Brazil

 

There is an explanation for this picture.  It’s a perfectly newsworthy photograph.  Seriously.  See below.

 

*****

 

The Cycle - Season 2012

 

When I was a kid, I once asked my father what he thought of the comedian Red Skelton.  My dad said that he didn’t care for Skelton because he laughed at his own jokes.

I’m reminded of that every time I watch the spawn of Bill Maher’s Politically IncorrectThe Five and Red Eye on Fox News, and The Cycle on MSNBC (above).  All three shows feature segments in which a host reads from a prepared “humor” piece.

Problem is, these monologues are rarely laugh-out-loud funny, yet they are greeted with howls of forced laughter from the other panelists.  About the only time something genuinely humorous occurs in the world of politics, it’s spontaneous or accidental — like the angry Iraqi man hurling his shoes at a ducking George Bush.

 

*****

 

Coulter

 

Ann Coulter and activist Kevin Powell engaged in a polite debate on Joy Behar’s show:

Powell:  “You’re clearly a racist.”

Coulter:  “You’re clearly a moron.”

 

Now that’s funny.

 

*****

 

In that same spirit of civil discourse, here is my take on that fat lady singing the blues in Wisconsin:

Stop whining and go home, Miss Piggy.  Your 15 minutes are up, and the only “bully” we’re seeing is you.

 

Livingston

 

*****

 

Geez, Arnold, I watched you hem and haw on 60 Minutes and I almost felt sorry for you.  At times, you resembled a … girlie man?

 

GirlyMan2

 

*****

 

“Television is where it’s at … and I don’t disagree.”Entertainment Weekly movie critic Lisa Schwarzbaum.

You have to feel a bit sorry for long-time film critics like Schwarzbaum and Roger Ebert, who are often reduced to two choices at today’s cinema:  small, independent movies that no one will see, or the latest brain-dead superhero/comic book/special-effects extravaganza, which is made for and marketed to teenagers.  Meanwhile, all of the best writers have migrated to cable channels like FX, AMC, Showtime, and HBO.

 

*****

 

Brazil2

 

That does it.  If Romney wins, I’m moving to Brazil.

 

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Frozen

 

Frozen River     Hollywood was delinquent when it finally gave an Oscar to Melissa Leo for 2010’s The Fighter; she should have won two years earlier for her role in this dramatic thriller, in which she plays a hard-bitten mother of two boys who gets involved in human smuggling on the New York-Canadian border.  The movie, from first-time writer-director Courtney Hunt, has atmosphere up the wazoo, with a near-perfect mixture of blue-collar pathos and nail-biting suspense.  The connection is Leo, who manages to garner empathy for a “trailer trash” mom who’s alternately heartless and heartbreaking.  Release:  2008  Grade:  B+

 

*****

 

Snow

 

The Snowtown Murders     Snowtown is a two-hour journey into hell that — assuming you don’t leave the room — grabs you and doesn’t let go.  It’s the story of Australia’s most notorious serial killer, John Bunting (Daniel Henshall), whose sinister charisma sucked in disciples and ultimately led to a rented building filled with bodies soaking in acid.  Everything and everyone in this film is depressing — not just the killings, but also the joyless, blue-collar lifestyle of suburban Adelaide.  Unpleasant stuff, to be sure, but also powerful, and Henshall is unforgettable.  Release:  2011  Grade:  B+

 

*****


Cortex

 

Cortex     This nifty little French thriller is notable for its unusual hero (old) and setting (a home for people with Alzheimer’s).  Andre Dussollier plays a retired detective who doesn’t remember his own son, but whose cop instincts tell him that fellow patients are dying under suspicious circumstances.  Dussollier is magnetic, but Cortex’s pedestrian plot has a few too many holes.  Release:  2008  Grade:  B-

 

*****

 

Carnage

 

Carnage     Near the beginning of Carnage, after meeting the liberal Longstreets (John C. Reilly and Jodie Foster) and the conservative Cowans (Christoph Waltz and Kate Winslet), Brooklyn parents meeting to discuss a playground scuffle between their sons, my feeling was, “I don’t want to spend an entire movie with these people.  They are all smug and annoying.”  I changed my mind thanks to some terrific actors and a bottle of Scotch that loosened their tongues and stripped away their social armor.  Director Roman Polanski simply sets up shots and lets his actors roll.  The result is Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? with a wicked sense of humor.  Release: 2011  Grade:  B+

 

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by Suetonius

Twelve

 

Complain all you want about our current leaders, but their flaws are chicken feed compared to those of the power-crazed, toga-clad rulers of ancient Rome.  For proof, we have this series of short biographies of the Roman emperors, written by someone who was actually there, the Roman scholar Suetonius.

As I read, I would sometimes begin to cut a given ruler some slack, deciding that – at least compared to the others – he wasn’t so bad.  And then I’d learn that he tortured and executed some unfortunate peasant for a trivial offense.  And that he helped himself to a senator’s comely wife.  And that he did worse.  Much, much worse.

But I’ll give the emperors this:  They didn’t discriminate with their atrocities.  Most of them were apparently bisexual, using men, women, relatives, and children as sex toys, and they were just as likely to decapitate a general as a fruit seller.

 

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False3

 

In the 1990s, if you wanted to make a great film about crime in small-town America, the formula was simple:  cast Billy Bob Thornton and Bill Paxton.  Thornton and Paxton worked magic twice – first in 1992’s One False Move, then again in 1998’s A Simple Plan.  Click here to watch the former, free of charge.

 

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Ventura

 

Always the gracious host, Piers Morgan informed guest Jesse Ventura, “You make some very sensible points, and you make crackpot points.”

Piers later told Jesse, “You have been, as always … slightly crackers.”

I don’t know.  There are times when Ventura (above right, with potential “running mate” Howard Stern) makes more sense than our current candidates.

 

*****

 

Costas

 

Worst thing about the ridiculous fuss over the NFL’s striking referees? The unfortunate side-effect that it provided pompous ass Bob Costas with lots of air-time on news outlets.

 

*****

 

Bashir

 

Martin Bashir, above, has trouble restraining his inner naughty boy.  After the New York Times ran a quote about “the stench of [Mitt] Romney” and its deleterious effect on Paul Ryan, Bashir asked guest Ken Vogel about the Romney campaign’s difficulty in attracting donors.

 

Bashir:  “Who’s to blame?  Is it Mr. Ryan or The Stench?”

Vogel:  “I don’t know about The Stench.”

Bashir:  “Is it time for more Republicans, as it were, to start standing upwind of Mitt Romney?”

Vogel:  “We should point out that that is traditionally the role that vice-presidential running mates take:  They are number two.  They’re number two for a reason.”

 

Somewhere, Beavis and Butt-head are giggling.

 

*****

 

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2

 

So much for gender equality in high-school sports.

 

*****

 

Time was, movie stars considered themselves too good for TV commercials.  Then some of them began doing ads on the sly in places like Japan.  Now, you can’t turn on the television without hearing pitches from Tom Hanks (Marie Callender’s), Paul Giamatti (Liberty Mutual Insurance), Jeff Bridges (Duracell), Tommy Lee Jones (Ameriprise), or George Clooney (Budweiser).  John Travolta must be mistaken; it’s a good time to be a celebrity.

 

*****

 

                               McGuirk

 

“President Obama on that thing, he came off as an emasculated wimp.  He really did.” — Bernard McGuirk (above), a Bill O’Reilly minion, evaluating Obama’s appearance on The View.

OK, talk-show tough guy, be sure to let us know how emasculation feels on November 7.

 

*****

 

Meanwhile, this week on Survivor

 

 

Survive2

 

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Rudy

 

It’s only a few weeks into football season, and your favorite team already sucks.  You need to watch football and feel good about it, even if that means viewing a predictable, schmaltzy movie like Rudy.  So here you go:  Click here  to watch for free.

 

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Great Art (and Hot Blondes)

 

Muslim1

 

 

***** 

 

Angie1

 

Survivor is back, and it’s not hard to figure out which castaway is the favorite with CBS cameramen.  Hint:  It’s not the black dude.

 

Angie2

 

 

*****

 

Critics Agree!

 

“It’s a stupid film on YouTube.” — noted author Salman Rushdie

“Fourteen minutes of your life you will never get back.” — some other guy

 

I had to see what all the fuss was about, so I checked out the trailer for Young Muhammad in Love, or whatever it’s called, and, well … I’ll have to say, this is wonderful stuff.  Here are my Oscar predictions for this charming little indie:

 

Best Supporting Actress:  Irma Glutz 

Muslim2

 

 

Best Supporting Actor:  Clem Kardashian

Muslim3

 

 

Achievement in Special Effects

Muslim4

 

 

Best Sex Scene (ok, ok, not an Oscar category, but should be)

Muslim5

Muslim6

 

 

*****

 

Sometimes I daydream about moving to Alaska.  I think it might be a nice place to live.  But then I see news items from Alaska like this:

 

Alaska

 

*****

 

Piers Morgan took to Twitter to vent about Kelsey Grammer, who stomped off the set of Piers’s CNN program:

“Kelsey Grammer was supposed to be on my show now but ran out of the building.  Strange,” tweeted Piers.  He followed up with this:  “So, Kelsey Grammer saw a photo of his ex wife Camille in the open to our show and legged it  …. a shockingly unprofessional thing to do.”

Hard to understand what Kelsey found so offensive, so we tracked down the picture that opened Piers’ show, from Camille’s Oscar-nominated turn in The Naked Detective:

 

Camille

 

*****

 

Not that long ago, the world stood still when a certain author published certain books.  This week, that author is publishing her latest book.  What’s that, you say?  Nope, I wasn’t aware of it, either.

 

 

Rowling2

 

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by Janet Evanovich

Explosive

 

I’m not sure who’s more foolish, Stephanie Plum or me, because I continue to read this silly series.  Eighteen is more of the same-old slapstick, but what’s new is that, for some inexplicable reason, Evanovich has made her plot ridiculously complex.

 

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Arbit1

 

These are tough times for the “1 percent.”  The economy still sucks, their presidential candidate keeps putting his foot in his mouth, and even Richard Gere, with his movie-star looks and charm, can’t portray one of them and garner much sympathy.

In Arbitrage, Gere is Robert Miller, a Wall Street hedge-fund magnate whose world begins to crumble when a bad investment — in a Russian copper mine, of all things — leads him to commit fraud during negotiations for his trading empire.  Miller’s personal life is even messier:  A car accident ends badly for his mistress, and when he attempts to cover it up, Miller draws the attention of a New York cop (Tim Roth) who has no love for “masters of the universe.”

 

Arbit2

 

What follows is The Bonfire of the Vanities meeting a 1970s episode of Columbo, but without much suspense.  Arbitrage is slick, smart … and unsatisfying.  It’s a curiously flat movie, always interesting but lacking tension.  Susan Sarandon and Brit Marling, as Miller’s wife and daughter, are on hand, I suppose, to engender sympathy for Miller’s embattled family life.  But it’s difficult to care much about the fate of people who rely so heavily on wealth for their self-esteem:

Says one character whom Miller enlists to help fool the cops:  “You think money’s gonna fix this?”

Miller:  “What else is there?”

As a viewer, I wanted some sort of resolution to this game of cat-and-mouse between Miller and the police.  Either the bad guy should win or the good guys should win.  That might not reflect reality, but it would make for a better movie.      Grade:  B-



Arbit3  Arbit4

 

Director:  Nicholas Jarecki   Cast:  Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon, Tim Roth, Brit Marling, Laetitia Casta, Nate Parker, Stuart Margolin, Chris Eigeman, Graydon Carter  Release:  2012

 

Arbit5

 

                                                     Watch Trailer or Clip   (click here)

 

Arbit6

 

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Identity

 

It was a dark and stormy night ….  You never know these days what kind of movie you’re going to get when John Cusack is the star – crowd-pleasing junk or critics’ darling – but this mind-bending thriller is slick and entertaining.  Click here to watch it for free.

 

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