The Grouchy Editor

“This movie is like a roller-coaster!”  That’s the tired phrase that critics sometimes use to describe American horror films.  A scary movie might dip into dark territory, but the audience knows that it will eventually be lifted back to daylight, either through comic relief or with a happy ending.  But some Asian horror, like this film, is more like a mine-shaft cart:  You descend into the depths … and never come back up.

Three … Extremes is an anthology of eerie short films from three of Asia’s top directors:  Hong Kong’s Fruit Chan, Korea’s Park Chan-wook, and Japan’s Takashi Miike.  All three stories are gloomy and filled with a sense of foreboding.  They are not particularly “scary,” but they do suck you in.

“Dumplings,” the first story, features what can only be described as a repugnant plot.  But director Chan’s use of glossy photography and soothing piano music lulls you away from the horror of what you’re actually seeing — temporarily. 

“Cut,” from director Park, is probably the least effective entry of the anthology.  Its revenge theme is nothing new,  but the film-studio setting is striking, and Park’s bungee-cord camera shots are flashy.

The last episode, “Box,” is a bit too artsy for my taste, but there are two images that could well give you nightmares.  And the twist ending is unsettling, to say the least.

The shorts in Three … Extremes all have social themes —  abortion, class warfare, “daddy issues” — but that isn’t what will keep you intrigued.  You watch because you need to know what the hell is in those dumplings.  And what will happen to the imprisoned director and his wife?  And what is up with that mysterious sister?

In most American horror movies, bad things happen to good people.  In Asian horror like Three … Extremes, bad things are the people.   Grade:  B+

Directors:  Fruit Chan, Park Chan-wook, Takashi Miike  Cast:  Bai Ling, Lim Won-hee, Kyoko Hasegawa, Miriam Yeung, Lee Byung-hun, Atsuro Watabe  Release:  2004

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I smiled a lot during Annie Hall, but I never really laughed.  I liked the main characters, New York comedian Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) and Midwestern transplant Annie Hall (Diane Keaton), and they kept me amused, but when the two lovers eventually broke up, I can’t say that I was particularly sad (or surprised).

I suspect that the more you personally relate to Allen’s autobiographical Alvy – i.e., you are a) a New Yorker; b) Jewish; c) nerdish; d) intellectual; or e) a neurotic artist-type – the more you’ll enjoy his signature film.

Alvy is the kind of guy who is entertaining in small doses, but a complete headache for any prolonged period of time.  This is what Annie eventually comes to realize, but not until after she endures a rocky relationship that comes under the psychoanalytic microscope of professional shrinks and – incessantly – Alvy himself.

Keaton is adorably quirky in the title role, but the movie should really have been called Alvy Singer.  Annie is on hand to serve as a sounding board for Alvy’s constant ruminations.  He has choice barbs for Los Angeles, the Midwest, pseudo-intellectuals, love, sex, and fame.  His best pokes come when he’s deflating pompous, left-wing intelligentsia.

But I didn’t blame Annie for wanting to escape.  There’s not a whole lot of emotional sustenance to be gotten from a neurotic know-it-all, and this odd couple was mismatched from the start.  Alvy/Woody amused me for the film’s 94-minute duration but, like Annie, eventually I felt that enough was enough.          Grade:  B

Director:  Woody Allen   Cast:  Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Tony Roberts, Carol Kane, Paul Simon, Shelley Duvall, Janet Margolin, Colleen Dewhurst, Christopher Walken  Release:  1977

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Yeah, I know.  Shia LaBeouf is no James Stewart, Sarah Roemer is no Grace Kelly, and director D.J. Caruso will never be mistaken for Alfred Hitchcock.  But I like their movie Disturbia, anyway.

In this 2007 reboot of Hitchcock’s Rear Window, LaBeouf stars as Kale, a high school senior who, following the tragic death of his father, acts out in such an aggressive manner that he is sentenced to house arrest, confined to his messy bedroom, his electronic toys – and the dubious pleasure of spying on his suburban neighbors.  One of those neighbors turns out to be a serial killer, but will anyone believe bad boy Kale’s story?

Yes, this tale was told much better in Rear Window, but if you don’t go into Disturbia expecting “instant classic,” you will have a voyeuristic good time.  That’s because Caruso does a fine job blending John Hughes-inspired teen comedy with Hitchcock-style suspense.

The movie also works because LaBeouf – think what you will of his off-camera exploits – has charisma out the caboose.  Caruso said that in casting his young star, he was seeking an actor “who guys would really like and respond to, because he wasn’t going to be such a pretty boy.”  Mission accomplished.  I can’t imagine Robert Pattinson carrying this film.

LaBeouf has some solid support.  David Morse, as menacing neighbor Mr. Turner, is good enough to make you forget Window’s murderous Raymond Burr.  Roemer, although no model of sophistication, a la Kelly, would make any teen boy hyperventilate (not to mention, ahem, some older males).

But Disturbia is LaBeouf’s movie.  His Kale is troubled, intense, insecure, and sometimes annoying.  He is also compulsively watchable.  Hell, I even liked his messy bedroom.         Grade:  B

Director:  D.J. Caruso   Cast:  Shia LaBeouf, Sarah Roemer, Carrie-Anne Moss, David Morse, Aaron Yoo, Jose Pablo Cantillo, Matt Craven, Viola Davis   Release:  2007

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There are three good reasons to check out Brian De Palma’s 1973 thriller, Sisters.  You are rewarded with 1) the fun of spotting allusions to Alfred Hitchcock movies;  2) a killer performance by Margot Kidder; and  3) one knock-your-socks-off murder – you can pretty much see it coming, but when it does, it punches you in the gut, anyway.

Kidder is all fluttery innocence as Danielle, a French-Canadian model/actress who recently, uh, parted ways with her twin sister, Dominique.  Or so it seems.  When Danielle’s apparently jealous ex-husband intrudes on her date with a handsome black acquaintance, things turn nasty.  A nosy neighbor (Jennifer Salt) sees a murder through Danielle’s apartment window.  Or does she?

De Palma has great fun weaving elements of Psycho, Rear Window, and even North by Northwest into the murder and subsequent investigation.  The first thing you notice when the credits begin for Sisters is the dramatic musical score by legendary Hitchcock collaborator Bernard Herrmann.  Nobody did “disturbing music” better than Herrmann (he came up with the shrieking strings in Psycho), and his contribution to the mayhem in Sisters is a reminder of his value to Hitchcock.

Sisters’s low budget does come with a few drawbacks.  Some of the acting is less than stellar, some of the dialogue is less than sharp, and the final 15 minutes of the film, although visually engrossing, is narratively weak.  De Palma’s 38-year-old script also includes some rather dubious psychology regarding the nature of Siamese twins.  But, hey – get ready to be punched in the gut.          Grade:  B

Director:  Brian De Palma  Cast:  Margot Kidder, Jennifer Salt, Charles Durning, William Finley, Lisle Wilson, Barnard Hughes, Mary Davenport, Dolph Sweet, Olympia Dukakis  Release:  1973

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