Category: Movies

Old1

 

Late in The Hundred-Year-Old Man, there’s a scene in which the bad guy, having slipped and fallen into a pile of elephant poo, watches in horror as the pachyderm begins to lower its gigantic rear end toward the man’s head. The villain, still clutching his handgun, has just one recourse: empty the gun into the elephant’s maximal gluteus … and hope for the best. You can probably guess how effective this technique is.

If that scene sounds amusing, then you’ll likely enjoy the rest of this absurdist Swedish comedy, which follows two paths in the life of the titular character: 1) a series of flashbacks in which young Karlsson appears, Forrest Gump-like, at pivotal moments in history with the likes of Stalin, Franco, Reagan, and Einstein (well, one Einstein), and 2) a madcap road adventure in which the geriatric old-folks-home escapee finds himself on the run from enraged bikers.

Man is certainly ambitious – perhaps too ambitious. If I were to dispense with one of the two story threads, I’d toss the flashbacks, which are amusing but more silly than clever. The old man on the lam, on the other hand, is delightful, a throwback to the sort of screwball oddities that Hollywood used to produce in the 1960s.      Grade:  B+

 

Old2

 

Director: Felix Herngren  Cast: Robert Gustafsson, Iwar Wiklander, David Wiberg, Mia Skaringer, Jens Hulten, Bianca Cruzeiro, Alan Ford, Sven Lonn  Release: 2013

 

Old3

 

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Old4

 

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Escape

Escape

 

After her family is slaughtered by a band of vicious bandits in 14th century Norway, teenage Signe must run for her life. Escape is nothing more than a 78-minute chase movie – but there’s nothing wrong with that when you have a likable heroine (or two) with grit and gumption, and a truly hiss-worthy villainess (Ingrid Bolso Berdal).  Release: 2012 Grade: B

 

*****

 

Antarctica: A Year on Ice

Antarctic

 

Fascinating documentary about the 700 or so hardy souls who spend winters at a research base in Antarctica, enduring the most inhospitable climate on Earth and, as the film points out, the closest environment we have to that of Mars. You can enjoy the film on two levels: Sit back and enjoy the spectacular scenery, which filmmaker Anthony Powell captures with state-of-the-art time-lapse photography (best seen in high definition), or marvel at a cabin-fever social experiment that puts the close environs of Big Brother to shame. Release: 2013  Grade: A-

 

*****

 

Foxcatcher

Foxcatcher

 

Here’s evidence that not every gunman who snaps and wreaks havoc is a young male living in his mother’s basement. Sometimes, they are middle-aged men living in mansions. If you can get past Steve Carell’s prosthetic nose, which is a distraction, and Mark Ruffalo’s average physique, which is unconvincing for an Olympic athlete, Foxcatcher – based on the true story of tycoon John du Pont — is an absorbing study of one sad rich man’s desperate search for relevance. Release: 2014 Grade: B+

 

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Common

Common

 

A gripping British drama about a working-class teen who, having driven some friends to a pizza parlor, finds himself on trial for murder after one of those friends fatally stabs a customer. The movie doesn’t hide its real goal: the repeal of England’s “joint enterprise” law, which critics claim targets the poor. I have no idea whether or not the law is just, but Common is genuinely affecting. Release: 2014  Grade: A-

 

*****

 

Zombeavers

Three boobs, and two bare breasts

 

If you dig Troma-style camp, you’ll dig Zombeavers, which follows the Troma formula of sex, stupidity, and low-budget effects as a group of youthful dimwits fight off crazed beavers at a lake cabin. The Good: 1) The beavers are more hand-puppet than CGI; they wouldn’t be as funny if they looked real. 2) Gratuitous nudity; the problem with similar exploitation on SyFy is that SyFy is too timid (or censored) to truly exploit. 3) The runtime is a brisk 77 minutes – although even that might be a bit long. The Bad: 1) A dumb subplot about the bratty young people cheating on each other. 2) They kill the dog. Film School 101: you never, ever kill the dog. Release: 2014 Grade: B-

 

Zom2

 

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Hot Girls Wanted

Hot Girls

 

A common question put to guys who watch porn (or who frequent hookers) is, “What if the girl was your sister?” The documentary Hot Girls Wanted, by focusing on a handful of girls not long out of high school and fresh into porn, does a great job answering that question: Life is not pretty for a young porn actress, and it’s often downright depressing.  Even more depressing: the fact that millions upon millions of us ensure there’s always a supply of new girls to meet our voracious demand.  Release:  2015   Grade:  A

 

 *****

 

Whiplash

Whiplash

 

Oscar-winner J.K. Simmons joins the Hollywood brotherhood of drill sergeants, coaches, and other molders of young men who employ “tough love” – or abuse, depending on your perspective – to drum success into their protégés in this absorbing drama about the world of competitive jazz bands.   But when the story shifts from the battle of wills between instructor Simmons and student Miles Teller, it stumbles over weak subplots involving the boy’s girlfriend and his father.  Release: 2014 Grade: B+

 

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The Trap

Trap

 

Mladen and his wife Marija are young professionals living in Belgrade, where they rent a small apartment, drive a beat-up Renault and raise their 8-year-old son. When the boy is diagnosed with a potentially fatal heart condition, his desperate father considers desperate means to pay for an expensive operation. The Trap begins as a Strangers on a Train-type thriller (“you solve my problem, I’ll solve yours”) but it’s most effective as an absorbing riddle:  How far would you go to save your child?  Release:  2007  Grade: B+

 

*****

 

The Last Days

Last

 

A moderately compelling thriller from Spain about an environmental plague that wipes out humans – except for the people who stay indoors, where the transportation system consists of rat-infested sewers and thug-patrolled subways. Days contains a few silly scenes, but it also has some good ones. The filmmakers were smart enough to realize that if we care about the characters, which we do, we won’t snicker (too much) when they get attacked by … oh, say a bear in a church. Release: 2013  Grade:  B-

 

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Life Itself

Ebert

 

I liked Roger Ebert. He was that rare celebrity who would reply to reader comments on his Web site, or respond to e-mails, as he did once or twice to mine. I think Ebert was America’s most popular film critic because he merged an “everyday Joe” persona with keen intelligence to produce thoughtful, accessible reviews. And it didn’t hurt that his TV pairing with Gene Siskel was a movie-buff’s delight.

But Ebert could also be, as we learn in the documentary Life Itself, something of a jerk. And so when Steve James’s camera records Ebert’s lengthy battle with cancer, the movie is honest, but perhaps not as moving as it might have been with a more sympathetic subject.  Ebert was a superb writer with unpredictable taste in movies, so it’s hard to know what he might have thought of Life Itself, but my guess would be “thumbs up.”  Release:  2014   Grade:  B+

 

 *****

 

Flu

Flu

 

Here’s a big, dumb, special-effects-heavy disaster pic from Korea, inspired by big, dumb, special-effects-heavy disaster pics from Hollywood, but featuring that peculiar Korean mash-up of 1950s wholesomeness and modern sensibilities (the heroine is a single-mother virologist).

The action scenes are well done and exciting, but what ruined the movie for me was snippy Dr. Kim who, for unfathomable reasons, puts our hero, a virtuous emergency-services worker who is smitten with her, through hoop after romantic hoop.  I mean, seriously, how many lives does the guy have to save – including those of Dr. Kim and her daughter before she’ll give him the time of day? The plot involves an infectious disease spreading through the Korean peninsula, but I found myself hoping the flu would infect Dr. Kim.  Release: 2013  Grade: B-

 

*****

 

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

Girl

 

Critics adore this movie, presumably because 1) it’s an Iranian story (shot in California); 2) it has a female Iranian-American director; and 3) it is a mash-up of — according to some reviewers — the vampire/western/romance/graphic-novel genres.  (I might debate the inclusion of “western.”)  What most critics don’t mention are Girl’s artsy, pretentious asides and the interminable pauses during which the plot grinds to a halt and the audience falls asleep.  Nice cinematography, though.  If you want to see a better movie about a lonely, female vampire who finds love with a cute Muggle, I recommend Let the Right One In. Release: 2014  Grade: C

 

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Follows1

 

There are two bars for horror movies:  an overall bar, which is pretty damn high thanks to a string of classics that began in 1968 with Rosemary’s Baby and Night of the Living Dead and continued throughout the 1970s, and a more recent bar, which is pretty damn low.  It Follows doesn’t come close to the horror heights of those ’70s classics, but because of its ominous tone and a few memorable scenes, it’s a notch above most contemporary fright flicks.

Another reason It Follows is better than 99 percent of recent horror is that it actually shows respect – for the audience and for the genre itself. Writer-director David Robert Mitchell cares about what he puts on screen, and his attention to detail is rewarding.  Mitchell’s story is just as silly as what we usually get in horror, but he presents it with skill and panache.

 

Follows2

 

We are introduced to Jay (Maika Monroe), a morose young woman with morose young friends. (The default emotional state for all of the young people in this movie is morose. Do young people really sit around in dark living rooms, rarely speaking to each other and instead glued to crappy 1950s science-fiction flicks on TV? I have no idea, but these kids do.)  Jay goes out on a date with a handsome young man, and then we discover the threat in It Follows – a mysterious malady in which people have sex and  then get stalked by “it.” This unsettling state of affairs continues until the victim has sex with someone else, at which point … oh, never mind.  Suffice to say that director Mitchell outshines screenwriter Mitchell.

When the … uh, let’s call it an evil “presence” … gets to be too much for Jay, she finds refuge on a swing-set in the middle of a deserted, spooky playground, or by sleeping on the hood of her car. In sympathy for Jay, her morose friends become even more morose.  Eventually, our gang of heroes comes up with a foolproof way to battle the stalking menace, a solution that involves a swimming pool, irons, TVs, and other electrical appliances. But of course.  It’s a climax that’s certainly “different.” It’s a climax that’s also certifiably dumb.

 

Follows3

 

There are a few scary scenes and several disturbing images in It Follows. Who’d have thought that a lone figure simply shuffling toward the camera out of a crowd of extras could be so unnerving? The eerie musical score has garnered comparisons to John Carpenter’s famous keyboards in Halloween, but it reminded me more of the bizarro score created by Goblin for Suspiria.

So what, exactly, is the “it” that follows? I have no clue, but it does involve the scariest thing on Earth:  naked old people. In this movie, young people have sex with most of their clothes on, while old people go full monty. So on second thought, maybe it really is a horror classic.    Grade:  B

 

Follows4

 

Director:  David Robert Mitchell   Cast:  Maika Monroe, Keir Gilchrist, Olivia Luccardi, Lili Sepe, Daniel Zovatto, Jake Weary, Bailey Spry, Debbie Williams, Ruby Harris, Leisa Pulido  Release:  2015

 

Follows5

 

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Follows6

 

Follows7

 

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 Housebound

Housebound

 

The plot is both clever and ridiculous, but Housebound is one entertaining comic thriller from New Zealand.  Morgana O’Reilly plays a young woman who is not – I repeat, not – the clueless ingénue we’ve come to expect in movies like this one – you know, the pretty-but-dim heroine you can’t wait to see with an axe planted in her skull.  No, O’Reilly’s character is a street tough sentenced to house arrest at the creepy old home where she was raised, sharing close quarters with her scatterbrained mother and mealy-mouthed stepfather.  But there are strange doings in the house, and they don’t seem to be caused by the oddball family.  Housebound is great fun, with colorful actors and oh, yeah, a superb musical score.  Release:  2014  Grade:  B+

 

*****

 

Force Majeure

Force

 

What does it mean to be a man?  In particular, what defines a “family man” in 2015?  Like any good Swedish drama, Force Majeure raises lots of provocative questions … and then fails to answer any of them.  But that’s OK because we know that it’s the journey – in this case, a ski vacation in the French Alps – that matters, and it’s a bumpy trip indeed for a family of four when the husband’s reaction to a sudden avalanche ruins everyone’s good time.  Release:  2014      Grade:  B+

 

 *****

 

King of Devil’s Island

Island

 

Well-done Norwegian drama about the grueling conditions on an island prison for boys, circa 1915.  Too bad so much of the story is familiar; if you’ve seen Cool Hand Luke, The Shawshank Redemption, etc., you can likely predict much of the plot in King.  Still, the acting is superb, and the Nordic scenery is suitably chilling.  Release:  2010  Grade:  B

 

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Wild1

 

Wild Tales starts out with a bang (literally) and ends with a bang (metaphorically).  What comes in between is kind of hard to describe: a South American take on Alfred Hitchcock Presents, I guess.  The movie is a twisted anthology of six tales about anger, frustration, and revenge.  Hell hath no fury like some of the wronged characters in Tales.

Writer/director Damian Szifron taps into everyday situations where people butt heads – everything from road rage to infidelity – and then says, “What if … ?”  The results range in quality, but each story is imaginative, and a couple of them are flat-out brilliant.

My take on each of the six short films:

 

Wild2

 

“Pasternak” –  Passengers on an airplane learn to their dismay that someone’s been boning up on his Agatha Christie — specifically the plot of And Then There Were None.  This is the funniest segment in the film, inspired lunacy with a great twist at the end and an even better final shot.   A

 

“The Rats” –  A cook and a waitress at a roadside diner decide to add an extra item to the menu when an obnoxious customer shows up at their restaurant.  The plot isn’t much, but Rita Cortese steals the show as a Julia Child from hell.   B

 

“The Strongest” – Tales drops the “comedy” from “black comedy” as a simple incident of road rage escalates into a chilling, horrific battle for survival.  It’s what you might have gotten if Spielberg’s Duel had gone on for an extra 15 minutes.   B+

 

Wild3

 

“Little Bomb” –  Argentinean superstar Ricardo Darin plays a demolitions expert who doesn’t take kindly to life’s little slights, in particular the fact that his car keeps getting towed from no-parking zones.  Darin is a great actor, but this is the weakest entry in the movie.   B

 

“The Proposal” –  Again, there isn’t much to laugh about in this grim entry detailing the consequences when a rich kid’s parents attempt to shift blame for a deadly hit-and-run from their son to a penniless employee.    B

 

“Until Death Do Us Part” –  All hell breaks loose at a wedding when a pampered Bridezilla discovers that her betrothed isn’t all that she thought he was.  If nuptials were always this absurdly entertaining, I’d become a wedding crasher.   A-

 

Overall Grade:  B+

 

Wild4

 

Director:  Damian Szifron   Cast:  Ricardo Darin, Oscar Martinez, Leonardo Sbaraglia, Erica Rivas, Rita Cortese, Julieta Zylberberg, Dario Grandinetti, Diego Gentile, Walter Donado   Release:  2014

 

Wild5

 

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Wild6

 

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Team1

 

I checked my thesaurus to find antonyms for “subtle,” and here are some of the words that I found:  ignorant, stupid, harsh, noisy, open, and unsubtle.  Those adjectives certainly apply to Hit Team, a low-budget comedy about Ruthie and Max, two none-too-bright assassins on a tight deadline to bump off six unlucky targets in Los Angeles.

Here are a few more words to describe Hit Team:  vulgar, crude, and sophomoric.  But it’s also good-natured, energetic, and boasts winning chemistry among its large cast of goofballs — all of which go a long way to offset the fact that the neurons in your brain responsible for logic and deep thought might well implode as you watch this movie.

 

Team2

 

Hit Team knows that it’s stupid, even revels in it.  It’s Bugs Bunny with blood. 

Ruthie (Emerald Robinson) and Max (screenwriter Myles McLane) trade barbs while they cruise the streets of L.A., knocking off hapless victims and crossing names off their kill list.  Eventually, they draw the attention of two cops (Roger Payano and Anita Leeman), who are also remarkable dimwits.  There follows much gunplay, slapstick, and gratuitous shots of shapely Robinson and Leeman in their skin-tight black miniskirts.

 

Team3

 

With its frequent close-ups of the ladies’ derrieres and its fondness for adolescent humor, Hit Team is a throwback to moronic sex comedies of the 1970s and ’80s.  About the only thing missing is nudity – what’s up with that?  As one potential victim cries out as he drives away from Ruthie, who has just attempted to seduce him by stripping to her bra and panties, “Show some more skin next time!”

There’s a fine line between dumb that’s endearing, and dumb that’s annoying.  Hit Team goes back and forth across that line.  But the actors have charm, there are some standout clowns in supporting roles, and those ladies are awfully easy on the eyes.       Grade:  C+

 

Team4

 

Team5

 

Director:  Mark Newton  Cast:  Myles McLane, Emerald Robinson, Roger Payano, Anita Leeman, Douglas Macpherson, Melanie Camp, Lori Quintanilla, Isaac Cheung   Release:  2014  (available at YouTube)

 

Team6

 

Watch Trailer and Clips (click here)

 

Team7

 

Team8

 

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