Target

 

The Jerks of Summer

 

In high school, certain truths were self-evident:  Most of the “theater people” were gay, most of the jocks were jerks, and Karen VanderHaagen would not go out with me.

Life is not fair.  We continue to reward jocks with taxpayer-funded playgrounds, like new Target Field in Minneapolis, and with most of the pretty girls, like Karen VanderHaagen.

So I have mixed emotions about this multi-million dollar stadium in my back yard.  Spring is here, Minnesota’s lineup looks pretty good … but dammit, please stop telling me that “the Twins” built a beautiful new stadium.  The taxpayers built it.

 

*****

 

Jobs

 

I guess I’m just another spoiled American, because I want an iPad.  Everyone has an opinion about these computer tablets.  Stephen King says reading books on them gives him an eerie sense of “not-thereness.”  Anna Quindlen assures traditional publishers that the iPad does not signal the end of the world as they know it.

I just know that I want one.  Buy me one.  I’ll bet pro jocks can afford lots of them.

 

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Men Who

 

“Though The Men Who Stare at Goats is a mostly entertaining, farcical glimpse of men at war, some may find its satire and dark humor less than edgy.”

Those aren’t my words; that’s the consensus of critical opinion posted by the editors at Rotten Tomatoes, a Web site devoted to film reviews.  Here’s my reaction to that consensus:  What the hell???

“Less than edgy”?  Talk about understatement.  Goats is a dreadful piece of work.  What makes it even worse is the fact that everyone involved with this movie seems so darned pleased  with it, as if they were making the new millennium’s version of M*A*S*H.  Fellows, you were not.

George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, Ewan McGregor, and Jeff Bridges (how many more variations of “The Dude” is this actor going to foist on us?) star in this “wacky” sendup, loosely based on a real government program in which the military attempted to use New Age mysticism, paranormal activity, and the kitchen sink to revolutionize modern warfare.   I’m guessing that a lot of this stuff looked hilarious on paper, what with its spoofs of both the military and hippy cultures.  I’m also guessing that directors like the Farrelly brothers might have somehow added some zing to this mess.

But regardless of who’s at fault, “less than edgy” doesn’t begin to describe how bad this film is.     Grade:  D

 

Director:  Grant Heslov  Cast:  George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Ewan McGregor, Kevin Spacey  Release:  2009

 

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Brothers

 

Brothers is a movie I admired but did not much like.  I believe that’s a compliment.

The film is relentlessly grim, and it does not end happily.  But why should it?  It’s about the effects of war in the Middle East on both soldiers and the homefront, and there’s nothing cheery about either.

I can’t help but compare Brothers to its more celebrated cinematic sibling, The Hurt Locker.  The latter film, I’m convinced, will actually encourage some young men to enlist in the armed services.  The Hurt Locker depicts an enigmatic, John Wayne-like hero who becomes addicted to the adrenaline-rush of sniffing out bombs.  In a perverse sort of way, the Jeremy Renner character is glamorous.  And the movie is first and foremost a thriller, dependent on one suspenseful situation after another.

There is nothing glamorous or overtly suspenseful about Brothers.  If it has an upside, it’s that love and family can perhaps lessen — but not eradicate — the horrors of war.  That’s not a particularly pleasant lesson, but then I don’t believe Brothers was meant to be pleasant.     Grade:  B+

 

Director:  Jim Sheridan  Cast:  Tobey Maguire, Jake Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman, Sam Shepard, Mare Winningham, Bailee Madison, Taylor Geare, Patrick Flueger, Clifton Collins  Release:  2009

 

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by Robert Harris

Ghost

 

Like most book lovers, I prefer to read the book first, then see the movie.  But I was anxious to see director Roman Polanski’s version of Robert Harris’s thriller (retitled The Ghost Writer for the film), so this time I reversed the process.  I don’t recommend doing so.

Although the novel is very good, the movie’s images kept implanting themselves in my brain as I read.  I kept wondering, “Was this scene cut from the film?” or “Who played this character?”  It’s more satisfying to read the book, create your own mental pictures, and then see them played out on the big screen.  But never mind the movie.  Harris’s The Ghost, as Stephen King put it, has “got the goods.”

 

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Sherlock

 

There’s nothing more frustrating than a movie like Sherlock Holmes.

You watch it, and you’re impressed by all the loving care that went into the art direction, the special effects, the costumes, the musical score, the editing, the direction.  Hell, I was even impressed by the end credits.   And then there is Robert Downey, Jr. and his quirky, entertaining Sherlock Holmes.  Downey is a true talent, and if there’s a sequel, as I’m  sure there will be, I’ll look forward to Downey as Holmes again.

But what grates is that, with all of the millions of dollars and energy spent on the factors named above, the film itself  is only average.  It’s a mediocre movie because, once again, every expensive frill trumps what ought to be the most important element:  a good script.  It seems likely that producers instructed the writers that there was CGI for a shipbuilding yard, and spectacular effects for a bridge across London’s Thames, so be sure to build the story around those set pieces.

Stephen King recently wrote an essay about the merits and demerits of the Kindle, Amazon’s electronic reader.  “There’s a troubling lightness to the [Kindle’s] content … a not-thereness,” King wrote.  That’s similar to how I feel about modern special effects.  They look cool, but you know they’re fake, and so you spend time looking for flaws.  Unfortunately, flaws are also easy to spot in the screenplay for Sherlock Holmes.      Grade:  C+

 

Director:  Guy Ritchie  Cast:  Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Eddie Marsan, Mark Strong, Kelly Reilly, James Fox  Release:  2009

 

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Education

 

When I read that Nick Hornby, a favorite writer of mine, had written the screenplay for An Education, my spirits rose.  Who better, I thought, to translate a coming-of-age memoir about a 16-year-old girl in 1961 London than Hornby, an aging male Baby Boomer like myself?

Yeah, right.

But does Hornby pull it off?  Mostly.  I thought An Education was touching, funny, and with a few exceptions, true.  Is it true to teenage-girl life, circa 1961?  Were parents of teenage girls as naïve as they are in this film?  I have no idea.  I’d have to consult with a group of 16-year-old girls, or girls who were 16 fifty years ago.  What I do know is that the film is witty and the performances are captivating.

Carey Mulligan, as young Jenny, might have lost out on an Oscar this year, but I don’t think there’s much question we’ll be seeing a lot more of her.  An Education is really just soap opera, a morality tale about making bad choices and living with consequences; in other words, it’s a film we’ve seen many times before.  But it’s a story that never grows old because it’s a story that never changes, whether it’s 1961 or 2010.  At least I think so.  I’ll have to consult with some teenage girls.     Grade:  B

 

Director:  Lone Scherfig  Cast:  Peter Sarsgaard, Carey Mulligan, Alfred Molina, Rosamund Pike, Dominic Cooper, Olivia Williams, Cara Seymour, Emma Thompson, Matthew Beard, Sally Hawkins  Release:  2009

 

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Cat1

    

Poor Jane Fonda.  1965’s Cat Ballou was supposed to be a star vehicle for Henry Fonda’s daughter but, although she’s very good in the comedy, upstart Lee Marvin wound up stealing the show (and an Oscar) with his portrayal of a drunken ex-gunslinger.  Then, adding insult to injury, Jane’s ad campaign was apparently run by the sexist gang from AMC’s Mad Men.  Check out the poster pictured below.  Then watch the movie free of charge by going here. 

 

Cat2       Cat3

               

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by Michael Lewis

Big Short

                                                

When Wall Street premiered in 1987, Oliver Stone’s movie was pitched as a morality tale.  Its lesson was that when greed gets the upper hand, bad things happen.  In reality, the movie served as a “how-to” guide for aspiring Gordon Gekkos.  Michael Lewis, in his book The Big Short: Inside the Doomsday Machine, laments the fact that his previous expose of Wall Street, Liar’s Poker, had the same unintended consequences:  It inspired materialistic-minded future Gekkos.

The Big Short’s topic, global financial failure, is not only depressing but ongoing.  Most books need some semblance of a hero, but Lewis had to scrape to find protagonists for this story.  He discovered a handful of small-timers who, through sheer gumption, hard work, and contrariness, managed to make killings out of Wall Street’s meltdown.  These men appeal to the underdog-loving Lewis, but it’s hard to disguise the fact that even these guys acted more out of self-interest than any sense of social responsibility.

But my biggest obstacle to fully appreciating The Big Short is related to something that contributed to the financial crisis in the first place:  the onslaught of insider jargon, economic voodoo theories, and meaningless acronyms geared to befuddle anyone lacking an economics degree.  As a reader, I became exasperated by the financial hocus-pocus and simply wanted to just walk away from it.  In other words, it engendered in me the same attitude that allowed Wall Street hooligans to swindle so many others.

 

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Siskel

 

The balcony has closed on At the Movies, and Web sites like Rotten Tomatoes are shouldering some of the blame.  Apparently, a lot of folks prefer to get their cinematic guidance from people like Catherine, a 20-something from England who is one of my “friends” on Tomatoes and who lists movies like Ghost among her all-time favorites.  Sigh.

At least you can’t blame my reviews for the demise of At the Movies.  I’m guessing that my site gets fewer visits than Tiger Woods gets from his mother-in-law.

For me, At the Movies lost its must-see-TV status back in 1999, when Gene Siskel died.  It’s not that subsequent critics weren’t knowledgeable, it’s just that when Siskel and Roger Ebert ceased sparring, the magic was gone.  Perhaps Catherine can get her own show ….

 

*****

 

Tan

 

Tucker Carlson was on Red Eye carping about how all too often when we need to raise taxes, we raise it on whomever or whatever happens to be unpopular.  Carlson proposed, I assume facetiously, that we tax children, nuns, and mothers.

I might not go that far.  But as a smoker, I feel Carlson’s point and I can see how tanners might get burned up over a proposed tax on them.  On the other hand, look at the woman in the picture above.  Doesn’t she look smug?  I don’t like her.  Let’s tax her.

 

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Let Right

 

One sign of a great movie is the images it leaves with you.  My favorite visual from Let the Right One In occurs in a swimming pool near the end of the film … but describing it would be a spoiler, so I’ll refrain.

Another indicator that a foreign film excels is when Hollywood announces plans for a remake.  Sadly, just such a plan is in the works for this brilliant Swedish movie from 2008.  But for now, we can still appreciate the original.

So how does this movie stand apart from the glut of other vampire films?  It is certainly not the scariest vampire movie you’ll ever see, but it might be the best.  A lot of the credit goes to Lina Leandersson’s performance as Eli, the young heroine with a taste for blood.  I’m not sure why, but prepubescent females make for some of the most frightening characters in horror.  I’m thinking of Linda Blair in The Exorcist, and the girl climbing through a television in The Ring.  Maybe it’s because in real life, young females are the least threatening members of society, and so when they do turn on you ….

Let the Right One In has more than strong performances; it has Swedish atmosphere, always cold, quiet, and creepy.  And director Tomas Alfredson does not rush things (I’ll bet the American remake won’t pause for a second).  Oh, and did I mention that this film is also a haunting love story?     Grade:  A-

 

Director:  Tomas Alfredson  Cast:  Kare Hedebrant, Lina Leandersson, Per Ragnar, Henrik Dahl, Karin Bergquist, Peter Carlberg, Ika Nord, Karl-Robert Lindgren  Release:  2008

 

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