Daily Archives: May 14, 2011

Crazy Chicks Edition

 

Bristol

 

“Yes, it improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical reasons.” — role model Bristol Palin, 20, explaining the plastic surgery that gave her a new face.  Right, Bristol.  Your surgery had nothing to do with your new career as a reality TV star.  Did you learn how to lie from your mother?

 

*****

 

MacLaine

 

The older I get, the less crazy that Shirley MacLaine seems to me.  Shirley is now promoting her new book, I’m Over All That, but I’m going to read the book that initially crowned her Queen of the Flakes back in the ’80s, Out on a Limb.  Reincarnation?  UFOs?  Hey, you got any better ideas?

 

*****

 

Pippa2

 

Correction:  It appears we committed a grievous error in the March 13 edition of the “Weekly Review.”  Apparently we misidentified Kate Middleton’s royal rump.  It now appears that the bikinied bottom we reproduced belongs to Middleton’s wild-and-crazy sister Pippa.  We apologize to Kate’s arse, and to Pippa’s arse, which is rising in popularity now that it has its own Twitter account:

 

Pippa1

 

*****

 

Swank

 

Hilary Swank is a movie star who, let’s face it, is not blessed with movie-star looks.  But L.A. radio host Kim Masters was a bit harsh when she told Swank, “[Meryl Streep] is not a pretty girl, and you’re not either.”  Swank took the insult in good humor.  Good on Swank, bad on Masters.

 

*****

 

Media Bullshit of the Week:  David Letterman (age 64), Chris Matthews (age 65) and other TV knuckleheads have been calling the late Osama bin Laden “old.”  Bin Laden was born in 1957.  It is scientifically, socially, and journalistically not possible for anyone born in 1957 to be “old.”

Now get off my lawn.

 

*****

 

Is there anyone more physically repulsive than the American politician?  Someone, I forget who, once said that the average politico is an egotist too homely to go into acting, so he (or she) pursues public service instead.  Anything for attention.

What makes the politician even more repellent is his vanity — these guys, cringe-inducing as they are, actually believe that they are attractive.  This is made possible because they have power.  People will overlook a pile of feces in the street if there’s money buried beneath it.

I am ranting about this because I just watched a politician named “Dutch” Ruppersberger on the news, and I didn’t hear a thing he was saying because I was too distracted by the ridiculous toupee on his ancient pate.  Is no one in this guy’s inner circle courageous enough to tell him he’s making an ass of himself?

 

Newt2

 

To me, the hands-down winner of any Ugly on a Stick competition has to be Newt Gingrich:  fat, smarmy, scrunch-faced, slit-eyed and with an attitude that says, “Tom Cruise, eat your heart out!”  Would the nation ever recover from a president this ugly?

 

Newt1

 

*****

 

We can’t conclude this week’s “Review” on such an ugly note, so let’s forget about politicians and instead remember Yvette Vickers, the Playboy Playmate who, sadly, was discovered dead and mummified in her California home last week.  Here is Yvette back in her 1950s Playboy glory days:

 

Vickers1

Vickers2

 

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Bride1

 

The makers of Bridesmaids are going to great lengths to convince prospective ticket buyers that their film is not one of those dreaded “chick flicks.”  Don’t let them fool you, fellas, because Oh.  Yes.  It.  Is.

Bridesmaids brings to the table nearly everything clichéd about the much-maligned wedding movie:  the self-pitying heroine (Kristen Wiig), who watches in horror as her best friend dumps her in favor of material bliss; the caddish lover (Jon Hamm); the long-suffering “good guy” (Chris O’Dowd) who puts up with all manner of female foolishness; the wisecracking girlfriends.  In other words, Bridesmaids is a female version of a Judd Apatow movie – and that’s not a good thing.

Apatow, perhaps stung by criticism of the string of male-oriented Porky’s clones on his resume, produces this vehicle for Wiig (she also co-wrote the screenplay) and, I’ll have to admit, on the few occasions that I actually laughed, it was during scenes that featured an Apatow specialty:  gross-out humor.

But this movie is no step forward for the romantic comedy.  Showcasing actresses who behave just as immaturely as the boys do in movies like Superbad and The Hangover is not exactly an advancement for feminism in Hollywood.  Proving that girls can do everything boys can do only matters if what they do is worth doing.  Alas, just as The Hangover insisted it was the bachelor party that matters most, in Bridesmaids it’s the wedding that is all important – not marriage itself.

Despite what the promoters of Bridesmaids would have you believe, this movie is not about “relationships” between anyone – male or female.  Each character is there to serve a simple function:  set up the next (usually lame) comedy sketch.

Whatever happened to the good “chick flick” – movies like Four Weddings and a Funeral and Terms of Endearment        Grade:  C+

 

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Director:  Paul Feig   Cast:  Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, Chris O’Dowd, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Jill Clayburgh, Jon Hamm, Ellie Kemper   Release:  2011


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Bride7

 

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