Sea1

 

Great settings can compensate for a multitude of movie sins — bad acting, sloppy direction, ridiculous plots.  I will find myself watching a piece of junk like Anaconda, or Deep Blue Sea, a second time (or a third time) simply to soak in the cool visuals.  This is why, I suspect, they invented the mute button.

Without further ado, and to paraphrase Julie Andrews, these are a few of my favorite sets:

 

Alien1

 

The spaceship in Alien.  A haunted house in outer space — what more can a movie fan ask for?

 

Alien2

Alien3

 

**

 

Swiss1

 

The tree house in Swiss Family Robinson.  If possible, I’d swap out the organ for an entertainment center, but otherwise we are all set.

 

Swiss2

 

**

 

Overlook2         Overlook1

 

The Overlook Hotel in The Shining.  Stephen King did not approve of Kubrick’s movie, but who needs Stephen King when you’ve got a walk-in freezer full of ice cream?

 

**

 

Thing1

 

The Antarctic research center in The Thing.  I’d prefer to be stranded with six Hooters girls, rather than a bunch of unshaven scientists, but you can’t have everything.

 

Thing2

 

**

 

Anaconda

 

The ramshackle boat in Anaconda.  This is a great example of a setting that looks like fun from the comfort of your Barcalounger.  In reality, I’d probably want the snake to eat me rather than spend five minutes on a boat like this.

 

**

 

Sea2

 

The oceanic research lab in Deep Blue Sea.  I must have a thing for isolated research labs.  (Also pictured at top.)

 

Sea3

 

**

 

Name1

 

The monastery in The Name of the Rose.  Why is it that places that would be hell to actually live in often look so inviting on the screen?

 

Name2

Name3

 

**

 

 

Hogwarts.  I don’t care how old you are — we all want to live at Hogwarts.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

CottageA

Halloween’s around the corner, and there are two decent horror-comedies you can check out:  Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (in theaters) and The Cottage (right here).  Neither film is a masterpiece, but they both have their moments.  Click here to see Andy Serkis as a bumbling kidnapper on the run from a deranged farmer in The Cottage, or go here to read my review of it.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

Congress

 

Thursday’s “breaking news” by The Onion was inspired satire.  Here is an excerpt:

 

Onion

 

Too bad the media is populated with humorless halfwits.  Conservative blogger Michelle Malkin whined that “the satirists at The Onion took things too far.”  Malkin was probably taken in by the spoof and is now bitter about revealing her own naivete.  I’m not sure which is worse, being duped by such obvious tomfoolery or being afflicted with terminal crabbiness.  Incredibly, the panelists on Fox’s Red Eye debated whether or not the story was funny.  Isn’t Red Eye supposed to be a humor show?

 

*****

 

Wheel   Rogen

 

The two most annoying laughs on television:  a woman in a Wheel of Fortune commercial, and actor Seth Rogen on any talk show.  If you are a glutton for punishment, you may listen to them both and decide which is more unbearable.  Click here for the braying donkey (Rogen) on David Letterman; click here for the cackling hyena in the Wheel of Fortune ad.

 

*****

 

Bartman

 

ESPN’s documentary Catching Hell chronicles the mob mentality that victimized poor Steve Bartman (above) during the 2003 baseball playoffs.  Bartman’s grab for a foul ball was deemed “fan interference” by Chicago Cubs fans, who then blamed the team’s ensuing loss on Bartman.  After watching all of the crap these idiots put Bartman through,  I am hoping that the Cubs never get to a World Series, simply because their “fans” don’t deserve one.

 

*****

 

K-PAX Premiere

 

Political Scoop of the Week:

“My wife was betrothed to him.” — Larry King to Joy Behar, somehow garbling his description of the childhood relationship between his wife and Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman

 

*****

 

Scarlett Johansson wrote a Huffington Post blog about the plight of Kenyans.  I left a comment on the blog, praising her (sincerely) for drawing attention to a good cause, and praising her (sincerely) for taking nude pictures of herself that are now all over the Internet.

My comment was deleted for violating terms of the Web site.  Ridiculous.

 

*****

 

Eva Longoria never fails to amaze me.  Not only is she a talented actress, but her sporting exploits are legendary.  Below are pictures of Eva excelling at volleyball and at baseball.  Longoria recently propelled Tampa Bay into baseball’s playoffs by clouting a game-winning home run.

 

Eva1     Evan

 

Eva2

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

                                                              by Philip K. Dick

Ubik

 

There are reasons I’m not a big fan of most science fiction.  Ubik, by sci-fi legend Philip K. Dick, is a case in point.  Dick’s futuristic tale of life-after-death and alternate universes has some fascinating ideas and some amusing situations – but it also has paper-thin characters and dialogue, and clunky prose.  I can deal with fantasy leaps of logic when they are served up by an H. G. Wells, but Dick was no H.G. Wells.

When I finished Ubik, I felt much the same way that Dick’s main character does in mid-story: “Very confusing, Joe Chip said to himself.  He did not like it at all.  Granted it had a satisfying symmetrical quality, but on the other hand, it struck him as untidy.”

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

Mandingo1

 

Mandingo is a curiosity that should be embraced by two groups:  historians, and fans of schlock cinema.  It’s a film that depicts reality — and that’s why you might feel the need to take a shower after watching it.

The 1975 movie, based on a novel by Kyle Onstott, presents 1830s Southern slavery without revisionism, without sugarcoating.  Nothing is implied when it can be shown:  slave auctions, whippings, rapes, and sex between masters and slaves.  Historians should have no objections.

And why should fans of schlock cinema love Mandingo?  Nothing is implied when it can be shown:  slave auctions, whippings, rapes, and sex between masters and slaves.

 

Mandingo2

 

James Mason is all bluster and bigotry as the patriarch of decrepit Falconhurst, an Alabama plantation.  He wants a grandson, and that means son Hammond (Perry King) must marry and procreate.  Hammond chooses Blanche (Susan George), a conniving belle who makes Scarlett O’Hara seem shy and reserved, by comparison.  When Hammond learns on their wedding night that Blanche is no virgin, he takes it poorly and continues his extracurricular activities with a comely black slave (Brenda Sykes).  Blanche seeks retaliation, and all melodramatic hell breaks loose.

Mandingo is vulgar but has lots of hooks, including Mason as the gravel-voiced, rheumatic plantation owner; former boxer Ken Norton as a “Mandingo” (an ethnic branch from West Africa) named Mede, who is unlucky enough to attract the attention of Blanche; and some of the most gratuitous sex and violence to come out of 1970s cinema — a decade not known for skimping on sex and violence.

 

Mandingo3

 

But mostly, Mandingo has British actress Susan George.  George, so memorable as Dustin Hoffman’s unhappy wife in Straw Dogs, is mesmerizing as Blanche, a vixen who personifies evil and yet — when you look closely at her circumstances — is not entirely unsympathetic.  The fairly graphic sex scene between lusty George and hesitant Norton was quite daring in 1975.

Mandingo is a potboiler (quite literally, in one scene) with strong moments.  Whether those moments strike you as historically important, or mere titillation, is of course up to you.     Grade:  B-

 

Mandingo4 Mandingo5

 

Director:  Richard Fleischer  Cast:  James Mason, Susan George, Perry King, Richard Ward, Brenda Sykes, Ken Norton, Lillian Hayman, Roy Poole, Paul Benedict,  Debra Blackwell, Laura Misch Owens  Release:  1975

 

Mandingo6 Mandingo7

 

Mandingo8 Mandingo9

 

Mandingo10 Mandingo11

 

Mandingo13 Mandingo14

 

Mandingo15 Mandingo16

 

Watch the Trailer  (click here)

 

Mandingo12

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

NGrace

 

It’s the new Fall Season on network TV!  I couldn’t bear the thought of missing out on any of the excitement, so I tuned in to four of America’s most popular shows.  This is what I learned:

Two and a Half Men is painfully, embarrassingly bad television.  I’m guessing that it sucked when Charlie Sheen was the star (I didn’t watch), but it couldn’t possibly have been worse than the uninspired drivel with Ashton Kutcher.

Dancing with the Stars was equally dreary.  I did learn why viewers never get to see Nancy Grace below the waist on her HLN show.  Can you say “chubby”?

The mass appeal of Modern Family escapes me.  The “shaky cam” is annoying, the political correctness is heavy-handed, and I almost — not quite, but almost — wished there was canned laughter, if only to remind me that the show is supposed to be funny.  Ed O’Neill, so memorable on Married … with Children, is wasted here.

Simon Cowell — I am sick of this guy.  His grumpy shtick was amusing years ago, but I am tired of watching the famous Cowell scowl.  The X Factor versus American Idol?  They are the same show.

Summary:  I must be completely out of touch with the American viewing public.  The public is addicted to junk.  On the other hand, I am hooked on Survivor.

 

*****

 

Satellite

 

“If the thing happens to come down in a city, that would be bad.” — Harvard astrophysicist Jonathan McDowell, reassuring none of us about the falling space satellite which, according to the image shown above, might have tumbled down in my neck of the woods ….

 

*****

 

Tyson

 

Feminist of the Week:  Mike Tyson

 

This is what Tyson had to say last week, talking about Sarah Palin on an ESPN station: 

“You want her to be with somebody like [Dennis] Rodman …. You want someone like Rodman — yeah baby!  Let’s get that donkey in here now.  Just imagine Palin with a big old black stallion ripping.  Yeehaw!”  And later:  “She could always get boned out by a black person, a vote to bang her.”

And more:  “Everybody got to get that out of their system when they get out of college.  If you’re a black man, every white girl, every uppity middle-class … everybody got to get their share of love.”  Believe it or not, I’ve omitted some of Tyson’s more colorful comments.

 

*****

 

Clueless2

 

Then why don’t you quit Fox and work somewhere else for free?  I’m sure Paul Ryan would support that:

 

Clueless1

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

by Nora Ephron

Heartburn

 

“I would rather have you laugh at me than feel sorry for me.”  So writes Ephron at the end of Heartburn, her 1983 autobiographical novel about the breakup of her marriage to journalist Carl Bernstein.  Funny, clever, and ever self-deprecating, Ephron’s humor does indeed cover up any traces of self-pity.  She has the humorist’s gift for seeing ordinary incidents in extraordinary ways, and then putting that vision on paper.  This is Ephron describing an embrace with her housekeeper:  “Juanita gave me a big hug, which was awkward since she was only about four feet six inches tall, and a hug from her felt like the Heimlich maneuver.”  Good stuff, that, but the book is also more than a bit sad.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

AndersonC

 

Anderson Cooper is officially … everywhere:  CNN, 60 Minutes, talk shows, New Year’s Eve specials.  Try as I might, I haven’t really been able to ferret out anything truly despicable about the guy, but that does not mean that I want to see so damn much of him.  Get out of my living room, Cooper, and take your girlish giggle with you.

 

*****

 

Salahi

 

On the other hand, it seems obvious that the Salahis need some company, so I am pulling out my hide-a-bed, just for them.  But tell that creep from Journey to buzz off.

 

*****

 

I watched a TV interview with a representative of Ducks Unlimited.  Yes, my life really is that sad and pathetic.  The rep was asked what attracted him to Ducks Unlimited (silly question) and he replied:  “Something just snapped, and I became a water fowler.”

I could not let this kind of comment pass without some good-natured ribbing, so I Web-searched Ducks Unlimited, found it, and sent off an e-mail.  I got this reply:

 

Hi [Grouch]

Welcome back to Minnesota.  I appreciate your comment and wish I could have taken the remark back.  To be clear, “you guys” is me.  I was the dude that made the comment.  Unfortunately, at that moment I didn’t represent the best of Ducks Unlimited or the great volunteers of Minnesota.

Thank you for the feedback,

Dave Flink/Minnesota State Chair/SCSU 1980

 

There are so many things wrong with this.  Welcome back to Minnesota?  What does that mean?  And the guy apparently went to my college (SCSU).  And he graduated the same year that I did.  Do I somehow know him? Worse, does he know me?  The lesson:  Be very careful before you mess with Ducks Unlimited.

 

*****

 

Knight    Pelley

 

CBS anchorman Scott Pelley has an unfortunate Ted Baxter thing going on.  Like Ted, Pelley looks and sounds like he’s seated in front of a mirror, practicing his anchor voice.

 

*****

 

Gosling

 

And you thought that Jay Leno has a gigantic chin?

 

*****

 

Scarlett

 

I’m not sure why the nude pictures of Scarlett Johansson are considered big news.  She’s an attractive actress showing off her bare ass — like that’s never happened before.

 

*****

There must be a God:

 

Netflix

 

*****

 

This is the kind of thing that happens to you when you live next door to a writer:

 

Palin4

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share