grouchyeditor.com Pie

 

If you’re a fan of interesting rants, here’s an interesting post-election rant from British comedian/journalist “Jonathan Pie.”

 

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Is there a more awkward-sounding or awkward-looking word than “awkward”? Onomatopoeia at its best, baby.

 

**

 

We all need a break from Trump talk, so let’s check in with one of the five remaining houseguests on Big Brother, Texas cheerleader Morgan, to see what she’s been up to during the election season:

 

grouchyeditor.com Morgan Willett

 

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grouchyeditor.com Moore

 

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coif

 

 

Hail to the Coif?

 

I don’t know; maybe Donald Trump really will wake up one day, filled with rage at Latvia or Colombia or New Zealand, and push the button that nukes us all into World War III. Maybe Trump will decide that deporting Mexicans isn’t enough, and start shipping Mormons to Antarctica.

However … the golden-haired Grinch had a Rocky-like thing going for him on election day, in which we all watched in amazement as the country’s elite – every last one of them aligned against Trump – was forced to swallow a slimy raw egg.

It was delicious to observe pompous asses like Van Jones, Seth Meyers, Samantha Bee, Lena Dunham, and so on and so on, choke back tears as their arrogance and smugness came back to bite them in the collective butt.

And it was gratifying to hear the heart of the country, the so-called “blue wall,” tell the smirking know-it-alls on both coasts to “fly over this!”

 

But I’m not going to gloat. I’m too busy building a bomb shelter.

 

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.                               grouchyeditor.com Hillary      grouchyeditor.com Donald

 

It looks like Tuesday will be “National Cut Off Your Nose to Spite Your Face Day.”

 

We’re cutting off our noses because we can’t stand the smell of our presidential candidates.

 

**

 

The real winner on Tuesday will be Stupid. You are Stupid if you vote for Trump. You are Stupid if you vote for Clinton. You are assuredly Stupid if you don’t vote, or if you vote for someone other than Trump or Clinton.

 

No matter what you do on Tuesday, Stupid wins.

 

grouchyeditor.com butts

 

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Weiner

grouchyeditor.com Weiner

 

In case you haven’t had your fill of sleazy politics this election season, you can always check out this documentary, in which a film crew tailed disgraced politician Anthony Weiner and his wife Huma Abedin during Weiner’s doomed, 2013 mayoral campaign. Lots of lessons here: why good people don’t want to run for public office, why we as voters get the leaders we deserve, and so on. My takeaway is that we haven’t heard the last from this relatively young power couple — for better or worse. Release: 2016  Grade: B+

 

**

 

Sing Street

sing-street

 

Sing Street is a minor miracle: a teen romance with minimal snark and cynicism, a feel-good movie with smarts. I wouldn’t have thought that possible in 2016. The story will be familiar to anyone who’s watched teen comedies – outcast Dublin kid starts a band to win the attention of a cute girl – but the characters are so personable, the dialogue so amusing, and the tone so good-natured that any lack of originality is forgiven. Oh, and the music isn’t half bad.  Release: 2016  Grade: A-

 

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mirror1

 Black Mirror (see below)

 

**

 

pillow2

 

“Hello, Mike Lindell!

“I have been seeing your commercial for ‘My Pillow.’ In fact, I have probably seen your commercial 5,433 times this year. Unfortunately, your irritating, omnipresent commercial is causing me to lose sleep. I tried counting sheep, but the fluffy white critters kept turning into – you guessed it – Your Pillows.

“Like you, I call Minnesota my home state. We should get together sometime. I believe I will find out your home address, come to your house in the middle of the night, and stuff Your Bleeping Pillow right up Your Bleeping Ass — sleep on that!”

 

pillow1

 

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trueornot

 

This can’t possibly be true … can it?

 

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TV Tidbits

 

grouchyeditor.com Rectify

 

Rectify, now in its final season, is one of those shows that’s a tough sell to potential viewers. I go over the story’s plot in my head and I put myself to sleep.  Recapping individual scenes doesn’t cut it. The tone is relentlessly downbeat.

Yet it’s arguably the best drama on TV. If you haven’t seen it, then you are like almost everyone else. But there’s always Netflix, if you’d like to catch up.

 

grouchyeditor.com Black Mirror

 

Speaking of Netflix, Black Mirror is back with six new episodes. Like Rectify, Black Mirror is one of the best shows on television. But it’s also given me a renewed appreciation for Rod Serling and his Twilight Zone, a series Black Mirror is often compared to.

Since 2011, Mirror creator Charlie Brooker has given the world a whopping … 13 episodes. Back in the day, as they say, Serling would crank out that many shows in just half a season.

 

**

 

Texas cheerleader Morgan Willett keeps giving (some of) us reasons to check in at the Big Brother house:

 

.                                  willetta     willettb

 

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science

 

Seems so obvious. I don’t know why it takes science so long to figure these things out.

 

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baldwin

 

Brooke Baldwin didn’t know if Congress has term limits. And I used to think she was one of those sexy smart girls.

 

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morgan3

 

Enough politics. Let’s check in with the Big Brother hamsters, who have no idea what’s going on in the world outside of their pretty little heads in their smelly little house.

 

pair

 

Twenty-four-year-old Shelby Stockton, above left, and 22-year-old Morgan Willett, above right, formed an alliance called “The Ball Smashers.” Shelby and Morgan also supply viewers with some memorable quotes:

 

Shelby:  “That’s my problem – I like small dicks, but really tall guys.”

 

morginch

 

In her Diary Room session shown above, it looks as though Morgan does not share Shelby’s taste in male organs. Morgan also told viewers, “I like balls.”

 

Below, Morgan moons the sun while tanning with fellow “Ball Smasher” Whitney Hogg.

 

morgan4

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.                    morgan    morgan-2

 

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space1

 

Lucky astronaut. I’m guessing there are about 300 million Americans who would prefer to watch this election from her vantage point.

 

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The Good News:  Looks like we’re about to tell Trump he’s fired – just as soon as Human Resources gets done with him.

 

The Bad News:  We will be crowning a Queen Hillary for the next four years.

 

The Really Bad News:  Beginning November 9, we’ll have to listen to the media gloat.

 

The Silver Lining:  Soon after November 9, the media will realize it destroyed one monster only to create another.

 

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.   berman  costello

 

The older he gets, the more ESPN’s Chris Berman reminds me of Lou Costello.

 

**

 

1

 

2

 

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trump-5

. trump-1  trump-2 trump-3 trump-4

 

Oooohhh, this is bad

I’m sure Hillary has never said anything vulgar about men when she was engaged in private conversation.

And my heart goes out to all of the TV pundits and politicians who are “horrified” by Donald Trump’s assault on basic human decency. I’m certain that they, too, have never uttered vulgarities about the opposite sex.

 

Listen, I’m not voting for Trump for a whole host of reasons. But if I did decide to support him, it would be a reaction to the frenzy of our national media. Trump might be unbalanced, but the press has become unprofessional and unhinged in its quest to bring him down — that’s the voters’ job.

 

*****

 

TV Tidbits

 

I’ve only seen two or three episodes of each new show on this list, so it’s possible they could improve (or get worse) during their runs, but here are my initial impressions:

 

westworld

 

Westworld (HBO) – It’s brainy science-fiction about robots and artificial intelligence, but it doesn’t seem to add much to what we already learned from HAL nearly 50 years ago in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The pilot episode was dreary and dull.  Early grade: C+

 

**

 

Timeless

 

Timeless (NBC) – Have you seen Rectify? Of course you haven’t; no one has. But it’s a fine drama and Abigail Spencer is superb in it. I guess she wanted something lighter that people would actually watch when she signed up for this fluffy and forgettable show.  Early grade: C

 

**

 

us

 

This Is Us (NBC) – Just shoot me now.  Early grade: F

 

**

 

goodplace

 

The Good Place (NBC) – If you are charmed by Kristen Bell you will likely be charmed by this comedy. I’m guessing that Bell substituting “shirt” for “shit,” “fudge” for “fuck,” etc., will eventually stop sounding cute.  Early grade: C+

 

**

 

designate

 

Designated Survivor (ABC) – It had an explosive premiere, but as Kiefer Sutherland’s president grows more saintly, the show grows more preachy.  Early grade: C+

 

**

 

versailles

 

Versailles (Ovation) – Sex and sin in the court of Louis XIV. Don’t expect Downton Abbey – this is much naughtier – but it’s juicy soap opera.  Ovation might have cut some of the steamier sex scenes for puritanical American eyes – if so, not a good thing.  Early grade: B  

 

**

 

exorcisttv

 

The Exorcist (Fox) — The good news: The end of the first episode had one of the best gut-punches I’ve seen on a TV series. The bad news: Well, it’s not really bad news. It’s just that the show seems to be settling into middling chills.  Early grade: B

 

 

Returning Shows

 

Ash vs. Evil Dead (Starz) – I enjoyed the first season, but I’m not sure if there’s enough meat on the bones of this horror-comedy to sustain another year.  Grade: B

 

American Horror Story (FX) and Scream Queens (Fox) – I’m thinking Ryan Murphy has too much on his plate. Instead of creating and supervising every show on the Fox/FX schedule, he ought to just concentrate on a single good one.  Grades: AHS C+  SQ C

 

*****

 

“If I had a show, I would have gone right after him.” — David Letterman on Trump

 

Yes, because Letterman would never dream of using his star power to take advantage of young women. Just ask his interns.

 

 

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Gringo

grouchyeditor.com Gringo

 

If you think selecting a president this year is akin to choosing between having a root canal or a colonoscopy, it could be worse. We could be stuck with Libertarian candidate John McAfee, the software mogul who wound up accused of rape and orchestrating not one but two murders in Belize. Documentarian Nanette Burstein interviewed McAfee’s hired thugs, his victims, and his teenage “girlfriends” who observed as he turned one part of Central America into his own Heart of Darkness.  

It’s hard to say which is more stomach-turning: the way McAfee exploited poor Belizeans, or the way America’s fawning business and tech communities have welcomed him back to the U.S.A.  Release: 2016  Grade: B+

 

**

 

Amanda Knox

grouchyeditor.com Knox

 

Amanda Knox is not a particularly likeable woman – but that doesn’t necessarily make her a murderer. After watching Netflix’s new documentary about the Seattle woman’s trials and tribulations in the Italian justice system, I remain as clueless as ever to her guilt or innocence in the death of roommate Meredith Kercher. But I do know this: The movie reaffirms my belief that I never want to find myself on trial in Italy – especially with flamboyant, egotistical prosecutor Giuliano Mignini running the show. Release: 2016  Grade: B+

 

**

 

Rams

grouchyeditor.com Rams

 

Two Icelandic farmers – feuding brothers who haven’t spoken to each other in 40 years – find their livelihoods threatened when disease strikes their beloved sheep stock. Rams is one of those “little” films in which nothing much seems to happen – but it’s so unusual that it could stay with you for a long time.  Release: 2015  Grade: B

 

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by Gaston Leroux

grouchyeditor.com Yellow Room

 

In her 1963 book The Clocks, mystery queen Agatha Christie gives a shout-out to this classic “locked room” novel, published in 1908 by the Frenchman Gaston Leroux. This is interesting because Leroux and Yellow Room protagonist Joseph Rouletabille were clearly on Christie’s mind when she created her most indelible character: the great detective Hercule Poirot.

Other than age and occupation, Christie’s Poirot and Leroux’s young hero have a lot in common. (Rouletabille is an 18-year-old journalist.)  Like Poirot, Rouletabille is brilliant, underestimated by nearly everyone, and takes an almost malicious delight in withholding crucial information from his clueless associate, who also serves as the story’s narrator. At one point, the eccentric Rouletabille even refers to his little grey cells – although not in precisely those words.

As for the mystery itself, Yellow Room features other Christie-like qualities: suspects who harbor secrets, dark doings at an isolated estate, and disguise as an important plot point. Leroux, who also penned The Phantom of the Opera, was especially skilled at misdirection. 

 

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