grouchyeditor.com Warren

 

 

Since this story is about Pocahontas, shouldn’t the headline read “Warren on the Warpath”?

 

 

grouchyeditor.com warpath

 

 

*****

 

I used the bathroom at Target the other day and nothing happened. No protesters, no perverts. Very disappointing.

 

*****

 

Failed talk-show host Melissa Harris-Perry wore this t-shirt on Real Time with Bill Maher.

 

grouchyeditor.com Perry  

Flawless? Hmmm. Seems like if you are fired from your MSNBC talk show, which routinely attracted about six viewers, there might be a flaw or two somewhere in your clothes closet.

On the other hand, you do inform us on your Web site that you are an “intellectual,” and the t-shirt could be referring to your boobies ….

 

grouchyeditor.com Google

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Editors

 

Do I notice anything about this meeting? Oh, sure. Aside from the shocking lack of diversity and the smug expressions, as usual I see no proofreaders.

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Sipos

 

I was watching a mediocre horror series called Slasher, produced by a channel you haven’t heard of, when I recognized a familiar butt. The shapely derriere belonged to an actress named Jessica Sipos, above, who also appeared in another mediocre series called Ascension.  I cannot recommend either of the mediocre shows, but I wholeheartedly endorse Jessica’s muscular cheeks, which compose our Butt of the Week.

 

grouchyeditor.com Sipos

 

grouchyeditor.com Sipos

 

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by Agatha Christie

grouchyeditor.com Clocks

 

It’s an Agatha Christie mystery, so you know the drill: Someone gets murdered, the police are baffled, and so Hercule Poirot twirls his mustache and solves the crime.

There are a couple of unusual aspects to this Poirot outing, which was published in 1963, some 43 years after Christie introduced the persnickety detective. For one, I think the author might have been tiring of Poirot, because he’s barely in this novel. I think Christie might also have been impressed by a certain Alfred Hitchcock movie, because Clocks features a witness in an apartment across the street from the murder scene, a girl who is confined to her room by a broken leg and who spends much of the day spying on her neighbors with binoculars. Sound familiar?

 

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Crime and Punishment

 

grouchyeditor.com 60 Days

 

For some strange reason, I’ve been on a true-crime bender. If you’re into that sort of thing, here are two decent offerings:

 

60 Days In (above) – This is basically Scared Straight! for the reality TV crowd. Seven regular citizens went undercover in an Indiana jail so that jail officials could get the inside scoop and A&E could get decent ratings. What does this show teach us? It taught me that it’s a bad thing to be a woman in jail, but it’s downright dangerous to be a man in jail.

 

Serial (Season One) – I’d forgotten how soothing it is to listen to bedtime stories, although this podcast, in which public radio’s Sarah Koenig investigates the murder of a Baltimore high school girl, could give you nightmares.

 

grouchyeditor.com Serial

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Boos

 

They booed Kristen Stewart’s new movie at the Cannes Film Festival.

I’ve been going to the movies for many years, but never have I witnessed an audience actually boo what’s on screen. Apparently, movies do get jeered at Cannes. I’d like to see that. It’s now on my bucket list.

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Tempest

 

There was an all-nude production of Shakespeare’s The Tempest in Central Park. That’s all you need to know.

Oh, but you probably want to see pictures. In the photos above and below, Kara Lynn is on the left and Marisa Roper is on the right. I think we can all agree that Ms. Roper has a fine ass. You’re welcome.

 

grouchyeditor.com Tempest

 

grouchyeditor.com Tempest

 

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Neighbors

2

 

For a comedy, Neighbors has a decent premise: New parents Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne find their neighborhood peace and quiet disrupted when noisy, chaotic fraternity boys move in next door. But what follows is 90 minutes of adolescent humor, nonsensical plot developments, and off-putting gross-outs. If you make a movie this lame, you’d best not reference better comedies like Meet the Parents and Animal House, which only reminds us of what we’re missing.  Release: 2014  Grade: D

 

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grouchyeditor.com Handler

 

Chelsea Handler’s talk show

 

Her monologue sucked, her interviews sucked, and her taped “comedy” bits were nothing more than advertisements for Netflix.

On the plus side, her pet dog, which wandered around the set during the show, seemed to be a good boy.

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com trend

 

Facebook’s “Trending” module is in the news because it (allegedly) suppresses conservative news. This trending feature is hailed as some of the most valuable real estate on the Internet.

Silly me. I’ve been on Facebook for years, and it wasn’t until yesterday that I even noticed the trending column. I thought it was a box for ads.

 

*****

 

I don’t understand why The Washington Post feels the need to assign 20 reporters to dig up dirt on Donald Trump. Wouldn’t one intern watching old Howard Stern videos be sufficient?

 

Speaking of Trump, the mere mention of his name causes editors at The Huffington Post to froth at the mouth and take leave of their senses. They also take leave of headline proofreaders:

 

grouchyeditor.com Trump

 

*****

 

Trump’s taxes, Hillary’s transcripts

 

I don’t need to see Donald’s taxes; I’m quite certain he’s an unstable crook. I don’t need to read Hillary’s speech transcripts; I’m quite certain she’s a corrupt liar.

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Ripa

 

No comment.

 

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Trump

 

**

 

Acid

 

**

 

Lawn

 

 

Hey, I’m no fan of Trump, but I’m pretty sure that if you look into it, you will be able to find nutjobs who support each of the candidates — not just The Donald.

 

*****

 

Am trying to find a bright side to the increasingly likely prospect of a President Wall Street – er, President Hillary Clinton. I guess one is that, after a lifetime of listening to women blame men for the ills of the world, we men will finally be able to blame women.

 

*****

 

I’m thinking the journalists, politicians, and pundits scratching their heads over the Trump phenomenon are all missing the point. The point isn’t Trump; he’s just the instrument of voter rage. The voter is angry at the ruling class and wants it gone – especially the journalists, politicians, and pundits.

 

*****

 

Prince

 

I knew Prince had talent, but wow – meeting with a doctor as a corpse?

 

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by Malcolm Gladwell

grouchyeditor.com Dog

 

How much you enjoy the essays in Malcolm Gladwell’s What the Dog Saw could depend on how much you care about whichever subject he’s discussing. The New Yorker journalist gets praised for the clarity of his prose, but to me it doesn’t matter how accessible the writing is when the topic is ketchup.  I still fall asleep.

I am also unmoved by Gladwell’s stories about successfully marketing hair dye and vegetable slicers and the masterminds behind their advertising campaigns. Sorry, but a tag-team of Stephen King and J. K. Rowling would fail to hold my interest if the topic is peddling mustard.

On the other hand, when Gladwell turns his attention to the psychology of criminal profiling, or to the root cause of homelessness, his counterintuitive conclusions are often surprising and sometimes enlightening.

 

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Teresa

 

“Congress wants to bail out Puerto Rico with Teresa’s retirement savings.” Center for Individual Freedom ad, pictured above

 

Cool.  Better Teresa than the rest of us.

 

*****

 

For some reason, BuzzFeed unleashed this horror upon the world:

 

Masks1

 

*****

 

Country

 

Either The Huffington Post is still looking for a few good proofreaders, or the term “red state” has been replaced by “orange country” in deference to Trump’s head.

 

*****

 

grouchyeditor.com Kasich

 

John Kasich is like the lump of dog turd that you simply cannot dislodge from the bottom of your tennis shoe, no matter how much you shake, scrape, or jiggle.

 

*****

 

Trigger

 

If you’re looking for laughs, I recommend old episodes of Trigger Happy TV on YouTube. The creative genius behind this short-lived British series, Dom Joly (above), must be related to the knuckleheads on TruTV’s Impractical Jokers.  Click here to visit the YouTube page.

 

*****

 

From time to time, The Grouch gets unsolicited requests to review low-budget movies. Sometimes the publicist making the request looks like this:

 

Lauren1

 

. Lauren2 Lauren3 Lauren4

(click on images for larger view)

 

Review your movie? Sure, Lauren, we’ll review your movie. Just as soon as we finish reviewing you.

 

*****

 

Masks2

 

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Symbol

 

Everyone is upset about the passing of Prince – especially here in Minnesnowta. The Grouch, who lives just a few miles from the legendary First Avenue nightclub, and just a few miles from celebrated Paisley Park, had much in common with the famous musician.

Grouch and Prince were the same age, and they were born in the same city. The Grouch, like The Purple One, is often unctuous and narcissistic. Both men were partial to hanging out in Walgreens parking lots. They cheered for the same dreadful Minnesota sports teams, and both enjoyed intimate relationships with Vanity and Apollonia – although in Grouch’s case the women might not have been aware of it.

Grouch wants to do his part in easing all of us into the post-Prince era, and has therefore released his first album, pictured below.

 

Pigs

 

*****

 

The Downside of Feminism

 

Feminism

 

*****

 

Quote of the Week:

 

“I’d like close-ups of all the boys’ penises, please.” – Emilia Clarke, lamenting the lack of male nudity on Game of Thrones.

 

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grouchyeditor.com Ivanka

 

Clueless Quotes of the Week:

 

“I have three children now, under the age of four and a half, and it’s exhausting.” — Ivanka Trump, pictured above hard at work

 

Yes, I’m sure that with Ivanka’s lack of money and resources, childrearing is a real chore. 

 

grouchyeditor.com Kunzig

 

“We already tax them [the rich] enough. They’re paying more than their fair share of taxes.”

 

and

 

“We text in theaters all the time.”

 

– attorney Christi Kunzig on taxing the rich and texting in movie theaters and challenging Ivanka Trump for most obnoxious comments of the week

 

*****

 

I suppose I’m just getting old, nostalgic, and cranky, but Antenna TV has been airing old episodes of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, and I’m enjoying 1970s-‘80s Carson much more than the brown-nosing bunch of boobs hosting late-night shows today. 

 

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