The Grouchy Editor

Hats off to Major League Baseball, which is displaying laudable sensitivity toward people with disabilities in the current World Series.

For example, Boston’s Eduardo Nunez (above and below), who is afflicted with St. Vitus’s dance, has been showcased several times, most notably in Game 3:

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This “CRISPR” business is spooking me.

In the ‘70s, one of the most jolting movie scenes involved the sudden appearance of this “dog-man” (“man-dog”?) in Invasion of the Body Snatchers:

It was a startling moment, but it was also funny because everyone knew that such an abomination was impossible in real life.

Not so funny anymore; not if you read a few articles about gene-splicing, animal experimentation, and the ominous-sounding CRISPR. I mean, mice with human brains?

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“He (Louis C.K.) asked if he could masturbate in front of me. Sometimes I’d go, ‘Fuck yeah I want to see that!’

“So sometimes, yeah, I wanted to see it, it was amazing.” — Sarah Silverman

If Sarah enjoys watching men jerk off, I suspect she’d get more than a few volunteers who’ve watched her in these movie scenes:

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Listen. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but since the pipe bombs all had her return address on them, it seems obvious that she must have done it.

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I think it’s time we dispense with this expectation that, in times of national mourning, our president should act as “comforter in chief.”

Asking Donald Trump to soothe the nation’s nerves is like asking Larry Flynt to preside at a “Me Too” convention.

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© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

The Haunting of Hill House

Last week, I said that I fully expected Netflix’s The Haunting of Hill House to “suck eggs.”

Last week, I was dead wrong.

I have to admit that I’m gobsmacked by this ten-episode chiller, which boasts: great acting, an intelligent script, superb direction and, last but not least, very few “jump scares.”

If you can get past the first episode — its flashbacks and numerous actors playing the same characters in different time periods are confusing – it’s terrific binge-watching.

My prediction sucked eggs.

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The next time I’m feeling guilty about watching fart videos on YouTube, I’ll remind myself that the whole country is stuck in third grade.

To wit:

I don’t know. Sounds like a compliment to me. Isn’t that better than a toadstool?

Hard to believe that Trump brought up “Horseface” again. I’d almost forgotten about her:

“Horseface”

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Yep, much scarier than Michael Myers.

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Well, geez. Haven’t gay actors been playing straight characters for, like, forever?

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I continue to enjoy pointing out inane statements made by cable news anchors, such as Fox News’s Arthel Neville’s observation that a Trump speech was “in his usual rare form.”

Cable news anchors, for their part, continue to enjoy blissful ignorance of both me and my comments.

Seems like a “win-win” relationship, to me.

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© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Taylor and Kanye, Sitting in a Tree …

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If I could name just one song either one of them is famous for, I might be more interested in their political opinions. Then again … probably not.

Doesn’t it seem that Kanye is forever trying to upstage Taylor? She wins a music award and he jumps on the stage. She makes an Instagram post and he visits Donald Trump.

Kanye should just leave Kim to date Taylor. That way, Taylor can write songs about Kanye and they can both live happily ever after.

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Sure, it’s adolescent and pointless, but I must admit that when I see this woman speaking on the news, I enjoy hitting the mute button.

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Seems to me that King is either back on the sauce or he owes his writing career to some super-diligent editors and proofreaders.

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Guess I’m just a glutton for punishment. I keep tuning in to these horror-themed series, hoping that one of them will actually be good. I had to quit watching The Purge and the latest installment of American Horror Story because they bored me to tears.

Now I’m watching The Haunting of Hill House (above) on Netflix, which I suppose will suck eggs.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Judgment Day

Dear President Trump:

For the sake of everyone’s sanity, if you get the chance to nominate yet another Supreme Court justice, please let it be a woman.

How about this nutcase?

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Speaking of female judges, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is the subject of a new documentary on Amazon Prime. Here is a screen shot of Ruth relaxing on a training table after a vigorous workout:

Just kidding. Apparently that’s some Russian hockey player.

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I’m no youthful snowflake, but sometimes I feel the need for trigger alerts and safe spaces when I encounter Millennials, just to protect me from their ridiculously foul mouths.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Genitals Week!

Penis!

I guess the only way we’ll learn the truth is for Kavanaugh and Trump to show their penises to Congress. On live TV, of course.

Balls!

“Promises Made, Promises Kept!”

It takes some major-league cojones to make that claim when the promise that got you elected – The Wall – can’t get past one or two bricks on a wheelbarrow.

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Our ex-presidents go on talk shows and, sooner or later, get asked about UFOs, Area 51, and that sort of thing.

Seems like if ever we had a president who wouldn’t mind spilling the beans about little green men, it’s the dude in the White House right now. Has anyone even asked him?

Let’s ask him.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Movie Night in America!

Seems like the country is watching two very different movies right now. Half of us are watching All the President’s Men; the other half is watching Seven Days in May.

All the President’s Men (above) is about Deep Throat helping The Washington Post take down Tricky Dick Nixon. Recommended for liberals.

Seven Days in May (below) is about Deep State attempting to take down President Fredric March. Recommended for Trump supporters.

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Talking heads keep telling us that Brett Kavanaugh will have his “life destroyed” if accusations of sexual misconduct keep him from the Supreme Court.

Give me a break.

Did Merrick Garland have his “life destroyed” when he was denied a Court position? Is he living in a cardboard box under some freeway?

Louis C.K. is just fine. Merrick Garland is just fine. No one rich or powerful ever has his or her “life destroyed.”

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© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

TV Update:

When the “good guys” on your show are all criminals, you have to go deep with your “bad guys,” and good lord, the villains on Netflix’s Ozark are truly a bad lot.

With its nice-family-gone-wrong plot, Ozark would like to be the new Breaking Bad. It’s not that good, but it is eminently watchable, thanks in no small part to this rogues’ gallery of evil:

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                                       Bad                                         Worse                                   Worst

Ozark has crooked politicians; but the lawyers are worse. There is a dangerous Mexican drug cartel; but the local farmers are worse. And the FBI? Don’t even ask.

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American Horror Story:  I’ve only seen the first episode of “Apocalypse,” but I’m thinking this show has probably jumped the shark. Series creator Ryan Murphy is busy doing other things, other projects. The only sign that he’s still around is the show’s continued emphasis on male ass.

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The Purge: Two episodes in, it’s not as god-awful as I expected. Of course, that could change.

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Lost in Translation?

This is the synopsis for a 2015 Russian series on Netflix:

“As four Russian friends grow up in the early ‘60s, life, love and the curse of success threaten to derail their dreams.”

Sounds like a Cold War version of Dawson’s Creek, or some similar tug-at-your-heartstrings dramedy. But perhaps not.

Here is the poster:

OK … unless this is actually the Russky version of Porky’s, you might want to change that title.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)