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15Oct

The Weekly Review: October 9 – 15

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Lucky astronaut. I’m guessing there are about 300 million Americans who would prefer to watch this election from her vantage point.

**

The Good News: Looks like we’re about to tell Trump he’s fired – just as soon as Human Resources gets done with him.

The Bad News: We will be crowning a Queen Hillary for the next four years.

The Really Bad News: Beginning November 9, we’ll have to listen to the media gloat.

The Silver Lining: Soon after November 9, the media will realize it destroyed one monster only to create another.

**

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The older he gets, the more ESPN’s Chris Berman reminds me of Lou Costello.

**

08Oct

The Weekly Review: October 2 – 8

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Oooohhh, this is bad.

I’m sure Hillary has never said anything vulgar about men when she was engaged in private conversation.

And my heart goes out to all of the TV pundits and politicians who are “horrified” by Donald Trump’s assault on basic human decency. I’m certain that they, too, have never uttered vulgarities about the opposite sex.

Listen, I’m not voting for Trump for a whole host of reasons. But if I did decide to support him, it would be a reaction to the frenzy of our national media. Trump might be unbalanced, but the press has become unprofessional and unhinged in its quest to bring him down — that’s the voters’ job.

*****

TV Tidbits

I’ve only seen two or three episodes of each new show on this list, so it’s possible they could improve (or get worse) during their runs, but here are my initial impressions:

Westworld (HBO) – It’s brainy science-fiction about robots and artificial intelligence, but it doesn’t seem to add much to what we already learned from HAL nearly 50 years ago in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The pilot episode was dreary and dull. Early grade: C+

**

Timeless (NBC) – Have you seen Rectify? Of course you haven’t; no one has. But it’s a fine drama and Abigail Spencer is superb in it. I guess she wanted something lighter that people would actually watch when she signed up for this fluffy and forgettable show. Early grade: C

**

This Is Us (NBC) – Just shoot me now. Early grade: F

**

The Good Place (NBC) – If you are charmed by Kristen Bell you will likely be charmed by this comedy. I’m guessing that Bell substituting “shirt” for “shit,” “fudge” for “fuck,” etc., will eventually stop sounding cute. Early grade: C+

**

Designated Survivor (ABC) – It had an explosive premiere, but as Kiefer Sutherland’s president grows more saintly, the show grows more preachy. Early grade: C+

**

Versailles (Ovation) – Sex and sin in the court of Louis XIV. Don’t expect Downton Abbey – this is much naughtier – but it’s juicy soap opera. Ovation might have cut some of the steamier sex scenes for puritanical American eyes – if so, not a good thing. Early grade: B

**

The Exorcist (Fox) — The good news: The end of the first episode had one of the best gut-punches I’ve seen on a TV series. The bad news: Well, it’s not really bad news. It’s just that the show seems to be settling into middling chills. Early grade: B

Returning Shows

Ash vs. Evil Dead (Starz) – I enjoyed the first season, but I’m not sure if there’s enough meat on the bones of this horror-comedy to sustain another year. Grade: B

American Horror Story (FX) and Scream Queens (Fox) – I’m thinking Ryan Murphy has too much on his plate. Instead of creating and supervising every show on the Fox/FX schedule, he ought to just concentrate on a single good one. Grades: AHS – C+ SQ – C

*****

“If I had a show, I would have gone right after him.” — David Letterman on Trump

Yes, because Letterman would never dream of using his star power to take advantage of young women. Just ask his interns.

03Oct

Reviews in Short: October 2016

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Gringo

If you think selecting a president this year is akin to choosing between having a root canal or a colonoscopy, it could be worse. We could be stuck with Libertarian candidate John McAfee, the software mogul who wound up accused of rape and orchestrating not one but two murders in Belize. Documentarian Nanette Burstein interviewed McAfee’s hired thugs, his victims, and his teenage “girlfriends” who observed as he turned one part of Central America into his own Heart of Darkness.

It’s hard to say which is more stomach-turning: the way McAfee exploited poor Belizeans, or the way America’s fawning business and tech communities have welcomed him back to the U.S.A. Release: 2016 Grade: B+

**

Amanda Knox

Amanda Knox is not a particularly likeable woman – but that doesn’t necessarily make her a murderer. After watching Netflix’s new documentary about the Seattle woman’s trials and tribulations in the Italian justice system, I remain as clueless as ever to her guilt or innocence in the death of roommate Meredith Kercher. But I do know this: The movie reaffirms my belief that I never want to find myself on trial in Italy – especially with flamboyant, egotistical prosecutor Giuliano Mignini running the show. Release: 2016 Grade: B+

**

Rams

Two Icelandic farmers – feuding brothers who haven’t spoken to each other in 40 years – find their livelihoods threatened when disease strikes their beloved sheep stock. Rams is one of those “little” films in which nothing much seems to happen – but it’s so unusual that it could stay with you for a long time. Release: 2015 Grade: B

02Oct

The Mystery of the Yellow Room

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by Gaston Leroux

In her 1963 book The Clocks, mystery queen Agatha Christie gives a shout-out to this classic “locked room” novel, published in 1908 by the Frenchman Gaston Leroux. This is interesting because Leroux and Yellow Room protagonist Joseph Rouletabille were clearly on Christie’s mind when she created her most indelible character: the great detective Hercule Poirot.

Other than age and occupation, Christie’s Poirot and Leroux’s young hero have a lot in common. (Rouletabille is an 18-year-old journalist.) Like Poirot, Rouletabille is brilliant, underestimated by nearly everyone, and takes an almost malicious delight in withholding crucial information from his clueless associate, who also serves as the story’s narrator. At one point, the eccentric Rouletabille even refers to his little grey cells – although not in precisely those words.

As for the mystery itself, Yellow Room features other Christie-like qualities: suspects who harbor secrets, dark doings at an isolated estate, and disguise as an important plot point. Leroux, who also penned The Phantom of the Opera, was especially skilled at misdirection.

01Oct

The Weekly Review: September 25 – October 1

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Mary J. Blige serenades Hillary Clinton

What the … ?

I have no words.

*****

Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf

I’ve decided to cast my vote for whichever candidate promises to toss this obnoxious prick into prison.

*****

So Trump, who apparently pays no taxes, is proposing tax cuts for everyone.

Does that mean we’ll owe him money?

*****

Night Train to Terror has that intangible quality that separates bad movies from so-bad-it’s-good movies, the sense that someone — director, stars, screenwriter — took the thing seriously, and therefore its majestic awfulness is both tragic and hilarious.

I stopped trying to make sense of this 1985 disaster after ten minutes, and instead sat back and simply let its cheesy special effects, incomprehensible plot, and hapless actors wash over me. Highly recommended.

*****

This is why some people (can’t imagine who) watch the Big Brother live feeds:

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Click on pictures for a larger view

We’re sure that Morgan Willett of Texas had no clue that cameras were capturing her front and back when she stripped down to her thong panties because, well … just because.

24Sep

The Weekly Review: September 18 – 24

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Hey, legendary Vikings coach Bud Grant is my man, but … watching him blow something called a “Gjallarhorn” and then gesture manically at 66,000 fans in Minnesota reminded me of nothing so much as a horror movie. The Crazed Coach of the Opera, perhaps?

*****

I was able to stomach about 25 minutes of NBC’s god-awful new series, This Is Us. Apparently “we” are a nation of people with First World problems who nevertheless deserve a weekly pity party on network television. Every character, every line of dialogue, and every storyline on This Is Us made me want to upchuck.

Did I mention that I detest this show? For some unfathomable reason, this syrupy abomination is getting rave reviews from critics. Thank goodness I found a kindred spirit at Slate:

*****

If you’d prefer to watch something that’s actually good, check out ABC’s Designated Survivor, which looks promising, or SundanceTV’s Gomorrah, which is more than promising – it will suck you in and hold you. Both shows air on Wednesdays.

*****

Liberals are upset with Jimmy Fallon because the late-night host played nice with guest Donald Trump (above). Haven’t these liberals ever watched The Tonight Show? Asking serial butt-kisser Fallon to grill one of his guests is like asking Julie Andrews to do a nude scene.

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. Mary Poppins Maria von Trapp

Wait …. Julie Andrews did a nude scene:

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*****

“I think temperament is to be studied carefully.”

– Notorious hothead Bobby Knight, pictured above, discussing Trump’s qualifications to be president.

Below, Knight exhibiting his idea of temperament while hurling folding chairs onto a basketball court.

*****

Former CIA honcho R. James Woolsey, Jr. was talking on a cable-news program, and I was reminded of someone else. Then I watched an episode of Better Call Saul:

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. Woolsey “Mike”

17Sep

The Weekly Review: September 11 – 17

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They are celebrating Robin Meade’s 15-year anniversary on HLN. I join in the celebration. She’s just about the only palatable presence on television news.

**

We’ve gone seven months now with a vacant seat on the Supreme Court, and the world hasn’t fallen apart.

Maybe we could try going a few years without a president?

**

On second thought, maybe we can recruit Colin Powell for the job. After reading his private e-mails, I think we can all agree that he has a refreshing way with words.

Powell on Hillary Clinton: “A 70-year-old person with a long track-record, unbridled ambition, greedy, not transformational, with a husband still dicking bimbos at home.”

Powell on former Vice President Dick Cheney and his daughter, Liz: “They are idiots.”

Powell on retired general Michael Flynn: “Gen. Flynn is a jerk. Got canned out of DIA.”

Powell on Donald Trump: “He is a know-nothing … a national disgrace … an international pariah.”

**

TV Tidbits:

American Horror Story – The production design and look of the show are great, but FX needs to spend more time on the scripts. In other words, the show has the same problem it has pretty much every year. But we’ve only seen one episode, so let’s hope for the best.

Left to right: William Shatner, Terry Bradshaw, Henry Winkler, George Foreman, Jeff Dye

Better Late Than Never – I have mixed feelings about this four-part series. On the one hand, the affection these geezers have for one another seems real and it’s infectious; it’s a lot of fun to watch them interact on their trip to Asia. On the other hand, most of the situations they find themselves in are obviously scripted. And in this age of income inequality, it’s a bit off-putting to celebrate four multi-millionaires spending NBC’s cash on an expensive vacation.

16Sep

Stalin

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by Edvard Radzinsky

Stalin is a historical biography that I admired but … did I enjoy it? Let me put it this way: Reading this 600-page beast often felt like being banished to Siberia with nothing to do but page through the telephone directory. I do respect the blood, sweat and tears that must have gone into the research and writing of this massive tome about the 20th century’s greatest villain, Joseph Stalin (yes, I’m including Hitler), but the result is mostly a plodding bore.

In addition to presenting the usual agglomeration of unpronounceable and confusing Russian names, Radzinsky’s book demands a basic knowledge of Russian history and the major political players of the time. If you are unfamiliar with the historical relationship between Bolsheviks and Mensheviks, the troubled history of Ukraine and Russia, etc., well, too bad for you. Radzinsky simply offers a chronological survey of what Stalin did and to whom he did it. Stalin himself remains an enigma. So many details, so little insight.

It’s a shame, because if we know one thing, it’s that history repeats itself, and if a genocidal despot like Stalin could place an entire country under his malevolent spell, then understanding the factors that created such a monster is something we all need to know.

14Sep

Strip Search

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“Take off your clothes … because I’m going to do a strip search – full cavity.”

I’m not entirely sure for whom Strip Search is a guilty pleasure – me, or the late, great, director Sidney Lumet. Possibly it’s both of us.

Lumet, who turned 80 the year this film was released, is responsible for classics including 12 Angry Men, Fail-Safe, Dog Day Afternoon, and Network. In his dotage, however, the movie maestro seemed to draw more inspiration from Girls Gone Wild than from social issues.

Just ask Oscar winner Marisa Tomei, whom Sidney coaxed out of her clothes for his final film, Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead. Or check out Strip Search star Maggie Gyllenhaal, who, after a sexy turn in Secretary, apparently had a nudity clause inserted in her film contracts; in Maggie’s case, it seems she’ll only take roles that require it.

Maggie Gyllenhaal assumes the position for James Spader in Secretary

Strip Search, which aired once on HBO in 2004 and was then promptly pulled from the network schedule (there were complaints and controversy), is an intense examination of how governments can and do violate the civil rights of ordinary citizens. Lumet presents alternating storylines with near-identical dialogue, in one case focusing on an American named Linda (Gyllenhaal) who is brutally interrogated in China, and in the other case depicting an Arab man (Bruno Lastra) similarly abused by an FBI hard-ass played by Glenn Close.

Glenn Close to Bruno Lastra: “Is there a part of your body you’re embarrassed about, something … smaller than it ought to be?”

At about the midpoint, Strip Search goes from social commentary to sexual commentary, courtesy of Lumet’s leering camera. It’s hard to contemplate civil liberties when you are distracted by lingering close-ups of Maggie’s bare breasts being kneaded like bread dough, or by Glenn asking her captive Arab if a body part is “smaller than it ought to be” while eyeballing his willie. Grade: B

Director: Sidney Lumet Cast: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ken Leung, Glenn Close, Bruno Lastra, Austin Pendleton, Jim Gaffigan Release: 2004

“Yes, a good solid body.”

“Take off your clothes … because I’m going to do a strip search – full cavity.”

“Yes, you’ve got a good solid body.”

“If I touch you down there, what do you think your reaction will be?”

Strip Search is once again available on HBO. If you would prefer to see just the good parts, i.e., Maggie Gyllenhaal forced to strip and getting felt up by Ken Leung, watch movie outtakes by clicking the links below:

strip-search1

strip-search2

If the above videos don’t work on your mobile device, try these:

13Sep

Dead Set

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There are way too many zombie shows. The genre felt fresh when it was reinvigorated about a dozen years ago, but the onslaught of sluggish clodhoppers should have been shot in the brains long ago. The Walking Dead? It’s a tedious, talky soap opera with lame zombies.

It’s next to impossible to find a zombie horror-comedy that’s either horrific or comedic, much less horrific and comedic. Shaun of the Dead successfully combined the two elements. So does Dead Set, a five-part miniseries from 2008 about the cast and crew of England’s Big Brother waging war with the undead, now showing on Netflix.

The Plot:

Anyone who watches Big Brother, either as a fan or because a significant other is holding a gun to your head, has fantasized about annoying “houseguests” having their faces torn off or their intestines slowly devoured. Or maybe that’s just me.

In Dead Set a sudden, unexplained zombie outbreak wreaks havoc in Britain — with the exception of the clueless hamsters who are isolated in the Big Brother house. Will these idiots, our heroes, overcome their bickering, narcissism, and general ineptitude long enough to stave off Armageddon?

The surprising thing about Dead Set is that it’s not simply amusing, not just a satire of reality TV and those who consume it; there are also some genuinely scary scenes. Or maybe it’s not surprising, given that the miniseries was written by Charlie Brooker, the twisted genius responsible for Black Mirror. Fans of HBO’s The Night Of will also recognize rising star Riz Ahmed among the ensemble cast.

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Random Notes:

Zombie purists, assuming there are such animals, might quibble about this collection of the undead, which are fast and strong but unable to deal with simple obstacles like fences and pools of water. But dumb as they are, these zombies are often terrifying. And, unlike the knuckleheads stuck in the house, they seem to have a purpose.

*

“Talent” from the actual British Big Brother make cameo appearances. The English equivalent of CBS’s Julie Chen, presenter Davina McCall, meets a fate worse than cancellation.

*

If they gave awards for shows like this (the “Zommies”?), I’d nominate Andy Nyman, who is hilarious as the show’s producer, a foul-mouthed Ricky Gervais-type who doesn’t suffer fools — or anyone, for that matter — gladly.

*

Dead Set’s ending is great. Why can’t more shows end like this?

Grade: B+

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Director: Yann Demange Writer: Charlie Brooker Cast: Jaime Winstone, Andy Nyman, Riz Ahmed, Warren Brown, Liz May Brice, Beth Cordingly, Adam Deacon, Kevin Eldon, Kathleen McDermott, Davina McCall, Chizzy Akudolu, Raj Ghatak Release: 2008

Watch trailers (click here or here)