by Charles Graeber

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Apparently, there are more things to worry about than your health when you enter a hospital – including serial-killing nurses and butt-covering administrators.  Graeber’s book chronicles the “career” of Charles Cullen, a male nurse whom authorities believe might have murdered hundreds of patients over a 16-year period beginning in the late 1980s.  Cullen’s spree finally ended when another nurse, a single mother and Cullen’s co-worker, agreed to be wired and record her conversations with “good nurse” Cullen, who outwardly seemed a conscientious, if peculiar, caregiver.

I’m not sure why, but Good Nurse didn’t absorb me the way other true-crime books have, possibly because the soft-spoken Cullen is not particularly interesting; he lacks the killer charisma of a Ted Bundy, Gary Gilmore, or Paul Bernardo.  Or maybe Graeber simply fails to shed enough light on his monstrous subject.

 

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Cards1

 

After viewing two or three episodes of the political drama House of Cards, I had doubts about the lasting appeal of Netflix’s ballyhooed, glossy new series.  Too much “inside baseball,” I thought.  Too much chatter about primaries, redistricting, the congressional pecking order, and that sort of thing.  I wanted more emphasis on human relationships.  Unfortunately, the other problem with the show seemed to be the humans, each of whom was so unpleasant, so motivated by sheer self-interest, that it didn’t seem likely that any of them were capable of human relationships — not decent ones, at least.

OK, so I’ll admit it:  I suppose I wanted The West Wing.

 

Cards2

 

But midway through the 13-episode series, a funny thing happened on the way to the Senate:  The incessant political jargon began to fade into background noise, and the bed-hopping, glad-handing, back-stabbing characters stopped annoying me and began to resonate.  They got interesting.  Really interesting.  And this was several episodes before House of Cards morphs into a full-bore thriller.  It still wasn’t The West Wing, but then it wasn’t trying to be; Cards is the darker side of politics.

There is a famous scene in West Wing in which President Bartlet, reeling with grief after the death of his beloved secretary, Mrs. Landingham, walks alone into a church and rails against the Almighty.  In Cards, there is also a scene in which the protagonist, feeling the slings and arrows of his own (largely self-induced) outrageous fortune, walks alone into a church.  But whereas Bartlet appealed to God in his hour of despair, Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey) gives one skeptical glance toward the church ceiling before announcing to the audience (us):  “There is no solace above or below; only us — small, solitary, striving, battling one another.  I pray to myself, for myself.”

 

 

 

That’s Underwood, for you, and that’s the difference between West Wing and House of Cards. They both take place in Washington, and they both have top-notch writing and acting.  But that’s about it.  The West Wing strove to make us feel good about our democracy, and often succeeded.  House of Cards preaches too, but its message is:  Watch Your Back.

Underwood certainly watches his.  Spacey’s portrayal of southern Democrat Underwood, lying and manipulating his way into greater and greater power, might be television’s most charming, oily villain since J.R. Ewing.  Also likely to show up on best acting ballots are Robin Wright, as Underwood’s icy “power wife” Claire, and, if there is any justice in the awards world, Corey Stoll as a young congressman who makes the mistake of letting emotion cloud his judgment.

 

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When Cards falters, it’s usually due to a few “yeah, right” moments involving the dance between politicians, the media, and the public (is it likely that that unsightly water tower, the “Peachoid,” would create such a fuss?).  But that’s nit-picking.  Netflix, tapping the talents of director David Fincher, Spacey (also a producer), writer Beau Willimon and a stellar supporting cast, has crafted a dark but absorbing gem.    Grade:  A-

 

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Cast:  Kevin Spacey, Robin Wright, Kate Mara, Corey Stoll, Michael Kelly, Kristen Connolly, Sakina Jaffrey, Michael Gill  Release: 2013

 

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Watch the Trailer  (click here)

 

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Judge2

 

Got to love The Huffington Post’s comments area, because sometimes you just feel the need to mess with people:

 

ChadHead

a

b

c

d

 

 

*****

 

I keep reading that we are living in “the golden age of television.”  That’s only half true.  I’d say we live in “the age of television.”  Now that there are 10,000 channels and 987,000 shows, there is of course more great TV than ever — and more crap TV, as well.

 

*****

 

Whistleblower Edward Snowden as a smiling schoolboy

 

The Ed Snowden hullaballoo (that’s Ed’s high school mug, above) reminds us that there is not just one, but two groups of Americans that are relegated to second-class citizenship:  high school dropouts, and smokers. 

After all, we never read about non-smoking college graduates committing crimes … do we?

 

*****

 

WCCO

 

My local news channel has been weirding me out.  WCCO has a husband-wife anchor team, Frank and Amelia, but lately the station has been dispatching Frank (above left) on overnight road trips with the weatherman (above right).  The two men then issue reports from resorts and other vacation hot spots as Amelia listens passively back at the anchor desk.

Said the weather dude:  “Amelia, don’t get jealous, but at 10 o’clock I’m gonna take your husband to the Stardust Drive-In.  We’re gonna have a good time there.”

 

*****

 

Annoying Terms that Need to Go:

“indie darling” — sounds like something Eva Gabor might say to Harrison Ford

“an unapologetically raunchy film” — just once, I would love to read about an “apologetically raunchy film” (see this week’s Entertainment Weekly, page 7)

“oftentimes” — what’s a synonym for “often”?  How about “frequently”?  Would you ever say, “frequently times”?  Of course not.  Just say “often,” dammit.

 

*****

 

Tray

 

Star of the Week

The humble ice cube (pictured above).  It’s one of the few things in life that you can make for free, and it rarely disappoints.

 

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Eyes

 

Here’s Looking at You, Kid

 

They are watching you.

They’re not watching me, because I don’t own or use a cell phone.  I suppose they could be monitoring grouchyeditor.com, but if that were the case, we probably would have noticed something peculiar b

 

*****

 

Conspiracy theorists like Jesse Ventura must be having an “I told you so” week, what with all of the breaking news about government snooping into our phone records, e-mails, and hair appointments.  President Obama says he “welcomes the debate” over all of these sneaky programs, but if that was the case, why didn’t he begin the debate before the spying was leaked?

Meanwhile, Jesse is back, and Jesse is mad as hell.  He is suing the widow of Chris Kyle, whom Jesse feels defamed him in a book, and he is angry at New York’s Michael Bloomberg for comments the mayor made about medical marijuana.

 

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“Mayor Bloomberg can kiss my ass.” — Ventura on Joy Behar’s show

 

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Bill O’Reilly heard about the defamation lawsuit and took an interest in Jesse’s manhood:

“I feel that if he [Ventura] really wants to be a man, he drops the case.  If he really wants to be a man, you know?”

No word on what the Nanny Mayor thinks about all of this.

 

Bloomberg - Copy

 

*****

 

Douglas2

 

In yet more girlie-man news, Michael Douglas announced that cunnilingus gave him cancer.  So, I guess now we know why Michael chose to explore the gay lifestyle in his recent role as Liberace.

 

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Grove1

 

Hemlock Grove, an original Netflix series, is one weird-ass creative splash, and I loved every minute of it.  Let me rephrase that:  Hemlock Grove, an original Netflix series, is an acquired taste and a bit of a disappointment.

Sigh.  I hate reviewing shows like this one.

The plot:  Based on a novel by Brian McGreevy, Grove tells the tale of two high school boys, one a werewolf and the other a … something, who team up to hunt down a “vargulf,” a renegade lycanthrope (werewolf) that is killing young girls in the titular burg, which is located somewhere in Pennsylvania.  During the course of the Hardy Boys from Hell investigation, we meet strange townsfolk and strange, to put it mildly, relatives of the two boys (Bill Skarsgard and Landon Liboiron).

 

Grove2

 

What I Liked:

1)  The 13-episode series has a great look.  It was filmed in Ontario but reeks of rust-belt America … except when it doesn’t, such as the presence of a glass skyscraper, the “White Tower,” that looms incongruously over everything else in the otherwise smallish town.

2)  Some of the performances are a hoot.  Famke Janssen, as the mother of one of the intrepid boy heroes, overacts in a role that cries out for overacting.  As Olivia Godfrey, Janssen slinks, drinks, and purrs like an aristocratic Morticia Addams, manipulating everyone in her orbit with an accent that sounds part British and part, oh, I don’t know — Transylvanian?  Also mugging shamelessly is wild-eyed Joel de la Fuente as the town’s resident mad scientist.

3)  The plot keeps you guessing.  One problem with monster mythology is that it often leaves the screenwriter with two unappealing options:  Bore the audience by explaining everything (e.g., lycanthropes, upirs, and vargulfs), or leave the weirdness unexplained and risk putting the viewer into a head-scratching funk.  Hemlock Grove leaves a lot unexplained, which is sometimes frustrating, but more often just a tease.

 

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4)  There are lots of random, what-the-hell moments.  The female representative of law and order is not the usual cop or FBI agent; she hails from Fish & Wildlife Services, of all places.  And then there is that ominous skyscraper, home of biotech shenanigans as it towers over the high school, a country store, and beer joints, looking as out of place as a nuclear reactor in Mayberry.

 

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What You Might Not Like:

If you go into Hemlock Grove expecting logic, you won’t make it past episode two.  Perhaps all of the supernatural mumbo jumbo is better explained in McGreevy’s novel, but for series viewing, I advise switching off one segment of your brain and just soaking it all in.  Or not.  I hate reviewing shows like this one.     Grade:  B

 

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Cast:  Famke Janssen, Lili Taylor, Bill Skarsgard, Landon Liboiron, Penelope Mitchell, Freya Tingley, Dougray Scott, Joel de la Fuente, Aaron Douglas, Nicole Boivin, Kandyse McClure, Emily Piggford, Kaniehtiio Horn  Premiere:  2013

 

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Watch Trailer and Clip  (click here)

 

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by George R. R. Martin

Thrones

                                                                

I don’t poke my nose into fantasy literature very often but, when I do, it’s generally a positive experience.  J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books are enchanting, and T. H. White’s The Once and Future King gobsmacked me with its brilliant take on the legend of King Arthur.

George R. R. Martin’s A Game of Thrones isn’t quite in the same league as Potter and King, but I admire Martin’s ambition.  Creating a huge cast of characters and detailed description (too detailed at times; must we learn the name, lineage, and attire of every knight, peasant, and maiden in the story?), Martin unveils “Westeros,” a mythical land bearing a strong resemblance to medieval England, and one in which warring clans battle for control of its Seven Kingdoms.  It’s a (mostly) believable world, but it never really captivated me the way the Potter series did, and it lacks the charm of The Once and Future King.  It is not, however, short on graphic sex and violence.

Thrones is a long book, the first in a planned series of seven volumes.  This might be one of those rare instances where you are better off watching the TV version on HBO, rather than investing weeks, or months, of your life on this massive written opus.

 

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Sinister

  Sinister2  Sinister1

 

There is a scene early in Sinister that had me on the edge of my seat.  Fred Thompson, playing a crusty sheriff, approaches family man Ethan Hawke with some unsolicited advice.  Uh-oh, I thought, here it comes:  Fred is going to pitch an AAG reverse mortgage to poor Ethan.  But I was mistaken.  Nothing that nerve-rattling happens in this clichéd dud of a horror flick.  It’s just Ethan, baseball bat in hand, prowling the dark halls of his haunted house, and a sound technician blasting noise at the audience whenever something supposedly scary occurs.  Release:  2012  Grade:  D+

 

*****

 

Mama

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Director Andres Muschietti has a real knack for creepy/scary visuals, which somewhat offsets Mama’s silly premise, dumb plot, and none-too-believable behavior by its characters.  Jessica Chastain, as a musician battling the titular creature for control of two little girls, provides evidence that two Oscar nominations are no guarantee of landing other great roles.  Release:  2013   Grade:  B-

 

*****

 

Penumbra

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Marga (Cristina Brondo) is the kind of career woman you love to hate.  She gets ahead by trampling co-workers, sleeping with married men, and steamrolling anyone who doesn’t serve her needs.  We spend two-thirds of Penumbra getting to know busty, bitchy Marga, but Twilight Zone-like omens all point to an unhappy (for Marga), yet satisfying (for us) climax.  Just proves that you can’t always trust omens, because Penumbra, until its final act a sleek and suspenseful puzzle, fizzles out at the end, wrapping up with gore-spattered silliness.  Release:   2011   Grade:  C

 

*****

 

Frazetta:  Painting with Fire

Frazetta1   Frazetta2

 

Say the name “Frazetta” at a comic-book convention, and you’ll likely turn heads.  Mention the name anywhere else, and you’ll probably draw a blank stare.  That’s a shame because Frank Frazetta, illustrator-artist extraordinaire, deserves a better legacy.  His bane was that he worked primarily in the world of fantasy, churning out striking covers for everything from horror-comics to Hollywood movie posters.  Frazetta chronicles his colorful life from Brooklyn boyhood to retirement in Pennsylvania, but it’s also a film one can enjoy with the mute button on, simply soaking in a procession of startlingly original warriors, princesses, and demons as they march across the screen.  Release:  2003  Grade:  B

 

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fl-tornado18b

 

During tornado coverage Friday, an Oklahoma storm chaser reported that a mobile-home park had been “consumed” by a twister.  I ain’t no psychologist, but it seems to me that if you are at all inclined to off yourself, your best bet would be to live in a mobile-home park in Oklahoma.

 

*****

 

Ice1

 

Schadenfreude

Two types of reality TV seem to be thriving:  shows set in Alaska, and shows set in the swamps.  I believe these shows are successful because, as a species, we enjoy watching other humans suffer.  We seem to really, really enjoy watching people freeze their asses off in Alaska, and we seem to really, really enjoy watching toothless rednecks in Louisiana.

My suggestion for a new kind of reality show:  Toto, the story of a doomed mutt and his stupid owners, all of whom live in a double-wide in Enid, Oklahoma.

 

Ice2

 

*****

 

Bridge

The Bridge

 

Upcoming shows that intrigue:

Broadchurch (August 7 on BBC America).  Two detectives investigate the murder of a young boy in a British seaside town.  Sounds like a routine cop show but, given the appeal of BBC America’s recent Orphan Black, I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt.

The Bridge (July 10 on FX).  The last time a basic-cable channel redid a European crime drama, it was AMC with The Killing.  I’m guessing that, like most American remakes, this will be inferior to Scandinavia’s Bron, but hey, you never know.

Through the Wormhole (June 5 on Science).  When I was in high school, I would often fall asleep during movies in science class.  I plan on watching the season premiere of Wormhole just to see if Morgan Freeman falls asleep during his hosting duties.

 

Freeman

 

Big Brother (June 26 on CBS).  It’s summer, and you’ve just watched Morgan Freeman explain the origin of the universe.  Big Brother will make you question the point of the universe.

 

Upcoming show that I fully expect will suck:

Under the Dome (June 24 on CBS).  It’s based on a Stephen King novel.  Back in the ’70s and ’80s, that was sometimes a good thing.  Today, it’s usually the kiss of death.

 

*****

 

You know Obama’s in the media doghouse when you start to see pictures like this:

 

US President Barack Obama, speaking of r

 

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Side1

 

Filmmaker Steven Soderbergh has been making noise about retiring.  He’s said he wants to devote more time to his painting.  I’m not at all sure that this should be cause for alarm in Hollywood.  I haven’t seen every film in Soderbergh’s oeuvre but, of those I have seen, I haven’t been impressed since 2000’s Erin Brockovich.

Side Effects, Soderbergh’s alleged theatrical-film swan song, is the kind of psychological thriller that was catnip for directors like Alfred Hitchcock and Brian De Palma.  It has a fast-moving, twist-filled plot and pretty actors playing pretty characters.  With Hitchcock or De Palma at the helm, Side Effects would be embellished with flashy camerawork and a dramatic musical score.  With Soderbergh behind the camera, the movie resembles a paint-by-the-numbers docudrama.  The story cries out for razzle-dazzle:  What we want is a movie movie; what we get is an interesting but pedestrian mystery.

 

Side2

 

Rooney Mara of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo plays Emily, whose husband (Channing Tatum) has been imprisoned for insider trading.  When he is released from jail, Emily goes to psychiatrist Dr. Banks (Jude Law) for help with depression.  Banks prescribes medication that is still in a testing stage, and tragedy ensues.  But like a drug-fueled hallucination, nothing is quite what it seems in this story.

In today’s Hollywood, if a movie succeeds, it’s often in spite of a weak script.  Talented directors and actors have rescued many a third-rate screenplay.  When a good script does come along, it’s a crime to waste it on someone like the coasting Soderbergh, with his sterile, workmanlike approach.  Let’s buy the man a paintbrush and get on with things.       Grade:  B

 

Side3     Side4

 

Director: Steven Soderbergh   Cast:  Rooney Mara, Jude Law, Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Ann Dowd, Vinessa Shaw, Polly Draper  Release:  2013

 

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Watch Trailers and Clips  (click here)

 

Side6

 

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BFFs

 

“Hello, friends.  I realize that many of you are disappointed with our system of justice today, and you might have lost some faith in the way things ought to work.  But let’s look on the bright side, shall we?  The jury’s non-decision decision today means that this young woman, Jodi Arias, still has a small chance to make a decent life for herself.  And I, for one, wish her all the best.” — Nancy Grace

 

Just kidding.

 

*****

 

Alarm

It’s a “New Day”

 

CNN is struggling in the ratings, and I think I know why:  CNN has been paying attention to what viewers say they want.  Big mistake.

When the public is polled about news media, it gets all high-minded and carps about “too many negative stories.”  CNN responds by airing a procession of “hero” specials … and the public yawns and flips to E! to see what the Kardashians are up to.

The public says it wants less political partisanship in the media.  CNN responds by showcasing nice-but-bland Anderson Cooper and grandfatherly Wolf Blitzer … and the public flips to Fox News to watch Bill O’Reilly burst an artery over those damned liberals.

I have more bad news for CNN.  I’m no advertising expert, but aren’t viewers supposed to associate products with, oh, I don’t know, something pleasant?  CNN is running an ad for its upcoming New Day that opens with the most grating sound imaginable — a metallic, buzz saw-like alarm clock that shrieks at us and reminds us of a thousand miserable mornings.

 

*****

 

Pinsky2

 

Dr. Drew Pinsky, above, got all excited about the Jodi Arias non-verdict verdict and began to struggle with the English language.

 

Dr. Drew:  “So, during the break, you can knock some sex into me.”

And later …

Dr. Drew:  “He was friends with both Travis and Jodi.  Aaron Doody — Dewey — joins us with his thoughts on today’s verdict.”

 

*****

 

They are still looking for a few good proofreaders at The Huffington Post.

 

Proofer

 

*****

 

Tantaros4

 

Scandal Update:

Eric Holder needs to go, and he needs to go yesterday.

But before they get too excited at Fox News, bubble-headed bimbo Andrea Tantaros (above) of The Five, who said this — “A lot of people voted for [Obama].  And if you see any of those people today, do me a favor and punch them in the face.” — also needs to go, and she needs to go the day before yesterday.  (She can, however, leave her legs behind.)

 

*****

 

Nancy

 

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