The Grouchy Editor

Hey Leo, if you want me to reduce my carbon footprint, how about you stop leaving such a giant one, yourself?

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Lots of happy people this week.  The media are happy because just talking about war isn’t nearly as exciting as actually waging it.  The defense industry is happy because the big bucks will once again roll in.  Conservatives are happy because Obama finally grasped the fact that he was elected, twice, not to do the bidding of the people who voted for him, but to do the bidding of the people who voted against him.

Amazing how quickly we all stopped asking, “Should we bomb in Syria?” and leaped to “Who wants to join us?”  Congress is home taking a nap, the media has a war woody, and the populace is afraid it will get its head chopped off while sleeping in bed.

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I finally figured out the meaning behind the title of the FX series, The Bridge.  Apparently, several characters have severe dental issues and must wear a bridge.  I realized this when I noticed that Hank never moves his lips when he speaks, and neither does Mumble Mouth Linder (above), who is more incomprehensible than a drunken Tom Brokaw.

I am upset with FX because the network provides subtitles for all of the show’s Spanish speakers, but none for Hank and none for Mumble Mouth Linder.

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

The clowns who populate cable news have been aflutter, agog, and atwitter over Adrian Peterson and the issue of corporal punishment.  But you have to go online to find stories about what is, to me, the bigger issue:  this propensity of pampered jocks to create fatherless families.

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Watching Jimmy Fallon this week was like traveling back in time to 1966.  Barbra Streisand belting out tunes, Jerry Lewis cracking jokes, Questlove sporting an Afro ….

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I want to work for CNN.  On CNN, you can get a job like Anthony Bourdain and Mike Rowe have which, from what I can tell, entails traveling around the globe, eating food, and chatting with locals.  For that, you are paid handsomely.  I can do that.

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Reality TV Week!

Utopia

Fox premiered a new reality show called Utopia.  A bunch of exhibitionist gluttons for punishment volunteered to spend a year at a ranch equipped with scores of TV cameras, and viewers are invited to watch the proceedings, 24 hours a day.  And what kind of goodness awaits viewers of the live stream?  This kind of goodness:

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x24x610_utopia-nikki-relaxing-in-the-nude_shortfilms

[Editor’s note: Apparently someone at Fox or Dailymotion decided that this video should be cancelled, just like the low-rated show it sprang from. Below is a screen capture from Utopia’s short-lived run.  – January 2016]

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Big Brother

Houseguests on CBS’s Big Brother spend a lot of time fantasizing about their post-show popularity with fans, particularly on social media sites.  So imagine their surprise last week when they overheard the audience reception given to booted contestant Christine, who was greeted with a chorus of loud boos.  No, you don’t have to imagine their surprise; here’s a picture:

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This guy never, ever, has any good news:

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MORE CELEBRITY

NUDES LEAKED!

(Click on the images for full nudes) *

                    Sarah Palin                                                    Michael Moore

              Tulsi Gabbard                                              Wolf Blitzer

                Don Rickles                                                      Arianna Huffington

*  If you click on the images and do not see full nudes, this can mean either a) your computer has been hacked and is no longer functioning, so you might as well just toss it into the trash; or b) we have too much time on our hands and thought this would be a fun prank.

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We realized that the hacked celebrity nudes were a big deal when we saw that Farm Weekly was all over the story.  Farm Weekly?

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That creepy old fart on eHarmony commercials, Neil Clark Warren, is taking things too far in his purported quest to bring singles together.

“We get to know you at your deepest level,” Warren says, and then inserts his 80-year-old self between a man and a woman who are simply trying to watch a movie.  Would you want this guy to know you at your “deepest level”?

“Who is the one person who’s waiting for you?” Warren asks, and then hops into bed with other unlucky couples.  It seems obvious to us whom this elderly pervert thinks that “one person” is.

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Worst place to live in America:  a mobile-home park in Oklahoma

Worst business to own in America:  a liquor store in San Francisco

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Sofia Vergara caught flak for spinning on a pedestal at the Emmys.  These days, if anything appeals even remotely to the heterosexual male, it is branded “sexist.”

On the plus side, Entertainment Gaily took leave of its senses and actually posted a story about female derrieres.  I have no idea what they were drinking at EG, but I wish they’d drink more of it:

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Entertainment Gaily informs us that this is the “Summer of Butts,” so here is a bit more Sofia:

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TV Update

The Honourable Woman (SundanceTV):  This drama starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and set in the Middle East and England has an awful lot going for it.  It’s intelligent and has sharp dialogue, fine acting, and timely subject matter.  But so far (through four episodes), it is also, at times, a bit slow and lacking in suspense.  So far.   Grade:  B+

Manhattan (WGN America):  Another intelligent drama, but with a bit more soap opera.  Again, the subject matter is compelling:  World War II scientists are confined to a base in New Mexico where they race to create the atomic bomb.  But Manhattan has another weapon in its arsenal — its unique, concentration camp-like setting.  Grade:  B+

Outlander (Starz):  Silly but fun romance.  You have to buy into an absurd premise — woman time-travels from the 1940s back to 18^th-century Scotland — but if you don’t mind that, this is well-done fantasy.  (Picture at top)  Grade:  B

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Michael O’Neill — bet you don’t recognize the name.  But I’ll bet you do recognize the stern-looking mug pictured above, because no one plays a better villain than O’Neill, who lately has been stirring up trouble seemingly everywhere, including Bates Motel, Rectify, and Extant.

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Jessie Nizewitz appeared on Dating Naked and is now suing VH1 for ten million bucks, because an uncensored shot of Jessie’s crotch made it onto the show.  VH1 is calling it a mistake, but my guess is that some rascal in the editing room wondered if he could get by with it.  Here is the shot, plus some blurred Jessie (above), because you want to see.

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Looks as though we’re all being conditioned for another ground war in the Middle East.  In our great country, this decision should be an easy call because our generals and politicians never lie to us, nor do they try to frighten us.

Uh … wait a minute …

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No good reason to post this picture of a critter’s snout, except that we like it.

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Most of the news from foreign countries has been horrendous.  Thank goodness for Brazil.  Online voting began this week for “Miss Bumbum 2014,” an event that always makes me crack a smile.

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James Garner, Lauren Bacall, Robin Williams, Philip Seymour Hoffman.  It’s only August, but it’s been a tough year for losing celebrities.

My favorite Williams films that got little mention in his obituaries:  The Best of Times (below, with Kurt Russell), Awakenings, Dead Again.

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Too many people confuse the word “respect” with the word “fear.”  If you are a bully wielding power over me, you don’t get my respect.  You might get fear, but you don’t get respect.

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I just watched the fourth-season finale of The Killing.  This thrice-cancelled series was certainly cursed, but I would never blame its writers.  Nor its actors.

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CNN’s Brooke Baldwin had struggles on Thursday:

Brooke:  “President Obama proclaimed the siege of Mt. Sinjar in Iraq is over.  Here’s the president:”

[footage of mountainous terrain]

Brooke:  “All right, so those are pictures of the mountain.  Hopefully we can queue up the president for you in a second.”

Later, Brooke attempted to introduce reporter Evan Perez as CNN theme music signaled a commercial break.

Brooke:  “What are you hearing, Evan?  That’s not the right audio.  Hang on, Evan.  Do we have him?  OK. We’re going to roll on to the tease and maybe we will get him in a second.”

It’s OK, Brooke.  When this kind of thing happens, we can always sit back and enjoy your legs.

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Israel, Ukraine, Iraq, Syria, Africa … too much bad crap going on in the world.  I’d prefer not to think about it and instead watch a man flick his Bic:

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I’m picturing a group of bureaucrats at the CDC, sitting around and twiddling their thumbs when someone suggests: “You know, we don’t have enough problems in this country.  What say we import Ebola?”

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© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

• William Devane is concerned about the national debt.
• William Devane boasts, a lot, about how rich he is.
• Why don’t we ask William Devane to pay off the national debt?

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Apparently, this woman made the grave mistake of admitting that she loves her husband more than she loves her children. 

I think the woman has a good argument.  Presumably, her husband had to actually do something to woo and win her.  Her kids, on the other hand, popped out of her birth canal and immediately enslaved her.

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Some doctor was on CNN attempting to assure us that the U.S. medical system can handle Ebola, should that deadly disease rear its ugly head here.

Didn’t this dunderhead, Dr. Anthony Fauci, read The Hot Zone?  What if someone with Ebola comes here and does not enter the medical system?  When some people think they have the flu, they don’t rush into the U.S. medical system; they turn on the TV and share pizza with neighbors.

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Comedian Marc Maron “favorited” one of my Tweets.  Now I suppose I’m obligated to watch his show.  Just kidding; I already watch it, cuz it’s pretty good.

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Evidently, some weird fluke of timing has prevented SundanceTV’s Rectify from being nominated for an Emmy.  This is a crime, because Rectify might be the best show on TV.

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Fox News numbskull Anna Kooiman interviewed Tana Baumler, a brain-damaged woman who got caught speeding with her two young grandchildren in the car. Kooiman assured Granny that her mistake was no doubt “inadvertent,” and treated the whole episode as some kind of feel-good story (Baumler sent a thank-you note to the cop who pulled her over, hence the media attention).

But this woman DROVE NEARLY 100 MILES PER HOUR with a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old in the car!

I wouldn’t have given her a ticket; I’d have shown her a jail cell.

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The way FX keeps showcasing Diane Kruger’s bare ass, I’m beginning to think of The Bridge as The Buttocks.

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“I do have a little bug in my crotch when it comes to [Bob] Beckel.” — Sonnie Johnson, above, being her usual moronic-yet-amusing self on Red Eye.

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Chris Matthews in an MSNBC commercial: “Liberalism always wins, eventually.”

I assume he’s talking about politics, not MSNBC ratings.

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Hypocrites of the Week:  Michael Moore and Barbra Streisand

You don’t get to chew up that many resources – big mansions, chauffeured limos, private planes — and then get to lecture the rest of us about our wasteful ways.

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I realize that they were just pretending, but I nearly had a heart attack Friday when the cast of Fox’s The Five played “if you were president” and the camera settled on Andrea Tanteros (above). 

The prospect of a “President Tanteros” frightens me more than any solar flare that might gobble up the Earth.

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