The Grouchy Editor

My thoughts about the above picture — when I’m in a good mood:

If ever a guy was entitled to a little fun, it’s the hardworking president of the United States, who took British Prime Minister David Cameron aboard Air Force One and flew to Ohio for a college basketball game.  How cool was that?

My thoughts about the above picture — when I’m in a bad mood:

What an incredible display of bad taste.  In the midst of high unemployment and rising gas prices, Obama makes a conspicuous show of energy consumption so that he and Cameron can enjoy a “boys’ night out,” a “one-percenter” luxury courtesy of beleaguered taxpayers.

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I took a cab the other day and the cabbie and I admired his GPS device.  I don’t have a GPS device, and that’s fine by me.  Some of my best stories come from times I got hopelessly lost.  I’d hate to see that come to an end.  Then again, I don’t drive a taxi.

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You know that your days are numbered in the school cafeteria when you are commonly referred to as “pink slime.”

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Terry Bradshaw tells us that before he and Nutrisystem found each other, “I was tired of looking old, fat and ugly.”  Dude, you might not look fat anymore, but ….

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I can’t recall a time when the top ten movies at the box office were all deemed “rotten” at Rotten Tomatoes.

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I keep hearing about “gaffes” made by Republican candidates.  But are they really gaffes?  Here are examples of gaffes, according to my dictionary:

A gaffe is unintentional, not a deliberate statement that backfires on you.

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I am of two minds whenever Rick Santorum’s daughter, Elizabeth, stands beside the candidate on a stage.  Part of me thinks, “Awww — how sweet.  She looks like a nice girl, and she’s supporting her father.”  The other part of me thinks, “My eyes! My eyes! God, someone hand me the remote before I go blind!”

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Now that Dennis Kucinich’s congressional career is over, the 65-year-old Democrat will have more time to spend with his granddaughter, 34-year-old Elizabeth.  They’ll be able to share olive sandwiches while grandpa helps Elizabeth with her homework.

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Entertainment Weekly dedicates this week’s cover to design director Amid Capeci, who recently died after a battle with cancer.  The cover depicts Mad Men’s Don Draper — smoking a cigarette. 

No comment.

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There are three good reasons to watch Saturday Night Live:  Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader (above), and the “Weekend Update.”  Everything else suffers from lousy writing and a subpar cast.

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Remember the ad that Hillary Clinton used during her presidential campaign — “It’s 3 a.m. … who do you want answering the phone?”  This is Newt Gingrich dozing off last week during a speech by Defense Secretary Leon Panetta.  Evidently, it might be a bad idea to call Newt at 3 a.m., or 3 p.m., or 10 a.m., or 10 p.m., or ….

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This is why the cameramen for CBS’ Survivor love their jobs:

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I was watching Wheel of Fortune and I decided that we’ll be lucky if aliens from another world never see this show.  If I was Mork from Ork and sat down to watch this crap, I would conclude that Earthlings are certifiably insane.

Wheel has a host who makes idiotic chit-chat with strangers and repeats things like “R, S, T, L, N, E” and “Would you like to buy a vowel?”  Then there is his co-host, who smiles vapidly and turns letters on a board.  Both of them, compared to their fellow Earthlings, are fabulously wealthy.  Meanwhile, ordinary Earthlings who are lucky enough to be on the show fawn over their hosts and jump up and down, squealing like castrated hogs whenever their names are called.

If you were Mork from Ork, would you want to make contact with these Earthlings?  I don’t believe so.  I believe you’d consider blowing up the planet.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Oscar Musings

Emcee Billy Crystal:  hokey, corny, boring

Angelina Jolie’s Leg:  more weird than sexy

Biggest Oscar Crime:  snubbing the final Harry Potter film (and the entire series, actually)

Saddest Attention Grabs:  a tie between Sacha Baron Cohen’s lame “accident” with Ryan Seacrest, and poor, pathetic Sean Young’s post-ceremony arrest

OK, so no one will see The Artist, and television ratings plummet when films like it win Best Picture.  I still think that’s better than awarding the top Oscar to populist junk like Titanic.

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I don’t say this often, but I couldn’t agree more with two of the panelists on Fox’s The Five.  Bob Beckel and Greg Gutfeld on Monday went after the idiots in Rocklin, California, who are considering a ban on smoking in citizens’ … own yards!  Beckel and Gutfeld also belittled the “studies” we see regarding the alleged dangers of second-hand smoke, labeling them a sham.  It’s this kind of enlightened commentary that keeps me tuned to Fox — at least occasionally.

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Sometimes it’s hard to pick sides.  I don’t much care for Sandra Fluke, the law student who comes off as an entitled whiner seeking government freebies.  I don’t much care for Rush Limbaugh who is, as we all know, a big fat idiot.  And I suspect that President Obama’s phone call to Fluke was a political ploy designed to appeal to female voters.

Everyone just needs to stop having sex, and then this issue will go away.

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Cable News Irony of the Week:

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow explained, for Limbaugh’s benefit, how birth control works.  Wait … Rachel Maddow knows about birth control?

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Asshole of the Week:  Judge Mark Martin

Pennsylvania Judge Mark Martin has no interest in the Constitution or free speech.

Martin, displaying an appalling lack of knowledge about his own country and its laws, dismissed an assault case against an Islamic idiot who attacked a man dressed up as “Muhammad zombie” for a Halloween parade.  “I think our forefathers intended to use the First Amendment so we can speak with our mind, not to piss off other people and cultures — which is what you did,” Martin told the man who was attacked.

So, according to this judicial font of wisdom, the next time you “piss off” someone with your words, he or she will be fully justified in assaulting you.

Martin has pissed off me and many others, so I assume we can now assault him with impunity — as long as the resulting case winds up in this fool’s own court.

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Some wiseass couldn’t resist commenting when news broke about the death of Monkee Davy Jones:

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