Category: Weekly Reviews


Nice of Kevin Hart to donate $25,000 to Houston flood victims. Let’s do the math.

According to one source, Hart was worth $128 million in 2016.

$25,000 is .02 percent of $128,000,000.

If you earned $50,000 per year and gave .02 percent of your income, that’s ten bucks.

So Mr. Munificent donated the equivalent of … ten bucks.





George Romero died in July, and now Tobe Hooper has passed. I saw Romero’s Night of the Living Dead in a theater a few years after it premiered, and I saw Hooper’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre not long after that.

Which was better? I liked Night of the Living Dead, but Chain Saw scared the piss out of me.









So let me get this straight: The creepy My Pillow guy shows up in a couple’s bedroom, uninvited and unexpected, and, instead of calling the police, the couple is happy to see him?





Long-Simmering Complaint:



And the “t” in “often” should be silent — like this. 


This week on Outnumbered, Kennedy was hell-bent on displaying her ignorance:



© 2010-2017 (text only)



Thank you, Harvey, for being a wonderful play by Mary Chase.



Thank you, Harvey, for being one of James Stewart’s best movies.



And thank you, Harvey, for being such a nasty-ass hurricane that you’ve forced the media to give all of us a respite from obsessive Donald Trump coverage.




 An eclipse over Glasgow


Damn science nerds. Whenever they try to get the rest of us excited about some rare event – usually a comet or asteroid flying past Earth – The Big Show turns into a disappointment.


It’s like the fanatics who keep telling us Trump is just like Hitler. When it turns out that Trump doesn’t have any gas ovens, we get bored and stop listening to them.





By all means, let’s pass tax cuts for the rich. That will heal the country.


© 2010-2017 (text only)



When Trump canned Steve Bannon, was he selling out to The Swamp? Has Trump always been in league with The Swamp?

The Swamp doesn’t care.

The Swamp lives on, licking its chops and seeking new victims.




If the point of electing Donald Trump was to shake things up in Washington, then I don’t see how anyone can dispute that his presidency has been an unqualified success.




I guess this is why Stephen King was awarded the Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters:





The problem with cable news is that it attracts the most detestable partisans imaginable.

If I happen to lean toward support of, let’s call it “Issue A,” there is little doubt that I will then witness some obnoxious, odious, self-satisfied buffoon advocating for “Issue A” on cable news.

I will then no longer be able to stomach the idea of supporting Issue A.


© 2010-2017 (text only)



Poor little Guam. It gets no respect or recognition – until now.

Its name sounds like something you might say when your dentist asks you a question while your jaws are pried open.

You never hear of anyone planning a tropical vacation to the beautiful beaches of Guam. (Does Guam have beautiful beaches?)

But the people of Guam seem awfully cool. Journalists interviewed some Guam residents, one of whom had this gem of a comment about why Kim Jong-un should aim his nukes at … Guam:


Seems like reasonable logic to us.




Fox News is rapidly running out of male personalities who aren’t getting the boot for sexual harassment. They might as well just can the rest of the males – save Shepard Smith, of course – and change their name to Foxy Babe News.




Meanwhile, at Anybody-But-Trump Rolling Stone:



© 2010-2017 (text only)








CNN was unhappy when this meme of Trump pummeling “CNN Logo Head” went viral:



In the interest of fairness, during his West Virginia speech Trump pummeled “Fox News Logo Head”:






Sure, because Clapper is intimately acquainted with “untruthful statements.”




Fox is apparently hiring Viagra spokeswomen for its panel shows:



© 2010-2017 (text only)



New White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci has been busy rewriting the lyrics to Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”:


Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide

They will all be fired by me.


Open your eyes

Look up to the skies and see

I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

I’m not trying to suck my own cock

They’ll all be fired by me. Anthony



I see a little silhouetto of a man

Scaramucci, Scaramucci, will you do the fucking tango?


Nothing really matters

Anyone can see

Nothing really matters

They’ll all be fired by me.





TV Update


Netflix subscribers might want to check out either of the following shows:




Toby Jones and Mackenzie Crook play small-town Brits who take up metal detecting as a hobby. The comedy is a bit Laurel and Hardy, a bit Doc Martin, and a bit The Andy Griffith Show. The tone is slow-burn charming, but several episodes from the first season had me laughing out loud. Normally, sitcoms do not inspire me to laugh out loud.




Jason Bateman and Laura Linney play parents forced to relocate their family to the Missouri boonies when they fall into disfavor, to put it mildly, with a Mexican drug cartel. It’s not Breaking Bad, but it’s entertaining and a refreshing change of locale from the usual haunts of dramas like this, i.e., New York or L.A.




I’m trying to picture what a new American civil war might look like. Should the red states and blue states declare open hostilities, I’m thinking it will bear little resemblance to our conflict in the 1860s.

We are much too fat and lazy to do battle in the fields of Virginia. No, I’m thinking this war will have to be fought from the comfort of easy chairs in our living rooms. It will likely be some sort of video-game war.


© 2010-2017 (text only)








People look back at the hair and fashion of the 1970s and they can’t stop laughing.

But you can’t tell me that in 40 years, maybe less, they’ll be able to stop laughing at hair like this:






Bad news, worse news for Saturday Night Live fans.

The bad news is that we won’t get any more Melissa McCarthy spoofs of dearly departed Sean Spicer.

The worse news is that we’ll still get Alec Baldwin’s tired Trump impersonation.




Critics love the term “peak TV.” I think they might be misspelling it.


“Peek TV” means you spend four or five minutes taking a peek at the latest piece of crap, then change the channel.




Awkward Conversations with Mom and Dad:



“Hi mom and dad. Guess what? I’m starring in a movie!”


“No … I play the meat.”


© 2010-2017 (text only)



“Out-of-Context” Week


The problem with Internet video software is that it encourages one’s inner 12-year-old. It’s much too easy to create short, childish, out-of-context videos that make your TV targets look bad.

We did it anyway.


Local news anchors Chris and Liz were sent to the lake, where Liz shared Too Much Information:


Far be it from us to imply that Chris and Liz’s bare-bottomed escapades were anything other than, uh, innocent.


Meanwhile, conservative firebrand Tomi Lahren revealed on Fox News what her enemies would like to do:



I suppose you could call the above videos “fake news.”


Fortunately, the world is full of real news, such as this gem courtesy of The A.V. Club.




Every day we learn that more and more people attended that controversial meeting between Donald Trump, Jr. and a Russian lawyer.


At this rate, in a month we will discover that the meeting was actually a televised congressional hearing open to the public and media.


© 2010-2017 (text only)


 The Interview


Seems obvious that if we wind up in a nuclear war with North Korea, Hollywood will be to blame. There is precedent for this kind of thing. Chaplin

 The Great Dictator


Back in 1940, Charlie Chaplin released a satire about Adolf Hitler called The Great Dictator, and a few years later we were engaged in a world war with the mustachioed madman. In 2014, Seth Rogen and James Franco released a comedy about Kim Jong-un called The Interview, and then …

Nutzoid dictators don’t take kindly to Hollywood spoofs.




Quote of the Week:


There are new hamsters in the Big Brother house, so we should have no shortage of memorable quotes this summer.


 Cody and his gal-pal


Cody: “I’ve done everything stupid that I possibly can.”

Cody’s Girlfriend: “That’s true.”


Also per tradition, the houseguests this year are quite camera-shy:


***** models


Maybe the new Shakespeare series on TNT will be one of the greatest shows in television history. But when I see ads in which the Bard of Avon is portrayed by yet another male-model type, well ….


© 2010-2017 (text only)


“Talking” Heads Who Just Can’t Seem To


On Wednesday, MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell showed why he’s one of America’s preeminent news anchors, giving viewers a master class on how to read a teleprompter:


** Harf


Someone needs to send talking head Marie Harf to a speech therapist. Either that, or certain words and phrases need to be off-limits to the mush-mouthed miss.

Seems like every time I catch Harf on TV, she is discussing something like the “administration’s structure” or its “strategy,” which comes out of her mouth as the “adminishtration’s shtructure” and “shtrategy.”

Luckily for Harf, the most common word on cable news these days is “Russia.”




Amazon is now censoring something it calls “spite speech.” In other words, if Amazon’s crew of amateur editors doesn’t like something you write in a product review, they spite you by banning it.


** Peaks


The most recent episode of David Lynch’s Twin Peaks was off the rails. The last time I was this confused/mesmerized by on-screen weirdness I was 10 years old and watching Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey in the Roxy Theater in Bird Island, Minnesota. (That’s not a complaint.)


© 2010-2017 (text only)