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02May

Hubble 3D

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We humans are truly a fickle species. Or at least I am a fickle human. I watched a motion picture this afternoon that would have absolutely astounded any man or woman throughout most of human history and yet, I must confess, parts of the film seemed dull to me.

IMAX’s Hubble 3D, if you think about it, is a magnificent achievement. Not only did astronauts travel into space, but they brought cameras to film the adventure as they penetrated the deepest recesses of outer space, and technology then allows an audience — popcorn in hand and reclining in comfort — to feel like it’s along for the ride.

I suppose space travel isn’t as gripping as it ought to be because fiction has made so much of it seem familiar. Hubble 3D is weakest when it focuses on the astronauts inside the space shuttle as they eat, play, or prepare for the task of repairing the Hubble Space Telescope. Compared to what we see in movies like Aliens or Star Wars, watching an astronaut prepare a burrito in zero-gravity is pretty tame stuff.

Ironically, the movie is most spectacular when it uses 3-D computer technology — done right here on boring old Earth — to enhance pictures taken by the telescope. Zooming through the stars, plunging deep into the constellation Virgo to inspect a gigantic black hole, the images rekindled in me a semblance of primitive awe. Grade: B+

Director: Toni Myers Narrator: Leonardo DiCaprio Release: 2010

Watch Trailers (click here)

01May

The Weekly Review: April 25 – May 1

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The television show du jour is Glee. Fox’s weekly series has completely smitten the media, and said media will not rest until the rest of us embrace this show. The hell with Glee. I am against it on principle, partly because I am being told to love it and partly because I am an obstinate cuss.

In the 1990s, I was the only person in America who never saw Seinfeld, never saw Friends, never saw Cheers. NBC made the mistake of labeling its Thursday-night lineup “must see TV,” and this rankled me. I decided that Thursday night on NBC was must-not-see TV.

Turns out those long-ago sitcoms were actually pretty good, so I suppose I was only punishing myself by boycotting them. But Glee? A show about a high-school glee club, punctuated with Madonna songs? No, thanks.

*****

Stephen Hawking has everyone in a tizzy because he believes that if there are little green men out there, they are probably hostile to humans. If they visit us, Hawking says, we should not be surprised if the outcome is similar to what befell Native Americans when Columbus came to visit.

This leaves me with a dilemma. When it comes to aliens, to whom do I turn for advice, Hawking or Dan Aykroyd?

*****

Obama’s in hot water for his YouTube appeal to young people, African-Americans, Latinos, and women — but not white men — to help Democrats in November’s election.

What a lot of people seem to forget, or ignore, is that for every Bill Gates, there are millions of white males without millions of dollars. Some of us even eat lunch out of dumpsters.

01May

Cyrus

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Cyrus is a movie you want to like, if only because it dares to be different. Here we have corpulent Jonah Hill (Superbad) in a comedy, only this time it’s not produced by Judd Apatow, and Hill’s character actually has some depth. And the star is John C. Reilly, whose major attribute is that he doesn’t look like a movie star. This hangdog actor could be your mechanic, or veterinarian. In other words, Reilly’s characters are instantly relatable.

Reilly plays John, a sad sack who’s been divorced for seven years yet can’t seem to let go of his ex (Catherine Keener), who is soon to remarry. At a party, John gets drunk and somehow winds up with vivacious Molly (Marisa Tomei), who finds him charming. Things are looking up for our hero. But then he meets Cyrus (Hill). Cyrus is Molly’s 21-year-old son and he has … issues. Cyrus initiates a passive-aggressive campaign to get John out of his mother’s life, because in his mind, there is only room for Cyrus and Molly. It’s at this point that the film falls apart.

I envisioned the story going in one of two directions: It could have morphed into Neighbors, in which a seemingly normal mother and son reveal their true psychotic selves. Or it could have become like The War of the Roses, with the battle between John and Cyrus escalating to epic proportions.

Alas, Cyrus does neither. It’s not funny enough to succeed as pure comedy, and its attempts at sensitive male bonding are shallow. Directors Jay and Mark Duplass don’t help matters with their filming style. They shoot the action as though Cyrus were the latest Bourne adventure, with hand-held, herky-jerky zooms that are completely out of place in a movie like this. Grade: C

Directors: Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass Cast: John C. Reilly, Marisa Tomei, Jonah Hill, Catherine Keener, Tim Guinee, Matt Walsh, Katie Aselton Release: 2010

Watch Trailers (click here)

30Apr

American Conspiracies

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by Jesse Ventura

Earlier this month, Jesse Ventura was on CNN asking why so few in the mainstream media were reviewing his new book, American Conspiracies. Now that I’ve read it, I’m wondering the same thing. Ventura raises too many provocative questions, and offers too much documentation, to have his book dismissed as the work of a “conspiracy nut.”

The book has failings – sloppy editing, and so many allegations that the book becomes a fact-checker’s nightmare (which could explain the lack of reviews; it requires hard research to prove or disprove his theories) – but his overall message is clear: You’re not paranoid if they really are out to get you. The kind of assaults on our cherished institutions that Ventura outlines, covering everything from Lincoln’s assassination to the Wall Street bailout, are not pleasant, so it’s easier to go into denial than to acknowledge that some of his allegations might be true.

30Apr

Imbued

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Director Rob Nilsson made the mistake of taking audience questions after a screening tonight of his new drama, Imbued. Nilsson had just explained his directorial intention to not spell everything out in the film, to make viewers draw their own conclusions. What did the screening audience think of his movie?, Nilsson asked.

A woman in the back piped up and asked him why the main actors (Stacy Keach and Liz Sklar) had to be naked at the end of the film. Why, she wanted to know, had Nilsson made his movie from the “typical” male point of view? Since we never actually see Keach’s nudity, but the camera does linger on a fully nude Sklar, I assumed the woman was taking issue with the objectification of the young actress. Nilsson, clearly taken aback by her question, said something about trying to show the “beauty” of both characters.

Imbued is all about characters — just the two of them. Keach plays Donatello, an aging bookie who through chance winds up spending the night with Lydia (Sklar), a high-end call girl. (Here’s a separate issue the lady in the audience could have objected to: yet another greying actor — Keach is 69 — romantically paired with a much younger actress.) Donatello and Lydia verbally joust, push emotional buttons, and eventually bare more than just their bodies.

The proceedings aren’t as dull as that description might suggest. The story, set against some stunning skyline shots of San Francisco at night, unfolds at a leisurely pace, but this is an actors’ movie, and Keach and Sklar are absorbing throughout. With or without their clothes. Grade: B-

Director: Rob Nilsson Cast: Stacy Keach, Liz Sklar, Michelle Anton Allen, Nancy Bower Release: 2010

No Trailer Available

28Apr

Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)

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It almost feels like heresy to say anything negative about Guillermo del Toro’s 2006 movie, Pan’s Labyrinth, but why do I get the feeling it will fail to go down in film history as, say, a darker, more adult, The Wizard of Oz?

Not because of the dazzling visuals, which deservedly won Oscars. Not because of del Toro’s direction, which is stylish and well-paced. I think it’s not quite a masterpiece because of its story, which weaves two threads that don’t quite mesh. Story A concerns young Ofelia (Ivana Baquero) in post-Civil War Spain, 1944. Ofelia’s widowed mother has remarried the ogre-like Captain Vidal (Sergi Lopez), who is bent on ridding the Spanish hillsides of rebel guerrillas. Captain Vidal is dismissive of Ofelia and her mother and cruel to everyone else. And so, in time-honored fairytale fashion, we have a young heroine and her evil stepfather.

Story B concerns Ofelia’s imaginary escape from her misery, into a labyrinth where she meets fantastic characters small and big, good and bad. She is told that she will become princess of this magical realm and be reunited with her true father, but first she must accomplish several tasks.

This dream world, which del Toro details superbly, does not connect all that well with Story A. It does so at the end of the movie, but prior to that Ofelia’s excursions into the labyrinth seem more like a fanciful diversion from Story A than a smooth connection to it. Grade: B+

Director: Guillermo del Toro Cast: Ivana Baquero, Doug Jones, Sergi Lopez, Maribel Verdu, Ariadna Gil Release: 2006

Watch Trailers (click here)

27Apr

The Old Dark House (1932)

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James Whale, British filmmaker and subject of the excellent 1998 film, Gods and Monsters, is best remembered as a director of classic horror movies, including Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein. But Whale had a sly wit that is nowhere on better display than in 1932’s The Old Dark House, which is an absolute hoot.

Whale reteams with fellow British expatriates Boris Karloff and Ernest Thesiger, both of Frankenstein fame, in this madcap “dark and stormy night” flick in which five unfortunate travelers must take refuge at the gloomy home of the Femm family. Movies this old are often filled with unintentional humor, but Whale’s story is black comedy par excellence, and he’s assembled a cast that winks at the audience while keeping a straight face.

Karloff, who by this time in his career must have been wondering if he’d ever get an actual speaking part, is all glowering menace as Morgan the mute butler — until he utters a bizarre, guttural growl, at which point I challenge you not to laugh. Thesiger and Eva Moore, as the bickering Femm siblings, are English eccentricity personified.

When Whale isn’t busy subverting our horror-movie expectations, he’s thumbing his nose at the soon-to-be Hollywood Hays Code, particularly in a weirdly erotic scene between dowdy Moore and comely Gloria Stuart. Moore looks on as Stuart strips down to her satin underwear, and then hisses: “You’re wicked, too. Young and handsome, silly and wicked. You think of nothing but your long, straight legs, and your white body, and how to please your man. You revel in the joys of fleshly love, don’t you?” Those lines are illustrative of the film as a whole: bizarre, creepy, and hilarious. Grade: A-

Director: James Whale Cast: Boris Karloff, Melvyn Douglas, Charles Laughton, Lilian Bond, Ernest Thesiger, Eva Moore, Raymond Massey, Gloria Stuart, John (Elspeth) Dudgeon, Brember Wills Release: 1932

Sorry, No Trailers or Clips

26Apr

Free Flick of the Week: “Plan 9 From Outer Space”

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Some day, maybe aliens really will land on Earth, turn the dead into zombies, and vindicate much-maligned director Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space. But in the meantime, lazy critics continue to cite Plan 9 as “the worst film of all time.” But I happen to know this simply isn’t true.

Back in the early 1970s, two buddies and I somehow convinced my poor mother to drive her car (none of us boys were old enough to drive) into the local cemetery in the dead of night, and then shine the headlights onto tombstones so that we three idiots could film an 8mm vampire movie. Somebody called the cops, and my mother was forced to explain the ridiculous situation to an officer. Tragically, that film footage has been lost, but I’m quite certain that had it survived, it would have rivaled Plan 9 for sheer awfulness.

What went wrong for director Wood during the filming of this 1956 (1959? — even my reference books show no respect, disagreeing on the production year) “masterpiece” is legend. Star Bela Lugosi died early on and was replaced by a man who covered his face with a cape. The special effects budget was, shall we say, substandard. But hey, this movie has TV goddess Vampira and pro wrestling legend Tor Johnson. Watch it for free (you wouldn’t pay for it) by clicking on the link below.

Watch the Movie for Free (click here)

25Apr

The Weekly Review: April 18 – 24

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South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone got in trouble for daring to thumb their noses at Muslims by lampooning the prophet Muhammad — and Comedy Central decided to pull the plug. Let me rephrase that: Cowardly Central decided to pull the plug.

This is America. If South Park or any other show chooses to picture Adolf Hitler on a ride at the new Harry Potter theme park, so be it. And so, I am doing my small part by running this disrespectful picture of the prophet Muhammad:

*****

I vaguely recall all of the huffing and puffing back in 1992 when Irish singer Sinead O’Connor got everyone’s panties in a bunch by tearing up a photo of Pope John Paul II on Saturday Night Live. O’Connor said she was protesting sex abuse within the Catholic Church. Back then, a lot of us thought O’Connor was some bald nutcase. Saturday Night Live apologized for O’Connor the following week, but now it looks like a lot of us should be apologizing to her.

Last night I was watching the news and O’Connor once again surprised me. She thanked the American media for getting on the Vatican’s case about child abuse. Let me repeat that: “She thanked the American media.” Wow. I don’t believe I’ve seen that happen before.

*****

The NFL just wrapped up its annual draft. Is there anything on God’s green earth more absurd than the hoopla over this non-event?

Oh, and that’s Randy Moss pictured above. Moss was not a draft pick this year, but I’ve been looking for an excuse to run this picture. You’re welcome.

24Apr

The White Lioness

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by Henning Mankell

Henning Mankell, the popular Swedish mystery novelist, writes two kinds of books: novels with a strong social conscience, and novels worth reading. Sad to say, The White Lioness falls into the former category. Mankell has created a wonderful protagonist in Chief Inspector Kurt Wallander, a depressive, middle-aged cop from tiny Ystad, Sweden. It’s a joy to follow this miserable man as he solves crimes in and around his seaside village. We care not only about whatever crime Wallander’s trying to solve, but also about his relationships with a senile father, a maturing daughter, and his sometimes unreliable police colleagues.

But this winning setup isn’t always enough for Mankell, who in some of his books turns Wallander into a globetrotting James Bond (The Dogs of Riga), and in others like this one, puts the reader to sleep with preachy moralizing, in Lioness about South Africa circa 1993. Mankell is so intent on teaching us all lessons that the actual mystery suffers. And once the story loses allure, every little plot twist becomes less and less believable. My advice to the first-time Mankell reader: Stick to pure Wallander in books like Faceless Killers or Sidetracked.