The Grouchy Editor

I give up trying to gauge the impact of these presidential debates.  Back in the 2000s, I thought I watched as tongue-tied George Bush got his lunch handed to him in debates, but look how that turned out.

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This is a publicity shot from NBC’s upcoming reboot of The Munsters, something they are calling Mockingbird Lane.  That’s “Herman” on the left.  What is wrong with this picture?  If you’re going to redo The Munsters, Herman must, must look like Frankenstein’s monster.  Herman Munster without makeup is like Lily without sex appeal — sacrilege.

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I’m bored.  The presidential election is just weeks away, the baseball playoffs are in full swing, Argo is opening in cinemas, and my reaction to our national frenzy is … I want to take a nap.

I need more excitement in my personal life.  I need to discover that my upstairs neighbor is preparing stew — with human body parts.   I need to look out my front window and behold two twisters lowering themselves to the ground, their sights set on my apartment complex.  I need Kristen Stewart to stop playing games with me and declare her undying love.

I need a cold shower.

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Apparently, this man has no balls.

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Meanwhile, on Survivor ….

 Later, more cheeky fun on Survivor ….

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There is an explanation for this picture.  It’s a perfectly newsworthy photograph.  Seriously.  See below.

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When I was a kid, I once asked my father what he thought of the comedian Red Skelton.  My dad said that he didn’t care for Skelton because he laughed at his own jokes.

I’m reminded of that every time I watch the spawn of Bill Maher’s Politically Incorrect:  The Five and Red Eye on Fox News, and The Cycle on MSNBC (above).  All three shows feature segments in which a host reads from a prepared “humor” piece.

Problem is, these monologues are rarely laugh-out-loud funny, yet they are greeted with howls of forced laughter from the other panelists.  About the only time something genuinely humorous occurs in the world of politics, it’s spontaneous or accidental — like the angry Iraqi man hurling his shoes at a ducking George Bush.

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Ann Coulter and activist Kevin Powell engaged in a polite debate on Joy Behar’s show:

Powell:  “You’re clearly a racist.”

Coulter:  “You’re clearly a moron.”

Now that’s funny.

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In that same spirit of civil discourse, here is my take on that fat lady singing the blues in Wisconsin:

Stop whining and go home, Miss Piggy.  Your 15 minutes are up, and the only “bully” we’re seeing is you.

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Geez, Arnold, I watched you hem and haw on 60 Minutes and I almost felt sorry for you.  At times, you resembled a … girlie man?

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“Television is where it’s at … and I don’t disagree.” — Entertainment Weekly movie critic Lisa Schwarzbaum.

You have to feel a bit sorry for long-time film critics like Schwarzbaum and Roger Ebert, who are often reduced to two choices at today’s cinema:  small, independent movies that no one will see, or the latest brain-dead superhero/comic book/special-effects extravaganza, which is made for and marketed to teenagers.  Meanwhile, all of the best writers have migrated to cable channels like FX, AMC, Showtime, and HBO.

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That does it.  If Romney wins, I’m moving to Brazil.

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Always the gracious host, Piers Morgan informed guest Jesse Ventura, “You make some very sensible points, and you make crackpot points.”

Piers later told Jesse, “You have been, as always … slightly crackers.”

I don’t know.  There are times when Ventura (above right, with potential “running mate” Howard Stern) makes more sense than our current candidates.

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Worst thing about the ridiculous fuss over the NFL’s striking referees? The unfortunate side-effect that it provided pompous ass Bob Costas with lots of air-time on news outlets.

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Martin Bashir, above, has trouble restraining his inner naughty boy.  After the New York Times ran a quote about “the stench of [Mitt] Romney” and its deleterious effect on Paul Ryan, Bashir asked guest Ken Vogel about the Romney campaign’s difficulty in attracting donors.

Bashir:  “Who’s to blame?  Is it Mr. Ryan or The Stench?”

Vogel:  “I don’t know about The Stench.”

Bashir:  “Is it time for more Republicans, as it were, to start standing upwind of Mitt Romney?”

Vogel:  “We should point out that that is traditionally the role that vice-presidential running mates take:  They are number two.  They’re number two for a reason.”

Somewhere, Beavis and Butt-head are giggling.

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So much for gender equality in high-school sports.

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Time was, movie stars considered themselves too good for TV commercials.  Then some of them began doing ads on the sly in places like Japan.  Now, you can’t turn on the television without hearing pitches from Tom Hanks (Marie Callender’s), Paul Giamatti (Liberty Mutual Insurance), Jeff Bridges (Duracell), Tommy Lee Jones (Ameriprise), or George Clooney (Budweiser).  John Travolta must be mistaken; it’s a good time to be a celebrity.

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“President Obama on that thing, he came off as an emasculated wimp.  He really did.” — Bernard McGuirk (above), a Bill O’Reilly minion, evaluating Obama’s appearance on The View.

OK, talk-show tough guy, be sure to let us know how emasculation feels on November 7.

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Meanwhile, this week on Survivor …

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Great Art (and Hot Blondes)

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Survivor is back, and it’s not hard to figure out which castaway is the favorite with CBS cameramen.  Hint:  It’s not the black dude.

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Critics Agree!

“It’s a stupid film on YouTube.” — noted author Salman Rushdie

“Fourteen minutes of your life you will never get back.” — some other guy

I had to see what all the fuss was about, so I checked out the trailer for Young Muhammad in Love, or whatever it’s called, and, well … I’ll have to say, this is wonderful stuff.  Here are my Oscar predictions for this charming little indie:

Best Supporting Actress:  Irma Glutz 

Best Supporting Actor:  Clem Kardashian

Achievement in Special Effects

Best Sex Scene (ok, ok, not an Oscar category, but should be)

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Sometimes I daydream about moving to Alaska.  I think it might be a nice place to live.  But then I see news items from Alaska like this:

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Piers Morgan took to Twitter to vent about Kelsey Grammer, who stomped off the set of Piers’s CNN program:

“Kelsey Grammer was supposed to be on my show now but ran out of the building.  Strange,” tweeted Piers.  He followed up with this:  “So, Kelsey Grammer saw a photo of his ex wife Camille in the open to our show and legged it  …. a shockingly unprofessional thing to do.”

Hard to understand what Kelsey found so offensive, so we tracked down the picture that opened Piers’ show, from Camille’s Oscar-nominated turn in The Naked Detective:

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Not that long ago, the world stood still when a certain author published certain books.  This week, that author is publishing her latest book.  What’s that, you say?  Nope, I wasn’t aware of it, either.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)