Category: Weekly Reviews

 

Red Eye, the cancelled late-night panel show on Fox, went out not with a bang but a whimper. The brainchild of Fox court jester Greg Gutfeld, Red Eye was an odd hybrid of political talk, video clips, and general gibberish, but I’m going to miss it. It was just about the only show on cable news that allowed guests to say whatever the hell they wanted to say, no matter how warped.

But mostly, I’m going to miss Red Eye because it usually featured at least one leggy piece of ass like former Miss America Kirsten Haglund, who on Wednesday’s show gave her seat-mate a boner:

 

Here is Haglund giving all of us a boner:

 

.                 grouchyeditor.com Kirsten Haglund   grouchyeditor.com Kirsten Haglund   grouchyeditor.com Kirsten Haglund

 (Click on pictures for a larger view)

 

*****

 

Foreign Crime Dramas on Netflix

 

I recently watched three of these subtitled sobrieties on Netflix, and all of them featured nude cadavers being examined by cops:

 

.                 grouchyeditor.com Bordertown    grouchyeditor.com Break    grouchyeditor.com Sejour

.                         Bordertown                     The Break                 Hotel Beau Sejour

 

My favorite was the dead black guy’s penis that kept popping up in episodes of The Break. The penis was on the morgue slab; the penis was in a photo pinned to a bulletin board. The penis was everywhere.

 

As for the actual quality of these shows:

The Break:  Very good

Hotel Beau Sejour:  Illogical but absorbing

Bordertown:  I can’t make heads or tails of it

 

*****

 

Rumor has it that Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly had a tough time choosing between several covers for his new book about old-school sexual harassment:

 

grouchyeditor.com Old Schoolgrouchyeditor.com Old Schoolgrouchyeditor.com Old School

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Syria

 

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The Spookiest Man in the World?

 

I still don’t understand why this dude was able to skate after lying to Congress.

But when former spooks keep warning us that the intelligence community is spying on all of us … makes you wonder if Teflon James Clapper might have dirt on everyone in D.C.

It’s hard to prosecute a guy who knows what you’ve been up to in the bedroom.

 

*****

 

Most Recent Word that the Media Loves to Use:

“pivot”

 

*****

 

 

I keep hearing that the Age of the Robots has arrived. There are stories about robots on the roads, robots in the service industry, robots in the sky, etc. But when I go to the grocery store or drive around the city, I never see any robots.

I must live in a bad neighborhood.

 

*****

 

 

I got hooked on American Crime last year, but I’m not sure if I can make it through another season. I doubt that there is a drama on television that is more relentlessly depressing than this show.

Want to know what it’s like to be a teenage prostitute? How about an illegal alien working the fields? Or a low-income social worker desperate to have a baby? Want to die in a burning trailer? All of this is from just the first three episodes this season.

Also, I believe the show should be renamed American Close-up. The camera is routinely placed six inches from each actor’s face and then just sits there.

 

*****

 

 

I finally found a sitcom that makes me laugh out loud – something I haven’t done since Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I keep extolling the virtues of Schitt’s Creek, because when no one knows your show exists, your show isn’t long for this world.

 

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grouchyeditor.com Ghost

 See below

 

*****

 

Quote of the week, courtesy of some political wag on Fox News:

 

 

grouchyeditor.com Wimpy

“I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”

 

 

Words of wisdom, indeed. The speaker on Fox – I didn’t catch his name – was of course quoting J. Wellington Wimpy, pictured above, who is immortalized in Popeye.

 

If you are unfamiliar with J. Wellington Wimpy, just know that in any civilized culture it is important that some prominent names be passed down from one generation to the next. For your edification, here is a clip of the burger-loving icon.

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Ghost 

Hollywood has lost its way with its alarming lack of nudity in recent horror movies. Horror fans used to be assured that, even if the movie sucked, which was most of the time, at least there would be a gratuitous shower scene. Or two.

 

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, 50 years old but still a lot of fun, played on television the other day. We did a search for leading lady Joan Staley (above with co-star Don Knotts) and discovered that she was Playboy’s Playmate of the Month in November 1958:

 

.                    grouchyeditor.com Joan Staley                 grouchyeditor.com Joan Staley

 

.                    grouchyeditor.com Joan Staley               grouchyeditor.com Joan Staley

(Click on pictures for larger views) 

 

And so even in 1966, Hollywood horror-makers knew that cheesecake was key.

 

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grouchyeditor.com Ryan

 

I have trouble balancing my checkbook, so I’m not going to pretend to understand the intricacies of “Trumpcare” or the national budget. However … does Paul Ryan think it’s a virtue to embrace every negative stereotype about Republicans?

Dump on Medicaid and Meals on Wheels so that the rich can get richer? Sheesh ….

 

*****

 

First-World Problem:

 

I’m currently watching about six weekly TV series. My watch list includes Big Little Lies, Billions, Feud, and American Crime. All four shows air within a two-hour block on Sunday nights.

Yes, I have a DVR, but still, can’t something move to Tuesdays or Thursdays?

 

grouchyeditor.com Creek

 Schitt’s Creek

 

Speaking of TV shows, here’s a nice review of that Pluto of sitcoms (it gets no respect), Schitt’s Creek. And while you’re on Decider, if you dig Showtime’s Billions than you will probably enjoy this guy, a mysterious Wall Street-type calling himself “Comfortably Smug” who grades the show’s realism. I have no clue if Smug’s evaluations are accurate or bullshit, but if it’s bullshit, it’s amusing bullshit.

 

*****

 

Apparently there was a controversial report earlier this week on MSNBC:

 

grouchyeditor.com Chuckle

 

*****

 

Well … Survivor is back:

 

grouchyeditor.com Survivor

 

*****

 

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.”

 

Dude who said that obviously didn’t have a blog.

 

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Feud on FX

 

I’m tired of reading about the harrowing challenges faced by older actresses fighting age discrimination in Hollywood. I just can’t bring myself to think, “Poor, poor Meryl Streep” — or Patricia Arquette, or Chloe Grace Moretz, or whoever.

So it’s a relief to report that I am thoroughly enjoying two new series starring women “of a certain age”:  FX’s Feud, and HBO’s Big Little Lies, with Jessica Lange (67), Susan Sarandon (70), Reese Witherspoon (40), Laura Dern (50), and Nicole Kidman (49). These broads can all still bring it.

 

Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford and Susan Sarandon as Bette Davis in Feud 

 

Shailene Woodley, Reese Witherspoon, and Nicole Kidman in Big Little Lies

 

Come to think of it, the other weekly series I’m currently watching also feature older actresses: Schitt$ Creek (Catherine O’Hara, 63) and Billions (Maggie Siff, 42).

So I am doing my part to support the grueling, soul-sucking crusade against age discrimination waged by Hollywood’s female stars. Somebody needs to give me a medal. Or a blowjob.

 

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grouchyeditor.com Oscars

 

ABC was embarrassed when Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel introduced a tour-bus full of sex offenders and Trump supporters to Hollywood’s liberal elite (above).

 

No word on whether the sex offenders and Trump supporters accepted ABC’s apology.

 

*****

 

Can we please ban this phrase from headlines?

 

“[Fill in the blank] Sparks Twitter Outrage”

 

That’s too easy for lazy journalists.

These days, a chipped toenail can “spark Twitter outrage.”

 

*****

 

I’m noticing an odd trend with movie titles, in which instructions are barked at the audience, as in Don’t Breathe and Get Out.

 

.                          grouchyeditor.com Don't Breathe    grouchyeditor.com Get Out

 

I expect that soon we’ll see something like this:

 

grouchyeditor.com Cage

 

*****

 

What can happen when you are bored

 

  • I watched The Tonight Show on Friday and Jimmy Fallon mentioned musician Herb Alpert.
  • Alpert brought to mind Sergio Mendes and Brasil ‘66. 
  • I found Brasil ‘66 videos on YouTube.
  • I read about Brasil ‘66 on Wikipedia.
  • I learned that one of the singers, Karen Philipp, lives near me in Minnesota.
  • I Googled her name and found this Playboy layout:

 

.                          grouchyeditor.com Karen Philipp    grouchyeditor.com Karen Philipp

 

Aren’t you glad I was bored?

 

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The scenario is familiar by now: Donald Trump will do or say something outrageous, and the media speculation begins. Did Trump really mean what he said? Or was it part of some clever plan? Is Trump “crazy like a fox”?

This ongoing debate about the state of Trump’s mind reminds me of Chance the gardener in Being There, the Jerzy Kosinski novel later adapted into a film starring Peter Sellers.

Here is how Wikipedia describes Chance: “He is simple-minded and has lived there his whole life, tending the garden. Other than gardening, his knowledge is derived entirely from what he sees on television.”

 

 

 

Here is what Politico wrote this week about Trump: “Leaving him alone for several hours can prove damaging, because he consumes too much television and gripes to people outside the White House.”

 

In Being There, no one is quite sure if Chance’s plain-spoken pronouncements are words of genius or the blathering of an idiot. At the end of the story, Chance is the leading contender for President of the United States.

 

 

 

*****

 

 

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TV Update

 

The Missing (above) – I’m only halfway through the second season of this Starz import from Britain, but I’m liking what I’ve seen so far. The plot has some credibility gaps (if your 11-year-old child was abducted and then reappeared 11 years later, wouldn’t you still recognize her?), but overall this is a gripping and clever drama. The constant time-shifting between 2014 and “the present” just adds layers to the suspense. Grade:  A-

 

Billions  – It’s like watching two snakes battle to the death. You might not care who wins, because the contestants are both repulsive, but it’s fascinating to see them fight. The “snakes” in this Showtime series, of course, are Paul Giamatti and Damian Lewis.  Grade:  B+

 

*****

 

 

I used to think that the Democrats had all of the hotties on their side of the political fence, what with all of their movie stars and music divas. But Fox News continues to put the lie to that notion. Above, some bodacious babe named Madison Gesiotto joins the panel on Red Eye. Below, Gesiotto displays her assets. Eat your heart out, Lena Dunham.

 

.         

 

*****

 

Look at the superlatives for Oscar frontrunner La La Land:

 

 

I haven’t seen La La Land, but I don’t believe the hype. Hollywood doesn’t make great movies anymore; the good stuff is all on TV. Plus, Ryan Gosling can’t sing.

 

*****

 

If there is a picture in Webster’s next to the term “sore loser,” it would surely be this one:

 

 

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grouchyeditor.com Trump

 

Some wit declared that President Trump is now living rent-free in America’s head. I believe this is true, and it’s got to stop.

 

A typical day:

 

8 a.m. – I wake up and check Twitter to ascertain the day’s Trump-related outrage. I read a few tweets from thoroughly unpleasant Trump fans and from equally revolting Trump haters.

8:15 a.m. – After reading these tweets, my day is effectively ruined.

9:00 a.m. – I make coffee and vaguely recall that Starbucks is in trouble for something pro- or anti-Trump-related, can’t say which.

10 a.m. – Trip to the mall and walk by Nordstrom. Wonder if the store is gaining or losing customers based on the Ivanka flap.

Noon – Have lunch at a Mexican restaurant. Wonder if the Hispanic employees are shooting me hostile glances, or if I’m just imagining it.

2 p.m. – Home again. Time to check in with Twitter. More hostile tweets, from the public and from Trump himself.

5 p.m. – Decide to surf a little porn. Stumble on a site featuring Russian hookers peeing on one another.

7 p.m. – Prime time for cable news. Must select among Fox outrage, MSNBC outrage, or CNN outrage.

10:30 p.m. – Need relief from all the Trump coverage; time for some comedy. Fallon, Kimmel, and Colbert all doing monologues on the Trump administration.

Midnight – Time for bed. Can’t sleep. Visions of Steve Bannon and Rosie O’Donnell keeping me awake.

 

This cannot continue. I’d move to another country, but all of them seem to be equally obsessed with Trump. Also, they all have Twitter.

 

*****

 

One Last Football Story

 

 

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A thoughtful, measured meditation on Trump:

 

 

Our poor celebrities. When it comes to President Trump, they are damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Just ask Tom Brady or Ashley Judd.

Seems like celebrities have three choices: Blast Trump like Madonna did and anger half the country, “embrace” Trump like Matthew McConaughey did and anger the other half of the country, or just shut the hell up.

 

Probably best to just shut the hell up.

 

*****

 

 

“Dandy Drunk” Don Lemon interviewed the director of a new film called I Am Not Your Negro (above).

I recall thinking when I first saw that title: “This thing is going to set box-office records.”

 

… Sometimes I lie to you.

 

*****

 

I don’t understand it. Unlike, say, Sarah Palin, Trump does not come off like a complete idiot at press conferences or in sit-down interviews. But on Twitter he often sounds like a drunken 10-year-old:

 

 

Maybe someday we’ll discover that it was really Barron doing the tweeting.

 

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