Most movies based on Stephen King books are pretty crappy, but 1983’s Cujo delivers some decent thrills. Check out the anti-Lassie free of charge by clicking here.
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Oscar Musings
Emcee Billy Crystal: hokey, corny, boring
Angelina Jolie’s Leg: more weird than sexy
Biggest Oscar Crime: snubbing the final Harry Potter film (and the entire series, actually)
Saddest Attention Grabs: a tie between Sacha Baron Cohen’s lame “accident” with Ryan Seacrest, and poor, pathetic Sean Young’s post-ceremony arrest
OK, so no one will see The Artist, and television ratings plummet when films like it win Best Picture. I still think that’s better than awarding the top Oscar to populist junk like Titanic.
*****
I don’t say this often, but I couldn’t agree more with two of the panelists on Fox’s The Five. Bob Beckel and Greg Gutfeld on Monday went after the idiots in Rocklin, California, who are considering a ban on smoking in citizens’ … own yards! Beckel and Gutfeld also belittled the “studies” we see regarding the alleged dangers of second-hand smoke, labeling them a sham. It’s this kind of enlightened commentary that keeps me tuned to Fox — at least occasionally.
*****
Sometimes it’s hard to pick sides. I don’t much care for Sandra Fluke, the law student who comes off as an entitled whiner seeking government freebies. I don’t much care for Rush Limbaugh who is, as we all know, a big fat idiot. And I suspect that President Obama’s phone call to Fluke was a political ploy designed to appeal to female voters.
Everyone just needs to stop having sex, and then this issue will go away.
*****
Cable News Irony of the Week:
MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow explained, for Limbaugh’s benefit, how birth control works. Wait … Rachel Maddow knows about birth control?
*****
Asshole of the Week: Judge Mark Martin
Pennsylvania Judge Mark Martin has no interest in the Constitution or free speech.
Martin, displaying an appalling lack of knowledge about his own country and its laws, dismissed an assault case against an Islamic idiot who attacked a man dressed up as “Muhammad zombie” for a Halloween parade. “I think our forefathers intended to use the First Amendment so we can speak with our mind, not to piss off other people and cultures — which is what you did,” Martin told the man who was attacked.
So, according to this judicial font of wisdom, the next time you “piss off” someone with your words, he or she will be fully justified in assaulting you.
Martin has pissed off me and many others, so I assume we can now assault him with impunity — as long as the resulting case winds up in this fool’s own court.
*****
Some wiseass couldn’t resist commenting when news broke about the death of Monkee Davy Jones:
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by Katherine Boo
Katherine Boo’s Behind the Beautiful Forevers is in many ways an astonishing piece of work. Yet it’s also the type of “nonfiction” narrative that triggers nagging doubts (thanks a lot, James Frey).
The good. Boo spent three years recording the lives of slum-dwellers at Annawadi, a squalid settlement adjacent to fancy tourist hotels and Mumbai’s international airport. Boo avoids sentiment and, in depicting a world so harsh, unforgiving, and corrupt, has no need to embellish the facts. (But does she? See below.) She uncovers a small slice of poverty and in the process sheds volumes of light on income inequality in India.
The suspect. Imagine this: A group of male street-toughs, all of them teenage thieves or scavengers, are gathered on a corner. They discuss the sort of things that young boys discuss: girls, music, movies. They spot a white woman who is middle-aged, well-educated, privileged – and American. “Hey lady,” say the boys, “come join us and we’ll share our secrets and dreams with you, and treat you like just one of the guys.” See the problem? And yet Boo manages to probe the innermost thoughts and dreams of these kids. Great journalism, or creative license?
In an author’s note, Boo proffers a fairly convincing explanation of the techniques she used to get Indians like those boys to open up. In a separate interview, Boo calls narrative nonfiction “a selective art.” That leaves the reader with a choice: buy into the reporter’s “selective art” … or not.
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Brad Pitt lost in the competition for Best Actor at last night’s Oscars, but after his wife Angelina Jolie made a show of flashing her thigh to television viewers, I doubt that many people felt sorry for him. Check out this early Pitt movie, a scenic drama directed by Robert Redford.
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Watching Bill O’Reilly struggle on Saturday Night Live, I was reminded of how much we 1) take professional actors and comics for granted, and 2) should discourage other people — politicians, athletes, and journalists, mostly — from accepting “acting” roles, no matter how small the part.
O’Reilly was stiff and self-conscious on SNL (above, hiding behind an elbow). But I don’t think anyone will ever surpass Brett Favre’s wooden performance in There’s Something About Mary (below).
*****
Oscar Predictions:
Unlike last year, I haven’t seen a lot of this year’s nominees. That’s my excuse if the following picks are wrong. Nevertheless, this is what I gather from Hollywood scuttlebutt:
Best Picture, Director, and Actor will all go to The Artist. Actress — Viola Davis. Supporting Actor — Christopher Plummer. Supporting Actress — Octavia Spencer.
*****
Survivor’s new season began last week, and that’s no longer a big deal. But I don’t think that this venerable time-waster of a show gets enough credit (or blame) for its influence on the television landscape. Yeah, yeah, I know that MTV’s The Real World was the first American “reality series.” But nobody watched The Real World. And yes, American Idol dominated ratings for the past decade. But Idol is really nothing new; it’s just an update of old variety shows like Star Search.
But 12 years ago, wow. Survivor’s first season finale attracted a whopping 58 million viewers. The show was on the cover of Time magazine. Richard Hatch (above) was a household name. So hats off to you, Survivor.
*****
The Grouch was bored and so he created a blog featuring his odd short stories. If you’d like to read these twisted tales, drop him a line at grouch@grouchyeditor.com.
*****
Quote of the Week:
Reporter to Clint Eastwood: “Mr. Eastwood, who’s your favorite president of all time?”
Eastwood: “You mean in our lifetime?”
Geez, Clint, not all of us have been around since the 18th century.
*****
Who is Jeremy Lin? According to the editor of Entertainment Weekly, “The mass affection for Lin — a Taiwanese-American national treasure — says something good about us.”
Who is Jeremy Lin? He’s a rich basketball pro who played well for a couple of weeks. His New York team is below average and has a losing record. Lin is not likely the second coming of Michael Jordan.
But if you are looking for evidence of an East Coast bias in the news media, look no further than these clowns proclaiming to the rest of us that a slightly above-average basketball player who just happens to play in New York is someone’s idea of a “national treasure.”
*****
This Finnish dude who was caught staring at Princess Mary of Denmark, or part of Princess Mary — can we really blame him? I’d never heard of this woman, but now we have Google and so here is a royal picture of royal Mary at the beach:
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It’s an irresistible concept: Natalie Portman, in her first movie, playing a 12-year-old girl who, after her family is slaughtered by crooked DEA agents, hooks up (no … not like that) with her neighbor – a professional hit man played by European star Jean Reno. Watch it for free by clicking here.
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19Feb
by Elmore Leonard
When it comes to crime fiction, there seem to be two types of consumers: fans who want Martin Scorsese to keep making mob movies until the day he swims with the fishes, and who gobble up books like Elmore Leonard’s “tough-guy” novels; and people who enjoy a good gangster story – but only to a certain point. There’s no question that Leonard is a skilled writer, especially with pacing, but a little bit of his clichéd bad-guys routine goes a long way with me. I don’t automatically smile because the hero has a Brooklyn accent, and I’m not on tenterhooks because the characters carry guns.
And Leonard’s female characters? The main woman in Get Shorty is thinly drawn and exists primarily to lust after our “cool” hero, a loan shark who goes Hollywood and who barely has to lift a finger to attract her and (the few) other women in the story. But if you love this tough-guy stuff, well, then this is a book for you.
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Finally, some well-deserved recognition.
*****
Liberal Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer, above, was robbed at knifepoint last week while on vacation in the Caribbean. It put me in mind of the adage that a conservative is a former liberal who’s been mugged. Could this incident spell trouble for the liberals?
*****
Cable news conspired to ruin my Valentine’s Day by endlessly replaying clips of Newt Gingrich being wink-wink coy about his plans for the special day with his beloved Callista. “All I can promise you is that I believe she will be quite happy tomorrow night,” Newt said at a fundraiser. “But I’m not going to get into — no more details!”
Thank you, cable news, for the mental image.
*****
I see way too many commercials. I’m sure that you do, too. The vast majority of these ads suck eggs, but once in awhile I’m surprised by a good one, like GEICO’s ad in which an older guy hires three middle-school girls to nag him about his eating habits.
But then the commercial runs again. And again. And again and again and again and again …. I don’t like it anymore.
*****
Why all the glorification of Whitney Houston? From what I can tell, she was a drunk, a druggie, and a promiscuous party animal who wasted her talent. And she was a role model for American girls?
*****
Andrea Mitchell is rapidly becoming my go-to-gal for comic relief on cable news. Mitchell amuses me with her Pollyanna reactions to current events. Last week, Andrea was “shocked” by revelations about infamous horn-dog JFK’s sexual proclivities. This week, Christian conservative Foster Friess told Mitchell, “You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.”
Replied my favorite comedienne: “Excuse me. I’m just trying to catch my breath from that, Mr. Friess, frankly. Let’s change the subject.”
Good stuff. I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that Andrea has such a great sense of humor. After all, she is married to that well-known joker, Alan Greenspan.
*****
Season two of Downton Abbey is concluding, which is sad news for some of us. Jessica Brown-Findlay, who plays prim-and-proper Lady Sybil, has had enough of prim and proper. Says Jessica about the difference between Sybil and her character (below) in the new film, Albatross: “I don’t mind giving everyone a shock. I have to admit it gives me a thrill to be able to deliver someone who is such a contrast.” Can’t argue with that.
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16Feb
Take Shelter is the kind of movie that works on some levels, but it’s also the kind of movie that you probably won’t be anxious to see more than once.
The film does have a lot of things going for it: It’s a story with supernatural elements that does not insult the intelligence. It’s a film that depicts mental illness in a sensitive, never sensational, manner. It’s well-directed, relatively absorbing, and features some fine performances. But it’s ultimately unsatisfying.
As usual, the culprit here is the script. The plot is unfocused and, as another reviewer points out, in the end Take Shelter is a disappointing “shaggy dog story.”
Director-writer Jeff Nichols does capture a world seldom shown in the movies: blue-collar, rural America. Curtis (Michael Shannon) and Samantha (Jessica Chastain) are working-class stiffs raising a young girl with a hearing disability in small-town Ohio. Curtis has a problem, too. He suffers from visions and nightmares that are disturbingly realistic. Are they a harbinger of doomsday? Or has Curtis inherited a psychological disorder from his mother, a woman who was institutionalized for similar reasons?
Mostly, Take Shelter is an examination of one man’s descent into mental illness, but we don’t really empathize because we’re never quite sure what kind of movie we’re watching — is it a drama about the devastating effects of mental illness, a la A Beautiful Mind? Or is it an apocalyptic thriller, an Armageddon in Ohio? The movie doesn’t really deliver in either respect. Grade: B-
Director: Jeff Nichols Cast: Michael Shannon, Jessica Chastain, Tova Stewart, Shea Whigham, Katy Mixon, Natasha Randall, ron Kennard, Scott Knisley, Robert Longstreet Release: 2011
Watch Trailers and Clips (click here)
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Hard to believe now, but once upon a time Gary Busey was considered one of our finest young actors – primarily because of his starring role in this classic rock-and-roll biopic. Watch The Buddy Holly Story free of charge by clicking here.
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