The Grouchy Editor

28Jan

The Weekly Review: January 22 – 28

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Hollywood types embarrassed themselves all week, but my vote for most ridiculous, “we are clueless” moment came when Saturday Night Live’s Sasheer Zamata and Cecily Strong, above, performed a saccharine tribute to Barack Obama by warbling “To Sir With Love.”

They both needed a cold shower, and I needed a brown paper bag.

*****

Conservatives missed a golden opportunity in the culture wars when Mary Tyler Moore died. Liberals hailed Moore as a “feminist icon,” but according to that bastion of infallible information, Wikipedia, in reality she was a fan of Bill O’Reilly, Charles Krauthammer, John McCain and Fox News. Oh, and she was not a big fan of real feminist icon Gloria Steinem.

Speaking of Moore … Oprah toady Gayle King hosted a special about Moore and expressed horror when Her Oprahness revealed that she had once considered taking a newsroom job in my city, Minneapolis, the setting for The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Gasped King, “I’m sorry!”

Hey, at least we aren’t a cesspool of gang warfare and murder like, say … Chicago?

*****

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Tucker Carlson and Chris Hayes remind me of each other. They’re both easily excitable and when they get agitated their voices go all high-pitched and squeaky.

*****

I checked out Riverdale, The CW’s new spin on the gang from Archie comic books.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that this show will not become Donald Trump’s latest TV obsession – at least not in a positive way.

Let’s see: Archie Andrews, a good-natured klutz in the comics, in the TV series is an angst-ridden, oh-so-sensitive bore. Moose is gay. Miss Grundy is a pedophile. Jughead, such a delightful oddball in the comics, is a humorless scold.

OK, I realize I’m not in the target demographic for this teen-oriented stuff, but gee willikers ….

Veronica shows her good side

26Jan

Welcome to the Monkey House

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by Kurt Vonnegut

I like short stories just fine, thank you. I like to read them and (gasp!) I like to write them. My favorite Stephen King story, for example, isn’t one of his famed novels; it’s a haunting little gem called “The Last Rung on the Ladder,” which can be found in the King collection Night Shift. But short stories have an obvious downside: They are often too short. Too … slight. It’s like having one bite of juicy shrimp and then being told you can’t have any more.

Kurt Vonnegut is one of my favorite writers. The stories in Monkey are from his early years (1950s-1960s), so some of them feel dated, and others feel like the product of a young, unpolished writer. But none of them are dull and many of them are thought-provoking. They are the literary equivalent of a TV show of that same era, The Twilight Zone – stories with a moral, often humorous, and frequently laced with Vonnegut’s favorite genre, science fiction.

21Jan

The Weekly Review: January 15 – 21

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I sort of – not really, but sort of – feel sorry for Melania Trump, who might be the unhappiest woman in America.

She comes from the world of fashion and money – and most of those people believe her husband is a vulgar clown.

Her speeches get mocked.

She’s suing a publication because it accused her of being a former prostitute.

She’s expected to downsize from her ritzy Manhattan digs to the lowly White House.

Her husband is rumored to enjoy watching hookers pee on each other.

Her husband is rumored to have the hots for his own daughter.

Yes, I sort of – but not really – feel sorry for Melania Trump.

But then I remember her wealth and privilege and I think: Fuck that noise.

*****

I sort of – not really, but sort of – feel sorry for the talking heads on cable news who are tasked with defending Donald Trump. You simply cannot defend the man. He says and does too many boneheaded or wrongheaded things.

*****

I sort of feel sorry for the media. … Just kidding!

*****

A Tweet

This is why some of us love Twitter.

14Jan

The Weekly Review: January 8 – 14

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“The city has the panicked air of a B-horror movie where the townsfolk stand stock still, bug-eyed and frozen, too frightened to flee, waiting for the creature.”

— Maureen Dowd describing Washington D.C. before The Coming of Trump.

**

Wonder if Trump is enjoying the “honeymoon” traditionally granted new presidents by political foes and the media … LOL!

**

I just watched a scary movie called Don’t Breathe, which is set in a rundown section of Detroit. Last year, I watched a horror movie called It Follows, which is set in rundown sections of Detroit.

Poor Detroit. It seems to be the go-to-place if you want to frighten audiences.

**

I can’t bring myself to say anything more about politics. I think about Trump and I get angry. I think about Democrats and I get angry. I think about the press – right-wing and left-wing – and I get angry. I can’t even think about Meryl Friggin’ Streep without getting angry.

I suggest we all just forget about politics, for now, and enjoy these pictures:

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(Click on pictures for larger views)

09Jan

Reviews in Short: January 2017

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The Best Offer

Geoffrey Rush plays an aloof, eccentric art auctioneer who gets more than he bargained for when an agoraphobic young heiress (Sylvia Hoeks) asks him to sell off her rare collection. I wonder how I might have reacted to The Best Offer had I not seen similar plots – in particular a certain Hitchcock film that I shall not name lest I reveal Offer’s twist ending. The movie is handsomely produced, well acted, and lovely to listen to, but it’s also a story that telegraphs its surprises, especially if you’ve seen similar fare. Release: 2013 Grade: B+

*****

Don’t Breathe

Some of the best nail-biters have simple plots. In Burning Bright, a Bengal tiger terrorizes a young woman and her autistic brother in a house. That’s the plot. In Black Water, a hungry crocodile terrorizes three tourists trapped in an Australian swamp. That’s the plot.

For about an hour, Don’t Breathe reminded me of those low-budget, efficient thrillers because it keeps things simple: Three small-time burglars are surprised when their chosen victim, a blind war vet, turns the tables on them after they break into his house. That’s the plot. The movie is taut and genuinely chilling. And then … well, that wasn’t good enough for writer/director Fede Alvarez, who decides to add a little Cujo here, a little Silence of the Lambs there. Should have left well enough alone. Release: 2016 Grade: B

07Jan

The Weekly Review: January 1 – 7

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Mariah Carey’s New Year’s Eve performance was unwatchable. Not because of sound problems. No, because her ass is the size of North Korea.

*****

There is a God.

*****

I don’t want to see Ronda Rousey in the ring. I want to see Bill Maher vs. Anthony Bourdain.

*****

Shepard Smith reported, not once but twice, that “Emilio Esteban” was the suspected perpetrator at Friday’s airport shooting in Florida.

I suspect that Shep had recently re-watched The Breakfast Club and was subconsciously wondering whatever became of Emilio Estevez.

*****

I don’t blame the Republicans for Trump. After all, they didn’t really want him and, after they got stuck with him, they didn’t think he had a chance in hell of winning.

No, I blame the Democrats for Trump. They pissed off so many people that those voters felt they had no choice but to toss a hand grenade named Trump into the Washington swamp – even when they knew he might blow up the whole damn country.

*****

Random Tweets

The language is unfortunate, but the point is well taken.

**

Rip can now die a happy man.

*****

More Fat America News:

CBS Evening News did a story about a new tax on sugary drinks in Philadelphia, in which city officials hope “to bring down obesity rates.” CBS interviewed Deputy Revenue Commissioner Marisa Waxman, pictured below, who presumably knows something about obesity.

31Dec

The Weekly Review: December 25 – 31

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Hey, our predictions are as good as anyone else’s.

*****

It’s always sad to see Hollywood legends like Debbie Reynolds pass away.

But Doris Day is still alive. And Kirk Douglas is still alive. And Jerry Lew—

Oh, never mind.

*****

28Dec

The Voyeur’s Motel

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by Gay Talese

I’m thinking the title of this book should really be “Rationalization.” Its subject, a peeping Tom from Colorado named Gerald Foos, rationalized his perverted pastime by telling himself he was a sex researcher, in the mode of Masters and Johnson, documenting his motel guests’ sexual proclivities in the name of behavioral science. The book’s author, Gay Talese, rationalized writing about Foos because he’s a journalist and he thought the middle-aged motel owner was an intriguing subject. I rationalized reading The Voyeur’s Motel because Talese is a respected, renowned writer.

I assume you are reading this review because you wonder what I think about what Talese thinks about what Foos thought about his guests while he crouched in the attic of the Manor House Motel, peering through a ceiling vent and taking copious notes – and frequently masturbating.

Well … whatever. I’m afraid Foos’s lurid diary comes off as less Kinsey Report, more Playboy Report, as we read his descriptions of one sleazy motel-room encounter after another.

But I learned a lot. That’s my rationalization.

24Dec

The Weekly Review: December 18 – 24

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TCM was showing a Disney movie, a nature film about a cute squirrel named Perri. It had been quite a few years since I’d watched anything Disney-related, so I tuned in.

After we are introduced to furry little Perri and her adorable squirrel family, the movie proceeds to document one vicious Mother Nature-orchestrated slaughter after another. A marmot catches and tears Papa Squirrel to shreds. A hawk spots a flying squirrel and snags it for dinner. And so on. A man narrates the carnage in the blasé tone of someone describing how to butter toast.

It was, to say the least, a disturbing experience.

I’m not sure why kids who watched these Disney movies, including yours truly, didn’t just crawl under their beds and stay there for life.

Merry Christmas.

*****

The FBI is warning that ISIS would like to attack your church this holiday weekend. Trump and Putin have decided that this is a good time to remind everyone that nuclear warfare could obliterate us all.

Merry Christmas.

*****

Shepard Smith on Monday informed viewers that President Obama pardoned a number of people during his “pregnancy.”

I’ve tried to locate video but, alas, the Internet fails me.

*****

Speaking of pregnancy, this was in the news:

No comment.

*****

How to conduct a news interview: Rachel Maddow, arguably liberal media’s best interrogator, sparred with the unflappable Kellyanne Conway on Thursday. Great television.

How not to conduct a news interview: Tucker Carlson, Fox News’s latest attack dog, was called a “son of a bitch” by flustered journalist Lauren Duca on Friday. Garbage television.

Carlson: “You should stick to the thigh-high boots. You’re better at that.”

Duca: “You’re a (bleeped).”

I suppose she might have said “sexist pig.” Hard to say, since I don’t read lips.

*****

A piece of advice for sports fans (and everyone else) living in cities with professional teams begging for new stadiums: In Minnesota, taxpayers were warned that the Vikings and Twins “could not compete” without brand-new, taxpayer-funded playpens. After the billionaire owners and millionaire players got their new stadiums, the citizens were rewarded with … noncompetitive teams.

20Dec

The Corrections

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by Jonathan Franzen

Confession: I’ve resisted this book for years, in part because its author, Jonathan Franzen, has a reputation (deserved or not) for being something of a jerk. He’s not exactly Mr. Warmth and Cheer on his talk-show appearances, and then there was that little issue with Oprah Winfrey.

Also, reviews informed me that The Corrections’ plot concerns a middle-class family of five in the late-twentieth-century Midwest, with Depression-era parents and grown kids who flew the coop. I happen to hail from a middle-class family of five in the late-twentieth-century Midwest, with Depression-era parents and grown kids who flew the coop. I thought the book might hit a little too close to home, and so I took a pass.

My mistake.

Franzen is a spectacularly gifted writer. His insights and prose are endlessly inventive. He deftly mixes elements of Shakespearean tragedy with humor straight out of Kurt Vonnegut. He chooses the perfect word, the perfect phrase to illustrate his scenes. The major theme, in which members of The Greatest Generation and The Me Generation collide with societal change and with each other, is important to many Americans. National Book Award voters honored The Corrections in 2001, and justifiably so.

However … this was a novel that I admired more than I enjoyed. The characters, although fully realized and recognizable, are not what I’d call endearing, and the reader is asked to spend 566 pages with them. Unless you grew up in a family much like the Lamberts – (ahem) – The Corrections might engage your mind but not so much your soul.