Black Hysteria Month
Like O.J. before him, Tiger Woods is rebounding from scandal with the help of a blonde from Minnesota. Tiger’s courtship techniques, well documented in text messages to a former flame in 2009, seem to work well for him. Did the Woodsman dust off some of the charming gems reprinted below to woo Lindsey Vonn?
Oprah is reportedly doing a sex scene in an upcoming film called The Butler. Guess I’ll go ahead and cancel my cataract surgery, because I’d hate to accidentally see that.
“I’m only in my 60s. I’ve got a nice long life ahead: big plans.” — woman in AARP commercial
I don’t usually wish physical harm on people, but if a bolt of lightning struck this smug woman, strutting through the woods as if she owns the world, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.
TV Report Card
Vikings — moderately entertaining, but no great shakes
Bates Motel — moderately entertaining, but no great shakes
Top of the Lake — moderately entertaining, but … the jury is out
Here’s the problem with AMC’s The Walking Dead. The zombies are slow, stupid, and about as life-threatening as a June bug infestation. The only time these sluggards pose a threat is when you are dumb enough to do something like sleep in a tent, outdoors in the woods. Early on in this series, the heroes — you knew it — slept outdoors in tents in the woods.
Meanwhile, on The Americans:
It’s been awhile since we checked in with the gang at Survivor:
Hmmm … did someone on The Big Bang Theory get a boob job?
Dumb Quote of the Week
“Lena Dunham, for instance, is totally great at being naked.” — Libby Gelman-Waxner in Entertainment Weekly. If we need any more proof that men and women are from different planets, this quote ought to do the job.
Who is this Roma Downey, a producer of History’s The Bible? Is she the one who chain-smoked and hosted that 1980s talk show? Or is she the actor who got sent to jail and drug rehab?
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