The Grouchy Editor

I don’t understand the terrorist mindset.  Seems to me that if you’re going to be outraged by Western media, you might want to direct your anger at art that actually stands a chance of influencing people.

A few years ago, extremists went ballistic over an amateurish video, Innocence of Muslims, that looked like it was produced by Mrs. Spolum’s third-grade students.  Today, we have Kim Jong-un throwing a hissy fit over a piece of Hollywood fluff called The Interview, and French fanatics freaking out over juvenile cartoons published in a magazine nobody’s heard of.

Who could be next on the terrorists’ hit list?  Adam Sandler?

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Difficult Quiz:

Which dude above is CNN’s gay sex-symbol anchorman, and which dudes are his guests?

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From The Huffington Post:

Well, Jones did once tell a national TV audience that Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman “looks good in the shower.”

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From Politico:

Will someone please explain how it is that Boehner can be at his desk smoking a Camel?  Are members of Congress, unlike the rest of us, allowed to smoke cigarettes in public buildings?

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

New Year’s Resolutions:

• Here’s hoping there are more airplane disasters, so that CNN might finally go to 23-hour airplane-crash coverage and change its name to AC (airplane crash) 360.  One hour per day would be allocated to Anthony Bourdain, who would, of course, review airline food.
• Here’s hoping the cable-news networks will institute bans on politicians using the following phrases:  “the American people,” “American women,” “African-Americans,” and “Mexican-Americans.”  Those aren’t political coalitions.  American women, African-Americans, Mexican-Americans, and the American people seem to be just as splintered as any other group.
• Here’s hoping there will be no more stories about the booming American economy.  Until Joe and Mary Sixpack feel the “booming American economy” in their wallets, they don’t want to hear about Wall Street.

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What I Heard:

“I’m not wearing football pants.”

What He Actually Said:

“I’m not wearing football pads.”

— Brett Favre in a commercial for Copper Fit.  I’m not convinced that Favre is the guy you want talking about not wearing things.

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Word That You Didn’t Know Exists:

So if you are happy with your boss, that makes you a gruntled employee.

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

There was no news in America this week.  There was also no news in the outside world.  I know this to be true because Bill, Rachel, and all of the cable news networks – MSNBC, CNN, Fox – took the week off.

In that same spirit, we have decided to take the week off.  So please enjoy this picture of a goat:

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Before we sign off we’d like to thank Facebook, which poked its nose into our affairs and created a delightful “year in review” graphic for loyal users.  Per Facebook, here is what the Grouch’s 2014 looked like:

Here’s hoping that 2015 does not, once again, resemble a pile of fake vomit.

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Hate to say “I told you so,” but I told you so.  From December 2012 (click here). 

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Bullshit:

“The New York Times calls it the most extraordinary film since …”

“A riveting piece of art — The Washington Post”

“Rolling Stone says this is the best …”

Truth:

One nerdy guy with glasses at The New York Times, one constipated woman at The Washington Post, and one hack having a bad day at Rolling Stone wrote the reviews.  One opinion, but it sounds a lot more impressive when you say an entire publication likes your movie/book/music.

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I suppose this is just another case of Grouch’s dirty-old-manliness, but a piece this week on the local news about sexy reporter Natalie Nyhus’s lap-sit with Santa Claus caused Grouch’s egg to nog, his toe to mistle, and his candy to cane. 

Excerpts:

Natalie:  “It’s not often you get a one on one with Santa, and I had some burning questions.”

Natalie:  “Santa has a way of knowing whether you’ve been naughty or nice – at least, most of the time.”

Santa:  “You have to be a little naughty.”

Natalie:  “Yeah.”

Santa:  “OK, well you know that.”

Natalie:  “I do!”

Santa:  “Just a little bit.”

Natalie:  “Just a little bit.”

After the report, anchor Liz Collin, no lump of coal herself, seemed as intrigued as the Grouch was about Natalie’s cuddle with Claus:

Liz:  “Was that a little pillow talk you were having with Santa there?”

Natalie:  “I was sitting on his lap.”

Liz:  “You touched his key!”

Natalie:  “What?”

The girls seemed a bit churlish with each other.  If only some other bearded dude could mediate for them … wait … what’s this?

Reached for comment, the Grouch wouldn’t say whether or not the girls touched his key, but he did say that they jingled his bells.

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Things That Did Not Happen on TV But Really Should Have:

The anaconda did not eat the man on Discovery Channel.

Erin Burnett, discussing rectal feeding on CNN, did not demonstrate rectal feeding for her audience.

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What is it with Sean Hannity and this constant football tossing?  Is he a jock wannabe, a failed athlete who doesn’t realize he looks like a pathetic old guy experiencing a midlife crisis?

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From the Department of “Did I Miss Something?”

“I definitely enjoyed the clip of you saying, talking about him being hung.” – The Washington Post’s Dana Milbank, teasing MSNBC’s Alex Wagner about something she apparently said about Darrell Issa.

OK ….

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Lessons of the Past Year for Today’s Young People: 

If you go into law, study hard and get good grades.  Some day you can use your knowledge of the law to … find ways to avoid or ignore it:

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If you go into public service, work hard and please your superiors.  Some day you can use your bureaucratic skills to … lie to Congress and the public:

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If you go into journalism, always be aware of which way the political winds are blowing.  Some day you can use your writing talents to … invent stories to gain fame and fortune:

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Finally, if you want to run the country but don’t like politics, go work for Wall Street and buy yourself a politician – or hundreds of them:

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This is our last week of Craig Ferguson on CBS, damn it.

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Another Gratuitous Bare Butt Edition

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The week began with lots of positive news:  a vaccine for Ebola that has no side effects, the potential end of chemotherapy as a cancer treatment, falling gas prices, etcetera.  Pinch me.

But then … the New York grand-jury decision.  My first colonoscopy on Wednesday.  Alas, things are as unpleasant as ever.

Politics do indeed make strange bedfellows.  Incredibly, I found myself cheering Fox’s Greg Gutfeld and Ron Paul’s little boy Rand when they linked anti-smoker madness to the death of Eric Garner.  Problem is, their rants against exorbitant cigarette taxes, though valid, were secondary to the main issues, which are police brutality and a flawed grand-jury system.

“You had five cops around there for a guy with a single cigarette!” – Bob Beckel

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Earlier this year, Entertainment Weekly celebrated “The Summer of Butts.”  MTV, below, tends to agree:

Ariana Grande Butt

Grande was in the news for a mishap at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (above).  That gives us an excuse to run this picture of Ariana’s ass, purloined during this summer’s infamous celebrity photo hack.

Allison Williams Butt

Sometimes I miss the old days, when the line was more clear between naughty and nice.  For instance, I enjoyed watching NBC’s airing of Peter Pan, and I think it’s a capital idea to revive live TV; however … I had a hard time watching Allison Williams as Peter without recalling the actress taking it up the butt in an episode of Girls (below).

By the way, I’m not ashamed to admit that I watched Peter Pan.  It was … so-so.  Much like last year’s Sound of Music, it was a fun production with a lead actress who could sing but who also, in terms of acting ability, won’t make any of us forget Meryl Streep.  But let’s continue this live-TV thing, because it’s a great idea.

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I was watching something called the Bayou Classic on NBC, and the announcer kept calling Grambling’s Jonathan Williams a “diminutive quarterback.”  Williams, they say, is five-foot-eleven.

So all of you people out there who are shorter than five-foot-eleven, consider yourselves diminutive.

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Bare-Bottom Bonanza!

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Click either picture for a more, uh, intimate look at Amy

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)