Category: Weekly Reviews

grouchyeditor.com Devane

 

William Devane was on my TV. Again.

I thought, surely I can’t be the only one ready to take Devane’s gold and silver and put them where the sun don’t shine. I thought, if ever the masses finally grab their pitchforks and seek out the “One Percent,” certainly the first name on their list will be William Devane.

For years now, Devane and his smug countenance have been harassing me on my television, usually on Fox News, making me feel bad because I don’t have Devane’s private plane, wall safe, piles of gold, or tee times.

To my relief, an Internet search confirmed that I am not alone in my distress:

 

I don’t think those Rosland Capital commercials starring William Devane are having the desired response. If I have to watch one more TV spot where he’s flying his plane, sitting in his gorgeous home with his massive fireplace, or riding his horse on his expansive ranch, I’m just not sure what I’ll do. – Reel Life with Jane

 

Whenever I watch the Fox News Channel I automatically hit the mute button on the remote as soon as I see William Devane’s commercial come on.

Each and every spot starts the same way, with Devane engaged in some rich guy activity such as playing golf, horseback riding or flying his private jet. Then he turns, looks into the camera and says, “Hi, I’m William Devane.”

The trick is to grab for the remote and switch on the mute button before he can get past “Hi.”

Then, as if Devane’s natural smirk and smarminess wasn’t enough, the sponsor makes it even worse by putting this guy in rich-looking environments like country clubs, and gentleman farmer ranches.”  – Jewish World Review

 

There is more to these desperate pleas for relief from William Devane. You can read them here and here.

 

**

 

grouchyeditor.com Bill

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grouchyeditor.com GOP

 

The thing that bothers me about this photo of Trump and Republicans celebrating their health-care bill is the scarcity of white males. Must “diversity” rule everywhere?

 

*****

 

 

Someone needs to inform Fox’s Martha MacCallum that we can all hear her when she mumbles and mutters to her producer during interviews.

It’s very peculiar. Her guest will be speaking, and in the background we can hear Martha’s “uh-huhs,” “mmms,” and “ahhhs” – apparently directed at someone speaking into her earpiece.

 

*****

 

 

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grouchyeditor.com Days

 

Everyone’s Report Card for Donald’s First 100 Days

 

Donald:   F

Media:   F

Republicans:   F

Democrats:   F

American People:   F

The World:   F

Kim Jong-un:   Incomplete (testing)

 

Hey, plenty of room for improvement!

 

*****

 

Fortitude is a deeply stupid show, with plots that grow more and more outrageous, hammy performances from some decent actors, and no redeeming value.

So why do I keep watching it? I am mesmerized by the sets. I can’t seem to get enough of the remote Icelandic village where they film this ridiculous series: the cozy bar, the imposing mountain, the cool city hall, the frigid, deadly environs. I just need to hit the mute button, sit back, and enjoy.

 

 

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Butt of the Joke

 

 

“Off camera, [Tomi] Lahren was a ‘diva’ who expected royal treatment to the extreme, sources said. Lahren demanded staffers heat up her ‘butt warming pad’ in the microwave before every show, those sources said. ‘She expected to be treated like a queen,’ one source said, referring to Lahren’s butt pad demands as ‘dehumanizing’ to her staff, adding: ‘To demand they warm your butt pad is absurd.’” – The Daily Caller

 

 

If she’s still looking for a butt-warmer, we can lend a hand.

 

 

 

*****

 

This is what happens when you insult a celebrity on Twitter:

 

 

 

*****

 

Somehow, I became Facebook “friends” with a guy named Anthony who lives in New Zealand or Australia or someplace like that. I don’t know a thing about him, but his posts are a never-ending source of amusement.

 

 

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Musings About S-Town

 

It’s not like the first Serial podcast, which was a whodunit. It’s not like the second Serial, which was about military desertion. But it is like the first two series in that it’s an engrossing bed-time story.

 

Headlines and ads that promote S-Town as a “murder mystery” or “true crime” are full of Bull-S. It’s a human-interest podcast, the story of a closeted gay man stuck in the sticks of Alabama.

 

It does paint a stereotypical picture of Woodstock, Alabama. Very little time is spent interviewing residents who actually like the place – even though they exist. Listeners who disdain Trump voters will have their worst, Hills Have Eyes impressions of Middle America confirmed by the parade of racially insensitive, tattooed, drunken illiterates.

 

Host Brian Reed’s prissy delivery was an acquired taste for me. If the residents of Woodstock come off as stereotypical rednecks, Reed sounds to me like a stereotypical wine-sipping, Hillary-loving, Brooklyn hipster. In fairness, when you venture into the heart of the Deep South, as Reed does, you probably can’t be accused of seeking a “safe space.” 

 

There is no denying the charisma of John B. McLemore, the main character. We spend hours listening to him ramble and carp about everything from global warming to small-town gossip, but I never tired of his spiels.

 

 

*****

 

 

I recently watched a decent movie called The Witch.

There is a scene in which a boy lost in the woods stumbles upon a spooky hut – you know, like in “Hansel and Gretel” but without Gretel. And out of the doorway steps a witch, but a very beguiling witch. Who was this sexy but ominous-looking actress?

Some model from Australia named Sarah Stephens, it turns out. Her creepy witch cast a spell on me, so here she is doing her day job:

 

 

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Red Eye, the cancelled late-night panel show on Fox, went out not with a bang but a whimper. The brainchild of Fox court jester Greg Gutfeld, Red Eye was an odd hybrid of political talk, video clips, and general gibberish, but I’m going to miss it. It was just about the only show on cable news that allowed guests to say whatever the hell they wanted to say, no matter how warped.

But mostly, I’m going to miss Red Eye because it usually featured at least one leggy piece of ass like former Miss America Kirsten Haglund, who on Wednesday’s show gave her seat-mate a boner:

 

Here is Haglund giving all of us a boner:

 

.                 grouchyeditor.com Kirsten Haglund   grouchyeditor.com Kirsten Haglund   grouchyeditor.com Kirsten Haglund

 (Click on pictures for a larger view)

 

*****

 

Foreign Crime Dramas on Netflix

 

I recently watched three of these subtitled sobrieties on Netflix, and all of them featured nude cadavers being examined by cops:

 

.                 grouchyeditor.com Bordertown    grouchyeditor.com Break    grouchyeditor.com Sejour

.                         Bordertown                     The Break                 Hotel Beau Sejour

 

My favorite was the dead black guy’s penis that kept popping up in episodes of The Break. The penis was on the morgue slab; the penis was in a photo pinned to a bulletin board. The penis was everywhere.

 

As for the actual quality of these shows:

The Break:  Very good

Hotel Beau Sejour:  Illogical but absorbing

Bordertown:  I can’t make heads or tails of it

 

*****

 

Rumor has it that Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly had a tough time choosing between several covers for his new book about old-school sexual harassment:

 

grouchyeditor.com Old Schoolgrouchyeditor.com Old Schoolgrouchyeditor.com Old School

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Syria

 

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The Spookiest Man in the World?

 

I still don’t understand why this dude was able to skate after lying to Congress.

But when former spooks keep warning us that the intelligence community is spying on all of us … makes you wonder if Teflon James Clapper might have dirt on everyone in D.C.

It’s hard to prosecute a guy who knows what you’ve been up to in the bedroom.

 

*****

 

Most Recent Word that the Media Loves to Use:

“pivot”

 

*****

 

 

I keep hearing that the Age of the Robots has arrived. There are stories about robots on the roads, robots in the service industry, robots in the sky, etc. But when I go to the grocery store or drive around the city, I never see any robots.

I must live in a bad neighborhood.

 

*****

 

 

I got hooked on American Crime last year, but I’m not sure if I can make it through another season. I doubt that there is a drama on television that is more relentlessly depressing than this show.

Want to know what it’s like to be a teenage prostitute? How about an illegal alien working the fields? Or a low-income social worker desperate to have a baby? Want to die in a burning trailer? All of this is from just the first three episodes this season.

Also, I believe the show should be renamed American Close-up. The camera is routinely placed six inches from each actor’s face and then just sits there.

 

*****

 

 

I finally found a sitcom that makes me laugh out loud – something I haven’t done since Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I keep extolling the virtues of Schitt’s Creek, because when no one knows your show exists, your show isn’t long for this world.

 

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grouchyeditor.com Ghost

 See below

 

*****

 

Quote of the week, courtesy of some political wag on Fox News:

 

 

grouchyeditor.com Wimpy

“I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”

 

 

Words of wisdom, indeed. The speaker on Fox – I didn’t catch his name – was of course quoting J. Wellington Wimpy, pictured above, who is immortalized in Popeye.

 

If you are unfamiliar with J. Wellington Wimpy, just know that in any civilized culture it is important that some prominent names be passed down from one generation to the next. For your edification, here is a clip of the burger-loving icon.

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Ghost 

Hollywood has lost its way with its alarming lack of nudity in recent horror movies. Horror fans used to be assured that, even if the movie sucked, which was most of the time, at least there would be a gratuitous shower scene. Or two.

 

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, 50 years old but still a lot of fun, played on television the other day. We did a search for leading lady Joan Staley (above with co-star Don Knotts) and discovered that she was Playboy’s Playmate of the Month in November 1958:

 

.                    grouchyeditor.com Joan Staley                 grouchyeditor.com Joan Staley

 

.                    grouchyeditor.com Joan Staley               grouchyeditor.com Joan Staley

(Click on pictures for larger views) 

 

And so even in 1966, Hollywood horror-makers knew that cheesecake was key.

 

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grouchyeditor.com Ryan

 

I have trouble balancing my checkbook, so I’m not going to pretend to understand the intricacies of “Trumpcare” or the national budget. However … does Paul Ryan think it’s a virtue to embrace every negative stereotype about Republicans?

Dump on Medicaid and Meals on Wheels so that the rich can get richer? Sheesh ….

 

*****

 

First-World Problem:

 

I’m currently watching about six weekly TV series. My watch list includes Big Little Lies, Billions, Feud, and American Crime. All four shows air within a two-hour block on Sunday nights.

Yes, I have a DVR, but still, can’t something move to Tuesdays or Thursdays?

 

grouchyeditor.com Creek

 Schitt’s Creek

 

Speaking of TV shows, here’s a nice review of that Pluto of sitcoms (it gets no respect), Schitt’s Creek. And while you’re on Decider, if you dig Showtime’s Billions than you will probably enjoy this guy, a mysterious Wall Street-type calling himself “Comfortably Smug” who grades the show’s realism. I have no clue if Smug’s evaluations are accurate or bullshit, but if it’s bullshit, it’s amusing bullshit.

 

*****

 

Apparently there was a controversial report earlier this week on MSNBC:

 

grouchyeditor.com Chuckle

 

*****

 

Well … Survivor is back:

 

grouchyeditor.com Survivor

 

*****

 

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.”

 

Dude who said that obviously didn’t have a blog.

 

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Feud on FX

 

I’m tired of reading about the harrowing challenges faced by older actresses fighting age discrimination in Hollywood. I just can’t bring myself to think, “Poor, poor Meryl Streep” — or Patricia Arquette, or Chloe Grace Moretz, or whoever.

So it’s a relief to report that I am thoroughly enjoying two new series starring women “of a certain age”:  FX’s Feud, and HBO’s Big Little Lies, with Jessica Lange (67), Susan Sarandon (70), Reese Witherspoon (40), Laura Dern (50), and Nicole Kidman (49). These broads can all still bring it.

 

Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford and Susan Sarandon as Bette Davis in Feud 

 

Shailene Woodley, Reese Witherspoon, and Nicole Kidman in Big Little Lies

 

Come to think of it, the other weekly series I’m currently watching also feature older actresses: Schitt$ Creek (Catherine O’Hara, 63) and Billions (Maggie Siff, 42).

So I am doing my part to support the grueling, soul-sucking crusade against age discrimination waged by Hollywood’s female stars. Somebody needs to give me a medal. Or a blowjob.

 

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