I’m not a huge fan of Batman chronicler Christopher Nolan; I think his films tend to be too clever for their own good. But lord knows the man has his fans. If you’re one of them, click here to see the movie that put Nolan on the map. You’ll have to register with Hulu, but it’s free and, seriously now, have you got anything better to do?
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Asswipes of the Week:
All major media that practice “quote approval,” in which politicians are allowed to doctor and sanitize news stories before publication.
This should be a huge story but, unsurprisingly, the media are downplaying it. The Huffington Post calls it a “kerfuffle.” You know, no more serious than two neighbors squabbling over the height of some shrubs. But man … when “reputable” news organizations including the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Vanity Fair, The Huffington Post, and The Washington Post all admit to deliberately misleading the public, that’s not a “kerfuffle,” that’s a genuine scandal.
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The hullaballoo over Olympic uniforms, on the other hand, is a kerfuffle. It’s a minor scandal that generated more emotion from Harry Reid (above) than I’ve ever seen from the man. What a ridiculous thing to get upset about.
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Approximately 90 people die every day in U. S. traffic accidents. Twelve people died Friday at a Batman movie in Colorado and, as usual, cable-news talking heads sunk to the occasion. Some lowlights:
Bill O’Reilly used the tragedy to rail against … the high cost of babysitters! This economic outrage, propagated by the lowest of the lowly 99 percent, is the reason that some couples took their infants to the PG-13, violence-laden movie, O’Reilly surmised. Gotta hand it to Bill: He’s the go-to-guy when you want to grasp the big picture.
Meanwhile, over at HLN, Dr. Drew anointed “heroes” of the movie-house massacre — even though most of the theatergoers were nothing more than “victims.” Or “survivors.”
And then there was Rush Limbaugh (below), who earlier in the week had dubbed fans of the superhero movie “brain-dead people.” In retrospect, an unfortunate word choice.
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Is this a great country, or what? (Part One)
Is this a great country, or what? (Part Two)
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Michele Bachmann, apparently upset over her recent lack of media exposure, is on a crusade to rid our country of evil Muslim extremists, a threat that Bachmann says has achieved “deep penetration” of the halls of government. Some jerk seized on her quote:
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Penn State, debating whether or not to remove a statue of pedophile-enabler Joe Paterno, is obviously not serious about atoning for its role in the child-molestation scandal. This should be a no-brainer: Tear down the stupid statue and abolish your football program, pronto. Anything short of that, and your “apology” is bogus.
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Stephen King got mixed results when he chose to infuse life into inanimate objects. In Insomnia, King created a pair of singing tennis shoes. That was … interesting. King had better luck with a 1958 Plymouth Fury, otherwise known as “Christine.” Watch it – or her – for free by clicking here.
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
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The Five celebrated its one-year anniversary. At the end of Wednesday’s edition, discussion turned to Howard Stern’s admiration for the women who occupy the show’s “legs” chair. I notice that Dana Perino (above) never sits in that chair. I imagine that’s because she wants to be taken seriously. But she was Bush’s press secretary, so how could anyone do that?
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I try to avoid Piers Morgan and his brown-nosing celebrity interviews, but on Wednesday I was afraid actor Robert Blake (top and above) might pull a snub-nosed revolver on poor Piers. I am of two minds about this kind of interview. On the one hand, it can be riveting stuff. On the other hand, I can picture Morgan’s staff sitting around and thinking, “If we can just book more people with mental illness, like Robert Blake, our ratings will skyrocket.”
Perhaps Piers should book actor Nicolas Cage. Once again, Cage is in the news for a bizarre episode, this time because a woman accidentally printed this picture of the harried thespian on her job application.
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Running of the bulls, my ass. It’s the “running of the idiots.”
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How did Republicans manage to hijack the term “class warfare”? Bill O’Reilly, with help from henchmen Charles “Strangelove” Krauthammer (above) and Dennis Miller, kicked and screamed about it all week.
Krauthammer: “They [liberals] somehow imagine that the bounty of the past will continue. They will be able to soak the rich and pay it [the deficit] off.”
Miller: “Why does he [Obama] always say ‘rich’ like it’s a four-letter word? He’s gotta drop all this class warfare, for God’s sakes.”
O’Reilly: “It must be class envy.”
Of course it’s class warfare. The rich have been waging it on the middle class for decades. And here’s a newsflash for “comic genius” Miller: ‘Rich’ is a four-letter word.
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“I’m the real housewife of Minnesota.” — Janelle Pierzina (pictured at top), returning to the house on Big Brother. Blond, beautiful, and Minnesotan … how can we not watch?
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Half the battle of making a good romantic comedy comes with the casting. If your main characters are personable, the audience will forgive a host of ancillary sins: a silly story, clunky dialogue, dime-store special effects. Too many American rom-coms ask us to empathize with young people who are very pretty — and self-absorbed, and snarky, and spoiled. Self-awareness replaces charisma; insults pass for wit.
Extraterrestrial, a Spanish romantic comedy, features people behaving badly, absurd plot turns, and not much in the way of special effects, but none of that really matters because the protagonists are so darned appealing.
Julio (Julian Villagran) wakes up in bed after a night of heavy partying. But it’s not his own bed. And it’s not his wife who is in the kitchen making coffee. Those are the least of Julio’s morning surprises. When he and new bedmate Julia (Michelle Jenner) detect an eerie calm in her neighborhood and take a gander out the window, they spot a flying saucer hovering in the sky.
That UFO is a plot device, so don’t go into Extraterrestrial expecting to see any, well, extraterrestrials. Instead, expect to see Julia’s boyfriend (Raul Cimas), a good-natured oaf who is clueless about space invaders and girlfriend invaders alike, and expect to meet a comical endomorph named Angel (Carlos Areces), a bachelor who lives next door and who turns a budding love triangle into an even messier love quadrangle.
All four Madrilenians hole up in the apartment building. Paranoia, slapstick, and secret trysts ensue. The script, wobbly from the get-go, continues to fall apart as these dimwits do dimwitted things, but the whole thing is so good-hearted and unpredictable that it doesn’t really matter. Well, maybe just a bit. Grade: B
Director: Nacho Vigalondo Cast: Michelle Jenner, Julian Villagran, Carlos Areces, Raul Cimas, Miguel Noguera Release: 2012
Watch Trailers (click here)
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
If you’re afraid of heights, like I am, then the opening scene of this movie is the stuff of nightmares. The rest of this 1993 action flick is about what we’ve come to expect from Sylvester Stallone: silly, silly, and sillier. Watch Cliffhanger (at least the first ten minutes) for free by clicking here.
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
by Lisa Alther
Can you dislike a book, yet hold its author blameless? That’s the pickle when reviewing Blood Feud, writer Lisa Alther’s chronicle of the infamous Hatfield-McCoy feud. Alther’s problem – and the source of much reader frustration – is that so few records survive from the period of time (late 19th century) and location (West Virginia-Kentucky) of the decades-long family feud. As the author puts it, “Almost every incident in this feud has several conflicting versions that blame different participants, depending upon whether its source supported the Hatfields or the McCoys. But which conveys what really happened? No one can possibly know except the participants themselves, and they are all long dead, the truth buried with them.” But Alther perseveres with insight and, appropriately enough, gallows humor.
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Anderson Cooper, above left, finally came out of the closet and, with any luck, that will be the end of it. I don’t think I can stomach it if Cooper decides to pull a Don Lemon (above right), bouncing excitedly from talk show to talk show, rejoicing in his gayness. Lemon’s embarrassing display reminded me of Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch, declaring his love for Katie Holmes.
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Speaking of Tom and Katie … Us Weekly reports that “Cruise refused to let Holmes sign on for films with ‘sexually compromising scenes, largely because the Scientology folks objected.’” I wonder what Tom and his nutball pals think of Katie’s topless appearance in The Gift. Here is a picture from that movie, just to piss off the Scientologists:
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Lots of nostalgia this week about The Andy Griffith Show, and I feel certain that none of us will ever forget Andy’s finest moment on the big screen — the blowjob scene from 2009’s Play the Game (above).
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“Scientists are excited” … but nobody else is. For a bunch of smart people, these scientists never seem to get it. They don’t (or won’t) understand that every time they discover a smaller particle, a farther galaxy, a funkier theory, they still can’t answer the only question that really interests most of us: What (or who) began everything?
It doesn’t help when scientists like Michio Kaku (above), the Asian dude who pops up everywhere, talk down to the public as if we are third-graders. There’s a difference between making science accessible and being condescending.
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Quote of the Week
“And a tragedy on the president’s bus tour. A woman dies just an hour and a half after the president eats at her restaurant.” — Wolf Blitzer on CNN. Sad news, but I suppose it’s better than the president dying just an hour and a half after eating at her restaurant.
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And finally, here is Katie again, just to piss off the Scientologists:
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Not long ago I watched The Room, quite possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen – but in a unique way: It truly was so bad that it was “good.” Other people will tell you that I’m mistaken, that the worst movie ever made is in fact Troll 2, a low-budget mess released in 1990. That movie was so god-awful that they made a documentary about it. But guess what? The documentary itself is an absolute delight. Watch the doc, Best Worst Movie, for free by clicking here, or read my review by clicking here.
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Shallow Grave Three Edinburgh roommates (excuse me, “flatmates”) advertise for a fourth — and wind up with a suitcase full of money and a dead man in the house. Director Danny Boyle’s film is clever and unpredictable, but not particularly suspenseful. That’s because the leads are all so unsympathetic that, really, it’s hard to much care what happens to them. Release: 1994 Grade: B
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The Artist A valentine to old Hollywood — and not just silent movies, but that whole era comprising “the way they used to make ’em.” If you’ve seen A Star Is Born or Sunset Boulevard, then the basic storyline will be familiar, but who cares when it’s this well done? And kudos to a Jack Russell terrier named Uggie. Says a (subtitled) cop: “I’ll say one thing, he [the film’s hero] owes his life to that dog!” The filmmakers might owe a Best Picture Oscar to that dog. Release: 2011 Grade: A
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The Robber An ex-con finds that life on the outside is better when he runs marathon races, bangs a social worker … and robs banks. The robberies and chases, when they come, are exciting, but for a movie about bank heists and running, too much of The Robber moves at a snail’s pace. Compounding the funereal tone of the film is a romance between our bad-guy hero (Andreas Lust) and his girlfriend (Franziska Weisz), both of whom exude all the heat and passion of an Austrian winter. Release: 2010 Grade: C+
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The Illusionist Proving that animated films aren’t just for kids, this whimsical ode to fatherhood is gorgeous and, yes, sentimental, but not overly so. Based on an unproduced script by legendary French comic Jacques Tati, the story concerns a down-on-his-luck magician whose travels through Europe in 1959 land him an unexpected ward: a doe-eyed Scottish lass named Alice. It’s a quiet movie, nearly silent, but its striking images and simple story might leave you believing that magic exists, after all. Release: 2010 Grade: B+
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Cronos On the plus side, Guillermo del Toro’s debut feature is visually arresting and boasts a few memorable scenes. But the movie’s story, in which an antiques dealer and his young granddaughter share a secret about a magical artifact, is paper-thin. The result is fantasy that’s moderately absorbing, but never scary and not nearly as touching as it wants to be. Release: 1993 Grade: B-
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Evil Dead II OK, so maybe you have to be “in the mood” for it, but if you are, Sam Raimi’s sequel to The Evil Dead is about as close as Hollywood ever got to a live-action Looney Tune, melding horror and slapstick with an emphasis on laughs. And if they gave out Oscars for performances in low-budget splatter flicks, lantern-jawed Bruce Campbell would be a shoo-in. Campbell’s priceless mugging, Raimi’s frenetic camerawork, and some hilariously hokey special effects ensure that this is still the best “cabin in the woods” movie ever made. Release: 1987 Grade: B+
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