The Grouchy Editor

How do you take a great concept, two hot stars, lots of money … and then produce something as abysmally bad as Date Night?  I don’t know the answer to that one.

Wait, I do know the answer:  It’s called a lousy, cliche-ridden script.  I keep harping on this Hollywood deficiency, but of course my whining doesn’t matter, and neither would yours.  The Tinseltown suits are confident that gullible moviegoers will turn out in droves if they can just keep feeding them a) awesome special effects, b) the right celebrities, or c) a plot that sounds good on paper and can be explained in two sentences or less.

Still, I had high hopes for Date Night, in which Steve Carell and Tina Fey play an ordinary suburban couple inadvertently tossed into criminal mischief on their weekly night out, and all of this playing out against the perfect background — Manhattan after dark.  This is territory that Martin Scorsese mined to perfection in After Hours, and that Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis stumbled through amusingly in The Out of Towners.

The disaster that is Date Night is not the fault of Carell and Fey.  In fact, the two stars are the only reason to keep watching the stupid thing.  To their immense credit, Carell and Fey somehow retain our sympathies through ridiculous plot twists, childish dialogue, and obligatory car chases.  Aside from its stars, I could come up with just one reason to recommend Date Night:  There are few, if any, special effects.      Grade:  D+

Director:  Shawn Levy  Cast:  Tina Fey, Steve Carell, Mark Wahlberg, James Franco, Kristen Wiig, William Fichtner, Mila Kunis, Ray Liotta, Gal Gadot  Release:  2010

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I’m tempted to think the reason I wasn’t bowled over by Drew Barrymore’s comedy, Whip It, is because I don’t belong to the film’s target audience (young, female).  I’m tempted — but that wouldn’t quite be true, and that’s because of a little gem that came out of Hollywood in 1992, another movie that wouldn’t seem to have someone like me in mind.

Whip It is the story of a small-town teenager named Bliss (Ellen Page) who joins a professional, all-female sports league and, in the process, grows up and finds greater understanding of friends and family.  The whole women’s sports-league thing is a close cousin to Penny Marshall’s superior A League of Their Own, a film Whip It resembles in tone, if not execution.

Both films rely on a colorful supporting cast.  League’s Rosie O’Donnell and Madonna are replaced here by Kristen Wiig, Juliette Lewis, and Bliss’s other teammates.  Tom Hanks, the grouchy but lovable baseball manager in League, is represented here by Andrew Wilson as the coach of the “Hurl Scouts,” a female roller derby squad.  But the characters in Whip It are paper-thin; Wilson, for example, is no Hanks.

If derby names like “Babe Ruthless” and “Eva Destruction” are enough to whet your comedy whistle, then maybe Whip It will satisfy you.  It’s a feel-good movie, an amusing enough way to spend two hours.  But for me, this was done much better back in 1992.         Grade:  C+

Director:  Drew Barrymore  Cast:  Ellen Page, Marcia Gay Harden, Kristen Wiig, Drew Barrymore, Juliette Lewis, Jimmy Fallon, Daniel Stern, Alia Shawkat, Andrew Wilson  Release:  2009

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How much you like Nicolas Cage could well determine how much you like Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans.

Cage, to me, is always a very watchable actor.  His characters, however, aren’t always particularly likable.  That’s the case in Lieutenant, director Werner Herzog’s cop drama that’s heavy on irony, but otherwise a fairly standard cop drama. 

Cage’s Detective Terence McDonagh suffers a job-related injury, becomes addicted to pain-killing drugs and, in his quest to pay off debts, score drugs, and solve homicides, begins to find life in The Big Easy anything but.

McDonagh’s descent can’t be blamed entirely on drugs.  Among his other vices, this bad lieutenant enjoys power-play sex with the girlfriend of a small-time dealer — and forcing the poor guy to watch at gunpoint.  When a local underworld figure comes gunning for him, McDonagh doesn’t think twice about endangering his own family members.  But he does have a soft spot for pet dogs and fish.

Herzog loves irony, and the director seems to be aiming a big wink at his audience. But it’s not enough to camouflage what is, for the most part, just a routine police movie.      Grade:  B-

Director:  Werner Herzog  Cast:  Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Val Kilmer, Fairuza Balk, Jennifer Coolidge, Brad Dourif, Xzibit, Shawn Hatosy, Denzel Whitaker, Katie Chonacas  Release:  2009

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Adventureland is a good example of what happens when you untether talented artists from the shackles of Hollywood junk-meisters.

Greg Mottola wrote and directed this film, which is based on one summer in his youth when he worked at an amusement park.  Mottola previously helmed the cookie-cutter, Judd Apatow-produced Superbad.  Star Jesse Eisenberg went on from this picture to act in Zombieland  — yet another trifling mediocrity.  Kristen Stewart, currently starring in the Twilight films … well, I haven’t seen them, so I’ll withhold judgment in her case.

But in Adventureland, Mottola has written a sweet and funny slice-of-life, with Eisenberg and Stewart sparkling in the lead roles.  That’s the good news.  The bad news?  Superbad went on to earn $170 million worldwide, while Adventureland garnered a mere $16 million domestically.  That’s a shame, because Adventureland has just as many laughs as the Apatow-produced dross; the difference is that Mottola’s latest film has a heart.

It’s the characters that count in this movie, and not just Eisenberg and Stewart.  Bill Hader, Margarita Levieva, and Martin Starr contribute comic highlights and, refreshingly, seem like actual human beings.  The same can be said for Ryan Reynolds as the story’s main villain.  Reynolds’s carousing mechanic comes off more sad and pathetic than malevolent.           Grade:  B+

Director:  Greg Mottola  Cast:  Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Martin Starr, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Margarita Levieva, Ryan Reynolds, Sue O’Malley, Jack Gilpin, Wendie Malick  Release:  2009

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Mother, the new thriller from South Korean director Bong Joon-ho, is being favorably compared to Hitchcock.  This comparison, I believe, is what happens when movie critics see too many films aimed at teenagers; they tend to get all excited when something relatively adult appears on the scene — especially if it has subtitles.

Don’t get me wrong.  Mother is a perfectly serviceable mystery.  Bong (The Host) is a skilled craftsman and he gets fine performances out of Kim Hye-ja, as the mother, and Won Bin, as her feeble-minded adult son.  When the boy is accused of murdering a young girl, Mother’s already heightened maternal instincts kick into overdrive, and the movie becomes a whodunit.  Is the murderer her son, the son’s shady “best friend” … or perhaps Mother, herself?

Despite what some critics will have you believe, the answer to this puzzle is not arrived at in groundbreaking fashion.  In most murder mysteries, the rule is to ask yourself:  Who is the least likely killer?  Could that person be guilty?  Unless the screenplay is unusually clever, nine times out of ten you can guess the culprit.

This isn’t Hitchcock quality material, but Mother does contain some nice surprises, a colorful cast, and a fascinating glimpse at one segment of Korean society.            Grade:  B

Director:  Bong Joon-ho  Cast:  Kim Hye-ja, Won Bin  Release:  2010

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“Though The Men Who Stare at Goats is a mostly entertaining, farcical glimpse of men at war, some may find its satire and dark humor less than edgy.”

Those aren’t my words; that’s the consensus of critical opinion posted by the editors at Rotten Tomatoes, a Web site devoted to film reviews.  Here’s my reaction to that consensus:  What the hell???

“Less than edgy”?  Talk about understatement.  Goats is a dreadful piece of work.  What makes it even worse is the fact that everyone involved with this movie seems so darned pleased  with it, as if they were making the new millennium’s version of M*A*S*H.  Fellows, you were not.

George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, Ewan McGregor, and Jeff Bridges (how many more variations of “The Dude” is this actor going to foist on us?) star in this “wacky” sendup, loosely based on a real government program in which the military attempted to use New Age mysticism, paranormal activity, and the kitchen sink to revolutionize modern warfare.   I’m guessing that a lot of this stuff looked hilarious on paper, what with its spoofs of both the military and hippy cultures.  I’m also guessing that directors like the Farrelly brothers might have somehow added some zing to this mess.

But regardless of who’s at fault, “less than edgy” doesn’t begin to describe how bad this film is.     Grade:  D

Director:  Grant Heslov  Cast:  George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Ewan McGregor, Kevin Spacey  Release:  2009

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