The Grouchy Editor

A Tribute to Ben Carszzzzzzzzzzzzzz …

 

 

Apologies to Donald Trump, but with knife fights, a trip to Florida to get fresh-laundered clothes, and a botched entrance at the Republican debate, sleepy-eyed Ben Carson gets our vote for “Entertaining Candidate of the Year.”

 

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*****

 

The villainous Martin Shkreli reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. And then it came to me:

 

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*****

 

Not sure why this dumb video amuses me so much, but it does.

 

*****

 

The Good News:  Craig Ferguson is back with a new panel show on History channel.

The Bad News:  The show is only on once a week. For just 30 minutes per episode. That’s not enough Craig Ferguson.

 

*****

 

This week, I learned the significance of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). People kept posting about “Bernie Sandwiches” and “Puppy Monkey Baby,” and I had no idea what they were going on about.

Now I know, and since I don’t know how to channel my feelings about the Puppy Monkey Baby, I’ll just make you look at this:

 

 

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Paramount Taps Charlotte Rampling for Title Role

in ‘Rosa Parks Story’

 

 

*****

 

TV Updates

 

There are now more than 400 scripted shows on television — and most of them seem to be premiering this month. And so, in a desperate attempt to keep up, here are my brief impressions, good and not-so-good, about a slew of the (mostly) new shows bombarding us:

 

The Circus (Showtime) –    B

What’s Good: Its behind-the-scenes format gives us a view of the presidential candidates that we don’t normally get. We climb in the campaign bus with Ted Cruz, and have dinner with Bernie Sanders.

What’s Not So Good: The Circus strives to be timely, but we live in an age when cable news breaks stories 24 hours a day, so that even a show that airs just days after it’s filmed, like this one, can feel like old news.

 

Baskets (FX) –   C+

What’s Good: The female supporting cast, especially Louie Anderson and Martha Kelly. Yes, Louie Anderson.

What’s Not So Good: It wants badly to be different from the typical sitcom, which is fine, but there is a reason that most shows have protagonists we like and stories that engage us.

 

 

Angie Tribeca (TBS) –   B-

What’s Good: If you liked The Naked Gun, Scary Movie, Airplane! and other spoofs of movie/TV genres, then you will probably like this cop-show satire. Also, star Rashida Jones has great gams (above).

What’s Not So Good: It’s not what you’d call original.

 

I’m Your Girlfriend (HBO) –   B

What’s Good: Whitney Cummings reminds me of Bill Maher. Both are known as stand-up comics, but neither of them really makes me laugh. They do, however, make me think.

What’s Not So Good: Cummings chastises the male of the species for becoming too crude and vulgar … and then bends over and sticks her ass in the audience’s face.

 

Saturday Night Live (NBC) –   B

What’s Good: The up-and-down quality of the writing has been, lately, more up than down.

What’s Not So Good: The guest hosts. Usually.

 

 

Billions (Showtime) –   B+

What’s Good: Sharp dialogue and great antagonists in Damian Lewis and Paul Giamatti (above).

What’s Not So Good: Everyone is rich. There are times when you want all of them to go to jail.

 

London Spy (BBC America) –   B

What’s Good: There’s just something about British spy dramas. Even when what’s happening on screen is patently absurd, the tone and actors can convince you that what you’re watching is very serious, indeed.

What’s Not So Good: If you can’t handle gay sex scenes, you might want to skip the first episode.

 

Chelsea Does (Netflix) –   B

What’s Good: Chelsea Handler deserves credit for tackling important issues like race and the institution of marriage.

What’s Not So Good: Handler herself can be grating, and it isn’t all that endearing to watch her and her celebrity friends sip wine and pass judgment on problems that don’t particularly affect them.

 

American Crime (ABC) –   A-

What’s Good: My initial impression was, “This can’t be any good. It’s a broadcast-network drama that resembles an ABC Afterschool Special.” My initial impression was wrong. This might be the best hour-long drama on television.

What’s Not So Good: Apparently, it’s in ratings purgatory. That’s the real crime.

 

*****

 

From Entertainment Weekly’s review of Dirty Grandpa:

 

“You’ll get to see Efron’s butt a lot, if that’s what you came for; it’s real, and it’s spectacular.”

 

From an anonymous commenter:

 

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

How to Build the Perfect Candidate:

 

 

Hillary’s brain; Bernie’s heart; Donald’s balls; Marco’s boots — voila!

 

*****

 

Why is it that we so often hear Bernie Sanders described as “an old white man,” but we never hear Hillary Clinton described as “an old white woman”? Sanders is, after all, just six years senior to Clinton.

 

*****

 

 

“Frey helped the Eagles soar, one of the world’s best-selling bands, with 150 million albums, before the Eagles broke up in 1980.” – Scott Pelley on Monday’s news.

 

Pretty impressive. Especially when you consider the Beatles only had 12 studio albums.

 

*****

 

From The Huffington Post:

 

 

Doesn’t the subject of the second story solve the problem presented in the first story?

 

*****

 

So now they are saying that Putin might be a pedophile. I’ve suspected that for years, ever since this bizarre photo surfaced:

 

 

I suppose I should stop publishing this picture. Now I’ll have to hire a food taster.

 

*****

 

I live in the frozen tundra, so I felt the need to make my own contribution to the “ice pants” craze currently sweeping the Midwest. Just one catch: My pants aren’t frozen; they always look like this.

 

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The Curse of the Kicker’s Toe

 

“God, I think, sometimes decides, ‘I think this team should win today.’ I don’t know why he’s picking on the Vikings, but he did.” – Hall of Fame quarterback Fran Tarkenton on Minnesota’s most recent debacle, a 10-9 playoff loss to Seattle

“The good people of Minnesota are in pain this morning. That is nothing compared to the pain of Blair Walsh.” — Sports Illustrated writer Peter King on Walsh’s game-losing 27-yard field goal miss

 

Tarkenton is right and King is wrong. You can talk all day about the Curse of the Bambino or the Curse of the Billy Goat, but no one is more accursed than the Vikings fan, who endures what might be called the Curse of the Kicker’s Toe.

Blair Walsh was born and raised in Florida. Until he was signed by the team, he had no particular interest in the Minnesota Vikings. He was not in Metropolitan Stadium in 1975 (as your humble scribe was) to witness the infamous “Hail Mary” pass that defeated Tarkenton and his Viking teammates. Nor was Walsh in the stadium in January, 1999, when kicker Gary Anderson missed a 39-yard field goal (below) that would have sent Minnesota to the Super Bowl. The list of soul-crushing big-game losses goes on and on.

 

 

Blair Walsh can take his lucrative contract money and console himself on some beach in Tahiti. Blair Walsh might be unhappy today, but he has not experienced decades of gridiron failure. The Vikings fan, on the other hand, has the remainder of the frigid Minnesota winter to contemplate what might have happened to so offend the football gods.

In my opinion, the Curse of the Kicker’s Toe began on that cold December day in 1975 in Metropolitan Stadium, when Minnesota battled Dallas. After the contested Hail Mary pass, an enraged Vikings fan tossed a whiskey bottle at referee Armen Terzian, knocking him out cold. After the game, Tarkenton learned that his father had died of a heart attack while watching the game on television. Just before that bit of bad news, and just after the big loss, the famous quarterback shook hands with a drunken teenager he encountered in the stadium parking lot, an ominous event that I believe triggered the Curse of the Kicker’s Toe.

I believe this because I was that drunken teenager, and as I shook Tarkenton’s hand, I could see a haunted look in his eyes: the curse had begun.

 

*****

 

 

“I applaud your intellectual honesty.” – Andrea Tantaros, pictured above and below, to a fellow Mensa member on Outnumbered, the Fox show that I always turn to for intellectual discourse.

 

 

*****

 

I see there are calls for the mayor of Chicago and the governor of Michigan to resign. When most of us get caught misbehaving, we get fired from our jobs or go to jail. But when you attain a certain level of power and influence, you rarely go to jail and you never get fired. You are asked to “resign,” as if you simply got tired of your job and decided to look for something better.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Final thoughts on Making a Murderer

 

This docuseries is making all of us look bad: Wisconsin’s legal system looks inept at best, corrupt at worst. Netflix and its lesbian filmmakers look bad for peddling such a one-sided documentary. Steven Avery looks guilty as sin. Millions of viewers look foolish for rushing to judgment. The media looks … well, we all know how the media looks.

 

*****

 

And this is why critics have a point when they say celebrities should keep their traps shut when it comes to controversial issues:

 

 

 

*****

 

I have yet to see the new Star Wars movie, but I am told that Oprah makes a memorable cameo appearance.

 

 

*****

 

Our little city in the Midwest plays host tomorrow to what could be the coldest NFL playoff game in history. They say the temperature at game time could be below zero. They say that this deep freeze, which we Minnesotans endure yearly, “builds character.” But what sort of “character” is that – the sort that enjoys being tied to a bed and tortured with whips and chains?

 

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