The Grouchy Editor

Weinergate Throws Beltway for a Loop

Lots of people are having fun watching Anthony Weiner squirm.  I enjoy watching other politicians and media types squirm as they are forced to comment on the scandal.

Fox’s Bill O’Reilly has been visibly uncomfortable talking about Weinergate.  People might recall that, in 2004, Bill was on the no-fun end of a $60 million sexual harassment lawsuit.  His former producer, Andrea Mackris, claimed that Fox’s arbiter of good taste engaged in explicit phone fantasies with her.  According to published reports, O’Reilly wound up paying millions to Mackris.  And this guy sits in judgment of Weiner?

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Women on cable talk shows are discussing “emotional abuse” as a legal issue. Be careful what you wish for, ladies, because once emotional abuse becomes as prevalent in the courtrooms as physical abuse, I’m guessing that there could be just as many women in our penitentiaries as men.  Possibly more.

Media talking heads keep using that tired phrase, “What was he (Weiner, above with wife Huma Abedin) thinking?”  We all know what he was thinking.  The real question should go to the talking heads:  Are you really that stupid, or do you just believe that your audience is that stupid?

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews was as uncomfortable as O’Reilly in discussing Weinergate.  Flustered and stammering as he read excerpts from Weiner’s sexting, Matthews was unintentionally hilarious.  “I guess it’s sex talk,” he surmised, looking around for corroboration.

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New Michele Bachmann aide Ed Rollins created quite a stir when he accused Sarah Palin of being “not serious” politically, but I prefer this quote from Minnesota GOP strategist Sarah Janacek:  “Maybe there is only room for one articulate, good-looking conservative broad in the race.”  Good looking?  OK.  Articulate?  Well ….

The Wimp Factor:  When politicians are advised to toughen up their images, it usually backfires.  They just come off as fake (more so than usual, that is).  Al Gore suffered from the “wimp” problem, even after he famously kissed Tipper.  John Kerry had the problem, even though he is a war vet.  And Tim Pawlenty has it now.  O’Reilly and Donald Trump have been advising Tiny Tim to get more aggressive, but if he takes their advice, he’ll just come off as a phony.

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Reese Witherspoon, speaking at the MTV Movie Awards, was correct when she told American lasses, “It’s totally possible to be a good girl.”  But then she added, “And if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people!  Hide your face!”  Gosh, Reese, most women don’t have access to Hollywood makeup artists to gussy up their nude shots, like you did in this scene from 1998’s Twilight.

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Life’s Little Irritants

We all hate commercials, but there is one species of advertising that is especially insidious:  the jingle commercial.

I can easily tune out most TV ads.  Some familiar pitch will show up on the screen, and I’ll go back to reading my newspaper.  But ignoring the jingle commercial is next to impossible.  You can be out in the garage, or enjoying a constitutional in the john, and suddenly the hair-raising strains of Neil Patrick Harris crooning “like an angel” for Xfinity will set your ears on fire.  You might be outside mowing the lawn when the gag-inducing “Nationwide is on your side” will drift out the window and infuse you with a desire to disassemble the blades from your mower and use them to slit your own throat.

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Showtime had a free preview, so I tuned in.  With a few exceptions, including The Big C, Showtime has the same problem today that it had 20 years ago, back when I was a subscriber:  Crappy programs.  There are simply way, way too many straight-to-video-caliber movies.

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I’m sorry, but American audiences are like trained seals.  Why on earth do we feel compelled to applaud:  1) the chorus-line kick; 2) people who reach old age; and 3) couples who have been married a long time?

The Rockettes’ high kick doesn’t look particularly challenging.  For all you know, that old geezer you’re applauding could be a lifelong child molester.  The married couple might have endured 50 miserable years together.  But like those trained seals, give us our cue and we’ll applaud.

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Funny guys who strike me as funny only when I channel my inner 12-year-old — and sometimes not even then:  Zach Galifianakis, Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell, Tim Allen, and most of the cast of Saturday Night Live.

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Life’s Little Joys

If you blog long enough, eventually some sort-of-celebrity will leave you a visitor comment.  I have had two such comments at the “Weekly Review,” one of them complimentary, and the other … not so much.  But thank you, Liz Sklar (above left) and Debi Sue Voorhees (above right).

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I don’t know.  I think police might have screwed up when they arrested this guy.  Seriously, does he look like the type who would shoot at an airplane?

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Institutional Fails

The Press

Years ago, a tabloid published a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger groping an obviously underage Asian girl.  The future governor of California was standing behind the girl, grinning as he reached around her and fondled her breasts with his two gigantic paws. The girl’s eyes said, “I can’t believe he’s doing this.”

Yesterday, I did a Web search for the picture but couldn’t find it, which seemed odd because it was on the Internet in the past.  What’s even stranger is the absolute failure of the press to cover Arnold’s decades-long sexual shenanigans.  The L.A. Times did publish an expose in 2003.  There was also an article in Premiere in 2001.  Somehow, most of this stuff has vanished from the public eye.

The Court System

Lindsay Lohan gets sentenced to two weeks of house arrest.  Poor thing.  Next time I get arrested, I want to be sentenced to a stay in a palatial estate, too.  No wonder so many people have no respect for our criminal justice system.

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Things I managed to (mostly) avoid this week:  Oprah, American Idol, the Casey Anthony trial.

But it’s hard to overlook the pictures of accused child-killer Anthony that are circulating on the Web, so here’s another look.

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This, uh, “guy” has been making the talk-show rounds, promoting his/her book, Transition.  I didn’t quite know what to expect from the former daughter of Sonny and Cher, but now I do:  Chaz Bono (pictured here with girlfriend Jennifer Elia) seems to be one of the most well-adjusted, affable, funny, and intelligent blokes you might ever have the pleasure of meeting.

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THE END OF

THE WORLD 

The world ends today, so don’t feel obligated to read this post.  Have a beer, instead — if you have time.

I had a feeling something like this was going to happen because the other night I watched an obscure 1960s movie called Twisted Nerve, and in it Hayley Mills sees a man’s penis in the woods.  The moment I saw that scene, I knew the world must be ending.  I mean … Pollyanna?

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