 

Also, love him or hate him, millions of us follow Trump on Twitter, if only to see what outrageous thing he’ll say next. So how come his posts never show up on my feed?

 

*

 

 

Poor Stephen King. Now he knows how J.K. Rowling must have felt last year when she ran afoul of the social justice mob. When you feed the woke beast, someday it will want to eat you.

 

*

 

 

I tend to agree with Penguin Piers on this one. I also tend to hate myself because, dammit, I do get caught up in all of this British royals nonsense.

 

*

 

 

**

 

Lara Logan Has No Agenda on Fox: She’s a journalist, so of course she has an agenda – even if it’s just going after other journalists and their agendas.

 

**

 

What about the women who willingly slept with Harvey Weinstein just to advance their careers?

I can’t be the only one who would be interested in that story.

 

© 2010-2024 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

TV and YouTube Tidbits

 

 

We publish on Saturdays and so, tragically, many of the week’s highlights are “old news” by the time we get around to them. So if Donald Trump attempts to hump Laura Ingraham’s leg on a Tuesday, we generally don’t mention it because everyone else does — over and over and over again.

Ricky Gervais’ skewering of Hollywood happened ages ago in Internet time: last Sunday. But it was so delicious, we just have to mention it again. And we have to post the YouTube link to his monologue, in case you haven’t seen it.

 

**

 

 

Poor Schitt’s Creek. Now that it’s airing its sixth and final season, it is at last getting some attention. Apparently the combined efforts of The Grouchy Editor (2017 plug here) and Pop TV are no match for Netflix reruns.

 

**

 

If Tucker Carlson would like increase his reach among middle-class viewers, he might consider changing the way he says the word “rather,” which he pronounces like a stereotypical wealthy snob: “raw-ther.”

 

Speaking of wealthy snobs … not that this show is ever short on juicy material, but this week’s big news about the royals should give Netflix’s The Crown at least one additional season:

 

 

**

 

 

Dracula: Good grief. Showrunners Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat took a perfectly good first two episodes and completely destroyed this reboot with a boneheaded decision regarding the third and final installment. That’s our opinion, and we’re sticking to it.

 

**

 

Funny YouTube Videos

 

Disclaimer: I am just one person. I can watch just a tiny fraction of the videos on YouTube. But the following are highly recommended:

 

A lot of the best YouTube clips feature grandma- and grandpa-types. In this video, “Marge” (above) is tricked into visiting a nudist beach.

 

Marge again, this time enduring someone’s gas-passing (actually “Liquid Ass”) in an enclosed vehicle.

 

Southern grandpa’s turn to be pranked. More gas-passing in a car.

 

Another victimized grandmother. Grandson is especially cruel.

 

An adult male cries like a little baby. From “The Daily Dropout.”

 

“The Daily Dropout” heads to the beach.

 

We have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of these prank videos take place at the beach because, even if the prank fails or isn’t particularly funny, there are always thong-clad butts to ogle. Certainly we here at The Grouchy Editor would never let such crass considerations affect our judgment about which videos to highlight. (By the way, see screen captures at top and below.)

 

 

**

 

I don’t know about you, but I’m always touched when Facebook asks me if I’d like to share my precious “memories.”

 

 

 

© 2010-2024 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Predictions!

(Spoiler Alert: None of them are very pleasant)

 

Trump And Conservatives Will Continue To Hype Our “Great Economy”

Congratulations! After years of unemployment or underemployment, you finally landed that new job flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Meanwhile, Bill Gates has enough money to buy several countries, but why should you complain? You have a new job! And that’s all that matters in our great economy.

Oh, but wages are on the rise? Great news!  Instead of earning $12 an hour, you now earn $13 an hour. How’s that for “trickle down”?

 

Conservatives Will Continue To Downplay The Benefits Of Soaking The Rich

As long as Bill Gates and cronies like Stuart Varney can convince conservatives that an attack on Bill Gates is an attack on all businesspeople, well, Gates can go on his merry way. Because, you know, any transfer of wealth from the rich won’t solve all of our problems, so there’s no point in doing anything at all. Right?

 

We’ll Stay Involved In Middle East Wars – But Only Temporarily While We “Train” The Locals

We’ve been hearing this for 20 years. Our soldiers are training the Iraqis, or the Kurds or whoever, to be self-sufficient so that we can finally leave. Sadly, the Iraqis or whoever don’t give a crap about the U.S. or its interests, and will never be “trained.” So we’ll just have to stay there. Right?

 

If We Abandon The Middle East, That Will Open The Door For Russia

So what? The Middle East is a nightmare. Let it be Russia’s nightmare.

But there is money to be made, so we must stay there. Right?

 

I Will Still Be Unable To Stream The Danish TV Shows Forbrydelsen And Borgen

For some infuriating reason, Amazon only sells them on DVD. I’m not even sure if the Amazon DVDs are American-player-compatible. Plus, they are overpriced. Why can’t I buy them digital?

 

Finally, 2020 Won’t Be So Bad – But 2021 Will Be

That’s because, if Trump wins, half the country will become unhinged. If Trump loses, the other half will become unhinged.

Forget 2020. 2021 won’t be pretty.

 

Caveat: The above predictions were all made prior to the offing of that Iranian general. Should that lead to World War III in 2020 … then, well, never mind.

 

**

 

 

Is that “method acting”?

 

**

 

 

Great. That means we can expect to see more garbage like Murder Mystery from Netflix.

 

**

 

 

I thought about reading this article, but good lord, it’s eight paragraphs long. Who has time for that?

 

**

 

 

© 2010-2024 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Cats!

 

 

Tim Pool (above) is a journalist who covers politics for a living. Every day, he posts videos guaranteed to push somebody’s button — on the left or right.  Yet I’ve never seen Pool get so worked up, so frothing-at-the-mouth angry, about any subject like he does in the video below. The subject? It’s not Trump. It’s not the media. It’s not immigration. It’s the movie Cats.

 

 

Can’t say that I blame Tim.

I don’t go to a lot of plays, but to the best of my recollection, I’ve only walked out of one. About 30 years ago, my then-wife and I got up and walked out of a touring production of, you guessed it, Cats.

By the way, the clip above isn’t Pool’s entire rant. If you want to see all 13 hilarious minutes of it, check out “Timcast” on YouTube.

 

**

 

Sex in the News!

 

Every week there is some new controversial Web post or podcast sex scandal involving “celebrities” I’ve never heard of:

 

 

I guess Wayne Gretzky’s daughter created a stir when she posted this cheeky photo on Instagram:

 

 

 

I guess the NHL analyst pictured on the right above said something kinky about his blonde coworker, pictured on the left.

Below, the coworker, Kathryn Tappen, is shown on the run. We’re guessing she’s on the run from the analyst.

 

 

By the way, we don’t care about any of these people. We just wanted to post the pictures.

 

**

 

 

Season two of Lost in Space is streaming on Netflix. It’s an enjoyable show because the actors who play the Robinson family are clever and charming, and some of the action scenes are truly spectacular.

But the show often turns into a yawner when the Robinsons are forced to interact with the dullard humans they encounter.

 

© 2010-2024 grouchyeditor.com (text only)