The Grouchy Editor

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NUDES LEAKED!

(Click on the images for full nudes) *

                    Sarah Palin                                                    Michael Moore

              Tulsi Gabbard                                              Wolf Blitzer

                Don Rickles                                                      Arianna Huffington

*  If you click on the images and do not see full nudes, this can mean either a) your computer has been hacked and is no longer functioning, so you might as well just toss it into the trash; or b) we have too much time on our hands and thought this would be a fun prank.

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We realized that the hacked celebrity nudes were a big deal when we saw that Farm Weekly was all over the story.  Farm Weekly?

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That creepy old fart on eHarmony commercials, Neil Clark Warren, is taking things too far in his purported quest to bring singles together.

“We get to know you at your deepest level,” Warren says, and then inserts his 80-year-old self between a man and a woman who are simply trying to watch a movie.  Would you want this guy to know you at your “deepest level”?

“Who is the one person who’s waiting for you?” Warren asks, and then hops into bed with other unlucky couples.  It seems obvious to us whom this elderly pervert thinks that “one person” is.

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Worst place to live in America:  a mobile-home park in Oklahoma

Worst business to own in America:  a liquor store in San Francisco

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Sofia Vergara caught flak for spinning on a pedestal at the Emmys.  These days, if anything appeals even remotely to the heterosexual male, it is branded “sexist.”

On the plus side, Entertainment Gaily took leave of its senses and actually posted a story about female derrieres.  I have no idea what they were drinking at EG, but I wish they’d drink more of it:

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Entertainment Gaily informs us that this is the “Summer of Butts,” so here is a bit more Sofia:

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TV Update

The Honourable Woman (SundanceTV):  This drama starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and set in the Middle East and England has an awful lot going for it.  It’s intelligent and has sharp dialogue, fine acting, and timely subject matter.  But so far (through four episodes), it is also, at times, a bit slow and lacking in suspense.  So far.   Grade:  B+

Manhattan (WGN America):  Another intelligent drama, but with a bit more soap opera.  Again, the subject matter is compelling:  World War II scientists are confined to a base in New Mexico where they race to create the atomic bomb.  But Manhattan has another weapon in its arsenal — its unique, concentration camp-like setting.  Grade:  B+

Outlander (Starz):  Silly but fun romance.  You have to buy into an absurd premise — woman time-travels from the 1940s back to 18^th-century Scotland — but if you don’t mind that, this is well-done fantasy.  (Picture at top)  Grade:  B

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Michael O’Neill — bet you don’t recognize the name.  But I’ll bet you do recognize the stern-looking mug pictured above, because no one plays a better villain than O’Neill, who lately has been stirring up trouble seemingly everywhere, including Bates Motel, Rectify, and Extant.

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Jessie Nizewitz appeared on Dating Naked and is now suing VH1 for ten million bucks, because an uncensored shot of Jessie’s crotch made it onto the show.  VH1 is calling it a mistake, but my guess is that some rascal in the editing room wondered if he could get by with it.  Here is the shot, plus some blurred Jessie (above), because you want to see.

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Looks as though we’re all being conditioned for another ground war in the Middle East.  In our great country, this decision should be an easy call because our generals and politicians never lie to us, nor do they try to frighten us.

Uh … wait a minute …

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No good reason to post this picture of a critter’s snout, except that we like it.

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Most of the news from foreign countries has been horrendous.  Thank goodness for Brazil.  Online voting began this week for “Miss Bumbum 2014,” an event that always makes me crack a smile.

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James Garner, Lauren Bacall, Robin Williams, Philip Seymour Hoffman.  It’s only August, but it’s been a tough year for losing celebrities.

My favorite Williams films that got little mention in his obituaries:  The Best of Times (below, with Kurt Russell), Awakenings, Dead Again.

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Too many people confuse the word “respect” with the word “fear.”  If you are a bully wielding power over me, you don’t get my respect.  You might get fear, but you don’t get respect.

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I just watched the fourth-season finale of The Killing.  This thrice-cancelled series was certainly cursed, but I would never blame its writers.  Nor its actors.

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CNN’s Brooke Baldwin had struggles on Thursday:

Brooke:  “President Obama proclaimed the siege of Mt. Sinjar in Iraq is over.  Here’s the president:”

[footage of mountainous terrain]

Brooke:  “All right, so those are pictures of the mountain.  Hopefully we can queue up the president for you in a second.”

Later, Brooke attempted to introduce reporter Evan Perez as CNN theme music signaled a commercial break.

Brooke:  “What are you hearing, Evan?  That’s not the right audio.  Hang on, Evan.  Do we have him?  OK. We’re going to roll on to the tease and maybe we will get him in a second.”

It’s OK, Brooke.  When this kind of thing happens, we can always sit back and enjoy your legs.

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Israel, Ukraine, Iraq, Syria, Africa … too much bad crap going on in the world.  I’d prefer not to think about it and instead watch a man flick his Bic:

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I’m picturing a group of bureaucrats at the CDC, sitting around and twiddling their thumbs when someone suggests: “You know, we don’t have enough problems in this country.  What say we import Ebola?”

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• William Devane is concerned about the national debt.
• William Devane boasts, a lot, about how rich he is.
• Why don’t we ask William Devane to pay off the national debt?

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Apparently, this woman made the grave mistake of admitting that she loves her husband more than she loves her children. 

I think the woman has a good argument.  Presumably, her husband had to actually do something to woo and win her.  Her kids, on the other hand, popped out of her birth canal and immediately enslaved her.

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Some doctor was on CNN attempting to assure us that the U.S. medical system can handle Ebola, should that deadly disease rear its ugly head here.

Didn’t this dunderhead, Dr. Anthony Fauci, read The Hot Zone?  What if someone with Ebola comes here and does not enter the medical system?  When some people think they have the flu, they don’t rush into the U.S. medical system; they turn on the TV and share pizza with neighbors.

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Comedian Marc Maron “favorited” one of my Tweets.  Now I suppose I’m obligated to watch his show.  Just kidding; I already watch it, cuz it’s pretty good.

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Evidently, some weird fluke of timing has prevented SundanceTV’s Rectify from being nominated for an Emmy.  This is a crime, because Rectify might be the best show on TV.

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Fox News numbskull Anna Kooiman interviewed Tana Baumler, a brain-damaged woman who got caught speeding with her two young grandchildren in the car. Kooiman assured Granny that her mistake was no doubt “inadvertent,” and treated the whole episode as some kind of feel-good story (Baumler sent a thank-you note to the cop who pulled her over, hence the media attention).

But this woman DROVE NEARLY 100 MILES PER HOUR with a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old in the car!

I wouldn’t have given her a ticket; I’d have shown her a jail cell.

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The way FX keeps showcasing Diane Kruger’s bare ass, I’m beginning to think of The Bridge as The Buttocks.

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“I do have a little bug in my crotch when it comes to [Bob] Beckel.” — Sonnie Johnson, above, being her usual moronic-yet-amusing self on Red Eye.

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Chris Matthews in an MSNBC commercial: “Liberalism always wins, eventually.”

I assume he’s talking about politics, not MSNBC ratings.

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Hypocrites of the Week:  Michael Moore and Barbra Streisand

You don’t get to chew up that many resources – big mansions, chauffeured limos, private planes — and then get to lecture the rest of us about our wasteful ways.

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I realize that they were just pretending, but I nearly had a heart attack Friday when the cast of Fox’s The Five played “if you were president” and the camera settled on Andrea Tanteros (above). 

The prospect of a “President Tanteros” frightens me more than any solar flare that might gobble up the Earth.

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Gary Oldman Calls Plane Crash “Feel-Good Story,”

Cracks Jokes About Israeli Ground Invasion

Actor Gary Oldman on Friday said that the plane crash in Ukraine that killed 298 people gave him “a warm feeling inside,” and that Israel’s ground invasion “allows me to sleep better at night.”

Oldman, speaking to a Tea Party gathering in …

Aww, who are we kidding?  This is a fake story.  We are just envious of all the attention that recent hoaxes have been getting, such as the caller who told MSNBC’s Krystal Ball on live TV that the airplane was brought down “by a blast of wind from Howard Stern’s ass,” or the bogus Empire News story about Netflix’s decision to “cancel” Orange Is the New Black.

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Dear President Obama:

I voted for you twice, but here’s your report card for your second term:   D

Dear Fox News:

Yep, you are correct when you say Obama has been doing a terrible job.  But here’s the thing: That does not mean that Obama voters now see things your way, because your way is still worse.

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Jill Abramson was interviewed by Fox’s Greta Van Susteren and said that she wasn’t sure why she was fired from her editor post at the New York Times.

I think I know the reason:  It had to be that horrible drawl of hers.  If I had to listen to Abramson’s bizarre, irritating voice every day, I’d can her, too.

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“This woman makes Ron Burgundy look like Walter Cronkite.” – Bernie Goldberg, relishing the opportunity to take a shot at Krystal Ball and MSNBC.

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Lots of bad news this week, but at least we got a bit of good news, courtesy of the NSA:

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Hell has frozen over.  Three sitcoms premiered recently, and I didn’t hate any of them.

In fact, I might even watch them again, especially You’re the Worst, if only to find out how far FX will go in its crusade to lead basic cable out of PG-13 territory and into R-rated sex and nudity.  Oh, the other two promising sitcoms?  Married, and Welcome to Sweden.

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We haven’t checked in lately with the gang on Big Brother.  Let’s see what the houseguests are up to:

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Emmy Thoughts:

I have no clue how the Emmy people can possibly come up with their nominations.  Now that there are 4,752 channels on cable, satellite, cell phones, tablets, and the kitchen sink, who has time to watch every show?

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I am happy to see Orange Is the New Black get Emmy love.  It’s an excellent show and is unlike pretty much everything else on TV.  Assuming, of course, that you have time to watch everything else on TV.

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Fans of Orphan Black are outraged that series star Tatiana Maslany was ignored.  I don’t know.  Maslany is good, but mostly Orphan is a special-effects gimmick show.  Being upset that Maslany wasn’t nominated is like being upset that Hayley Mills didn’t win an Oscar for The Parent Trap.  I take that back; I am upset that Hayley Mills didn’t win an Oscar for The Parent Trap.

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Everyone is upset about some show or some actor who got snubbed.  Me, too.  I would have given a nod to Lilyhammer, which has been overshadowed by its trendier cousins on Netflix, House of Cards and Orange Is the New Black.

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Silly me.  I had no idea that the word “Chinaman” is considered offensive, as poor Bob Beckel found out on The Five this week.  Does that mean “Frenchman” is also a no-no?

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Let’s see what Paola and Victoria are up to on Big Brother:

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It’s the Fourth of July and America is divided.  Other countries dislike us; some even hate us.  I blame this on:  the Internet and the Kardashians.  Not necessarily in that order.

In this country, 99-percenters watch the awful Kardashians and resent the class they symbolize, the greedy 1-percenters.  In other countries, they see the awful Kardashians and hate all Americans.

We must get rid of the Kardashians.  Or the Internet.

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CNN is running a series about the 1960s.  Because if there is one part of American history that has been consistently ignored, it is the 1960s.

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We removed the pictures, even though we thoroughly approve of her “pubic image.”

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