The Grouchy Editor »

04Dec

The Weekly Review: November 28 – December 4

Posted in Weekly Reviews | Leave a comment

For a bunch of supposedly smart people, scientists sure are rotten at public relations. This week, NASA decided to interrupt all regular news programming for a “major announcement.” This announcement, we were told, would be about the search for alien life. I got excited. Did they find little green men? Had someone (or something) in the universe finally responded to those old episodes of The Honeymooners we have been beaming into space?

Nope. Instead, a condescending, annoying scientist named Felisa Wolfe-Simon came on camera and proceeded to talk down to the world about her big find — some microscopic potato-things in California with arsenic in their DNA.

Yawn. I’m sorry, but I’d rather watch The Honeymooners.

*****

One day about 15 years ago I was sitting in an office in downtown Ft. Worth, Texas, when someone looked out the window and noticed a film crew working on the street below. It was lunchtime, so I went outside and had a look-see. They were shooting an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger, a CBS show starring Chuck Norris.

It was chilly that day — for Texas. It might have been in the 40s. I glanced to my right and noticed a man standing on the sidewalk. He was visibly trembling, grasping his shoulders and red of face. My first thought was, “What a wimp.” My second thought was, “Hey, that’s Chuck Norris.”

I thought of that on Thursday when I read that Texas Gov. Rick Perry had named Norris an honorary member of the Texas Rangers. Guess they’ll accept anybody.

*****

I was accused this week of being a “boobies man.” I resent that. I am a “butt man.” Here is evidence:

03Dec

All Good Things

Posted in Books, Movies, TV & Web, Movies | 1 Comment

Somebody goofed – big time – when developing All Good Things, the new thriller starring Ryan Gosling and Kirsten Dunst. For raw material, the filmmakers had the fact-based, bizarre story of multimillionaire Robert Durst, a can-you-believe-this melodrama involving some, if not all, of the following elements: murder, embezzlement, blackmail, cross-dressing, corpse dismemberment, and a woman now missing for 28 years.

With all of that material to work with, what did the producers of All Good Things come up with? A routine Lifetime drama about a battered woman and her unpleasant in-laws.

For two-thirds of the movie, we watch Dunst play innocent bride to husband Gosling’s – well, it’s hard to peg Gosling’s portrayal of the enigmatic Durst (called “David Marks” in the film). As played by Gosling, the man is sullen, distant, talks to himself, and has mother issues, but hardly seems the threatening type. Lurking in the background, pulling son David’s strings, is omnipotent real estate mogul Sanford Marks, played grumpily by Frank Langella.

Katie (Dunst) wants children; David does not. He hits her; she rationalizes his behavior. She wants her freedom; he wants to control her. Blah, blah, blah and haven’t we seen all of this dozens of times? Katie agonizes. Katie contemplates leaving David. Dunst bares her boobies in a shower scene, which makes news in The Huffington Post and Vanity Fair. Dunst … should never have been the focus of this film.

It’s only in the final third of the movie that the filmmakers turn their attention to the real story: odd, odd David/Robert. But by then it’s too late. All of those elements that make the Durst story so compelling – the murder, madness and mayhem – are crammed into the final act like so many body parts into a suitcase. The story becomes jumbled and teases us with what might have been a pretty good thriller. Grade: C+

Director: Andrew Jarecki Cast: Ryan Gosling, Kirsten Dunst, Frank Langella, Lily Rabe, Philip Baker Hall, Michael Esper, Diane Venora, Nick Offerman, Kristen Wiig, Stephen Kunken Release: 2010

Watch Trailers & Clip (click here)

01Dec

American Graffiti (1973)

Posted in Books, Movies, TV & Web, Oldies | 1 Comment

Random scrawls on the wall (with a can of spray paint) about an American classic:

Ron Howard made the best decision ever by an actor when he moved from in front of the camera to the back. Howard was, frankly, a dreadful actor. Young Ronnie Howard got by on TV’s The Andy Griffith Show because he was such a cute little kid. Older Ron got by, again, on Happy Days because Richie Cunningham was a stiff, awkward young character played by a stiff, awkward young actor. American Graffiti, in many ways a delightful showcase for actors, grinds to a screeching halt every time Howard’s character, Steve, is the focus. Worst scene: Near the end of the film, Steve glances at his wristwatch and says to Curt (Richard Dreyfuss), “Where are you going? It’s awfully early in the morning.” If that reads bad, wait until you hear Howard say it.

Other than Howard, the actors shine in this film. This is odd, because this is a George Lucas film, and the soft-spoken filmmaker is not considered an “actor’s director.” Said Harrison Ford, who got his big break in Graffiti: “George is not overly fond of the actual shooting part of filmmaking.” Lucas was more at home in the editing room or creating special effects. But in 1973 he paid attention to the characters in his movie and the result was magical. I think American Graffiti is his best film, and yes, that includes the overblown Star Wars flicks.

I have mixed feelings about the use of nonstop period music in the film. Lucas’s decision to do this was so successful that it influenced scores of movies to come — especially those set in the ’50s or ’60s. Thanks to this rock-and-roll overkill, there was a time when I never again wanted to hear Buddy Holly. Or The Platters. Or The Flamingos, et al.

This excerpt is from a 2001 review of American Graffiti on a Web site called thedigitalfix: “Maybe it’s because we’re British, or maybe it’s because the film has lost most of its charm over the years, but either way, American Graffiti isn’t as good as the praise that has been heaped on it.”

Well, maybe it’s because I’m American, and maybe it’s because I was once an anxiety-riddled, naïve teenager cruising the streets of a small American town, but the film has lost none of its charm for me. Lucas has called his first hit movie “uniquely American,” and I suppose that’s true — but only to an extent. It’s a universal story because all of us were teenagers, but it’s American because it does such a wonderful job depicting a specific place and a specific time. Grade: A

Director: George Lucas Cast: Richard Dreyfuss, Ron Howard, Paul Le Mat, Charles Martin Smith, Cindy Williams, Candy Clark, Mackenzie Phillips, Wolfman Jack, Bo Hopkins, Harrison Ford Release: 1973

Watch Trailers (click here)

29Nov

Free Flick of the Week: “The Cat and the Canary”

Posted in Free Flicks | Leave a comment

Like your horror laced with laughs? Here is the granddaddy of “old dark house” movies, a silent gem from 1927 that inspired pretty much every haunted-house film that followed. Watch Laura La Plante and Creighton Hale (yeah, I don’t know who they are, either) get scared out of their knickers by clicking here.

29Nov

Tiny Furniture

Posted in Books, Movies, TV & Web, Movies | Leave a comment

Tiny Furniture is like an e-mail you receive from your 22-year-old niece. You laugh at her misadventures, shake your head over her latest choice of a boyfriend, and worry just a bit about her future. It’s an amusing and charming e-mail, but she has no earthshaking news, and by the next day you’ve forgotten all about it.

Tiny Furniture creator Lena Dunham is being anointed the next “it” girl by some critics, heralded as a filmmaker with a bright future. Dunham shot her movie on a shoestring budget in her real family’s Manhattan loft, and enlisted friends and family members to play pivotal roles in what, I assume, is a more-than-slightly autobiographical film.

Dunham directed, wrote, and stars in the film as Aura, a recent college grad who returns to her mother’s home to little fanfare, and proceeds to struggle with men, old friends, work and, mostly, an apparently unsympathetic mother and a self-centered younger sister. Aura is no pampered product of the new millennium; she’s a friendly, funny, and smart cookie cast adrift in that messy thing called adulthood.

It’s been a long time since I graduated from college (even longer since I was a young woman), so I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that young women will relate to Aura’s heartbreak and frustrations much more than I did. But I also believe that exceptional movies transcend gender, reaching out to both sexes and all ages. Tiny Furniture doesn’t do that. Its dramatics might be profoundly relevant to my 22-year-old niece – but not really to anyone else. Grade: B

Director: Lena Dunham Cast: Lena Dunham, Laurie Simmons, Grace Dunham, Jemima Kirke, Alex Karpovsky, David Call, Merritt Wever Release: 2010

Watch Trailers (click here)

28Nov

The Most Dangerous Game

Posted in Books, Books, Movies, TV & Web | 1 Comment

by Richard Connell

Connell’s prose reminds me of Cornell Woolrich. At times his writing feels amateurish, but like Woolrich, the man knows how to build suspense and tell an original tale. At just 35 pages, Game is really just a short story, but Connell packs more action into those pages than Tolstoy does with ten times the length. The plot: An American falls off a yacht in the Caribbean and is swept to shore on a mysterious island. Once there, he becomes the “guest” of an aristocratic Russian hunter who informs the American that they will go hunting together – with the Russian as hunter and the American as prey. It’s melodramatic hokum, but it works. My only complaint is with the Hollywood ending, which feels false.

27Nov

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)

Posted in Books, Movies, TV & Web, Oldies | 1 Comment

Why am I not in love with this film?

Whenever critics compile their lists of great movies from Hollywood’s Golden Age, John Huston’s The Treasure of the Sierra Madre is among the honored. Yet to me, the film seems to be … missing something. This, well, “deficiency” prevents Huston’s adventure tale from being as emotionally satisfying as other classics from the 1930s-1940s.

The movie certainly has an impressive pedigree. Some people think it’s Huston’s best work, and this is the same writer-director who gave us The Maltese Falcon, Key Largo, and The African Queen. You can find critics who believe the late, great Humphrey Bogart delivered his best performance in this film. When I asked my own father to name his favorite movie, he cited this one. So why don’t I like it more? Again, something … isn’t there.

For the uninitiated, Treasure tells the story of three down-on-their-luck American expatriates in 1920s Mexico. They team up to prospect for gold, and during their pursuit must battle bandits, the elements, and their own self-interests. There is lots of action, and everyone who sees the film agrees that Bogart and especially Walter Huston (John’s Oscar-rewarded father) are superb.

Huston’s script has the universal themes of greed, loyalty, and honor that one might expect from a classic. The movie was mostly shot on location in Mexico, a rarity in 1947, which adds immeasurably to its authenticity.

So once again, why on earth am I so unmoved by this beloved movie? Two reasons, I think: Despite the bravura performances by Bogart and Huston, their characters aren’t particularly likable. I didn’t care if any of them got rich.

And I finally figured out what was missing from the film: women. Grade: B

Director: John Huston Cast: Humphrey Bogart, Walter Huston, Tim Holt, Bruce Bennett, Barton MacLane, Alfonso Bedoya, Robert Blake Release: 1948

Watch Trailers and Clip (click here)

27Nov

Sense and Sensibility

Posted in Books, Books, Movies, TV & Web | Leave a comment

by Jane Austen

There are two ways to read a Jane Austen novel: with modern-day sensibilities, or by just going with the flow. I recommend option number two. Austen is such a witty writer that it’s easy to forget you are essentially devouring soap opera, and are getting caught up in the feelings, intrigues, and status of characters who are, after all, a bunch of privileged snobs.

The men in Austen books never seem to actually work and often fall prey to the sins of “idleness.” The women are no better, wasting their time on gossip and self-pity. Meanwhile, their servants and other lower-class citizens are barely worth a mention. However … if you do go with the flow and can bring yourself to identify with Austen’s pampered people, it’s a rewarding experience. Also, it’s not often I can claim that a book published in 1811 made me literally laugh out loud – but this one did.

27Nov

The Weekly Review: November 21 – 27

Posted in Weekly Reviews | Leave a comment

—–Original Message—–

Sent: Friday, November 26, 2010 5:31 AM

To: guest.relations@target.com

Subject: Westinghouse 42″ TV on Black Friday Ad

Congratulations. I can’t imagine a better, more efficient way of alienating customers and generating bad word-of-mouth than the way your store just treated me on “Black Friday.” You lure people in for a Westinghouse high-definition TV for $298, let us stand in line in 10-degree weather for an hour, then open the doors at 4 a.m. and … at 4:05 inform us that the TV is sold out. This should be criminal. Not only will I never set foot in a Target again, I will do my damndest to tell everyone I know about this horrendous experience.

From: guest.relations@target.com

Sent: Friday, November 26, 2010 9:31 PM

Subject: RE: Westinghouse 42″ TV on Black Friday Ad

Dear Sir,

I’m sorry the advertised Westinghouse inch TV wasn’t available for you to buy at your Target store and I apologize for your disappointing experience on Black Friday.

We work hard to make sure you find the things you’re looking for at Target. A number of factors may impact the availability of our merchandise and sometimes sales of a particular item may exceed our expectations, even when our buyers do their best to anticipate guest interest. Whenever quantities of certain advertised items are limited we’ll let you know this right in the circular.

I understand that you’d still like to purchase this item, the TV description also had a statement “quantities limited; no rain checks.” While I can understand how frustrating this was for you, we’re unable to offer you further resolution.

Your comments are very important us, and I’ll be sure to share them with our buyers.

Thanks for writing. Hearing about your experience helps us make Target even better.

Sincerely,

Garry

Target Guest Relations

Sent: Saturday, November 27, 2010 5:48 AM

To: guest.relations@target.com

Subject: Westinghouse 42″ TV on Black Friday Ad

And I’ll do my best to forever boycott your store, and encourage everyone I know to do the same. What you wrote is a crock, and we both know it. You were fully aware you didn’t have enough of the item in stock. You do, however, an excellent job in customer alienation, and in creating lifelong enemies.

Happy holidays!

*****

I stopped reading the “funny pages” in 1995, mostly because they weren’t in the least bit funny, but also because that’s when Gary Larson retired his brilliant strip, The Far Side. But recently I discovered a guy named Tony Carrillo whose offbeat strip, F Minus, reminds me a lot of Larson. Incredibly, against all odds, the thing is actually pretty damn amusing. Most of the time.

25Nov

Countdown to Zero

Posted in Books, Movies, TV & Web, Movies | 1 Comment

There are two impressions I can’t seem to shake after watching Countdown to Zero, a new documentary about nuclear-weapons proliferation. One of them is the sobering knowledge that movies like WarGames, Fail-Safe, and Dr. Strangelove are not as far-fetched as they might seem. Much of what passes for escapist entertainment in those films – technical malfunctions, human error – is alarmingly close to reality.

But there is also an image in the film that haunts me: a black-and-white photograph of J. Robert Oppenheimer, the American scientist commonly known as the “father of the atomic bomb.” In the famous photo, Oppenheimer wears a fedora, smokes a cigarette, and stares directly into the camera lens. His eyes appear to issue a warning: “I was Pandora,” they seem to say, “What happens next … is up to you.” Oppenheimer looks fatalistic – which can’t be good news for the rest of us.

The following is an Oppenheimer quote from 1947, two years after the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki: “I have been asked whether in the years to come it will be possible to kill 40 million American people in the 20 largest American towns by the use of atomic bombs in a single night. I am afraid that the answer to that question is yes. I have been asked whether there is hope for the nation’s security in keeping secret some of the knowledge which has gone into the making of the bombs. I am afraid there is no such hope.”

Hope seems in short supply in Countdown to Zero. Director Lucy Walker’s film is a catalog of near-disasters and rampant dissemination of nuclear materials to just about anyone who can pay for them. This onslaught of nightmarish news left me feeling pessimistic, despite Walker’s pro-disarmament message. It’s not exactly heartening to be reminded that there are still 23,000 nuclear weapons on Earth. Also disturbing is this potential conflict between the United States and Russia, as described by a member of the World Security Institute: “Within 15 minutes, all of the forces on launch-ready alert [could] be in the air in their flight to the other side of the planet … and they could kill over 100 million Russians and Americans within 30 minutes.”

I’m guessing it won’t help anyone sleep at night to learn that, should the American or Russian presidents be forced to consider retaliation in the event of a (possibly false) reported attack, the amount of time allotted to make that decision would be about the same as the time you just took to read this review. Grade: A-

Director: Lucy Walker Featuring: Graham Allison, James Baker III, Bruce Blair, Tony Blair, Zbigniew Brzezinski, Jimmy Carter, Joseph Cirincione, Mikhail Gorbachev, Robert McNamara, Valerie Plame Wilson Release: 2010

Watch Trailers (click here)