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Contagion

 

For about an hour, Contagion is superb: eerily prescient, educational, and a first-rate thriller. Steven Soderbergh’s 2011 drama about a killer virus that originates in China and then spreads worldwide pushes a lot of emotional buttons, in no small part because it so accurately predicts much of what COVID 19 hath wrought. Soderbergh ratchets up the tension as health officials race to find the source of the virus and then, hopefully, to produce a vaccine.

Yet the second half of the movie is oddly anti-climactic. As the story shifts to less-than-compelling subplots involving those health officials and regular folk, the suspense peters out. Release: 2011 Grade: B

 

**

 

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

 

The gist: A young girl and her pals discover an old book that conjures monsters bent on avenging injustices perpetrated by the citizens of tiny Mill Valley. I realize I’m not the target audience for this movie, which could be described as Nancy Drew meets Guillermo del Toro (he’s a producer and writer). The target audience would be young teens. But still, it would be nice if Scary’s plot wasn’t so derivative and predictable. You can usually guess what’s going to happen five minutes before it does.

Also, much like its plot, the film’s politics are about as subtle as a severed toe in your stew. Every time someone passes a television (this is 1968), we are reminded just how bad “Tricky Dick” Nixon was. And the chief sin in Mill Valley seems to be a white male population that is 95 percent racist.

On the plus side, the movie does look good (I sense del Toro’s influence), the monsters are amusing, and it isn’t boring — just annoying. Release: 2019 Grade: C

 

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Rusty

by J.D.H.

 

Editor’s Note:  This is the debut of “Tales From The Grouch,” a series of short stories written by J.D.H.  The tales will appear periodically in this space.

 

**

 

Rusty tossed and turned in the bed, unable to sleep. She rolled over onto her back and stared at the ceiling, at the thousands of little whirls and bumps in the off-white-colored plaster. Her insomnia was maddening. It was late, and so not a good time to do much of anything except lay here and toss and turn. Toss and turn.

She craned her neck and examined Bill, who lay beside her, exhaling softly in his sleep. Rusty could not recall the last time she’d heard Bill snore. But it was comforting to have him here, asleep beside her in the bed. He smelled good. Life was good between Rusty and Bill, but there were things she missed about their former life ….

Like when they lived in the city, and would go for late-night walks along the boulevard, just the two of them. Sometimes it would rain, an event that made both of them unhappy, but it was exhilarating to run with Bill back to the apartment. It was warm and snug in the apartment, and Bill would cook something good for them to eat. Happy times.

Suburban life was another thing altogether. Bill would leave for work in the mornings, and Rusty would be on her own for the day. There were the neighbors with whom she could socialize, of course, but they had youngsters, and Rusty, with no young ones of her own, felt like an outsider. She would be out in the back yard, near the clothesline, and hear the neighbors on the other side of the fence. They would exchange greetings, and then Rusty would go back to her isolated existence, there in suburbia, while Bill was at the office earning their keep.

Rusty tossed and turned in the bed. Tossed and turned. No sleep, but it was good to once again be sharing a bed with Bill. Recently, there had been trouble, but that was to be expected in any long-term relationship. There was a misunderstanding, something Rusty did not yet understand, but the result was that Rusty had spent several evenings in the guestroom across the hall, and Bill had stayed in the master bedroom.

And now she lay beside him, listening to the wheezing and thinking of all of the good times. The walks in the park, the smell of bacon in the kitchen as Bill made breakfast ….

 

**

 

“Rusty, is that you?”

Bill was awake but sluggish. Apparently he’d forgotten that their on-again, off-again sleeping arrangements were “on again.”  It was dark in the bedroom, so Bill reached over and stroked Rusty’s thigh. He ran his hand through her hair. It felt good to her, and it made her feel secure.

 

**

 

In the morning, Rusty saw streams of sunlight filtering in through the Venetian blinds, and wondered how long she should lay there. Bill was a notorious late sleeper, not an early riser like she was, and so she left the bed, paused at the bathroom door, but then decided to go downstairs and to the kitchen. She was hungry, and possibly some of yesterday’s leftovers would appeal.

Downstairs, in the kitchen, she noticed that the back door was slightly ajar. She went to the door, peeked through the crack, nudged the door open, and walked out.

There was something in the far corner of the yard, something on the ground that had not been there the day before, she was certain of it. She knew every inch of the yard, spending as much time there as she had, and this was a foreign object. It was small and dark … and new. Part of it seemed to rustle in the wind. Rusty went to investigate.

 

**

 

Bill rubbed sleep from his eyes as he entered the kitchen. Bacon and eggs would be good; coffee would be better. He saw that the back door was open, and he noticed that Rusty was nowhere in sight. Bill went to investigate.

 

**

 

Rusty sat on the grass in the far corner of the yard, feeling sick to her stomach. She felt something rising in her intestines, and tried to keep it down. She’d had this sickening sensation before, many times, but it was never a pleasant thing. She leaned forward and up it came. She vomited onto the grass what was left of the bird she had just eaten.

From the kitchen door came Bill’s voice:

“Rusty! Bad girl! What have you eaten now?”

Rusty rolled onto her back, paws in the air, and gasped for breath. This was turning out to be a very bad week. On Saturday she had endured shots at the vet’s office. Now this.

 

 

THE END

 

Click here for the index of short stories.

 

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I don’t have kids, so the future of America belongs neither to me nor to the fruit of my loins. (I do, however, have some Fruit of the Loom underwear from the 1980s, in case anyone’s interested.)

But I watch the news, and I see that schools are teaching your precious snowflakes about the “1619 Project,” “Critical Race Theory,” and drag shows from local red-light districts. Some people think this is progress; other people envision what I envision: a nation of Eloi, the passive, socialistic young people in H.G. Wells’s The Time Machine.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Read Wells’s dystopian novel (or, if that’s too much to ask, watch the 1960 movie) and decide what you think of the Eloi and their foes, the Morlocks.

The Eloi are docile and ignorant but apparently happy. They eat lots of fruit (see photo above). The Morlocks have been forced underground and are unreservedly hostile — to say the least. They are ugly and brutish (see photo below). Together, these two versions of humanity are forced to co-exist.

 

 

I am a grumpy, oldish, chain-smoking, pot-bellied male who rarely leaves the cave and has yet to be vaccinated. In Wells’s world, that would no doubt qualify me as a deplorable Morlock.  

And yet I’d much prefer the company of the uncouth Morlocks to that of the dimwitted Eloi.

 

On the other hand, if the space aliens who are orchestrating our Great Reset demand that I join the Eloi or face extinction, well, point me in the direction of Yvette Mimieux. The Eloi might be brainwashed sheep, but they are good-looking sheep.

 

**

 

The difference, methinks, between the Morlocks/Eloi of The Time Machine and today’s Right/Left is that today’s warring factions are (for the most part) not so stupid.

Deep down, I suspect that many on the right will concede that the left’s goals are admirable. How can anyone be against a fairer society? Income disparities are too great, discrimination based on race is abhorrent, and no one should be marginalized based on sexual orientation.

The problem lies with the left’s means to an end. They downplay human nature, and they don’t want to deal with nuance. They are becoming authoritarian — and that’s worse than whatever “utopia” they hope to achieve.

 

**

 

 

Here’s an interesting article about Bill Maher.

The problem with Maher remains his blind hatred of All Things Trump, an animosity which apparently stems from some lawsuit the two of them engaged in years ago.

 

**

 

 

It’s time for an “illegal alien clock,” which will spin crazily and predict how long before illegals outnumber Americans in the United States.

Unlike the national debt clock, which most people want to slow down, the illegal alien clock will go faster and faster, because that’s what our president and the Democrats apparently want.

 

 

**

 

I was reading an article about Kamala Harris in Politico when the story was interrupted by an advertisement (below). 

It does say “Advertisement” in faint, small type, but geez, Politico.

 

 

**

 

 

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The Hunt

 

Is it possible to be both entertained and depressed by the same movie? It is, if that movie is The Hunt, the controversial “elites vs. deplorables” thriller from last year.

A plot synopsis — rich “elites” kidnap and hunt poor “rednecks” — can be misleading at best, harmful at worst. I got the blues during the film’s opening scenes because, satire or not, the story was too credible: There really are progressives and conservatives who would like to kill each other. Is that what passes for entertainment these days?

But for a Hollywood product, this movie ain’t what you might expect. And Betty Gilpin might be the best female action hero since the Alien films gave us Ellen Ripley. Release: 2020 Grade: B+

 

**

 

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

 

Ask a modern-day movie fan to name the most important (or best) family-oriented film of the 1930s, and chances are that he or she will cite The Wizard of Oz. But to Depression-era audiences, the biggest gobsmack of the decade was probably Walt Disney’s Snow White, which predates Oz by two years. Filmgoers had never seen anything like it: a feature-length, Technicolor, animated motion picture.

I hadn’t watched Snow White in many years, but I’m reading a biography of Disney, so now seemed like a good time to revisit the fairy-tale classic. Two things stood out for me: The story is likely a feminist nightmare, with Snow White’s fondest desire being to marry a prince and move into his castle. Not to mention her three prized attributes: cooking, cleaning, and physical beauty. But as an artistic milestone and a tribute to the Disney staff’s blood, sweat and tears (the movie was three years in the making), Snow White was, and remains, a monumental achievement.

(By the way, I can’t be the only one whose favorite character is Grumpy, can I?) Release: 1937  Grade: A

 

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Netflix Updates

 

My, those Scandinavians are dark. I watched the first season of Katla (above), an eight-part fantasy-drama, and it confirms what anyone who’s watched much Nordic noir already knows: Life, as experienced by these northern Europeans, is not exactly Disney World. In fact, it’s so pointless and sad that the best way to live one’s life is to simply accept the hopelessness and then wallow in it.

And yet, these dour dramas are often absorbing.

In Katla, gifted to the world by Iceland, an erupting volcano somehow results in an ashy resurrection of the dead. Oh, and sometimes these off-putting clones don’t wait for you to die; they appear at your doorstep, like a naked and spooky Hayley Mills in The Parent Trap.

The downside of Katla is the pace. Sometimes the slowness of it all adds to the eerie existential dread. At other times, the show simply drags. Too many moping, confused Icelanders, not enough action.

 

 

Black Summer (above), on the other hand, has the opposite problem: not enough character development, too much action. Season two of this post-apocalyptic zombie show is much like season one, in which human survivors find themselves endlessly battling each other and relentless killer zombies.

But the nonlinear storytelling and a lack of clear protagonists can prove tiresome if you are binge-watching. The constant attacks are exciting, but the show never stops long enough to let us catch our breath and get our bearings. Zombie attack. Zombie attack. Zombie attack!

That’s fun for a while, but I’d recommend watching just one or two episodes at a time.

 

**

 

 

So, I guess that hoping (not really) that someone gets her brains blown out is OK, but don’t even think about stripper poles up a pooper.

 

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Badge of Honor

 

 

Not so many years ago, on the (rare) occasions when we would get blocked or banned by Twitter, it was a bit shameful. We must have done something bad.

Not anymore. Twitter itself has been exposed as a shameful, but necessary, evil. If you get banned or blocked by Twitter, you must be doing something right.

So what led Rip to make such mean-spirited posts about City Pages editor Emily Cassel and then former Trump lover Stormy Daniels?

Here is a bit of what Cassel had to say when Trump got COVID:

 

 

And here is what Daniels recently said about testifying against Trump:

 

 

Rip plans to delete his retaliatory tweets about Cassel and Daniels because a) the tweets are old and no one follows him, anyway, and b) like we said, if you want to promote something, Twitter is a necessary evil. For now.

But there is great consolation. Shortly after Cassel’s juvenile missives, City Pages — and Cassel herself — went poof! Cancelled!

 

 

As for Daniels, well, her punishment is that she is still Stormy Daniels.

 

**

 

Conservative politicians and outlets like Fox News keep making the same mistake: They allow the left to frame controversial issues, and therefore the right keeps losing battles.

I am thinking of illegal immigration. Conservatives now act as if their overriding concern is the welfare of poor immigrants, who make dangerous journeys to the border, are exploited by drug cartels, and are merely seeking a better life. All of that is true.

But illegal aliens are also willfully breaking American law. And they are not in the least concerned that their self-interest effectively lowers wages for working-class Americans.

If we are primarily concerned about the welfare of the world’s poor, why don’t we just open the borders completely and begin importing the poor from Asia and Africa? And then secretly bus them into Beverly Hills?

 

**

 

 

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Something wrong in the head with this woman. She keeps laughing at inappropriate moments, and her giggle/cackle is the most disturbing I’ve heard since, well, Hillary.

 

**

 

I rushed through the first five seasons of Peaky Blinders so that I would be all caught up in time for the sixth and final season on Netflix. Then I read that season six recently wrapped shooting and will be in editing for at least six more months.

What the hell am I supposed to do for the next six months?

 

**

 

I, too, used to laugh at so-called “conspiracy theories.” Not anymore. Not this year.

My apologies to all of those old post-apocalyptic, dystopian, and/or science-fiction shows that I used to chuckle at. Because just about anything seems possible these days. The world has gone nuts.

As an example of what I’m talking about, here’s a partial list of once-venerable U.S. institutions I used to (sort of) trust: the ACLU, the Supreme Court, pharmaceutical companies, sports teams, schools, movies, television, Coca Cola, Tom Hanks, and (sigh) the news.

OK, well I haven’t really trusted the news in quite some time, but now it’s beyond ridiculous.

If the Davos elites or the space aliens or Nancy Pelosi or A.O.C. are behind this “great reset,” they are doing a mighty fine job of messing up America. So fine, in fact, that I don’t see how they can possibly put it back together again — socialist or not.

 

And what is the deal with this upcoming UFO report, which seems to be eliciting a collective yawn from the world?

 

**

 

 

The girl pictured above apparently upset her TikTok applecart by a) professing a love for Bernie Sanders and his socialist agenda, but then b) making a video that shows off her new, non-socialist, very expensive apartment.

I had never heard of her — Wikipedia describes Nicole Sanchez as “a Twitch streamer and TikTok personality” — and I don’t really give a rat’s ass about what she does or says. But it was an opportunity to run this picture of her in a bikini. So here you go:

 

(I’ve been fooled before by the Internet, so if it turns out that the girl pictured above is not, in fact, the girl I am writing about, well … you really shouldn’t be looking at it, anyway.)

 

**

 

 

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The Dunderhead

 

When you’re betrayed by someone who already has the scent of a scoundrel, well, what did you expect? But when you are betrayed by Marcus Welby (look it up, kids), it stings.

Here is what I wrote about Anthony Fauci in March 2020:

 

 

On the other hand, this is what I wrote about Fauci when I first saw him on TV in August 2014:

 

 

Certain idioms come to mind: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Trust your first impression.

I, like most people, was willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the scientists, doctors, and even politicians dealing with the COVID outbreak a year ago. I thought the virus was a complete surprise to just about everyone — with the glaring exception of China — and that all of us were justifiably scrambling.

That benefit of the doubt certainly extended to Fauci, who was made for TV and whom I once praised. But now it appears that Fauci knew a lot about the origins of this virus and chose to lie about it. And to bask in the glow of a fawning media.

Fauci is almost certainly responsible in part for millions of deaths. And yet the leftist media continues to kiss his wrinkled ass.

The “good doctor” probably belongs in prison. Or we could turn him over to the relatives of COVID victims and let them do what they please with him.

And Brad Pitt, wherever he’s hiding, needs to issue an apology.

 

**

 

Author Shelby Steele Thursday night on Fox: Critical Race Theory advocates seek to “capture white guilt” and are making this demand: “Give things to blacks.” 

Problem is, in practice that means the middle class is expected to “give things to blacks.” Certainly not the elite or the upper class.

That’s a diversion and a good recipe for what Charlie Manson (below) allegedly pined for: race war.

 

 

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The Mule

 

In the crotchety-old-man phase of Clint Eastwood’s long career, I prefer his 2008 drama Gran Torino. But The Mule, directed by Eastwood in 2018, is very much a “Clint Eastwood movie.” That means I’m on board.

Eastwood’s Earl Stone is an elderly ne’er-do-well who stumbles into a new career as a “mule” for a Mexican drug cartel. Earl capitalizes on his harmless appearance to transport cocaine and other bad things from state to state.  The question is, how long will his luck hold out?

If you prefer a goofy, affable Eastwood to a cantankerous, retired Dirty Harry — the Eastwood we got in Gran Torino — then Mule may appeal to you more than it did to me.  Release: 2018  Grade: B-

 

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Who’s Full of It Now?

 

Let’s do an accounting:

 

Donald Trump said it was quite possible that the “Wuhan Virus” came from a lab in China, rather than from some bat in a wet market, or wherever.

His detractors said “hogwash!”

Looks like Trump was right.

 

Trump said a wall would work on the Mexican border.

His detractors cried “hogwash!”

Joe Biden is now thinking about continuing the wall. Looks like Trump was right.

 

Trump said the Russian scandal was a hoax.

His detractors yelled “hogwash!”

Five years later, the only president who seems to be in bed with Russia (and China) is Biden.

Looks like Trump was … well, you know the drill.

 

**

 

Thank goodness we have Twitter, Facebook, and Google all censoring conservative views about the border crisis, the virus, and Russia/China, or we’d be in danger of learning the truth.

 

**

 

 

I’m thinking what we need is a “Gutless Sellout Hall of Fame,” composed of famous Americans who betray their own country in pursuit of Chinese cash.

Let’s start one. Here are two nominees for the inaugural class:

 

.                   

 

Newest nominee for the “Gutless Sellout Hall of Fame”? This bonehead:

 

 

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